A/N: Quick note before you start. Italics are thoughts in this chapter, and the 's are to split it up in terms of time or characters.
Laughter echoed loudly around the cavernous kitchen as Merry and Pippin sat around the ancient table at its centre, eating heartily and discussing the various misadventures of their youth in the Shire.
"Do you remember when you proposed to Pervinca, during your coming of age party?"
"I can assure you Pip that no matter how much ale I consumed that night, I would have done no such thing! Wherever did you get such an idea from?"
"Well first it was from the slap you received afterwards, that sobered you up, not for long though of course. Then she came and told me herself. She was very angry you know Merry. That was why you weren't allowed to visit for three months afterwards. She didn't want you anywhere near her!"
"Well I know you've done worse things when you were on the ale Pip. Do you remember the time that you tried to break in to Farmer Maggot's and steal his prize apples?"
"Of course I do Merry. I got to the top, then fell right out the tree and knocked myself out, only to be found by Farmer Maggot himself the next day. I never got a longer lecture in all my life, and a broken wrist to match!"
"I remember your mother hardly spoke to either of us for the two weeks I stayed with you afterwards. That must have been some hangover for you Pip."
"Well, yes, it was painful, but there is nothing that will stop me from lifting a good tankard of ale from the Dragon, not even the wrath of my mother or a damaged wrist. I think that will be the first thing that I do when I get back to the Shire, go and pay a visit to the Dragon. Will you be joining me Merry?"
It seemed to Pippin that Merry aged by many years in those few moments of silence that followed his question. His face became pale and drawn; the shadows under his eyes grew darker, and his brilliant blue eyes lost their sparkle. He was utterly exhausted by his grief and sorrow.
"Perhaps I will Pip, perhaps I will," he said sombrely. "The hour grows late; perhaps we should both be heading off to bed, I don't know about you but all this eating has left me spent."
"You're right Merry. Come on, let's get you to bed, you need your rest after all."
Merry frowned at him, but took the supporting arm he offered just the same. They walked back to the healing ward in companionable silence, each just savouring being in the company of the other, for neither knew when or even if they would be again.
Half an hour later, Merry lay fast asleep in bed, with Pippin settled in the chair beside him, parchment in hand as he wrote a letter to Merry by the light of a slowly guttering candle.
To my dearest Merry
I write this letter to you on the eve of the final battle, and I don't know yet whether it is my fate to return to you. I need you to know how much I loved you in life and how much love I will carry for you after I have passed on from this world You are more than a cousin; you are my brother. Much more than a friend; you are my soul mate.
We have been through so much together, good and bad, and you have always managed to bring me through the dark times and back out in to the sunshine once again.
If I should pass on, I need you to know that there will be an end to the pain that you feel. It may take a while, but there will come a time that it will hurt less, when the pain becomes less raw. After the rain there will be sunshine again, after the tears there will be joy. Remember that Merry. Take comfort in your memories, but do not get lost in them entirely. Life is precious; it goes far too quickly to waste even a second. When it ends I promise I will be there beside you, ready for our next great adventure, but in the meantime you should live each day as though there is no tomorrow.
Death will not tear our friendship apart. You will always be my friend and I will always be by your side. Friends are like stars Merry; you may not always be able to see them, but you know they are always there. I will always be there Merry, in life and in death.
I hope you understand that I have every intention to return to you, but I needed you to know what it is you mean to me, just in case the worst should happen. Thank you for your friendship, love and kindness. You are irreplaceable; there will never be another being that could mean more to me than you do.
You are always in my heart, never to be forgotten.
Pippin
He folded up the piece of parchment and placed it carefully on the table beside Merry's bed. He hated goodbyes, Merry understood that. At least this way Pip knew that Merry would have something to hold on besides ever-fading memories, if the worst should happen.
He climbed carefully up on to the bed beside Merry, mindful not to wake his sleeping cousin. He sat for some time just watching him, desperate to remember every last detail of his fair face, the way he spoke, the way he laughed.
The hour grew late; yawning, he finally lay down next to Merry, taking one of his arms and wrapping it firmly around his waist, in need of the comfort his warmth brought. Shortly afterwards, his soft snores sounded alongside his cousin's.
Pippin was having a wonderful dream that involved a large kitchen table groaning under the weight of many cream cakes, when he was awoken by a gentle but persistent tapping on his arm. Groaning, he slowly prised open his heavy lids, reluctant to let such a pleasant dream go. Looking up, he saw Aragorn watching him with slight concern, which quickly disappeared when he noticed Pippin was looking back at him.
"We're setting off within the hour, Pippin. You should go and get ready. Your uniform is set out in your room. I will be along shortly."
Nodding silently, Pippin gently disentangled from his cousin's arms, reluctant to wake him when he looked so peaceful. He crept noiselessly towards his room, pausing as he reached the doors that led out of the healing rooms to look back at his cousin one last time. It was almost impossible to tear his gaze away from Merry as he tried desperately to hold on to that last memory of him, more peaceful than he had been in such a long time.
It's time to let him go now.
Spell broken, he walked out the doors and down the halls to his room, not daring to look back again.
Pippin stood examining himself critically in the mirror, tugging gently at the breastplate that was fastened tightly across his torso, uncomfortably so. Not that it matters anyway, I'm sure there will be much greater discomfort to come. Definitely some bruising from my armour, if nothing else. Probably some blood too.
The thought made him feel slightly queasy; he poured some water in to his hands and gently splashed his face with the cool liquid, hoping it would distract him from the leaden feeling growing in his stomach. As he looked up, water gently dripping down his face, he caught his reflection in the mirror, pale and ghostlike. He really wasn't sure he was ready to face this. It all seemed too big for one lone hobbit from the Shire.
But it's not just you, is it? It's Frodo and Sam too, and Merry. It's all of you, in this together, to whatever end. Four hobbits from the Shire, facing evil together, not alone.
A soft tapping at the door brought him back to reality. He swiftly picked up his helmet and put it on, leaving his unruly curls flattened against his head. Checking his sword was placed securely in its sheath, he strode towards the door, ready at last to face his fate.
His mouth formed in to a small 'o' of surprise as he found Merry, not Aragorn, standing in his doorway.
"Didn't feel like saying goodbye Pip?"
Pippin shifted his feet restlessly, looking straight at the floor, suddenly feeling very guilty.
"I'm sorry Merry. I thought it would make it harder for me to leave if I had to say goodbye in person. You know how much I hate goodbyes."
He looked back up at Merry, tears shimmering brightly in his emerald eyes, breaking Merry's heart.
"I know." Merry said quietly, struggling to keep his voice even. He took a deep breath, trying to keep his emotions in check, then took a slight step backwards, looking Pippin carefully up and down.
"A fine soldier indeed. Frodo would be proud of you, lad."
Tears began to stain Pippin's pale cheeks as he pulled Merry in to a warm embrace. Merry didn't see the point of trying to remain strong now; he just let his own tears trickle steadily down his face.
"Remember your strength, my little Peregrin," he said, voice trembling, "you will find your courage, and you will come back to me."
"Of course I will Merry" Pippin said seriously, "nothing will stop me, not even a troll, I promise."
They broke apart, Merry wiping his face with a blue chequered handkerchief he pulled from his sleeve.
"That's the good thing about the healing rooms," he said as he began to dry Pippin's eyes, "there are always plenty of handkerchiefs."
He straightened Pippin's slightly crooked helmet.
"I think you're all set now cousin."
"Indeed he is."
Aragorn stood behind the pair of them, dressed in splendid armour that reflected his noble status. He was not the wild ranger that they had met all those months ago in Bree. He truly was a king.
He smiled kindly at them both.
"A grand soldier you make, Peregrin Took. You will prove the Shire's worth to all the peoples of Middle Earth today, those that do not know already how important its people are. It's time to leave now Pippin."
"
Be brave, little Peregrin, be brave" Merry murmured softly, watching as the tiny figure of his beloved cousin was swallowed up in the sea of men marching alongside him to war.
He had always thought of war as an adventure, a game in which faceless armies sought glorious victory. People would die, but they remained nameless, a sacrifice for the greater good. That was until you knew their names and their faces, until they became your friends, fighting and dying for victory. War didn't seem quite so glamorous then, for the tales and songs written about great battles through the ages left out the worst parts of war; the tormented cries of the injured and the dying, and the anguished screams of those they left behind. They forgot to mention how those sounds would echo in your every waking moment and haunt every dream, never forgotten until it was your time to turn your back on this world.
As the last horseman disappeared from view, he turned away from the window and walked slowly back to his bed, knowing that all he could do now was wait and pray to the Valar that his friends would return to him safely.
Pippin stood waiting calmly for the signal to attack. He was nervous, but he was no longer scared. He was ready for the battle ahead now. He had found his courage, for Frodo, for Sam and, most importantly, for Merry. He had never broken any promise he had made to his cousin, and he would be damned if he started now. Hand on sword, he waited.
Merry paced anxiously up and down the ward, clutching his injured arm. It was cold as ice now, matching his insides, frozen in fear. As he walked past his bed for what seemed the thousandth time, he spotted the letter Pippin had left on his table the previous night. He picked it up eagerly, recognising Pippin's child-like scrawl immediately. He sat back down on the bed heavily as he began to read his cousin's final goodbye, tears welling in his eyes. His little lad had changed so much in the few months they had been parted, and he hadn't realised until now just how much. The letter he was reading was not from his naïve tweenage cousin; it was from Master Peregrin Took, future Thain of the Shire, a most noble hobbit indeed. He just wished he would be able to tell his cousin how proud he was of the adult he had become.
The parchment began to shake as his emotions got the better of him, the ink smudged by perfect tears of sorrow for the cousin he may never truly get to know.
All around him there were men falling to the ground, crying out in pain and fear while their enemies continued their relentless pursuit for fresh blood. He had lost sight of Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli almost as soon as they began their advance on the enemy. Gandalf was still just about discernable from the men and orcs that crowded in around him, fighting wildly against all who dared approach him. He had killed many so far, and no doubt he would kill many more before the battle was over. Pippin pulled his sword out of an orc he had just felled, wrinkling his nose in disgust as he stepped over the body, ready for the next attack. He was trying not to think about what he was doing, worried that if he did, he may fall to pieces. Instead, he chose to focus on his cousin, knowing that the only way he could return to him would be to put up the best fight he possibly could, despite the odds. He would make Merry proud.
Grimacing slightly, he ran another small orc through with his sword. He still wasn't comfortable with the sight of blood, but if he was ever going to get over that problem, this would be the ideal place to do so. After all, it would be preferable to see as much of the foul orc blood as possible, lest the alternative be his own.
He looked up for a brief moment, and as he did, he saw something that made his eyes widened in shock. In the distance, but growing nearer by the second, was a large battalion of hill trolls, fearsome, brutal, deadly beasts. He fought frantically against the orcs that were gradually surrounding him now, desperate to try to reach his friends, to warn them. There was no need; seconds later, a harsh roar emanated from the chieftain, followed by the ground trembling as they pounded steadily across the field, hacking and hewing at all those who stood in their path. Fear rippled through the ranks of men around Pippin as they drew closer, but all stood firm in position, waiting for the wave to strike.
Merry couldn't explain the feeling of utter terror that now clutched at his heart, nor could he explain why the land now seemed wreathed in shadow. Exhaustion washed through his frail body, his pallor tinged with grey. Sighing, he turned from the window once more, with the idea that perhaps now would be a good time to rest. Anything to quell the sense of foreboding that had just arisen in his heart.
The line was about to overwhelm them. Pippin watched in horror as beside him Beregond, a fellow guard of the citadel, was stunned and overborne by the troll chieftain. There was no way he could defend himself; Pippin knew he had to act. With one last thought of Merry, he stabbed upwards, the written blade of the Westernesse piercing through the hideous creature's hide and sinking deep in to the vitals of the troll. Pippin stood frozen in shock as the dying creature toppled to the ground, crushing him cruelly underneath.Pain carried him away in to the darkness, his gentle soul slowly fading away, like the light of a guttering candle…….
Merry fell quickly in to slumber. At first he lay peaceful, still, his exhausted body drawing strength from sleep. Then it seemed to him that the shadows that covered the land in the world of the living broke through in to his dreams. A deep sorrow overcame him, a sorrow that could be caused by no one apart from his little lad. Tears mingled with the cold sweat that soaked his entire body as he awoke, shaking. He walked over to the window, and gripped the sill, the only solid thing left for him to cling to in a world that to him no longer seemed real. It was impossible to comprehend a life without his cousin, a life alone.
It was lucky then that life still flickered precariously in the little hobbit. His flame hadn't quite been extinguished yet. When he was found the next day and carried away from the bloody battlefield unconscious to the healing tents erected near the battlefield, it marked the end of his battle against evil. The battle to claim his life back, however, was only just beginning.
A/N: That was the end of Only Sleeping! I really hope you enjoyed it. If you would like to read about Pippin's recovery, the best story I can recommend is Baylor's Fate and the High King's Falcon, which is quite simply amazing.There are a couple of things I would like to point out. "Be brave, little Peregrin, be brave" is a slightly altered version of something my dad often says to me when I'm scared, and its normally when I'm around needles, so that is dedicated to him, it always makes me feel better! The bit about the stars in the letter is something my friend Heather wrote in my leaving book. I'm not sure who said it, or if she just made it up, but I thought it fitted perfectly so I used it. Thank you Heather!
Apart from the time span, I have tried to stay as true to the books as possible, despite the fact I am yet to complete them. My friend Liz has played a huge part in that. I hope I haven't made any significant errors, I have tried my hardest not to!
I owe a massive thanks to my friends Chris and Liz who have been so much help to me in writing this, I don't think it would be finished without you guys so thank you so much.
Amy, as always this is dedicated to you. Thank you for sticking with it and leaving me such encouraging reviews, I hope it was all worth it in the end.
Thank you just for taking the time to read this. If you have read this all the way through and enjoyed it, but so far not left a comment, then now is the time to drop a review! I will reply to any comments, questions or suggestions you have. Your feedback brightens my day!
Until next time……….
SmileyHalo
