Forward: Hey y'all. For some reason chapter 6 did not get properly uploaded, and so it has been put back in. Because it would be unfair to penalize you for my own silliness, here also is chapter 8. Enjoy!
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So I just had the worst day. Oh, it started out like it always did, with coffee and computer, but then things just got way worse. I know this is supposed to be just a journal of my interactions with a giant alien from Aiur, but reality has hit, and it's hit me hard. It's going to affect everything.
In any case, coffee and computers. I was typing along, talking to a work friend (not Terry) about one of my original fictions. And one of his, too. He's on this thing where he wants to write "the story he would never write" because he thinks it'll make him stronger. So he's writing erotica. Yeah. He can find another beta reader who isn't me. Super not interested in that.
In any case, I was just going back and forth with my coworker on the emails about it, making my distaste clear. Once I hit send, I leaned back in my chair and let my mind wander. There's nothing really to ponder at my house. The whole first floor is the size of a large room, and from my vantage point at the dining table I can see the kitchen, the stairs up to the bedroom, and the sliding glass doors to the back yard. That's all.
The lack of particularly interesting surroundings highlighted my lack of particularly interesting circumstances. I shelve books, come home, try for another job, complain about how hard it is to get into the accounting field, and then go to sleep. There's also some writing in there somewhere.
Wow. I sipped some coffee. If I weren't totes besties with a 'Toss, then my life sure would be boring. On the upside, coffee with brown sugar tastes good.
I paused a second and checked my head. No, Aldaris wasn't listening, I'm pretty sure. Great! Means I can get away with saying "totes besties."
So I wrote a little more. Life isn't quite like fantasy; poetic timing almost never happens. So it was more than a hour later when I decided to go check the mail. A letter from my rental company came in with the bills. I didn't pay much attention until I got back inside the house and scattered my letters on the table - some ads, a credit card offer, and the rental letter. I played a bit with the ads, thinking about the products inside. Hey, it's great imagination fodder for the writer. And it's fun to pretend that I can actually afford expensive furniture. As a kid, I used to design my own castle and then fill it with the furniture from the adverts. Imagination is fun, but in the whole growing up process I grew one of those voices at the back of your head that tells you to stop wasting yout time on silliness.
And then I opened the letter.
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There's no need to copy it here. I really don't want to.
The renter is selling off some of their properties. My house is one such property, and the only way I can keep it is if I can buy it. I instantly got my mind into gear; nowadays, you can rent places for about the same as you can put down payments on a house. If the landowner sells my land to the bank, then I can work out a deal with the bank to keep it, can't I? The letter said I have thirty days to move. Will it take that long to work out a deal?
I...I'm going to lose my house. I love this thing too much. I first noticed the ugly mustard building when I walked to the store, and it's close to shops but the trees block almost all of it from the road, so that it's both secluded and convenient. How will I ever find a place as perfect as this?
Worse yet, I don't have an accounting job. I'm still shelving books for a living. I don't have the money to afford a new place. I don't really have anything at all to fall back on. Granted, maybe that's not quite true. I could try to move back in with the parents. Y'know, if I hated myself.
With that extremely unpleasant thought in my head, I tossed down the mail and fell back into my chair. Thirty days isn't a long time, but there was enough time to get some moping done. I shoved my face into a side pillow and let misery take hold, screaming into the fabric as though that was going to do something. Let the little voice nag all it will.
-t-
Log Entry: 30087548
Vanity.
It is over. My options have vanished...nay, not that. My hope was long gone while I was yet unaware, foolishly hoping against reality. Only these past few minutes have my eyes opened to the truth. I am lost, utterly beyond the reach of anything familiar.
This discovery became apparent when again scanning for the strange energy that drew me to this place. According to my scans, it has now fully dissipated. I first suspected a misalignment in the instruments, as this energy has waned but slowly over time, and that it should so suddenly be no more seemed impossible.
I hastily investigated my instruments, determining their status as well as I am able. Nothing appeared out of place, but as I withdrew to find a technical manual, I saw a severence within other devices. Fragments of the detector array were shorted. I held out hope that replacing those pieces would right the issue, and that which deposited me to this place should again remain and my hopes with it.
In the effort to complete sensor repairs, I discovered a fearful truth. The power storage cell, without which I can make no escape, is near empty. Whether it was emptied upon my violent arrival to this world, or else my efforts to conserve the recall unit's power have proven in vain, I cannot say. It is more likely the former, as the solar power configuration was not at any time damaged, and I have done well in conserving power. Certainty nonetheless evades me.
For want of the dregs of my desires, I completed the repairs on the sensors. They function as well as I am able to make them, and they report worse misfortune: that which has brought me here is indeed absent, and were my power returned to nominal status, I could do no more to escape this wretched system. The solar array may indeed restore the power reserves, yet even at the original slow decay rate of the accursed energies, at the time the solar array would take to intake even this bright star, my hope would yet again be gone.
The accursed recall unit malfunctioned again, I know not how long ago. I lack the will to take action accordingly. Let the humans wander at will. It matters no longer.
Is this the will of the gods? Was I foredoomed to this end? Madness preys upon me, hanging ever nearer on the threshold of my mind. My faint hope, and the trust I have placed in fortune...I sink deeper into despair, bound within it. I cannot breathe...would that I had died upon Aiur among those noble many that fell there, and seen none of these humans or the blue ennui of Shakuras! What have I done to scorn the gods and so earn for myself a place in this generation, to witness the descent of the Khala's might and be cast aside at its greatest ultimatum?
This activity is without purpose. For whose benefit do I write? The humans? None shall ever see this record. It is as lost as I!
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Author's Notes:
- This is why there was a big gap between updates. Circumstances aren't quite what they are in the chapter, but they're more or less the same. It has been an extremely hard past month, and even when I had the time to write, I was so stressed that I couldn't get any done. *sigh* And here I was hoping to actually beat NaNoWriMo this year. I should make another month my NaNo, because November just doesn't like me.
For the future, my internet is going to be spotty. I do have to move. That part is very real. I can't afford internet at my new place. The good news is, I'll be able to write without being distracted, and I can get wifi when I need to upload. So the loss of internet is probably going to make it more likely that I write more. We'll see what happens.
Author's Notes New:
- Things are much better for me now. Busier, but better. I think I'll talk about that more when my story catches up to today. Oh, and I did beat Nano last year. I'm not going to worry about beating it again, as sometimes writing entails editing more than it does simply putting words on the page, but given that I have so much I need to write, I'm hoping that I'll either beat it again or come close just by the nature of having to write.
- For some reason I feel like Aldaris' explanation of his doom is unclear. I've rewritten it to hammer things out better, but if anyone is confused by it, post a comment and I'll explain Aldaris' situation in a note in my next update.
