Chapter 7: Sunglasses and cake don't mix… or do they?

Rude entered his neatly cleaned apartment. He closed his door and set his bag on the table. His apartment was nice, but what made it nicer was the fish tank in the living room, next to the door going into Rude's room.

Rude reached into the bag and grabbed a giant tub of fish food. He walked over to the tank and examined the lonely little goldfish.

"Has Zippy been a good little fishy while daddy was at work trying to make Elena and Reno play nice?" Rude baby talked to the goldfish that swam in happiness. "That's a good boy, just one more week and I'll get you a little friend."

Now, I know what you're thinking. Why would a bald, never smiling, mysterious man that any woman would want to sleep with whose job is killing people and always wears sunglasses would baby a talk fish?

Who knows. Anywho….

Rude opened the container and put in a good measured pinch in the tank. Zippy swam and took a few flakes. "That's my good little fishie." Rude baby talked to the feeding fish. He put the food down and walked into his kitchen and got out two boxes of cake mix, eggs, and vegetable oil.

Rude then went into his cabinets and grabbed his electric beater, a big bowl, a big spoon and a measuring cup.

Now, before going on with the story, grabs the remote and hits the pause button A little bio on Rude. Rude knows this stuff on cakes because his mom owned a bakery while his father worked in Junon for his mafia godfather. Godfather music plays Hey! Shut that off! record rip sound Ahem. Rude earned his living in his young years working with his mom in the bakery before he joined the Turks shortly after graduation, his sister, Mimi, now takes his spot in the bakery. Ok, back to the story! hits the play button

Rude did what the instructions say. Preheat the oven, add the water, mix the eggs in… ya da ya da ya da. Rude then out the beater in and turned it on a gentle setting, he mixed until the phone rang. Rude picked up the phone as the beaters were still going.

"Hello?" Rude answered the phone, still mixing the batter.

"Rude? Hi its Elena." Elena was on the other line. "I have a question." She started to cough.

"Lemme guess… you had no matches or a lighter and you used your fire materia didn't you?" Rude mentioned as he mixed.

"Yes…" Elena paused, hearing what was going on. "What are you—"

"All barbeques are equipped with a tiny chunk of counter materia made in it… so if you use any materia… it counters it and sends it back at you." Rude said on the phone as a sound of ding; occurred. "This is how the Shin-Ra makes money…"

Then the batter splattered into Rude's face, covering his sunglasses up in chocolate batter. He took them off with a 'pop' noise and the only part of his face that wasn't covered in batter was where his sunglasses were.

"What the hell!" Elena shouted then coughed. "Rude... what are you making?"

Rude, for the first time, shuddered. "Uh… bad reception… phone's gonna die! Secret surprise! Bye!" He hung up.

Rude walked over to the sink and cleaned off what was on his face and glasses, then turned around and noticed, his uniform had batter on it too.

Rude realized that since he was talking to Elena, his thumb hit the 'go really really fast' mode and made the batter fly.

Well, not much got spattered.

Rude finally put the batter in two pans and put both in the oven. He set the timer up and then went back to his fish Zippy, baby talked it some more and took a quick shower. Then he walked into his very clean room and put on a black button up shirt, jeans, and his silver steel toe cowboy boots. (Yes, I had to give Rude some style, work with me here). He then grabbed his cake battered up uniform and put it in the wash.

He walked into the kitchen and checked the cake. As soon he opened the oven door. The timer went off. What beautiful timing! The cake was done!

Rude put on his kitten embroidered baking mittens and took both pans out and set them to cool.

Rude then went into the cupboard and got out a decorating bag, a size 16 star tip, and then reached into the bag and grabbed 3 tubs of white frosting and red food coloring.

Rude did the same old thing. Frost the cake. It was easy like taking candy from a baby, which Rude did in fifth grade by a dare from Reno (smirks over the fact Reno had braces back then, and very wild hair and still had a thing for the ladies.).

After that, he got into a fight and never did it again.

Rude then got out a bowl, the food coloring, and one tub of white frosting. He mixed the contents and noticed.

It went pink…

Rude gave it a look like 'that's not right' and read the bottle.

"Said it's supposed to be red." Rude then squinted as (come on, it's hard to read fine print with sunglasses on) and read:

If used in white frosting, frosting will turn pink… so live with it.

Rude rolled his eyes. He can already hear Reno laughing because Rude used pink. Ah well. Might as well use it.

Rude mixed and decorated the cake. Finally, it was done.

Rude smiled as he marveled his work. "I love you mom." He looked at a family portrait hanging on the wall; it was taken just before Rude left for Midgar for his first mission as a Turk. Reno joined in because… they've been friends since kindergarten; he was like a member of the family.

The picture had Rude's mom, with her brown short hair, his (back then) thirteen year old sister Mimi, his father with his... bald head on his soldier, Zippy in Rude's arms in a bowl, and Reno, being a jerk by giving Rude and his dad bunny ears.

Rude put the cake on a platter and put the big matching lid on it. Rude then picked the plate up, headed for the door, looked at Zippy and said.

"Be a good little fishy." Rude smiled as he baby talked. "Maybe your new pal will come tomorrow if you do."

Rude left and locked his apartment and went to his red Chocostang (what! Give the man a good car! He deserves it!) He put the plate on the passenger side, got in the car, and left for Tseng's house