In his quarters, Captain Picard rested his chin in one hand as he scrolled through the details of the crew's next mission. He added a few of his own notes before shutting the console off.
Leaning back in his chair, he shut his eyes temporarily and took a deep breath. "Computer, play something baroque… I know, The Four Seasons, Autumn, by Vivaldi."
In a few moments, the first notes of the relaxing music began to flow through the room. Picard wasn't aware of how long he basked in the soothing tones. Then, something happened…
The music made a sort of squealing sound, leaving the room momentarily silent.
Then, The Liberty Bell by John Philip Sousa blared from the speakers.
Covering his ears, Picard commanded, "Computer, stop music. What the hell was that?" he asked.
The computer's voice stated, "The composition that just played was Autumn, from Antonio Vivaldi's Four Seasons."
"Then why did The Liberty Bell play?"
"Only one composition played."
Flustered, Picard tapped his commbadge. "Picard to LaForge."
There was a brief pause before the chief engineer answered. "LaForge here. What can I help you with, Captain?"
He sighed, running a hand over his smooth head. "I believe there is a malfunction with the computer. While I was listening to some music, the piece playing was suddenly interrupted by another song."
LaForge's voice sounded mildly amused. "Let me guess. It was something totally different, and the computer claims there wasn't anything else played."
"Right."
"That's been happening all over the ship, sir. In fact, the replicators aren't working right either. The only food they're putting out something called 'spam' and the only drink is beer."
"I guess it's a good thing I keep a stock of Chateau Picard," The captain smirked. "Do you know what could've caused this to happen?"
"No sir, but I was about to contact Data to help out with the situation."
"Good. Keep me informed. Picard out."
As the four continued on through the mist-shrouded countryside, Will noticed one by one, several more knights and squires appeared in their group. By the time they made it to the next castle, there were at least ten other people in this odd band of strange-acting knights.
Arthur led them up to the castle, stopping about 30 meters from the wall. Tilting his head back, he shouted, "Hello! Is anyone there?"
A few seconds passed before a guard looked over the stone wall at Arthur. He answered in a thick accent, "'Allo! Who ees zees?"
"I am King Arthur and these are my Knights of the Round Table!" he waved a hand toward the group behind him as he replied. "Whose castle is this?"
"Thees is zee castle of my master, Guy de Loimbard!" the man said.
Arthur nodded at the name of the castle's owner, then ordered the guard, "Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail!"
The sentry sneered as he replied to the King's command. "Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen... Uh, he's already got one!"
A look of total surprise took over Arthur's face. "What! He's already got one? May we come up and see it?"
While the bantering between the king and castle guard continued, Will turned to speak to Deanna. "This is crazy."
She smiled at Will's statement. "I know. How much longer do you think this will go on?"
"I have no idea," he raked a hand through his hair. "If it even loosely follows the tale of King Arthur, we're missing the characters of Guinevere and Merlin." He shrugged, "Of course, there's no telling if they are even in this program."
The yelling and shouting got louder, taking Will's attention back to the matter at hand.
The guard was leaning over the side of the wall as he retorted to Arthur. "I'm French! Why do you think I have thees outrrrrageous accent, you silly king!"
A knight named Galahad took a couple of steps toward the castle wall, in a half-challenging way. "What are you doing in England?"
The Frenchman spat, "Mind your own business!"
Galahad cowered behind Arthur as the king once again addressed the man in the castle. "If you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle by force!"
Will nearly choked at the king's remark. "How are we going to do that, Your Majesty? There are only a dozen or so of us. We don't know how many men are inside that stronghold!"
Before the king could reply, the guard began talking again. "You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs!" Leaning over the side again, he continued the string of insults. "Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur-king, you and all your silly English kaniggets. Thhhhhppp!" Banging on the top of his helmet, the sentry then began making noises and what appeared to be rude gestures toward the group of knights.
Deanna tapped on Riker's shoulder. "This is the strangest program I've ever been involved in!"
He nodded back to her, laughing. "It definitely beats out Barclay's fantasies by a long shot!"
Will wasn't even listening to what the other men were saying now; he just watched the events unfold in utter disbelief, as Arthur and the Frenchman continued back and forth.
Arthur, looking very frustrated, took a deep breath and spoke once more to the sentinel. "Now, this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonable! I demand to talk with the master of this castle!"
The guard disappeared momentarily behind the stone wall and the red alert sirens went off in Riker's mind. "Your Highness? I think they may be up to something up there!"
The King had his fist raised, shaking it threateningly toward the castle. "Now listen here, my good fellow--" He paused to address Will. "How do you mean?"
"Well, sir--" Riker started, when a loud twang took the rest of his words. He looked up to see a cow flying through the air toward them! "WHAT THE HELL?"
Deanna screamed as the cow landed on one of the squires that recently appeared in their troupe.
Arthur drew his sword, yelling for the knights to charge. Most of the knights took off toward the fortress, also drawing their swords and yelling.
Will stayed with Deanna, placing his hands on her shoulders. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine." She started to laugh some. "THAT was unexpected!"
"You're telling me!" he chuckled, "In all my travels, I've never seen a flying cow!"
Troi pointed to the other knights. "Look at that! They're throwing more animals at King Arthur and the rest!"
"Ugh," Will wrinkled his nose in disgust, seeing what appeared to be a sheep carcass being tossed over the edge. "It doesn't look like all of them are living, either."
"You know, I think you were supposed to go with the rest when Arthur charged the castle."
"I know," Riker said. "You screamed, and I wanted to make sure you were okay." His hands dropped to his side. "That, and I don't have a sword yet. I'm not about to attack a castle with my bare hands!" He jerked his head toward the chaos at the base of the stone wall. "I don't think they'll be fighting much longer, anyway."
It was as if Will cued the next movement of the knights. Arthur began yelling, "Run away, run away!" leading the group in a retreat from the stronghold.
As the king and his company fled past them, Will and Deanna joined in their stampede.
Once they were a fair distance from the French castle, the knight called Bedevere addressed Arthur, flipping the flimsy visor of his helmet up. "Sir! I have a plan."
Bedevere went on for a bit, giving the king the details of his plan while the others listened.
TBC...
