The Magical tale of the Mischievous Malfoys (NOT MILFOILS)

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. No. No way. .:shoves him back in her closet:. No. You didn't see that. No way. .:throws a loaf of bread in after him:. Oh, that bread? It's for… it's for the mice. And the cockroaches. Yeah. Mhm. You gonna leave?

Many reviews have arrived! Well… just two. Many thanks!

Jollie Killjoy: Glad you liked it! Feel free to be a-stealin' the rave scene, just give me credit… D

Megan: Lemon-y freshness comes in Lemon-y cane form! ((So fresh and so clean, clean! (OUTKAST, WOO!))

DANCE to the Randomness: Will do! Get prepared for gay-tastic events to come!

Chapter Nine: Hair Dye and Happenings!

A certain, bespectacled, dark-haired boy stood in front of the bathroom mirror in his dormitory. Except that today, instead of dark hair, the tufts of hair on top of his head was coated in thick white paste.

"Since I failed miserably at human transfiguration," Harry mused to himself, "I might as well do it the good old fashioned muggle way." Smearing more paste on his head, he smiled happily. "No one will know what hit me… I mean… them!" he exclaimed.

He sat down on the toilet across from his chosen mirror and began to daydream about his shiny new hair. Soon, however, his daydreaming turned to nightdreaming.

He woke up, confused. Why is the floor so hard? Harry wondered. And why is my scalp burning? He wondered even further.

He stood up and looked in the mirror. His now extremely stiff and tousled hair was still covered in white paste, which was beginning to harden. "Well, I might as well hop in the shower and get this bloody stuff washed out," he said happily to himself.

Five Minutes Later…

"BLOODY HELL!" Harry exclaimed, jumping at the sight of himself in the mirror. Peering closer at himself, he wondered at what his hair looked like now.

At the roots, it was clear. Down near the ends, it grew in color to a deep orange. It looked, he thought, like his head was on fire.

"Well," Harry sulked, "I can always dye it back tomorrow." He shook his fist at the Clairol box of bleach. "Never again! No, never again will I use this sad excuse for hair dye!" he shouted, and jamming a beanie over his now multicolored hair, he stomped down to class.

Later that day, In double Transfiguration with the Slytherins…

"MISTER POTTER!" Professor McGonagall snapped. "YOU MAY NOT WEAR THAT RIDICULOUS CONTRAPTION IN THIS CLASSROOM."

"It's called a hat," Harry smirked, "And if I don't wear it, you will all… be…" He tried to think of words to get him out of this awful situation. "BLINDED BY MY…BALDNESS!"

"Baldness?" Seamus inquired, with an exceedingly annoying accent. "You weren't bald yesterday!"

"Well yes," Harry explained, "There was a horrible accident in Potions the other day. It seems that when Professor Snape was leaning over Ron- excuse me- Ronye's cauldron, some of his face-grease dripped into the mixture. I, as Ron-I MEAN Ronye's ((this was prompted by an extremely nasty glance from Ron- I mean Ronye)) best friend, was sitting next to him, and the explosion was just too much for my little bitty hairs to bear."

"Well, Mister Potter, would you kindly explain why Mister Weasley's hair is still in place?" Professor McGonagall inquired.

"Well-I-He-We---Er…" Harry began, but was interrupted again by his teacher.

"If you will please kindly take off your hat, if that IS what you call it," Minerva said, "for we all know you haven't gone bald, Mister Potter."

Very angstily indeed, Harry ripped the hat off his head. "SEE!" He shouted, pointing to his hair, which was standing straight up on top of his head. "SEE WHAT INFERIOR HAIR PRODUCTS DO TO THE BOY WHO LIVED!"

Amid the snickers of the class, a single voice could be heard. "Well, Potter," a smirking blonde boy said straight into Harry's ear. "If you'd come by the Room of Requirement tomorrow evening, I'll be glad to show you how to…" (He looked around sneakily) "set it right," Malfoy said, raising one eyebrow suggestively.

"BACK TO YOUR SEATS, EVERYONE!" Professor McGonagall said, and with a glance in Harry's direction, Malfoy strutted back to his seat.

WELL! I hope everybody liked it better than the last chapter, I did, anyway.