Chapter Two- Envy the Stalker
"EDO-CHAN!" The slightly female voice was heard ringing through the halls, as the long haired sin caught up to the 'cute highschool girl'. He wasn't exactly sure how his feelings of 'killkillkill' had gotten warped like this, but this was just as much fun as trying to kill the alchemist. Maybe even more. "You don't know where to go, and I'm in all of your classes-so you have to stick with me all year!" His arms snaked around his Edo's shoulders, pulling the chibi close to him, still striding through the hallway. Not really caring if they were late, Envy was pulling Ed this way and that, and, finding himself in a violent mood, was smashing his gold haired teen into lockers, and doors of classrooms, all the way grinning maniacally. Edward, however, was clutching his head in pain as what the sin said rung through his head over and over and over and- well, I'm pretty sure you get the idea.
"NooooOOooo" the gold eyed boy mumbled. The violet eyed sin, however, was having the time of his life, yanking him this way and that. Suddenly, as if a switch had been flicked, Envy stopped smashing the chibi into lockers, and gazed down at him with a calm smile which unnerved Edward more then any of his expressions that day. God, when would the pinnapple-head choose a personality! He thought, frustrated, as the homunculi now took his arm gently, leading him carefully to class. O-Okay, I think I liked how he acted earlier better. At least that personality I could predict.The freaked alchemist thought to himself.
Finnally, he stopped at the open door of the drama classroom, and Ed, finally regaining his wits, yanked his hand away from the other teen and marched away into the room, looking for all the world like a pissed off chick. It didn't help that on the way there Envy had somehow managed to pull the skirt up higher, showing off the alchemist's hips. The students, after spying the lithe teenager behind 'her', immediately thought lovers spat, which caused all the girls to start giggling and mumbling, and the guys to glare at Envy.
"WHY ARE YOU LATE!" Edward was quite terrified to see a tall, sticklike man looming over him, dressed as if a lord from England. England? What's England? Shrugging to himself, Edward went back to quaking in terror. For good effect, he widened his eyes. Envy, meanwhile, simply snorted, and arched an brow at –checking the board- Mr. Sluttgal. The catlike young man blinked. Was it just him, or were these names getting even weirder then his?
"Well, Ed-wena is new here, so I was showing her around" he replied in a rather taunting voice, a dreamy look still in his eyes. Ed took a step back, and pulled nervously at his schoolgirl scarf as he watched the sins new actions.
" MY DRAMATIC-STUFF IS NEVER WRONG!" The man spoke in a frightening manner, eyes wide as he quite literally leered down at them, announcing this as if it were important.
" And what do your dramatic instincts say?" the emerald haired boy drawled, smirking at the man. And here people called him psychotic. He wasn't insane, he-was-just-hot-and-proud-of-it.
"DON'T MOVE OR I'LL HIT YOU!" Brandishing a cane- " YOU WERE LATE ON PURPOUSE! THEREFORE, YOU MUST ACT IN- ROMEO AND JULIET!" the rather disturbing teacher ran to his desk, leaving the two students staring after him. After around ten minutes, Envy had fallen asleep against a very frigid Ed, who wished him far away, and had to restrain himself from hitting him. He instead satisfied himself with having violent imaginings. Meanwhile, the other boys in the class were glaring jealously at the palm tree who dared steal their dear Edwena away. The girls were oohing and awing, and a hidden Roy- in the hallway on a proclaimed bathroom break- Snapping blackmail pictures with an old fashioned camera.
Soon, Envy, getting bored of being ignored, tried another approach at annoying his chibi. He languidly reached back, and begun to sift through the 'girls' hair, slowly unbraiding it that soon it hung in curls down his back. His hand clenched into fists, but, oddly, there was no other sign of annoyance. Ency made a small moue, disappointed, then prepared for the ultimate annoyance.
As soon as he was about to give the ultimate annoyance, the freaky Teacher turned around with a flourish, brandishing a script like a sword. "WE SHALL DO- ROMEO OND JULIET!" Envy grinned, and Edward, relieved he could finally move, shoved the green haired sin away, and resisted the urge to beat him up. Barely. The other stepped away easily, smirking widely,
"I would be pleased to play Romeo," Envy smoothly spoke up, knowing he just had to be this character- it was the only sensible thing for them to choose- after all, he was hot, smooth, and look at his scorching body-
"YOU THERE, PEEKING IN THE WINDOW!" Roy jerked back from taking photo's, eyes widening as he turned and began to run like hell. Mr.Slutconna swiftly slammed the door open, chasing after the womanizer, then, after pulling the struggling man to the classroom, set him infront of his desk. The pyromaniac, in an effort to be dignified, drew himself up, and eyed the class with what he thought was an commanding aura, the same one he had used on the social worker.
The girls burst into rounds of, "Omagod he's soooooo hot." And the boys, who noticed Ed-wena trying not to laugh, immediately assumed she liked him, and narrowed their eyes at him threateningly. Roy, however, had noticed the hot blond girl beside Envy- and gaped. First of all, what the Fuck was Envy doing here- and second of all, shit. Full Metal looked cute with his hair down. The colonal was brought back to reality, however, when the teacher announced,
"YOU SHALL BE ROMEO," glancing around and just happening to see a gold haired girl gazing wide eyed at him, "YOU CONTRAST HIM, YOU MIGHT, SHALT BE JULIET!" Shalt? What the heck was that? The chibi mused, then gaped. Did he mean- him! He did not have any time to think apon it, however, since a certain palm tree was immediately glaring at Roy through eyes that were slits, totally contrasting his wide grin as he pulled Ed-wena to him with a psychopathic look, holding 'her' in a tight grip.
"Edwena is mine!" pulling the gold eyed prodigy tighter to his chest, which was most probably what snapped the shell shocked alchemist out of his standingcoma-Cool,I made up a new word!)And causing him to lash out quickly at the homunculi.
"You'd have to make me, Freak!" The gold haired boy cried, causing Envy to gaze musingly at him, giving Edward a bad feeling. Roy, meanwhile, was snapping pictures from behind the teachers back, gathering blackmail of sorts. Meanwhile, the drama teacher, unphased by the events around him..
"EDWENA- IS THAT YOUR NAME?" Gazing musingly at the catlike figure beside Ed, his eyes sharpened, causing many to feel shivers down their backs. Juliet. Ah, yes, this strange boy would make the perfect Juliet, with his long hair… though the girl that resembled his beloved blond stripper,
"YOU, ENVY, WILL BE JULIET! NOW, WHICH ONE OF YOU TWO WILL BE ROMEO.. CAMARA GUY, OR EDWENA….." Envy was almost about begin his drop dead sexy pout. That meant he wouldn't be able to boss Ed around in the play! Of course, that would mean the shorty wouldhave to climb a ladder to beg for his love- he liked that idea. He liked it a lot. And after his little Ed-wena had challenged the him…. Ah, yes, more fun for the psychotic sin.
Edward flinched at the look in the homunculi's eyes. It was the same delight he had seen in battle. A step back, and then another, in fear- he couldn't quite decide what was more terrifying, Envy, or the teacher- and turned, running towards the back of the room, eyes wide with terror. Too much had happened this morning, to much to handle. Taking refuge on an empty chair, hoping the sin wouldn't follow him as he slammed the half opened bundle Roy had given him onto the desk.
The bored class, however, was doing whatever they wanted, giggling, gasping, and teasing. One girl inched forward, throwing a eraser at Ed-wena, eyes full of jealousy. Ed did not need this. A girl was jealous of him. His eyes were then drawn to Envy and Roy, both of whom he had abandoned in horror. Wondering what they were talking about, since he couldn't really hear , as the raised voices were not loud enough to surpass the loud classroom chatter, he found himself gazing at the two, comparing them- one of his arms came up and he hit himself on the head. BAD ED! BAD! He scolded himself.
Roy couldn't believe it. The chibi was the most annoying if not the most aggravating of all the soldiers, though he was amusing to anger. But back there in the hallway.. when he had seen him in that skirt.. with those large, gold eyes, and that makeup the Colonal had to force onto him..it had been hardfor the womanizer not to drag him into the nearest broom closet. Shit. He had a hard time not grabbing the nearest flammable object and burning it to hell. If he made a move on Ed now, he'd have an excuse, but the Alchemist would probably kill him with that oversized kitchen knife of his. Not to mention Central.. If Hawkeye or Havoc found out he was gay… he shuddered to think about it.
"WELL, THEN, I THINK YOU WOULD BE A WONDERFUL ROMEO FOR ENVY'S JULIET!" The pyromaniacs head shot up. Envy was going to play Juliet? Oh, fuck, there was no way he'd play Romeo to that freak. Never mind that, what was that creature doing here anyways! He, or she- Roy could never decide- was currently reported to be chasing the philosophers stone in a far away place or something. As if the sin could guess the direction of his thoughts, the sin waved at him cheerily, before replying, "Sounds good. Tell me, what costume will go on this hot little body? " And here he said he didn't have an ego.
"WELL, THEN, NOW YOU TWO SEEM TO LIKE EACHOTHER!" The two rivals, enemies, gaped at eachother, and the side of Envy's eye twitched. The dark eyed man beside him took a step away- and then Envy smiled, scaring Roy more then ever. In fact, this terrified him.
"Oh, teacher, will you come here?" Roy felt panicked. He had no blackmail on this teacher.
-EXPLANATIONS-
Pretty Pickles: First, about the chibi stuff- I know this isn't set in Japan, but this is a parody- meaning, my job is to warp, twist, and mold this anime out of shape as much as I can. And about the name- does Roy have an imagination? No. Plus, look at the other first names here- Fletcher, Alphonse, Tucker- Edwena sounds sensible in compare. Anyways, Edith isn't cute enough for Edward. Plus, without all this stuff, it wouldn't be as fun, right?
. Silence.
Ok, maybe it would. But that's besides the point. The point is- For you friendly folks, Ello, and I luv you for the reviews! Specailized messages to my beloved reviewers-
Forever yours Zana: Wow! I got an review from one of my three favourite fan fiction authors! Seriously, you should read her fan fictions.
Me and My God complex: Another of my favourites! I feel luved!
Shu chan- Thank you so much for the review! I'll make sure to update soon, just for you!
Anime lover- I have a Very, Very short nettime… TT I'll try to make my chapters longer.
Solo-MaxWell- The blond stripper will remain a mystery, for now.
More reviews please! I'm sorry if this fanfiction is confusing, but at least its good. I think. I hope.
Ed: You wish. You can't even get any fans!
Envy: Yeah, that's because she's a bad writer. And because I haven't fucked my Edward yet!
Me: Shut up and stop complaining or I'll sick Dante on you, Envy.
Ed: Oh, so I get ignored.
Me: … Do you want me to use my 'Fan Appreciation Bat', imported from Megatokyo, on you? Because, believe me, I will not hesitate..
Roy: STOP IGNORING ME!
Envy: Shut up Mr. Snappy-Happy-Fire- Horse.
Roy: Eh?
Me: He said shut up.
Roy: Oh. smirk. Why should I?
Ed: JUST SHUT UP OR I'LL MAKE YOU COLONAL SHUT!
Roy: Eep!
