Title: Firegate: The Big Damn Circle
Authors: Hah and Mer
Genre: General, Action/Adventure, Parody, Crossover, Romance
Warnings: Some coarse language, sexual situations, and general misbehavin'.
Season/Spoilers: SGA: Up to Runner, season two; Firefly: all
Summary: The crew of Serenity finds itself in Atlantis. Wacky hijinx ensue.
Disclaimer: We don't own either show. If we did, Firefly would still be on the air, and more of this kind of stuff would be happening. We're just borrowing the characters for a bit.

AN: Thanks to everyone who gave us such shiny reviews! You've inspired us. Chapter 3 will be up as soon as our beta gets done with it (cue Mer with whip).

Firegate: The Big Damn Circle

By Hah and Mer

- 2. Time Snare & Death Glares -

When the group arrived back on Atlantis, Dr. Elizabeth Weir, the commander of the Atlantis expedition, was there to meet them, accompanied by a full security detail. Col. Sheppard's cryptic "We have company" did nothing to inspire her confidence. She watched suspiciously as the ragtag bunch made their way out of the puddlejumper. First came Col. Sheppard, followed closely by a young girl, probably mid-20's with light brown hair, who was obviously incredibly enamored with the good Colonel.

"Kaylee, this is Dr. Elizabeth Weir, my boss. Elizabeth, this is Kaylee Frye, ship's mechanic aboard the Serenity." The smile he gave Elizabeth reminded her of a child asking "she followed me home; can I keep her?" Inwardly, she rolled her eyes as the introductions continued.

"This is Captain Mal Reynolds; Mal, Elizabeth Weir." This time it was Elizabeth's turn to ogle. Hey, if they were taking in strays… Suddenly, she wished that there was a room shortage, so she could offer her hospitality. Only as a professional courtesy, of course…commanding officer to commanding officer.

"Captain Reynolds," she greeted him with a warm two-handed handshake, which lasted longer than necessary and caused Shep to raise his eyebrow, "if you don't mind, I'd like the chance to meet with you and your crew briefly, just so we can … get to know each other better, see how we can help you." Mal nodded in agreement, returning her appreciative gaze. "Colonel Sheppard," she continued, half-turning to John while still keeping her eyes on Mal, "you and your team are welcome to join us."

"Thank you, Elizabeth," he replied, eyebrow still raised, "I think that would be an excellent idea." Completely weirded out, he re-focused his attention on his newest fangirl, thinking of a place where he could take her to show her the sights of the city, and maybe show off a bit of that Ancient gene.

"This here is Dr. Simon Tam, our ship's doctor; his sister River; and Shepherd Book." Mal continued the introductions. "The Shepherd here is the one who was injured," he paused briefly. "Of course, you probably figured that, seeing as how he's here on this stretcher with his leg all bandaged up." Wo de ma! Could he be any more of a shagua? He'd been around a lot of women in his day, but it had been a long time since one of them had turned him into a babbling mess.

"Ah, yes, of course," Elizabeth responded, gesturing to three of the soldiers behind her. "Please take our guests to see Dr. Beckett." Two of the men grabbed the stretcher, and the entourage made its way toward the infirmary.

"And lastly, this is our pilot, Wash; my first mate and Wash's wife, Zoe; and our ship's ambassador, Inara." As Mal completed the introductions, Elizabeth shook each hand and smiled.

Finally, she turned to address the entire Serenity crew, "Welcome to Atlantis, everyone. Please make yourselves at home. We're preparing guest quarters for all of you, which should be ready within the hour. Meanwhile, I'd like to invite you all to our briefing room for a short introduction meeting."

As the group moved towards the briefing room, Kaylee whispered to Shep, "So, do you guys do de-briefings in the briefing room as well?"

Her forwardness made him blush slightly, his sheepish grin causing her to melt into a puddle, but he recovered quickly. "Well, the room does have a lot of uses, but I don't think that's been one of them…yet."

(A few feet, and a full gutter, away)

Elizabeth approached Inara and extended her hand, "Hi. Your name is … Inara, right?"

"Yes, Dr. Weir. Thank you so much for allowing us to enjoy your hospitality."

"It's really no trouble at all. We intergalactic refugees have to stick together. Capt. Reynolds said you were an ambassador?"

"Yes, he said that."

"I used to be an ambassador of sorts on our home planet as well."

Mal, who had been eavesdropping on the conversation, heard Elizabeth's comment and immediately pictured Elizabeth "negotiating" in one of Inara's outfits and wondered if Inara might bend her rule regarding servicing crewmembers if Elizabeth joined them. He couldn't help interrupting, "She's the ship's whore."

Shep & McKay's heads whipped around to where the CO's were standing and a hush fell over the group. The shocked look on Shep's face quickly turned to a smug one a moment later as he turned to where Rodney was standing just a few feet away and snarked in a low voice, "Hey, you might actually have a shot at some action now." Elizabeth gave him a death glare.

"Tian xiao de, Mal," Inara responded in a harsh whisper, casting an icy glance at the Captain, as the surrounding conversations slowly began to revive, "Bi zui."

"Now that's not very civilized speech for a well-bred lady like yourself," Mal feigned shock.

Inara only smiled sweetly, and said, "Hundan," before resuming her conversation with Elizabeth, who had been watching the interaction between the two with great amusement. "I am a registered Companion."

"A Companion? Registered with whom?"

Inara and Mal (who was still aimin' to misbehave) shared a significant glance. First, these people didn't know who the Alliance was, and now they didn't know about the Guild. This introduction meeting could be very interesting indeed. Inara was the first to speak.

"Um… it sounds like we have a lot to discuss."

(briefing room)

The two crews filed into the room, then broke back up into their smaller groups. Jayne and Dex – who were still discussing weapons and whether or not size really mattered – strutted to the back of the room, followed closely by Teyla. She was thinking that they needed to stop talking about the size of their weapons and discuss something more practical - like how to use them. Zoe, Wash, and Rodney followed behind them, the two men doing their darnedest to decide which one of them was the reigning King of Pithy Comebacks, their only judgment being rendered by the roll of Zoe's eyes. Next came Shep and Kaylee, who, if she was his shadow, would indicate that the sun was high overhead. As they sat down, she only wrapped herself around his arm, but did so in a fashion which indicated her intent to be wrapped around more fully by the end of the day. Bringing up the rear were the two CO's and Inara, who had only scratched the surface of the significance of the presence of the Serenity crew in the City of the Ancients.

Elizabeth cleared her throat and began the meeting, "I'd like to welcome all of our guests once again. It seems from speaking with your Captain that we have some serious questions to answer.

"First of all, you are in the City of Atlantis – a city built by a race of advanced humans over 10,000 years ago. Our expedition is from a planet called Earth. We…"

"Earth?" interrupted Wash. "You've got to be kidding! Nobody's lived on Earth in decades. Besides, Earth is millions of light years away."

Elizabeth smiled, "I was just getting there. We arrived here through a gate similar to the one you rode through to get here. Probably more significant though, is the year. It's currently the year 2006."

She hadn't thought it was possible for the Serenity crew's jaws to get any lower, but with this new realization, Elizabeth was quite sure they must've simultaneously unhinged, and wondered how she was going to explain this to Carson. The Atlantis team's faces were as puzzled as the Serenity crews' were shocked as she explained the significance to her own team, "It seems that our new guests aren't just from another place, but they're also from another time."

Rodney's interest was immediately piqued, and he began rambling technobabble that, despite the rest of the group's awe over the situation, very nearly put them to sleep, until …

"I told you the time was fixed," River burst into the room, Simon following close behind.

Rodney gave her his infamous look of exasperation, and exclaimed, "Now just what is THAT supposed to mean?"

River rolled her eyes in his general direction, "Oh, you of little brains…"

Everyone stifled laughs except for Rodney, who was so shocked by the nerve of this girl who was obviously a symbol short of a gate address, that all he could do was stare at her with his mouth opening and closing like a goldfish. Finally, he was able to sputter, "I'll have you know that…"

"The time was broken. Serenity was going to fall. I made the net. It's fixed now," River stated matter of factly, ignoring Rodney's stammering.

"Wait. You mean you did this?" The intrigue momentarily distracted Rodney from his bruised ego. "What did you do to that ship?"

Again, River was unable to hide her disdain at his inability to comprehend, "Yuben de…"

"River, meimei," Simon gently warned her, "These people have been very gracious to help us out."

"Yes, oh pianzhi de jiu chayuan," she responded, unable to disguise her condescension.

Shep finally piped up, "So, what is that she's speaking? I've noticed you all break in to this other language from time to time. Sounds like some Asian something."

Elizabeth replied, "It's Chinese… Mandarin, if I'm not mistaken." Shep's eyebrow went up. "What? I speak six languages, including Ancient… I may not be Daniel Jackson, but I can hold my own."

"You mean you don't all speak Chinese?" Mal looked puzzled.

Elizabeth was fascinated. "Why don't you tell us more about your time? Maybe it will help us figure out what happened."

Inara, educated at the Guild's elite schools, began the brief history lesson as though she were quoting from a script, "After the Earth was used up, we found a new solar system and hundreds of new Earths were terra formed and colonized. The central planets formed the Alliance and decided all the planets had to join under their rule. There was some disagreement on that point. After the War, many of the Independents who had fought and lost drifted to the edges of the system, far from Alliance control."

Mal continued, "Me and Zoe, we fought together for the Independents. After we lost the war, I bought the Serenity, hired me the best crew in the 'verse, and we do odd jobs."

"And don't forget the part where we harbor fugitives!" Jayne snarked. Mal pinned him with a dagger glare.

Elizabeth's eyebrow shot up. She had her idea as to who the fugitive was, but the fact that he was the one who had spoken up left her a little puzzled. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously as she cast a glance around the room. When her gaze fell on Simon, she noticed his face was about 3 shades of red. Surely not the sweet, handsome doctor! She couldn't picture him as the prison type. What would they do with a pretty man like him in prison? As she pondered those mental images, her eyebrow slowly raised and a mischievous smile spread across her face. Apparently she could picture him as the prison type.

Not liking the way Elizabeth was looking at his ship's doctor, Mal broke in. "River, his sister, was being held at an Alliance facility. He broke her out. Now every purple belly this side of the Core is huntin' 'em down. 'Fact, they had us surrounded when River did… whatever... it was… that she did."

Simon, still blushing from Jayne's comment and Dr. Weir's subsequent ogling, caught River's expression at Mal's comment and quickly pulled her closer to him, "Shh, meimei, dong ma?"

"Jing chang meiyong de," she muttered.

"River," he whispered in firm, gentle tones, "Dong ma?"

"Yes, Simon," she pouted, muttering further insults in Chinese as she turned away.

Kaylee's mind momentarily wandered from the hotness that was next to her to the man across the room scolding his sister long enough to think, "Boy, I wish he would punish me…" Of course, her next thought as she turned her drooling back to the man on whose lap she was practically sitting was, "He's got a pretty big weapon… bet he knows how to use it."

Looking around the room, Dr. Weir could tell that they had hit a brick wall as far as the team's attention span was concerned. Kaylee looked as if she was ready to jump Shep right then and there, regardless of the group's presence. River had finished her pouting and was now softly singing something about two blue hands or something, while Simon nervously watched out of the corner of his eye. Jayne & Ronon were swapping weapons and Teyla was observing with a predatorial eye. Even McKay was preoccupied with trying to figure out how in Pegasus their situation was even possible. In the whole room, it appeared that only Zoe & Wash were even trying to pay attention, but even Wash was starting to fall asleep against his wife's shoulder.

"Alright, everyone! I don't want to keep you any longer. Serenity crew, your rooms are ready. I'll have Maj. Lorne escort you there." She ran through the expedition's daily meal and activity schedule, then ended, "If you need anything," she glanced at Mal, "or just want a tour of the City," she looked back out at the crew," just let one of us know, and we would be more than happy to accommodate you. Thank you for your time, and enjoy your stay here in Atlantis!"