A/N: So it's 4am and I couldn't sleep so I finished the chapter instead. Uh. It's 4am so I don't really know what I'm doing.
Emo Natsu makes his return.
He heard her. Lisanna. Her summery laugh drifted on the breeze, mixing with the scent of wildflowers in the field they used to play in as children, where they found and hatched Happy.
Ah. This dream again.
As he always did, Natsu reached out to take Lisanna's hand. She was smiling brightly, the same smile that sometimes pained Natsu to see reflected on Mira's face. But that smile quickly turned to confusion, then fear, and Natsu realized that his hand was that of a doll. The cursey doll.
Those cursed hands that were both his and not his reached past Lisanna's outstretched hand and wrapped themselves around her neck. He pushed her to the ground, knees sinking into the mud, and squeezed.
Every fiber of his being was crying for this to stop, but he couldn't control his own body. His mind was trapped by the sensation of Lisanna's slender neck and the strained pulse of her blood pushing against his fingers.
He tried to cry out, but he had no control over his voice either. He watched from up-close as her eyes filled with tears, spilling over like a river that became an ocean as her face slowly turned blue.
And then the light left her eyes and she went limp.
As suddenly as it began, the possession of his body stopped, and he sprang away from her. He stared in horror at the unconscious body before him. She wasn't breathing. She would never breathe again.
He was a murderer.
He collapsed back to his knees. The meadow by now had become a sea of inky black; the only things visible were his hands and the girl they'd killed.
Lisanna. He'd murdered his own best friend.
Natsu awoke breathing heavily. His back was sweaty and when he reached up to wipe his face, he realized there were tears streaming down his cheeks.
He sniffed and quickly wiped them away. The last thing he needed was for someone to see him like this. Happy was the only one who knew he still had that dream, and he sure as hell was going to keep it that way.
No matter how many times his friends tried to tell him that Lisanna's death wasn't his fault, he could never forgive himself. It was his idea to follow Elfman on a mission before they were old enough to get jobs. It was his idiotic self that had inadvertently let the enemy get a strand of his hair for their cursey doll. And in the end, it was his hands that had killed her.
He took deep breaths to calm his racing heart. By the look of the sky, it was almost morning. He was in no mood to go back to sleep and have that dream play out all over again, so he groaned and stretched his back. The rest would be up soon, and they'd be on their way.
In the end, after much debate, the team had decided to split up. Ultear and Meredy were sent off to wander the land, much like Jellal, Natsu mused. Gajeel, Juvia, and Levy left to report back to Makarov.
The remaining members were all headed west. Oak Town was northwest of their destination, and Crocus to the far southwest. So they would head together for about a day's worth of travels before splitting up and meeting again down the in town where Blue Pegasus used to be.
The plan to go to Crocus at all had been Lucy's idea.
"We have three things that need doing right now," she'd said. "We need to compare notes with Makarov to see how the information we found and that he already has fit together. We need to show up for the appointment with Ivan to see what he knows. And we need to find the contact point among the government officials who is communicating with Tartarus."
"I understand reporting to Magnolia and visiting Ivan," Erza said, "but Crocus can wait until later. We'll need manpower if we want Ivan to talk."
"Ivan is a mage in a town with strong government presence," Lucy said. "Phantom Lord was driven out of Oak Town and had to move here. If Ivan is still there, he's probably laying low."
"She's right," Gray said. He'd passed out from pain more than anything, and his injuries were healing quickly thanks to Wendy prioritizing him over the others. "Ivan is a proud man; we know that better than anyone."
They all nodded.
Gray continued, "To me, the demands he made of Tartarus in exchange for his help are no more than a bluff. Recruiting the Element Four seems like overkill. Multiple members of Fairy Tail have beat him singlehandedly; I don't know what rumors they heard of his power, but they're vastly inflated."
"That is a good point," Erza said. "Their talk of getting backup had me thinking he was more powerful than my memory tells me. A small team should be plenty."
"You're all certainly strong enough," Lucy said. "If Erza can singlehandedly take out the master of one of the most powerful dark guilds in the country, a washed-up guildmaster of a defeated guild should be easy."
"You spoke of going to Crocus," Erza said. "Explain your reasoning. I'm listening this time."
"We need to go there eventually if we're to find the government connection to Tartarus," she said. "Of the officials Natsu and I saw originally, many were based in Crocus. The focus should definitely be on Ivan, since he is a confirmed point of contact and claims to know about this demon they're trying to revive, but while we're in the area, we should investigate the government and get that portion over with."
"I still don't see why this needs to be done now," Erza said.
Lucy glanced at Natsu, her eyes lingering. Natsu stared back, trying to read her thoughts but failing. "I have a method of getting the information quickly," she said slowly. "I have a history with government officials that goes beyond my work as the Celestial Spirit. I only ask that you lend me Natsu."
So she was still trying to keep her background a secret. For what reason, Natsu had no clue; Fairy Tail didn't judge others based on their backgrounds and she'd been with them for long enough that they should be trustworthy at this point. But for all her conviction about this plan, there was a hint of hesitance in her expression that Natsu couldn't help but notice. Something was there. Something was making her more nervous about this than her words alone indicated.
Erza seemed to pick up on it too, because she considered Lucy's face carefully before responding. "Very well. Will you be done within the week? Crocus is far from here."
"Of course," Lucy said. "Perhaps sooner."
"You know the rendezvous point for meeting with the others, of course."
"Of course," she said. "I was there for the discussion itself."
"Then I trust your words that you will get us the information quickly. Find out whatever you can. Natsu, you go with her. Happy too."
"Happy always comes with me," Natsu pointed out. He grinned at Lucy. Looks like they were going to be a team of just the three of them soon. He was looking forward to it.
"Thank you," Lucy said. "I promise I won't disappoint."
And with that, they decided to travel west together for about a day before splitting up to go to their respective destinations. Lucy remained tight-lipped about her plan, but Natsu managed to glean that they were infiltrating the government somehow. It made more sense to him to bring Erza along so she could assert her knightly status, but Lucy had insisted she needed only Natsu.
Sitting in the dim light of approaching dawn, Natsu glanced over at his soon-to-be-partner sleeping in the open air with Plue by her side as always. The celestial creature wasn't brought out as often as Natsu would've assumed given the dog's association with her in all the rumors; she mostly called him out at night, and even then it wasn't all the time. Something about contracts, she said.
Plue's back paws twitched in his sleep. Natsu snorted. So even celestial dogs dreamt about chasing things, just like regular dogs did. Wolf, dog, whatever. It was funny regardless.
But watching the others sleep was a little creepy, and Natsu didn't like feeling like a creep, so he stood up to gather more firewood. They didn't need more, but by the time he returned, the rest were sure to start waking up. And really, he just needed something to do to get his mind off that dream he had.
And a little time alone to collect himself couldn't hurt. The last thing he needed was Erza's sharp gaze noticing the red rims under his eyes from all that crying in his sleep he probably did.
When daylight broke and the others woke up, they all traveled to the nearest town to rest before splitting up the next morning. After weeks of eating little else but fish, wild game, and edible plants, real cooked food at a real tavern felt like a luxury.
"It'sh a shteak," Natsu said, mouth full of steak and drool practically dripping out of his mouth. "It'sh an actual shteak."
"We can see that, Natsu," Lucy said, eyeing him sideways with a frown. "We can all see that."
"She means for you to shut your piehole while you chew," Gray pointed out.
"Oh," Natsu said. "Shorry Lushy."
"You're spitting bits of chewed meat on me," Lucy complained.
"Shorry."
"If you're sorry, you would stop," Gray said.
Natsu kept his mouth shut after that. In fact, the entire table was silent except for the sounds of utensils clinking against plates and the occasional crunch of a fresh vegetable. They ate ravenously.
"Sir Erza."
Natsu looked up, noticing a dapper man who had approached their table, several younger men behind him. He was eyeing the team suspiciously. Natsu stopped chewing and put down his fork. He didn't like the look of this guy.
"Sir Doranbolt," Erza said, recognizing the man as a fellow knight. "What brings you to these parts?"
"I could ask the same of yourself. I heard you were on vacation. The council will not be pleased to hear you've been hanging around your old cohorts."
"It is no crime to keep in touch with old friends," Erza said, "but I do realize how it could look, and that is why I took leave to do so. Say, how does it back in Clover? I heard the guildmasters have been stirring up trouble again."
"You have heard correctly. In fact, your former guildmaster is among the ones on our watch list," Doranbolt said.
Natsu feigned surprise. This conversation was already treading in very dangerous waters. It was obvious the two knights were testing each other, and Natsu had to play along and give all the proper reactions.
Erza raised her eyebrows. "That is the first I've heard of Makarov in years. He's still around?"
"So it would seem," Doranbolt said. "If you or any of your friends hear heard anything, it would be in your best interests to inform the council."
"Of course," Erza said. "Above all else, I am a knight." She glanced warily at her teammates. "Let us talk elsewhere. This reunion can pause for a moment. Right, Natsu?"
"Uh. Yeah, sure."
He watched in silent confusion as Erza and Doranbolt exited the tavern together. Doranbolt's men stood around awkwardly, gathering near the bar and talking amongst themselves.
"What was that about?" Lucy said.
"Knight stuff," Natsu said, shrugging.
"Well yeah, obviously," Lucy said.
"Erza will explain when she gets back," Gray guessed.
But she didn't explain. When she and Doranbolt returned, he gathered up his men and left, and Erza didn't say a word about what happened, instead choosing to blather on about the delicious food. When she got up to approach the bar for a drink, Natsu volunteered to be the one to follow her.
"How'd it go?" Natsu asked. He knew she'd know what he was talking about.
"Well," Erza said simply.
"What does that mean? Is he still suspicious?"
Erza leveled a stern look. "This is business between knights," she said. "It is not for discussion with citizens."
"Come on, I'm not just any citizen, am I?" Natsu whined.
"If I learn any information pertinent to our mission, I will let everyone know. Outside of that, it really is business between knights. I do not discuss government affairs with ordinary citizens, guildmates or not. I am a knight just as much as I am a member of Fairy Tail."
"That doesn't even make sense," Natsu said, pouting. "Fairy Tail is a family, not some ridiculous soldier club." He didn't like Erza, his Erza, their Erza, keeping things from them because of an outside organization that she shouldn't have had to join in the first place. And worst of all, he could tell she enjoyed being a knight. Until the ban, his friends had been each other's family, but now they were finding new families. All except for Natsu.
Natsu was jerked from his frustrated thoughts by a hard knock to the head where Erza had pulled him to her armored breast.
"Fairy Tail still comes first," she assured him. "I'd break every rule of knighthood if it meant doing the right thing for my friends. Rest assured, Natsu. I'm not going anywhere."
"I know that much," Natsu muttered. But he was nonetheless glad to hear Erza say it.
"Still, I'd rather not take unnecessary risks with the Council. Oversharing is a bad habit to have in those circles."
"Fine," Natsu said. "I trust you." He was still uneasy, but she was being logical and he was being stupidly emotional, so she was probably the right one here.
"You can repeat what I said to the others," Erza said. "I know they sent you."
"I would've come anyway," he said. He did as she said and went back to the table.
"So?" Gray said.
Natsu shrugged. "She's not telling. She said she'd let us know if it was anything important."
"Well that's boring," Gray said. He crossed his arms.
"You could've just asked her directly," Lucy said. She was met with horrified stares from all three of her human companions, as well as both exceeds. "What?"
"It's Erza," Happy said. "You don't just ask Erza directly."
"Shh, we're in public," Charle hushed, nudging Happy back into cat-like silence. He pouted and meowed at her in response.
Lucy reached a hand to absently scratch Happy behind the ears.
"The guards are all gone, right?" Wendy said. "We should talk about our plans more."
"That's right," Gray said. "Though these two are pretty tight-lipped about their part." He looked mainly at Lucy for that remark.
Lucy smirked. "Not even a hint," she said.
"Damn, woman. There are no secrets in Fairy Tail; whatever you're hiding, we'll figure it out soon enough."
"By that time it'll have already happened," Lucy said confidently.
"Not if Erza gets it out of you tonight."
"She can try me."
"Is that a challenge?" Erza said, setting a mug on the table with a loud thud.
Lucy looked up. "Oh, you're back. Only if you want it to be."
Erza eyed Lucy carefully as she sat down, but finally just sighed. "I said I'd trust you, so I'm going to do so. You're part of the team now, so I need to trust that you have a good reason, just as I hope you all trust me when I say my conversation with Doranbolt revealed nothing worth reporting."
"Of course," Wendy said quickly. "Everyone has things they can and cannot say out loud. For job reasons and personal reasons alike."
"Thank you for understanding," Erza said.
"Likewise. I promise I'll explain later if everything goes well. If not…"
"It'll go well," Natsu said quickly, not wanting her to finish that sentence. Whatever she was about to say, he could tell he wouldn't like it.
Bolstered by Natsu's confident statement, Lucy nodded, determination set in her eyes. "Right. I'll make sure of it."
After spending dinner eating at a real dining establishment — in Natsu's eyes, taverns were close enough to a restaurant and "real food" to count — they likewise spent the night at a real inn. Funds were sparse and needed to be managed tightly, so they were all sharing a room with two double beds. The girls were all going to cram together like sardines, with the two boys and male exceed together on the other bed.
"I'm not sharing with Gray," Natsu said defiantly when Lucy joined him in the small living room part of their hotel room.
"And that's why you're out here?"
"Of course."
An amused smile adorned her lips. "Of course," she repeated. "Happy doesn't seem to mind, you know. He and Gray are both already asleep."
"Happy's a traitor," Natsu said.
"He would be sad to hear accuse him of such a thing."
"He knows what he did."
Lucy laughed again, though Natsu didn't see what was so funny. Gray was an annoying bastard, and Natsu reserved the right to refuse to sleep in the same bed as him. It was insulting to even suggest such a thing, really.
Lucy pressed her forefinger between his eyebrows. "You'll get wrinkles if you're like that all the time," she said.
"Like what?"
"Your eyebrows. They're always furrowed."
He tried relaxing them. It felt strange and uncomfortable. Maybe he really was like that all the time. Huh. He never even noticed.
"You don't have to be so tense. You'll get your muscles into knots. Here, let me try massaging your shoulders."
Natsu jumped up. "Please don't kill me," he blurted, thinking of the times Erza tried to "massage" his back. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but hindsight was 20/20.
"I'm not going to hurt you," Lucy said.
"That's what Erza said, too," Natsu said.
"Well I'm not Erza. I promise I'll be gentle."
Cautiously, Natsu sat back down and brought Happy back onto his lap. Lucy sat behind him and put her hands on his shoulders. Then she began to massage his shoulders and back, and though it was painful sometimes, it was a good kind of pain. It felt good. He could feel the tension being kneaded away by Lucy's hands.
"You're good at this," Natsu decided, closing his eyes with pleasure.
"Am I?" Lucy said uncertainly. "I've actually never done this before, though I've had it done to me by servants when I was still at home. I'm just trying to imitate what they did."
"Well you're doing a good job," Natsu said. He groaned with pleasure. "Oh, gods yes, that feels good."
Lucy giggled. "Good thing the others are asleep right now or they'd get the wrong idea if you make sounds like that. Though if you wake them up, you'll have to deal with the consequences. I'm not dealing with a tired, angry Erza because of you."
"Whatever. Just don't stop."
"I won't. Not until I can get some of this tension out of you."
They sat in silence for a while, and Natsu just let Lucy massage his muscles, releasing a deep-set ache that he hadn't even realized was there. Maybe he should go for a real professional massage sometime. Apparently he needed it.
And apparently he fell asleep mid-massage because he awoke on a bed with Gray, a blanket draped over him. So much for not sleeping together. Well, it couldn't be helped. And Lucy had even gone so far as to put him to bed; sleeping on the floor at this point would be rude.
He sat up groggily and saw that Lucy had already gone to sleep as well. In a strange bit of irony, even from this distance, Natsu could see the wrinkle between her eyebrows. Seems he wasn't the only one with a habit of frowning.
Natsu went over to Lucy's bed — which she shared with both Erza and Wendy — and crouched by her head. Plue stirred, looking up from the floor below Lucy with curious eyes. Natsu just smiled and poked a finger at the wrinkle in Lucy's brow. It got wrinklier for a moment when Lucy scrunched up her face, but a gentle caress of her cheek smoothed out her expression into a beatific smile. With a short hum, she shifted in her sleep and settled into a more comfortable position, the faint smile still on her lips.
Natsu grinned at Plue. The wolf seemed to nod before going back to sleep himself, satisfied. Natsu agreed; this kind of content Lucy was much better.
A/N: Thanks for the reviews and such! I'm glad people are getting so into what I'm writing haha. I don't really know why I'm doing this anymore (why did I want to write this story again? how did I get so far off from the original premise?) so it's kind of encouraging that other people don't think it's completely awful. It's 4am so I can't tell. It's 4am when I do a lot of writing for this darn thing. Because that's when I write things, apparently. So tired. Not coherent.
Anyway, I really do tend to make a lot of my characters emo-ish. That's just what I do and what I've always done. In the case of the FT characters, it's actually pretty incredible that they don't show nearly as many signs of PTSD as I feel like they should given all they've gone through. Like...they do show symptoms sometimes, but we don't see a lot of random flashbacks and nightmares. They're pretty darn functional, all things considered. It's incredible, really.
What was the point of that paragraph? Oh, because I made Natsu so angsty in this story. But it's reasonable angst, I think. Now you all know what exactly happened with Lisanna, and it's pretty traumatic. Sort of explains some things, eh?
Lucy's tragic backstory is next; it'll come up sometime in the next few chapters. Because it isn't Fairy Tail if not everyone has a tragic backstory. And I basically made Natsu's and Lucy's even more tragic than in canon, to set them on their respective vagabond and vigilante paths that brought them together. Oops?
Stay tuned! Thanks for reading!
