"He was so out of order," Harry said to Ron as they walked to the Great Hall for lunch. "He just went mad on us, especially Hermione."

Ron just nodded and Hermione sighed. Ron was probably now thinking that Harry had taken her hard over the desk during their Potions class that morning, instead of the innocent gesture of comfort it had actually been. It wasn't hard to see that his mind was already forming suspicions and she wished Harry would change the subject.

Hermione slipped her hand through each of their arms, just holding Ron's more tightly when he tried to pull away.

"He's always miserable on a Monday," Hermione pointed out. "Let's forget about it. I wonder what's for lunch?"

"And now we've got two weeks of scrubbing bloody cauldrons!" Harry said, ignoring her, his eyes wide with horror. "I wouldn't be surprised if he makes us do it with our bloody toothbrushes or something."

"Yes, Mr Snape, sir!" Ron said, saluting Harry with his free arm. "No, Mr Snape, sir!"

"You've been letting Ron watch Muggle films again, haven't you?" Hermione asked Harry, with a raised eyebrow.

Thanks to Harry's 'education' over the summer, Ron had been quoting lines from films almost constantly, driving Hermione insane. If she heard, 'I'll be back' done in an Austrian accent one more time, she was going to find a way to blow up the company that produced the Terminator films, and make it look like an accident. A very painful and bloody accident.

Harry gave her a sheepish grin, squeezed her arm apologetically and mouthed, 'Sorry.'

"What did he say to you out there, anyway?" Harry asked out loud. "You were gone ages. I tried to hear what was going on, but I think he had some sort of spell on the door."

"Just the usual," Hermione said, trying not to blush. They entered the dining hall and her eyes immediately wandered to the head table to seek out the Professor Harry wouldn't shut up about.

There he was, methodically eating his dinner, occasionally pausing to answer a question or glower at a particularly noisy group of students.

"It has to have been more than the usual," Harry continued. "You took his wand! Snape must have been furious!"

"Oh that's fantastic," Ginny said, sitting down with them. "You took Snape's wand?"

"Ginny's got a new boyfriend. Did she tell you, Hermione?" Ron said, thankfully changing the subject and pulling a face at his sister. She aimed a kick at him under the table.

Hermione eyed Harry questioningly. He gave a tiny shake of his head. No, it wasn't him. So Ginny had finally fallen for someone else then.

"So who is it then, Gin?" Hermione asked, spearing a new potato on the end of her fork. She was still feeling queasy, but if she ate a little her appetite usually came back quite quickly.

"She won't tell us," Ron said, reaching over his sister for the gravy. "I think she's got a thing going with Snape and is just too ashamed to admit it."

Ginny pulled a face at Ron, then turned back to Hermione, who was fighting a blush yet again. Hermione wondered how Ron would react if she told him that he was closer than he thought with that statement, if he'd just directed it at the person sitting opposite his sister instead.

"I'm so glad you're back," Ginny said, smiling at Hermione. "I can finally have a conversation that doesn't involve either Quidditch or one of those two prying into my love life."

"Is she saying we're boring?" Harry asked Ron, a fake wounded look on his face.

"Nah," he said, grinning. "We're thrilling to be around, we are."

"A delight," Ginny said sarcastically.

Hermione smiled, glad to have everyone around her again. Then her smile faded as Harry looked at her with a meaningful look.

"I need some help with my Transfigurations homework later," he said. "If I could come up to your rooms?"

"Can't you just do it in the common room?" Ron asked, suspiciously.

"Too noisy," Harry said quickly. "I need to be able to concentrate."

Ron glowered at his dinner.

"Fine," he muttered, pushing his chair back and getting up. "I'm going for a walk. See you lot later."

"Harry," Hermione admonished as soon as he'd gone. "Don't you realise how that sounds?"

"How what sounds? Oh," he said, finally realising. Then he shrugged.

"You're not together anymore," he pointed out. "I don't see why it would matter so much."

Ginny and Hermione shared a look that plainly said, 'Boys! Complete idiots, the lot of them."

Severus stormed around his classroom, making various members of Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff jump every time he passed them.

Why do I even care? he asked himself, annoyed. So she's with Potter. First Weasley, then Potter and in-between she had me. Briefly. It wasn't even an affair, more a mistake that dragged on a bit and had a messy ending.

So why did it irritate him so much to see her being all touchy-feely with Potter?

She's having my baby, he reminded himself. And who'd want Potter to be around their child, even before it was born and able to be corrupted by his irritating presence?

He was being ridiculous, he knew. This was the way he wanted it – he didn't need a young girl besotted with him, getting in the way.

And Hermione certainly isn't bloody besotted with me, is she? Severus snarled to himself, bitterly.

"Twenty points from Ravenclaw!" he snarled out loud, as one of the boys dared to yawn. The boy immediately clapped his hand over his mouth and bowed his head, getting back to work.

"Sorry sir," he muttered, having finally subdued the yawn. "I'm just a little tired."

"Do I look like I care, Mr Pierce?" Severus asked, in a bored tone as he carried on stalking around the class. "Get back to work."

He was just about to take sixty points from Hufflepuff for one of the girls daring to have her wand sitting on the desk in plain view, when he'd specifically told everyone to put their wands away, when suddenly the pain hit him.

He clutched his arm and closed his eyes, taking deep breaths to keep from screaming out loud. An urgent summons in the middle of the day, when Voldemort knew he wouldn't be able to get away – he knew he wouldn't get back in one piece from this one. Not unless he had some information he could buy some more time with. It was decision time and he had minutes to do it.

He and Albus had discussed Severus' options in detail and come up with plans for every eventuality. Severus knew that Albus thought he shouldn't go; that even with the information Albus had given him to feed Voldemort, he would die.

Severus thought it would be highly likely too, actually. Voldemort was a lot like a spoilt child when things weren't going his way – he'd break him first and ask questions later. He was probably furious that he'd survived his last beating.

Except what would be the point of him being at Hogwarts, if not to pass information to Albus? What would the point be of him 'being' at all? He had a price to pay for the things he'd done, and if he'd finished paying all he could pay, what would he do?

"Class dismissed," Severus ordered, through gritted teeth. "Get out, now."

Severus was too preoccupied with his thoughts and the pain in his arm to get any satisfaction out of how quickly the students ran out of his classroom. He didn't even notice that two or three of his students hadn't even bothered to collect their possessions – they just ran.

"Evanesco," Severus snapped, waving his wand in the general directions of the cauldrons the students had been using during their lesson. The potions that every student in the class had been too nervous to mix correctly vanished instantly.

Right. Decision. Decision. He dropped into his chair and rested his head in his hands, trying to think through the burning pain in his arm.

After lunch, Hermione had Transfigurations with Professor McGonagall. They were learning how to temporarily transfigure parts of their bodies. Ron currently had a very large, pointed nose and Professor McGonagall, much to everyone else's amusement, was refusing to turn it back for him, insisting that he sort it out himself.

"If I try again, I'll end up looking like that Pinocchio bloke," Ron said, sitting down and putting his head in his hands. The tip of his nose rested on the table and Hermione fought the urge to laugh. Every time he'd tried to shrink it, it had just got longer. He was starting to look like he could be a novelty parrot perch in his spare time.

"Harry, help me," Ron begged, sounding nasal. "Fix me!"

"I'll just end up growing you ears to match, or something," Harry said, going red in his effort not to burst into fits of laughter at his friend. "Ask Hermione. You know she's far better at Transfigurations than anyone else."

Hermione folded her arms and raised her eyebrow, waiting for Ron to ask for her help. He had barely spoken a word to her all through lunch and she wasn't going to let him get off lightly. She was going to make him beg. And she was going to enjoy it.

"Or do you just want to stay like that?" Harry asked, winking at Hermione. "You'd make a handsome coat rack."

"Not funny, Harry!" Ron said, using his hand to support his nose as he lifted his head to glower at Harry. "I look ridiculous!"

Hermione burst into giggles and buried her head in her arms.

"Oh Ron, only you could possibly try to be all serious and indignant, looking so ridiculous with that bloody huge nose." Hermione buried her head back in her arms to laugh again, aware that she wasn't winning any points by laughing at Ron, but completely unable to stop herself.

"Come on Herm," Harry said, pulling her to her feet. "Change him back before Malfoy looks up from his little group of Minions and notices Ron's… appendage."

As Harry burst into fits of laughter and fell back into his seat, Hermione picked up her wand and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself long enough to do the spell.

At that moment Albus' own owl flew into the classroom through an open window. It dropped a parchment over Hermione's head, then flew out of the window as quickly as it had come. The parchment landed squarely on Hermione's head, before bouncing off and hitting the floor.

Miss Granger,

Go to the Dungeons immediately and do whatever you see fit when you arrive there. This would be a good time to show some of that bravery and stubbornness us Gryffindors are so famous for.

Show this note to Professor McGonagall before leaving.

Albus.

Hermione's forehead wrinkled in confusion. Was Severus hurt? Was she meant to heal him? What was wrong? Hermione shoved the piece of parchment at Professor McGonagall then tore off, out of the classroom and down the corridor.

Bloody Headmaster. Always so bloody cryptic. Would it kill him to say, 'Hermione, Severus is bleeding profusely from a deep head wound. Take bandages and a book on Healing and I'll meet you there in ten minutes."

It took less than a minute for her to get to the dungeons. Poppy would have been furious with her for exerting herself like that, but Hermione didn't care. She was worried and scared and wasn't even sure why.

She leaned against the closed door, gasping for breath. There was no noise coming from inside the room, which Hermione thought was odd in itself – she was sure Severus was meant to be taking a class. Third years, if she remembered correctly.

Still panting, she pushed the door open slowly. She yelped in surprise as she stepped into the room and walked straight into Severus. They collided, forcing Severus to put his arms around Hermione to stop her from falling. He recognized her immediately, which was probably the reason he pulled her close for a second, before pushing her away.

"Professor Snape? Where's your class?"

"Get out of my way, Miss Granger," Severus snapped, the pain in his arm making him feel even more waspish than usual. He also knew he couldn't stay talking to her – little chance as there was that he would get out of there alive, there would be no chance at all if he waited much longer.

"Where are you going?" Hermione blocked his way, knowing that he could just push past her if he wanted to, but relying on the fact that he wouldn't be too rough with her, knowing what condition she was in.

And that it's all his bloody fault, she snarled to herself. He was putting her in a bad mood, and she'd only been there a few seconds.

"That is none of your concern," Severus snapped, folding his arms. "I have left you a letter on my desk. Read it when I have left."

It was only because Severus knew that there was little or no chance of him coming back that he had left her a letter at all. It was nothing sentimental; just a letter telling her how he'd changed his will and testament and made her and their child the sole beneficiaries of his estate. She would be a rich woman, and would be able to live well and carry on her education with ease. It was the least, and the only thing he could do for her.

"Accio letter," Hermione said, putting her hand out.

Ah, he'd forgotten about that little trick of hers. The four letters he had written in haste as he tried to ignore the burning pain in his arm came flying through the air and landed in the palm of her hand. She quickly discarded the other three letters that weren't meant for her, and broke the seal on her own.

"I do not have time for this, Miss Granger," Severus said, raising his eyes heavenwards. "Get out of my way, this instant."

Bloody stubborn girl.

She looked up from the short letter he had written her. It had only been a couple of lines really, but he had wanted her to know that she would be secure if he didn't come back. He had intended Albus to find them and send them to the appropriate addresses when he didn't return, rather than have her read it now, her deep brown eyes widening in horror as her eyes skimmed over the brief and formal letter.

"You really don't think you'll come back this time, do you?" Hermione asked, stating the obvious, but needing to verify. Her face paled as she took in his Death Eater robes and knew that he had been summoned again, probably for the last time. Voldemort wanted to finish what he had started at his last summons and Severus was going to let him do it.

"No, I don't." Severus' voice was tight. He hadn't wanted to see her before he left and had even decided to avoid telling Albus he was going, in case the old Wizard tried to interfere and send Hermione to stop him leaving. Albus had already made umpteen obvious comments about how a baby needs its father, and he knew he couldn't cope with the same words coming from Hermione. Although he wasn't sure why he was so sure she'd try to stop him leaving.

"You're going, and this is all you're going to leave me with?" she asked, gesturing at the letter in disgust.

"If you read it again, Miss Granger," Severus said, "You'll see that I have left you with everything I have. What more is there?"

"You are not going." She folded her arms over her chest in a gesture of stubbornness. She had meant her voice to be firm and commanding, except it had come out as a plea instead.

"I have to." He moved a step closer to the door and folded his arms too, waiting for her to step out of his way. She looked close to tears and he prayed she wouldn't cry. He didn't want to be the cause of more of her tears and he didn't have time to try to comfort her.

"You don't have to. Albus can't just send you to your death."

Severus closed his eyes, part in frustration, part because he was hit with the sudden desperate urge to curl up and cry. He wanted to bury his head in his hands and sob. Part of him was terrified, and the other part of him was relieved. It would be over soon. He wouldn't have to kill, or see people screaming for him to help them, unable to do anything to save them without giving himself away. Tonight he could tell Voldemort what he was and die knowing that for the last twenty years, he had done the right thing. He hadmade a difference.

He knew then that he wasn't even going to try to save his own life tonight – he was going to give it, freely, and try to take Voldemort and as many Death Eaters as he could with him. It was a long shot, but it would be his final deed of redemption. If he could rid the world of that evil, he would die a happy man.

"The Headmaster hasn't sent me," Severus said, opening his eyes again, but refusing to look directly at the emotional girl in front of him. "I'm doing this because I have to."

"What use will you be to the world, dead?" Hermione's voice broke on the last word and she angrily swiped the tears out of her eyes. She wasn't going to break down – she had to hold it together long enough to fix this. She had to stop him going.

"What use am I if I can no longer be of any help to the Order?" Severus asked, getting ready to push past her. He'd waited too long, and he had still to get to the edge of Hogwart's grounds before he could Apparate.

"You really think that all you're good for is spying; being a double agent?" Hermione, looked at Severus, trying to take as much of him in as possible. If this was the last time she would ever see him, she wanted to remember exactly how he looked. She wanted to remember his soft lips that felt so hot on her skin, his dark eyes that smouldered and flashed when he touched her and his hands that were so precise and gentle.

She wanted to touch him and kiss him. She wanted to make love to him, to cling to him and be close to him. Except she couldn't – all she could do was stand there, a weak and ineffectual barrier, and try to talk him out of leaving.

"What else am I good for, Miss Granger?" Severus asked, with a sardonic smile. "Teaching? Oh, I'm sure all my students will be heartbroken when I fail to return."

"You're a good teacher," Hermione said, feeling completely helpless, knowing that any second he was just going to push past her and leave. "Your methods may be terrifying, but everyone leaves here understanding everything you've taught them, and remembering it."

Except for the ones who are too terrified to, Hermione amended in her head.

Severus raised a skeptical eyebrow and smiled a sardonic smile. "Thank you. Now, if you would just get out of my way…"

"You can't leave me to do this by myself," Hermione said in a choked voice. "You can't."

"I have done everything I can for you," Severus said, gritting his teeth as the pain suddenly intensified. The Dark Lord was getting impatient. "You will be free of money troubles for the rest of your life and when you're out in the world, you will come to understand that that alone solves most of life's problems."

Hermione shook her head, taking a step forward and pushing back the left sleeve of his cloak. She unbuttoned the sleeve of the black shirt he wore underneath and pushed the sleeve back too.

"Miss Granger, what are you doing?" Severus asked, watching as she ran her fingers over his arm, skirting around the mark on his forearm. It seemed to throb more when she came close to touching it, he noticed. He'd never realized before, because no one had ever even seen his mark uncovered, let alone touched it.

"I just wanted to see it; to see what killed you," Hermione whispered, still intent on tracing her fingers around his Dark Mark.

"This is pointless, Miss Granger. I need to go," Severus insisted. He noticed that his voice was less commanding now and more pleading, like hers had been earlier. It was strange, the effect Hermione Granger had on him.

She looked up, finally catching and holding his eyes with hers.

"You think all you have to give is money and information," she said, her fingers still moving over the skin of his arm. "You don't think there's anything for the man in you to give."

"The man in me died a long time ago, Miss Granger," Severus said, holding her gaze.

And the sooner she realises that, the better, he thought, grimly.

"No." Hermione lifted her hand to his face and gently traced her fingers down his cheek. "No, it didn't."

Severus swallowed hard.

God, just let me leave.

"What good do you think you will do, going there tonight and getting killed?" she asked, softly. "Do you think you can kill Voldemort on your own? Are you telling me no one has ever tried that before? And failed miserably and painfully?"

"I have to try." His eyes were closed now, and Hermione slowly ran her fingers gently over his eyelids, cheeks and mouth, before cupping his cheek in her hand.

"Yes, you do. But not try to kill Voldemort, because you and I both know that it's going to take more than one lone ex-Death Eater with a death-wish."

"I am still a Death Eater, Hermione," Severus pointed out, his eyes still closed as he tried to gather the will to walk through the door, away from both Hogwarts and Hermione. "Or have you forgotten that I'm not the nice, cuddly person you seem to think I am?"

"How long are you going to make yourself pay, Severus?" Hermione asked, running her fingers through his hair. She moved closer, so close all she would have to do was lean a little and she'd be pressed against him, in his arms if he'd just let himself hold her.

"How long are you going to punish yourself? Don't you think Voldemort has already punished you enough, even before you decided to become a spy?"

Hermione bit her lip as she saw Severus swallow hard again. She could still feel the panic and helplessness from that night he'd poured his memories into her. She could still hear the screams of the people she assumed were his mother and sister. She sometimes lay awake at night, wondering how he managed to go on after Voldemort had done that to his family.

She wondered how Severus had managed to go on after that. He'd lost his mother and sister, and the man he had decided to follow had betrayed him in the worst way possible. How could anyone want to live after that?

"You only stayed alive so you could make things better, didn't you? Stem the guilt a little; make their deaths worth something?"

Severus opened his eyes and looked at her, knowing who she was talking about without needing to ask.

"Except you've done that, Severus," she said, catching his hands as he moved to push her out of his way. "You've done all you can, and now you've got to start living for yourself, instead of for revenge and redemption."

"You have no idea what you're talking about," Severus snapped, trying to shake her hands off his own, which she was clinging to for dear life. "And what do you want me to live for? You?"

His eyebrow lifted mockingly and she let go of his hand and took a step backwards.

Yes, I thought that might work, he thought, but with a lot less triumph than he would have liked. The hurt look on her face made him feel guilty and he hated feeling guilty. It was almost a relief when she tipped her head down and looked at her feet so he couldn't see her accusing eyes.

He sighed impatiently.

"Miss Granger, my arm feels like the Dark Lord is at this very moment autographing it with a large, sharp knife. I am tired, in pain and more than a little apprehensive. I am also in a little bit of a rush, as the longer I stand here, the more likely it is that Voldemort will crush me before I even get a chance to reach for my wand."

Hermione looked up at him through the tears, which were almost pouring down her face. She took a step towards him and wrapped her arms around his waist, making him take a sudden step backwards in shock.

She moved with him, nudging her head so that it was nestled under his chin and sliding her arms under the voluminous Death Eater robes. She clung to him, getting as close as she possibly could to him without undressing both Severus and herself completely.

"Miss Granger, what are you doing?" he asked, in a choked voice, his arms held stiffly by his sides in a desperate attempt to stop himself holding her. If she thought that seducing him was going to stop him going, then she really didn't understand the way a Slytherin's mind worked.

"Saying goodbye," she whispered, her voice muffled as her face was almost buried in his neck.

"Saying goodbye…?" Severus' sounded as unsure as he felt. This girl was clinging to him, like she never wanted to let him go and it was making the guilt he was already feeling mix with something else…

God, he wanted to hold her. Just for a second. Just to say goodbye…

He finally wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly to his chest. He felt a little answering sob as he found one of his hands burying itself in the hair at the nape of her neck.

She clung harder, sobbing properly now, then as suddenly as she had moved to hold him, she stepped back, forcing Severus to relax his arms and let her go.

She reached up and placed her hand on his cheek, her breath coming in gasps as she cried.

"I'll tell the baby about you. About all you've done for the Wizarding world… and us." Her voice caught and she closed her eyes for a second to calm herself.

"I'll tell him or her how brave you were," she whispered, standing on tiptoes to reach up and brush her lips against his.

Brave. Running away isn't brave.

Severus glowered at his thoughts, his tongue coming out and tasting where she had just so briefly touched her lips against his own.

He leant down and kissed Hermione with a kiss just as brief as her own had been, before standing still for as long as he dared, to look at her.

She stared back into his eyes, her crying finished for now, but her breathing still uneven. Then her eyes followed him as he swept out of the door behind her and strode away from her; away from Hogwarts.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Review, people! Review, review, review! Call it a late Christmas present… x