"My first time?" Hermione said, her voice mocking. "You'll have to be a little more specific – I've had a lot of first. Would you like to hear about my first essay, my first game of tennis, my first…"

"Tennis?" interrupted Ron. "What's that?"

"You ever seen that poster of the girl with a racket, scratching her arse?" Ginny supplied for him. "She plays tennis."

"Oh, tennis…" Ron said, a smile lighting up his face as he clearly remembered the picture.

"The first time you had sex!" Malfoy growled impatiently.

"She hasn't had sex," Ron said, his face defiant. "You'll have to think of a different question."

Oh God.

Hermione, did you and Weasley never…?

No. Hermione closed her eyes in misery. Bloody Draco Malfoy. She was going to get him back for this if it was the last thing she did. He was going to suffer.

So who was your first? Severus asked, not fully understanding the horror he was sensing from Hermione. Just give them a brief account. I know it's embarrassing talking about it without the comfort of copious amounts of alcohol like the rest of them had, but surely it's much better than you expected?

"She's had sex," Draco said, nodding in Hermione's direction. "Just look at her face."

Ron eyed Hermione, who was sitting cross-legged in her chair, her face a picture of misery.

"Mione?" he asked, his eyes widening. Six months he'd tried to get her into bed. Six months of taking things slowly with her, knowing she'd never done anything much before…

"Not Harry?" he asked, shooting a quick look at Harry, who was cringing on Hermione's behalf. Harry had worked out almost immediately what she would end up having to describe to the people in the room and was torn between utter sympathy and the urge to run screaming before he had to hear what Snape had been like in bed.

"No, not Harry," Hermione answered. She felt a mental sigh of relief from Severus and made a note of it. He really did think she and Harry had been up to something and she needed to convince him that they really, really hadn't.

"So who then?" Neville asked from his seat, ignoring Hannah's quelling look. He was as curious as the rest of them, especially as Hermione was looking so much like she just wanted the ground to open up and swallow her whole.

"That wasn't the question, was it?" Harry said, coming to Hermione's defence. Whatever curse was on the parchment they had signed, the whole school would find out about it if Hermione confessed to having had sex with Professor Snape. Everyone in the school would know by sunrise, and everyone in the Wizarding world would know by sundown.

Hermione herself was looking too horror-struck to help herself and Harry cringed for her. "She only has to describe it, not say who it was with," he said again, sending everyone in the room a warning look. He was feeling especially protective of Hermione at the moment, even if she still hadn't bloody said whether she was going to marry him or not.

"You sure it wasn't you, Harry?" Neville asked, suspiciously.

"Shush," Hannah said, digging Neville hard in the ribs with her elbow. "She doesn't have to answer if she doesn't want to."

"I think I'd remember," Harry muttered.

"Yes she bloody well does have to answer," Ron said, his face set. He didn't want to know, but at the same time, he had to know.

"Fine," Draco said impatiently. "Describe it then, before I go old and grey sitting here waiting."

"I'll be too old to be capable of enjoying it soon," he muttered, ignoring Ron's glowers.

Hermione took a deep breath.

Would you like me to try to block you out while you do this? Severus asked. Apparently Hermione was more shy than he had thought.

"He was upset about something," Hermione started, not answering Severus. He'd figure it out on his own. "I started out comforting him, but then it turned into something else. It was… amazing."

Hermione…? Severus' tone was questioning. She couldn't seriously mean he had been her first?

"That's not a lot of detail," Cho pointed out. "Be fair Hermione – we've had to do some ridiculous things. This is barely embarrassing at all."

It is when the person you're talking about is in your head, Hermione thought, unable to help herself. Then she cringed as she felt Severus start blocking his thoughts from her.

"You want exact details?" Hermione said, her eyes narrowing as she held Cho's gaze. "You want to know how many times he made me come? How he asked me to open my eyes so I could look into his as he fucked me? How he whimpered when I bit his neck? How…"

"Alright Mione, I think you've answered Malfoy's question," Ron said, his face pale. He looked at Hermione, his eyes wide.

"Did you love him?" The question seemed to come out of his mouth of it's own accord, and he cringed as he asked it.

"That's a separate question," Hannah pointed out, quietly.

"At the time?" Hermione asked, not taking her eyes from his. "No, I didn't know him well enough to love him."

Hermione felt Severus try to raise the barriers between them completely. She felt him try to block out any hurt he felt from her admission as he mentally backed away from her.

"You slept with another bloke and you didn't even love him?" Ron got to his feet unsteadily. "Why not me?"

"I love him now," Hermione said, her voice still quiet. "So much it hurts."

She could feel Severus closing his eyes as if in pain; even feel the quick indrawn breath at her words.

"I'm so sorry, Ron," Hermione said, her voice soft. She hated seeing Ron like this and had to resist the urge to go over and wrap her arms around him. "I was happy with you, really I was. You're an amazing bloke, it's just…"

She closed her eyes as her voice trailed off. It's just that you're not Severus.

"Not really your fault you didn't love me, is it?" Ron asked, with a shaky smile. He looked at the door as if he was contemplating running through it and far away from Hermione.

"God, you lot really know how to bring down a party," Draco muttered. Then he got to his feet. "Let's have a bit of a time out."

He opened the door to Hermione's bedroom and took hold of Ron's arm on the way, pulling him through the door and into a chair in there in one swift movement.

"Potter, Longbottom, in here," Draco ordered. "Not that I give a damn about you really Weasley, but I'd like to get back to the drinking and we can't until you're sorted out."

"It's alright Malfoy," Harry said, shooting Draco a half smile as he walked past him into Hermione's bedroom. "We won't tell anyone you've gone soft."

"Shut it, Potter," Draco snarled, but his heart wasn't in it. As he pulled the door closed behind him, he sent a wink to Hermione, who smiled in return.

Not a bad actor, is he? She pointed out to Severus, her voice nervous, betraying how on edge she was. She had realised Severus hadn't been aware of her virginity from the start – he had naturally presumed that given her relationship with Ron that she was already having sex. Or maybe he just hadn't thought about it. Either way, Hermione hadn't wanted to make an issue of it - it made her feel young. Most of the other girls she knew were sleeping around by the time they hit fifteen, and many of her 'friends' had knocked her for clinging to her virginity.

"I haven't met the right one yet," she'd told them, and had cringed at the chorus of giggles she'd received, as they laughed at her naivety.

It wasn't entirely true though, she admitted to herself. It was more that she'd just never wanted to before. Making out had always been more something she'd thought she should do. Except now when she thought of touching Severus she ached inside.

So she'd been a virgin when they had slept together – it wasn't a big deal. Except she could tell by the way Severus was guarding his thoughts that it was a big deal to him. Was he just realising how young she really was? Was he regretting sleeping with her all over again?

Why didn't you tell me? He finally asked, his voice not betraying how he was feeling.

What difference would it have made? Hermione asked. Would you not have done it, if you'd known?

No, I probably wouldn't have if I had been more aware of what I was doing, Severus admitted.

He felt the stab of pain go through Hermione at what she seemed to think was him rejecting her. God, when had things got so complicated?

Your first time is meant to be special, Severus said, trying to remember if he'd been even slightly gentle with her. And it is meant to be with someone you care about.

Do we need to talk about this? Hermione was oblivious of the quiet conversation going on between her female friends, she just wanted to curl up and hide. We already know you regret what happened, do we have to keep talking about it?

I don't regret what happened Hermione, Severus said, taking his barriers down purposely, so she could feel his sincerity. He really hoped she appreciated how difficult this was for him. I regret the trouble it has caused you.

He paused, taking in the feeling of depression and despair that had come over her. He wanted to hold her; hold her and kiss her and tell her that it was ridiculous being this upset over someone like him.

Hermione, I wanted you that day, don't ever doubt that. I wanted you then and I still want you now. That doesn't change the fact that your first time should never have been with someone like me – it should have been someone like your precious Potter. However undeserving I think he would have been, he would have been a damn sight more deserving than me.

"Hermione, are you okay?" Cho asked, ignoring Ginny's pointed glower. "You look really weird."

"Leave her alone for a bit," Ginny said, chucking a bar of chocolate to Cho. "Here, try this and tell me whether you think it's nicer than the other one."

Bless that girl, Hermione thought with a half smile. Ginny always knows when to give me space.

Then she turned her thoughts back to Severus, ignoring the girls completely. She could deal with them later. Right now, she had to process the fact that Severus had just admitted the fact that he had definitely wanted her. Still wanted her, apparently.

You want me? Hermione asked.

That isn't relevant. We are talking about the fact that your first time should have been something special. The one and only time you had sex shouldn't have been with me, or have resulted in a baby. That is more than unlucky.

Hermione closed her eyes and used everything she had to try to feel what Severus was feeling.

You don't think it's unlucky, she thought to him quietly. I can feel it. Part of you is desperate to hold this baby in your arms.

I said it was unlucky for you, not necessarily for me

Severus, you have no idea what I really feel about anything, and you're in my head. You seem to be blind to the fact that I could actually give a damn about you.

I don't want to hope, Hermione, Severus finally confessed, suddenly feeling exhausted. I am not going to get out of here, and if I have something to live for then I have something to lose when they kill me.

I am going to get you out of there, Hermione vowed, tears filling her eyes. And then I am going to make you see how much I care and how much you're worth.

Don't turn me into one of your causes. I'm not a sodding House Elf – I don't need you to rally for me. And besides, it won't work.

Hermione had a brief image of Severus wearing hundreds of pairs of brightly coloured socks pinned all over his usual all-black attire. The image started hitting itself on its head with a lamp maniacally and purposefully in a beautiful imitation of Dobby.

Just give me a chance to get you out, she asked, shaking the image out of her head before Severus could find it and find a way to kill her for it. His exhaustion was spreading to her and making her want to curl up and sleep, except she couldn't because there were three men in her room comforting her ex boyfriend. She was quite sure that her walking into her bedroom, stripping off and climbing into bed with all of them there, wouldn't help matters.

You're defeating me before I even try, Hermione said, her voice almost pleading. Just let me try to help you. I want this baby to have a father.

Don't make me feel like this, Hermione. Severus buried his head in his hands.

You don't want to feel at all, she said quietly. And I understand that. I won't make you talk to me about this until you're safely back at Hogwarts.

Severus smiled at the idea that Hermione thought she could make him talk to her. Except he realised that Hermione was probably one of only two people in the world who really could make him do anything. Hermione and Albus, although he was sure Albus had that effect on him for very different reasons.

Oh God, I can't possibly have fallen in love with her? he groaned, frantically subduing the thought before Hermione could hear it. Oh God.

I'm going to block you out for a bit and see if I can sleep, Severus told Hermione, feeling how determined she was, but also how exhausted and depressed. He sighed, realising that this was his fault again, somehow. He had promised her a stress-free, normal night, and he had ruined it for her, along with bloody Malfoy and Weasley.

Hermione?

Yeah. She was leaning back against the cushions on her chair and her eyes were closing as she drifted off to sleep, despite the fact that her friends were still in the room. She could apologise to them later, she decided.

If I do get away from here, he said, his voice deep and husky with emotion, and you still want me…

I'll still want you, Hermione confirmed with a small smile.

If you do, then I will make up for that first time not being perfect. I'll show you what it should have been like. I will make you come apart in my arms and beg for more.

It was perfect, Hermione thought to him, sleepily. But I'll hold you to that anyway.

See that you do, Severus whispered as he felt her losing consciousness.

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I think I deserve extra specially lovely reviews for updating so quickly ;o)

I'm writing the next chapter as I'm posting, so won't be long. x