Hustle was created by the BBC.


Best day of my life? Easy. My wedding day.

Corny, of course, but there you go. Grifters don't usually get married to each other, and so it was kind of a big event anyway. If a copper had come by there wouldn't have been enough cells to put us all in, there were that many criminals there. All trying to outdo each other, of course.

We had to pay for the actual wedding – after all, they had all the legal papers for our marriage, and our real names – but the rest we figured was fair game. We had limited finances, but more importantly, we had a point to make to the world in general. This wasn't a fancy plastic wedding in kit form, it was ours. And we happened to like setting up cons.

Since we weren't intending to pay to hire a dress we figured we may as well go to the most expensive shop on the morning of the wedding. June just tried on the dress, walked out of the shop and got into the car before they knew what was happening. We popped it outside their door a couple of days later for them to find, with a thankyou card and a slice of wedding cake.

It was worth it. She would have looked beautiful in anything, but she felt beautiful in that dress. It just shone out of her.

Two of our friends sorted the pub for us by arranging a convenient flood, starting from the men's toilets. They then turned up in their yellow jackets to fix it, sent the owners away for at least three hours, and let us in to the upstairs function room. Presumably they also sent the real plumbers away when they turned up, although I was a bit too distracted to oversee that. Hey, I'd just got married.

A couple of the other guys had located delivery uniforms, done the rounds of their local Pizza Huts and taken the delivery pizzas. That may not sound like wedding food to you, but we like pizza, and it was our day. Sitting with your friends eating stolen food is a privilege. Sitting with your wife eating stolen food is priceless. I made a speech, June made a speech, those of our friends who thought they had something to say made a speech. Champagne and sparkling wines were liberated from the fridges downstairs, and we had our first dance to the theme of The Entertainer that someone had brought with them. It's not an easy song to dance to, but it was perfect all the same. Why start a marriage with a slow song? If you've found someone you can dance happily with without feeling stupid, you should dance; otherwise you don't deserve to keep them.

The cake was paid for. If someone takes time to craft something specially for you, it isn't usually right to rob them. And we wanted to stay friends with that baker, anyway. He made damn good Danish's.

And afterwards? We drifted over to the park for a while, then said our goodbyes, departed with our arms full of stolen gifts – one of which would later prove to be a fire extinguisher – and began our life together.

It's fun fooling the world with someone you love.