SUMMARY: Carson studies the Colonel and his team with some bemusement.

Genes In A Twist - Part Two

There was no denying that they behaved like the men they'd used to be.

It wasn't anything as crude as belching, swearing, or scratching their balls, but now that he knew who they were, the difference between them and real women was very marked.

"It's not like we're any different," grumbled Rodney as he opened his mouth for Carson to take a swab of cheek cells for the PCR test.

"Other than being women," said Ronon from across the room. He seemed to be taking the sex change considerably better than either of his team-mates. Presumably the immediacy of the Wraith meant that philosophical discussion about gender roles and sexual discrimination wasn't really given much consideration among the Satedans. Certainly, Teyla's people were fluid and flexible in their roles: if something needed doing, whether hunting or cooking, it was done by whoever was to hand and best suited for the job.

Of course, some degree of the self was wrapped up in the body, and with the body came sex, and with sex, gender. And gender came with a lot of baggage - at least on Earth.

Even the walk from the conference room to the infirmary had produced reactions from those they passed.

Curiosity was the foremost reaction, which came as no surprise. Three strangers being escorted through the base was news enough. What was slightly more worrying was the quick head-to-toe summary that most of the men gave the erstwhile women.

There weren't any leers - the men on the expedition were trained better than that - this was just the once-over most heterosexual men gave a woman upon meeting her. Laura had explained this to Carson over dinner one evening. "They look. Most of them don't mean anything by it, but when you're a woman in the military, you get judged on your face first and your competence second."

And the three former men grew visibly uncomfortable beneath those gazes.

Carson wondered if he could get Elizabeth to authorise bringing Kate into all this. After all, she was the base psychologist. And there would certainly be issues if this set of circumstances continued for more than a couple of hours.

"We're not women, Ronon," Sheppard said shortly, his eyes narrowed at the close-mouthed Taiwanese nurse who wasn't at all fazed by the Colonel's glare. "We're still us."

"Other than being women." Ronon repeated.

"We are not--" The Colonel cut off his statement as Kia held up the cotton bud - what the Americans called 'q-tips'- pointing it towards his mouth.

Swabs from the inside of the cheek were providing the genetic samples Carson needed to perform a PCR test on them. They'd also drawn blood and would run a few tests on those samples. It might take a couple of hours, but at least they'd have some information about whatever had happened to the men: whether they were still genetically male - in which case the question was how their bodies had been 'remoulded' into female form, or if they were now genetically female - in which case there were a whole new set of issues to look at.

The other thing that worried him, more than a little, was genetic Chimerism, where a person had two different DNA patterns. It was possible that the men were still 'male' in some of their cells, while others - most noticeably the ones that made up their physical appearance - were 'female'. Which then presented the problem of exactly how to DNA type them.

So many possibilities of the human body and so little knowledge of all the variations and how to deal with them!

"All right," said Carson, having sealed up the DNA samples. "We've got your DNA, weighed and measured you all. Go get into something more comfortable."

He was fixed by two very direct stares.

"What?" Rodney yelped.

"Slip into something more comfortable?" Sheppard asked with a pointedness that was close to fury.

Carson tried for reasonable as he wondered if it was too early for them to be exhibiting signs of hormonal fluctuations. "Colonel, I don't imagine those outfits are very comfortable. If you want to stay in them, you might get some odd looks. I thought you'd want to get back into your fatigues."

After a moment, the anger faded. "Yeah," Sheppard said briskly, "I'd like to get back into some decent clothes."

"I'd like something with a bit of support," Ronon noted. At a blank look from the other two, 'he' tapped his chest.

The other two glanced down at their own breasts as though finally realising that they'd need support for the 'extra flesh'. Rodney looked horrified and began feeling himself up with no regard for how it might appear. "My God, I'm huge. Really huge."

Carson choked with helpless laughter and saw the other nursing aide - a middle-aged woman whom he'd picked for both her discretion and her sense of humour - turn away, her shoulders shaking. Exactly how Rodney had managed to ignore that he was now somewhat top-heavy was something Carson would never know.

Sheppard had a sour expression on as he regarded his own significant mammarial increase. The Colonel seemed to have managed to acquire a rather curvaceous body type, compared with Ronon who'd managed to end up with an athletic build and not much breast at all. On the other hand, Ronon had also lost a good six to eight inches of height and some thirty to forty pounds of muscle.

Rodney didn't look like he'd lost any weight at all. She wasn't exactly plump, but she was tending that way - give it another ten years and most of her weight would be around the hips and waist...

I'm predicting Rodney's body type, Carson thought to himself. Rodney's body type as a woman. Oh, Lord...

"You're going to need something for that," he managed, dragging his mind back to the conversation at hand. "Sue?"

Sue got control of her expression, although she was still smiling. "Well, I think there might be several women on the base who are the right size... I could ask."

Carson looked at the three.

"Discreetly," Sheppard said after a moment.

The aide nodded, still smiling, then coughed and briskly took herself off, passing an incoming nurse on the way.

"Dr. Beckett? You wanted to know when Teyla woke up?"

Carson handed the DNA samples to Kia, indicating that they were to go to the PCR preparation area, and she nodded and walked off behind Sheppard, Rodney, and Ronon, all of whom had gotten up to go see Teyla.

It struck Carson quite forcibly that they didn't walk like women.

All three men had been shifting somewhat edgily during the various processes, a slight movement from side to side, as though they couldn't quite get comfortable.

Maybe they couldn't. After all, a rather vital piece of male equipment was no longer present, and that had to make a man feel slightly...naked. Even if they weren't in male bodies, the three were essentially male in their history, in their memory, in their thought processes and patterns.

They're quite literally men trapped in women's bodies.

Which, Carson imagined, wasn't quite as funny as everyone else had initially found the situation. And would swiftly become very unfunny if it couldn't be reversed.

"Teyla?" That was Sheppard, standing right up beside the bed, at a range where she couldn't ignore him - if she'd even been trying.

She was half-sitting up in the bed, one hand pressed to her forehead as though to ward away a headache. At the Colonel's query, she opened one eye, then the other. She looked at him without any comprehension, then at Rodney, then Ronon - all with the same blank expression.

Carson stepped around to the other side of the bed, indicating that Sheppard should back off. In his present form, Teyla wouldn't recognise him, and the sight of three strangers would probably confuse her. "Teyla?"

At his voice, she took her hand from her head and opened her mouth, then stopped. Her eyes flickered to her hand, remaining there for a long moment.

Carson felt the beginnings of fear unwind in him. "Do you remember anything, Teyla?"

"I..." She dragged her gaze away from her hand, and then looked at Carson. "Doctor?"

"Yes. You're back in Atlantis now, Teyla."

"Atlantis?" The dark eyes looked around her at the infirmary, dazed. There was something like confusion in her expression and Carson began to worry. "Teyla?"

Then she looked back at the three men - well, women - standing on the other side of her bed. The moment stretched out and her team-mates shifted somewhat uncomfortably. Slow recognition began to dawn. "Colonel?"

Sheppard grimaced, the female features turning sour. "Yeah."

The change was instant. A broad smile spread across her face, and she began to laugh.

"It's not that funny," said Ronon, frowning a little. Sheppard looked similarly discombobulated, while Rodney's sulky expression was back.

And Teyla kept laughing. Loudly. Her laughter rang through the infirmary, bold and strong, and with an edge that Carson thought was close to hysterical. Certainly, it wasn't Teyla's usual amusement.

"Teyla?" A finger at her wrist checked her pulse, but it seemed normal, not elevated. She wasn't having a fit or a hysterical interlude, it was just laughter.

Loud, steady laughter that was very unlike Teyla at all.

Her laughter stopped suddenly as she winced, her hand going to her forehead again as she leaned back. "Oh, that hurts. I think I'm going to lie down again..."

"But you can't just do that!" Rodney burst out. "We need to know what you saw - if anything happened differently for you. Did you fall asleep with the flash of light? Do you feel any different?"

Her eyes had shut and she was shaking her head. "There was a bright flash of light. That's all." She winced, her hand pushing at her brow.

"Teyla?" Carson asked, suddenly concerned. "Does your head hurt? I can give you some aspirin..."

"It's just a headache," she said abruptly, opening her eyes. "It'll be better for some sleep."

It was more like a dismissal than anything else, delivered flatly and with little room for protest.

Of course, little room wasn't the same as no room. "How can you sleep at a time like this? We need you to remember what you saw so we can get changed back!" Carson winced. While he could understand Rodney's frustration, the female voice made the words sound even whinier than Rodney's usual grumbling.

"Teyla," Sheppard's fingers touched her wrist, anxious. "Are you okay?"

Teyla looked up at him. "I'm fine, Colonel," she said. "But I could do with some rest, if you please."

Rodney opened his mouth to protest again, Ronon caught Carson's eye, and grabbed Rodney by the arm and towed him out. "We'll find some clothes." Even as a woman, it seemed Ronon was fairly strong. Rodney tried to struggle but found himself dragged along.

"What? No! I mean, yes, but Teyla might-- There's no need to--"

Sheppard followed them as Rodney's protests dimmed, but turned back at the door. "You don't remember anything?"

Teyla shook her head. "Nothing." Sheppard gave Teyla a long look, then a brief half-smile and nod and went. The door closed behind her and the others, and Teyla turned to Carson, her eyes pleading. "No more questions, please. I'm tired."

Tiredness wasn't unusual in someone who'd been unconscious for a while. If the flash of light or whatever had injured her in some way, then her body would pull all its resources into getting better, which meant she'd sleep more.

"No more questions," Carson said in reassurance. "But I'm going to take a swab for the DNA test," he said, pulling out one of the cotton buds for the swab.

"DNA - but I am not--"

"It's just a precaution, Teyla," he reassured her. "We want to be sure that you're okay. It'll only take a moment."

She seemed reluctant to open her mouth, but Carson was insistent. Looking fine wasn't the same as being fine - as any doctor worth his salt knew. Besides, with the other three changed, there were too many questions about what had been done to them - and what might have been done to Teyla.

Once the sample was taken, he sealed up the swab and tucked it in his shirt pocket. "Rest for a couple of hours. You've been unconscious most of the day from the sound of it and I don't want you to fall unconscious again."

"I'll be fine," she said, shifting a little. "Can I go to my quarters?"

"I'd rather you didn't," Carson said. "We'd like to keep an eye on you for the moment. Like I said, you've been unconscious for most of the day and we don't know what happened to you while you were in the ruins."

She seemed sulky about it, but lay back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Carson paused to watch her at the door of the room. He had a vague sense of unease, as though something wasn't quite right. Oh, Teyla seemed hale and healthy, but...different. Perhaps it was just the contrast to the three 'women' who were quite clearly themselves in mind, but not in body, perhaps it was something more. He patted the DNA swab in his pocket; at any rate, the DNA test would tell them.

There was no sign of the trio when he returned to the outer ward.

"They went to find some clothing," said Sue, still smiling as she took the blood samples and began splitting them into the various test tubes they used for the blood tests. "They said they'd be back afterwards."

As it turned out, 'afterwards' was a little later than Carson expected.

For starters, they had to get cleaned up and find suitable clothing. Apparently this took nearly twice as long as it did for 'normal women'. Carson was tempted to ask what benchmark Sergeant Dachaus used to define a 'normal woman' but decided against it, figuring he didn't really want to know the answer.

Then Elizabeth called to say that she was holding a meeting with the trio and Lorne to jog their memories and she'd send them to him after, complete with the recording.

In the meantime, Carson set about preparing the samples for the PCR, defining the primers and setting up the thermal cycler. The four samples were put in and the machine started the slow process of charting the DNA fragments which would tell them a little more about the bodies the men were now in - and whether anything had happened to Teyla that they just couldn't see.

He also did a few more basic tests on the tissue samples they had. The results were...interesting.

Carson went through the tests results, contacted a few of his staff and rearranged some schedules so there'd be minimal traffic up this end of the infirmary. The last thing they needed or wanted was for this to become very public knowledge. It might have to go into a report somewhere, and there would inevitably be gossip, but Elizabeth would be able to keep it eyes-only for command and medical personnel. He hoped.

Around the two-hour mark, there was a groan from the next room.

He hurried in and found Teyla hunched over, her head resting in her hands.

Carson crossed the room "Teyla?"

"Doctor," she still seemed a little disoriented. "I don't think this is helping," she said.

"Too much sleep does that," he said. "Do you feel pain anywhere? Dizzy? Sick?"

She lifted dark eyes to him. "A little dizzy," she said. "I think I've been sleeping too long."

Carson nodded, patting her on the shoulder. "Well, go take a shower and come back when you're done. We'll be going over the others' tests then and I'd like you to be there."

Teyla nodded and left, striding briskly along.

He returned to his notes.

When the Colonel, Rodney, and Ronon did turn up, they were restless, shifting shoulders, twitching limbs, tugging at the edges of their clothing, trying to get comfortable, apparently unable to manage it.

As they seated themselves in the office Carson had chosen to discuss all this, he made a mental note to review the files on the incident where O'Neill, Jackson and Teal'c were swapped into each others' bodies - it might provide some insight on how to deal with this situation, although at least the body into which they'd been switched was male.

Rodney was the most restive of the three. She kept pulling at the side of her shirt.

"Stop that," Sheppard said. She - he'd leaned back in his chair, apparently relaxed, and sitting...well, the way he usually sat, with his ankle resting on his knee. Ronon had his legs apart, and in spite of Carson's knowledge that it was a male mind in a female body, it was more than a little disturbing to see the typically male sprawl enacted by a feminine form.

"It doesn't fit right," Rodney muttered, still yanking at the black t-shirt. His breasts seemed to be causing him some discomfort.

"Seems to fit fine from where I'm sitting," Ronon remarked.

Rodney looked up, a dawning horror on her face. "You're checking me out!" Her voice was shrill. "Stop it!"

"Why? Sheppard's been doing it too."

Sheppard was going a lovely shade of pink that Carson had never seen on the man before. Of course, now Sheppard was a woman, so it wasn't exactly--

"It's a reflex action," the Colonel said. "Don't tell me you haven't been checking me and Ronon out."

"I would never--"

Sheppard ran right over Rodney's attempt at protest. "Don't worry, Rodney." She smiled a variation of that sour, cynical smile that usually indicated the man was making a point. "You're not my type - too shrill."

"Too shrill? Oh, that's wonderful."

"But reassuring," Ronon smirked.

Rodney turned to Carson, pointedly ignoring his team-mates. "So have you worked out how to reverse this yet?"

Carson stared. "I haven't even worked out what's been done to you," he said, more sharply than he'd intended. "Which is why I was planning to ask you questions now - or, at least, once Teyla gets here." At their expressions, he explained. "She went to have a wash and freshen up. Why don't you start at the beginning and she can join in when she gets--"

"Carson?" His earpiece came to life.

"Elizabeth?"

"Do you have...our guests with you?"

He glanced over at the three women who were watching him, unable to hear Elizabeth. For whatever reason, they'd been issued with Atlantis standard clothing, but no earpieces. "Yes, they're here."

"Teyla as well?"

"No, she went to shower."

In the background, he heard Elizabeth giving orders for the marines to locate Teyla. "Elizabeth?"

"We just got a call from off-world," she said, sounding more than a little grim. "And someone who knows our IDC codes and looks like Teyla has just walked out of the Stargate."

Uh-oh.

- TBC -

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