Assumpta, October 1998
Assumpta saw Peter before he saw her; he was looking out over the river, hands in his pockets, back to her. Her feet on the shingle gave her presence away and he turned to her and smiled as she approached. She'd asked Brendon to mind the bar as she needed to pop out just for ten minutes which he'd agreed to without question, though he had raised an almost knowing eyebrow at her. They'd have to tell Brendon soon she mused as she reached Peter at the edge of the river.
They looked back together at the village, contemplating. On the phone he'd said the words 'I love you' for first time and she reckoned she'd remember it for the rest of her life. It seemed so unreal; just yesterday she'd been contemplating packing her bags and never seeing him ever again and now he was telling her he loved her and he was about to give up his whole world for her. She knew that this was life-changing for him, literally, but it felt pretty life-changing for her too, and pretty terrifying. What would people say when they found out? Would they be hounded out of the village? She didn't want to leave the pub, but as Peter was willing to give up the priesthood so she would be willing to give that up too, if it meant they could be together. There was no going back now, only forward together wherever that lead them.
"Is this really happening?"
Peter spoke first, voicing exactly how she was feeling. It felt like a dream, like she'd wake up and still be heartbroken.
"Better be!"
He smiled at her, lopsided and slightly goofy and she was reminded of him in the photograph as a teenager. She felt a flutter of almost teenage excitement that he was hers, not Susie's, not the church's, but hers.
"What am I going to do?"
She dragged her mind back from teenage Peter and was momentarily confused and then panicked.
"What?"
"For a living?
She relaxed, and smiled.
"We'll you can forget Pope for a start!"
He smiled too; it felt like forever since they'd been able to tease each other like this.
"I don't suppose there's anything going at your place?"
She felt herself getting back into her stride, back into how things worked with them. That easy, playful banter that had captured her heart all that time ago.
"Ah well, you see the thing is, I hardly know you at all; you could be an alcoholic for all I know!"
He played along, the playful twinkle back in his eyes.
"Okay… so whose looking after the bar now?"
"Umm… Brendan, Siobhan and Paidraig…"
"Uh huh…"
"Okay okay so the job's yours."
There was a pause in their banter. She didn't feel uneasy exactly, but suddenly aware of the magnitude of their situation and the pull of the familiar comfort of the pub.
"Look, I, I have to get back…"
Peter took her hands and her heart skipped again. She was aware that he didn't even bother to check whether anyone was looking and that felt huge, just adding to the bigness of the situation. He didn't take this eyes off her.
"I know what I'm doing."
"This is a big step for me too"
"I know…"
He backed off slightly, and let her hands go. She hadn't meant to freak him out, and she was relieved that the twinkle was still in his eyes.
"…you could've held out for a bishop!"
She laughed, she couldn't help it. This was how they were and he made her happy. He smiled at her.
"I won't let you down."
She knew that he wouldn't. When Peter committed to something, he was loyal and steadfast. She'd seen it again and again in how he'd fought for his parishioners and she supposed it was why the decision to leave the priesthood had been such an agonising one for him. There was so much still unknown for them, still so much that would be hard and test them, but she trusted that together they'd be able to face whatever came.
"Well you'll never get to heaven if you break my heart!"
Peter, the last time
The Chinese Food Fair was in full swing around him, but unsurprisingly Peter was finding it difficult to concentrate on, or even care about, the food and the competition. He was drawn to Assumpta like a moth to a flame; it'd always been like that really, but tonight was off the scale. He supposed he was grateful that the two of them had spent so much time together in the pub over the years that most people didn't seem to bat an eyelid tonight at their gravitation towards each other, but just sitting together at the bar was not enough anymore. This was the woman he loved, the woman he was going to find a way to marry, the woman who had changed his life. He wanted me to do more than just sit next to her!
Today was Friday, he was due to take Kieran's christening on Sunday so they'd agreed that they wouldn't do anything until after that, but then they would tell a few key people, Father Mac would make the necessary calls, and then he would move out of the curate's house and become plain old Peter Clifford. He'd hoped that maybe Brendan would let him stay for a bit whilst they assessed how scandalous their relationship really was to the village, but as the sale of his mother's house was shortly to go through, he had a bit of money, basically for the first time ever, and was willing to rent somewhere away from the village if needed. He'd told Assumpta he'd do whatever it took and he meant it. He knew he'd gotten carried away, trying to plan their future in an afternoon when they had their whole lives together to work it out, but he couldn't help it; today was the dividing line between his old life and his new one and it made him giddy thinking of all that was to come.
He caught sight of her again, through the gaggle of people gathered around Brian's entry to the competition, and once again wanted to be near her, wanted to tell her that he loved her, wanted them to get giddy together planning their future. He took a sip of his pint and a deep breath; and calmed himself; there was plenty of time for all of that. They just needed to get through the next few days. He looked at her again, she looked divine, lit up, on fire. As quickly as he'd managed to calm himself down, the giddiness returned and he found himself weaving through the throng of people to be with her again.
"Um, have you got a minute?"
"Sure…"
She looked at him conspiratorially and his heart flipped in his chest. He led her to the far side of the bar, where they'd sat so many times together, only this time it was different. The air between the crackled with electricity, that wasn't different, but this time he leant towards her and uttered words that, even just yesterday, had been forbidden, unsayable, but now seemed like the most natural thing in the world, the most obvious, the most fitting.
"I love you"
She smiled at him and his heart flipped again. He had never thought it possible to feel this happy and this content. And he would do everything he could to make sure that Assumpta felt like that every day for the rest of her life. Theirs was a love so long in the making, theirs a journey so full of heartache, theirs a future they'd had to fight so hard for, that Peter simply treasured every moment he could be with her, and knew that he would until the day he died.
Assumpta, the last time
It'd been a whirlwind day. Assumpta could barely believe how much her life had changed since she woke up this morning, tired and resigned to running away from Peter forever. Now, here they were, snatching time together in the pub planning a future together, a future in which they were married and everything that came with that. Neither of them really knew how they would get there, but they were committed to working it out together, come what may.
Lost in her thoughts of the future to come, she suddenly realised she was about to overfill the pint she was pulling and snapped the tap off just in time. Leaving the pint to settle, she took the customer's payment and then looked around, again, for Peter, like the proverbial moth and flame. He was in the group surrounding Brian's entry to the competition, dressed in his priest's garb, smiling wryly at whatever was going on. She sidled over to join in, mostly just to be near Peter. She wished he wasn't dressed as a priest, but they'd agreed that they wouldn't make any rushed moves this weekend, given Kieran's christening on Sunday. Peter was meant to both officiate and be godfather and it hadn't seemed kind to the Egans to steal their thunder, or their priest. She knew it was only one weekend, and they had their whole lives to go, but she didn't like the secrecy; it felt clandestine, like they were doing something wrong when, in actual fact, they were doing things right, by the book even. This wasn't an affair, she wasn't his mistress. This was the real deal, and that's what she wanted people to know and to start to come to terms with.
Lost again in her own musings, she noticed Peter pushing his way through the crowd to her.
"Um, have you got a minute?"
She raised an eyebrow at him, and at the formal tone he'd used.
"Sure…"
He led her over to the far side of the bar, a favourite hang out of theirs on many occasions over the years. Here they had debated and laughed and fought and fallen in love. He leaned towards her, and for a second she thought he was going to kiss her there and then, in the pub, but instead he said,
"I love you"
She looked at him, letting the words, so new and yet so long in the making, wash over her. He loved her. Peter's emotions always played openly on his face and right now she could see his happiness, his love, writ right across his face and play around his eyes and mouth. She smiled at him, allowing herself the indulgence of looking him up and down, catching sight of the dog collar as she did so and letting out an almost sigh. They were so close, tantalisingly close, it almost made her squirm in anticipation.
"Would you take that thing off before you say things like that?"
He looked up at her, like the most adorable puppy, not caring who saw or what they thought. She felt her heart swell inside her chest and threaten to burst out.
"I can't help it!"
In that moment, it was like no one else was there and she saw their story flash in slow motion through her mind: picking him up in the rain, watching him administering the last rites, him playing football, teaching him to drive, "your wife will find it amusing", rescuing the sheep, realising she didn't want him to leave Ballykissangel, "we have to finish it", protesting together for Brendan's job, taking care of the baby all night, "don't you ever want what you can't have?", "I care about you Assumpta", crisis of faith, Kilnashee, "I'm a priest", heartbreak, separation, reconciliation, confusion, desire, honesty, love, planning the future…
"I know"
She smiled at him again. The past was done; the good, the bad, the heartbreak, it was over. She was so ready for the future, she couldn't wait to get started.
The End
Author's note: I've absolutely loved this romp through S1-3 of BK and hope you have too. I was 14 when the final episodes aired and remember it so vividly! I've also enjoyed re-listening to music from the 90s, some of which is quoted throughout. Clearly I own none of this! Songs referenced are:
Don't Speak, No Doubt (1996)
All my Life, K-Ci & JoJo (1998)
I don't want to miss a thing, Aerosmith (1998)
Truly, Madly, Deeply, Savage Garden (1998)
Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Helen Lemmel (1922)
How firm a foundation, John Rippon (1787)
The title is from Taylor's Swift's song, I Almost Do (2012)
I bet this time of night you're still up
I bet you're tired from a long hard week
I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city
And I bet sometimes you wonder about me
And I just wanna tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you
And I wish I could run to you
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do
I almost do
