Chapter 2:
Peter, October 1996
Peter quietly closed the theatre door behind him and leant against the wall outside in the corridor. He felt the coolness of the wall through his shirt and closed his eyes, trying to calm himself.
It was never meant to be his role. He knew that rationally. He went into the project expecting to watch Assumpta play against Enda, but that was before he'd lived the role, before he'd allowed himself to be Matthew, to be someone else. As he and Assumpta had rehearsed it'd been unexpectedly thrilling to inhabit the person of Matthew and to say and do things that were otherwise forbidden.
He supposed that he was jealous. Before he took Holy Orders he had kissed women, but now, leaning against the wall outside, he realised how much he'd wanted to be the one to kiss Assumpta tonight as Matthew and that thought sent his head spinning. Jennie had once tried to kiss him, but this was different; that was the moment he realised he needed to put some distance between himself and Jennie whereas right now he couldn't fathom a life for him that didn't have Assumpta in it in someway.
"Not my cup of tea"
Father Mac's voice brought him back to the present.
"No"
"They'd make a strong pair though I'd say…"
Peter tried to keep his face impassive.
"Could be just what she needs"
Peter knew in that moment, as he tried to nod along to his superior, that he was jealous. That he wanted Assumpta to be happy, but that he wanted to be the one to make her happy, not Enda, or Leo or anyone else. As Father Mac left he closed his eyes again and prayed that God would help him to be content to be the priest he'd always wanted to be.
Assumpta, November 1996
Assumpta buried her head under the duvet again as St Joseph's Church bell called the faithful to worship. Frozen on the VCR screen were Enda and Aisling now locked together in a never ending embrace. She wanted to stay under the covers forever, or at least until everyone stopped looking at her with sympathy. She squirmed in embarrassment as she thought of Peter's query as to how she was doing; she hated that he always knew everyone's business, especially hers. Maybe that was just how it went when you were friends with a priest, but it felt lopsided, like he knew her business but she didn't know his - not really, not like she knew her other friends. Maybe priests didn't have friend like other people did….
And now she was thinking about Peter, again. She put her head under the pillow and tried to force herself back to sleep.
The Church bells rang to signal the end of Mass and the start of her day. She rolled out from under the bedclothes and turned the power off on the VCR and Enda and Aisling dissolved into blackness.
As she dressed she cycled through the ridiculousness that had been her dalliance with Enda. She'd actually been fairly impressed when Niamh had brought him into the bar that first time, and she'd definitely heard of him despite her protestations otherwise. But she'd found herself feeling surprisingly uninterested in taking things further. If past form was anything to go by then he should be right up her street - handsome, musical, irreverent, but she found she just couldn't really muster up any real enthusiasm. For Niamh's sake she really had tried, even offering to buy that damn guitar for him, but underneath it all she knew it was never going anywhere. And now everyone in the village would be feeling sorry for her having been passed over by a man that she didn't even like in the first place.
And Peter, what would he think? Did he pity her? Was he relieved? Since that damn play, she found herself dwelling on these sorts of questions more and more. She knew it was just acting, but she'd found herself reliving that almost kiss over and over, and wondering how it would've felt if they'd finished it. Somewhere deep down, maybe even only subconsciously, she was aware that there was a connection between her disinterest in Enda and her interest in the priest, but it wasn't something she dared to explore at the moment. Peter was a priest, he was not like any other priest she'd ever met before, but he was still a priest and so anything more than friendship was off the table. She just hoped that friendship would be enough for her.
