Notes: Rei chewing his lip is a purposeful thing. I just wanted him to have a quirky little habit.
This one will move quite fast, since the story's beginning to kick in now. I'm using speed to convey the overall whirlwind quality of this affair, so I hope no one thinks that I'm just rushing through 3;
I found it quite hard to write this one for some reason. o.o Gah! And it went past my 4,000 word aim.
Dedicated to: My Eevee mastering wife, Ja and Meg for making my lip wibbly because of what she wrote on her profile page.
I say: As good as me? Love, you surpass me so many times over. xx
Rei shifted, trying to get comfortable. He frowned a little, just wanting to get some sleep.
Finally sensing that Rei was hesitating, Takao drew away from his mouth. "Rei?"
Rei winced, looking guiltily up at the younger. "Yeah?"
"You're not in the mood?" Takao whispered.
Rei chewed on his lower lip. "Not… really." He said slowly.
Takao sighed and cuddled him closer. "It must have been some nightmare to get you so worked up, Rei." Takao said softly.
"Y-yeah." Rei responded.
Takao smiled and ran his hand down Rei's back, rubbing it softly, before he dipped it lower to shyly brush against Rei's behind. Rei reacted immediately by squirming away from Takao's hold. The younger looked hurt. "Sorry." He muttered defensively.
It was Rei's turn to sigh as he rolled onto his stomach, burying his face into his folded arms. "Look, Taka, I'm sorry I'm not in the mood to snuggle. I just want to get some sleep." Rei stated, voice heavy with tiredness.
"I… I just thought that you know… since we were sharing a bed and all we could… well, we could take your mind off of your nightmares… if you catch my drift." Takao suggested.
Rei most definitely did catch his drift, and he didn't like it one bit. What was it with people tonight? As if it wasn't enough to be half molested in his own bed the moment after he'd woken up, now his own boyfriend wouldn't take the hint that Rei was tired, pissed off and not a little bit scared. He had left his own bed because he was worried that if he stayed in his own room, he would end up doing something he regretted- something that would definitely qualify as betrayal. And yet, despite the eroticism of his dream, or the excitement Kai's touches evoked, Rei definitely wasn't prepared to go past kissing. With anybody. Rei was only just adjusting to the fact that he was now kissing on an alarmingly regular basis. He was not about to become a whore while he was at it.
Still he owed Takao an explanation and he gave it: "I'm not ready for anything like that." It was simple and it was the truth.
More importantly, Takao understood. "I'm sorry, Rei. I didn't mean to be pushy."
"It's all right, Taka. Do you mind if I get some sleep, then?" Rei asked, yawning as he did so.
"No, of course not." Takao sighed. He shifted until he too was comfortable and yawned. "'Night, Rei." He mumbled.
"Good night, Takao." Rei whispered back.
In typical Takao- fashion, the sound of soft snoring reached Rei's ears within minutes. Rei sighed and shifted onto his side.
Today had been a busy day. He had kissed Takao for one, something which the other boy was keen to repeat and while he didn't not enjoy those kisses, Rei found himself… not keen to repeat it that often. The rest of the night after that had been uneventful. The team ate, watched TV, talked and gone to bed. Kai had been in an extremely unpleasant mood for most of the night. The problems had started when he had been anything but unpleasant in the dream Rei had had once he had gone through his nightly ritual and settled down in bed.
His dreams of Kai had been far more than friendly, and to his horror, upon waking up from it very early in the morning, it had turned out that Kai had been awake. Not only that, Kai had known, and had seen fit to try and seduce Rei while in his own bed. Rei had completely panicked, worried about betraying Takao and frightened of what Kai had seemed to want from him and he had fled the room. Moments after that, he had found himself knocking on Takao's door, not knowing where else to go with eyes skittering around, as if nervous that Kai would materialise.
Takao had appeared, more than a little disgruntled at being awoken so early in the morning, but that had evaporated when he had seen that Rei was wide eyed and close to tears.
Rei had pleaded a nightmare, and Takao had guided him in. Of course, Rei's plan to curl up in a ball and never wake up was bought to a stuttering halt by one simple fact: Takao was in love with him and he was in his bed.
Thus, not a minute after Rei had gotten into his bed; Takao had been attached to his lips. Rei didn't… mind as such, but he would have rather have been partaking in his 'sleep until everything goes away' plan. Rei's issue had come about when Takao had gotten a little… zealous. He had only pushed Rei onto his back and tried to put his hand up his shirt, but that had been plenty enough in Rei's books, and for the second time that night, he had pushed away an amorous advance.
What was it with him lately? Was he unconsciously giving off pheromones by the truckload? Did he have some kind of neon light over his head indicating that he wished to be taken advantage of that he just wasn't aware of?
And seriously… seriously- what the HELL was with Kai?
Rei had done everything he could think of. He was so sure that if he had showed Kai that he was happy to kiss Takao, it would prove that he was willing to take their relationship seriously and Kai could stop being so concerned. And had that happened? No. Kai hadn't backed off, or commended Rei, not at all. Instead he had provoked him and before Rei had known it he had found himself pinned down in his own bed with Kai whispering in his ear in the way that made his head go fuzzy and his heart hammer in his chest.
Rei whimpered softly at the memory. If this kept up he was going to go mad, surely. He squirmed, trying to get comfortable in the small space, whispering almost silent prayers to his ancestors that tonight had really been Kai's final test for him before he drifted back into a fitful doze.
Though he had been nervous about coming face to face with Kai, the next morning when Rei left Takao in bed (the younger loved his sleep and Rei wasn't about to begrudge him that, especially after waking him up at three in the morning) and had snuck back into his room, he found that there was no sign of Kai. Still, that didn't stop him from getting ready as fast as he possibly could and all but running from the room when he had done. Very cautiously, he had made his way downstairs and padded into the kitchen.
He froze in place when he found Kai sitting at the kitchen table, mug of coffee and morning paper clasped in his hands. Rei was torn between being brave and walking in as if nothing had happened, and reversing as quietly as he could. Kai made his decision for him.
"I know you're there." He sighed.
Rei swallowed down his anxiety and almost tip toed into the kitchen. A silence that was far from comfortable settled upon the two. Rei nervously tapped his fingers against the counter, silently urging the kettle to boil. As soon as his tea had been poured and stirred, he simply stood there, chewing his lip over what to do.
"If you keep biting your lip, you'll have nothing left." Rei visibly started at that, almost spilling tea on his hand. Wide eyes jolted upwards, causing yellow to clash with red. To Rei's further surprise Kai looked almost… meek. No. That wasn't right. More… he looked unsure. For a moment, Rei couldn't help but forget all of the hurt and the turmoil and the confusion his captain had caused him. "It was… a joke." Kai muttered looking back at his paper.
The atmosphere grew more awkward.
Rei continued to stand, shuffling from foot to foot as he took nervous sips of his herbal tea. The sound of Kai suddenly setting his paper down made Rei nearly leap out of his skin yet again. Rei felt confusion swamp over him as Kai refused to even look at him, where he had been expecting a smirk and a rude comment. In stead all he got was a softly spoken; "I'm going to train alone today. You and Kyoujyu can watch over the training if you'd like."
And then he swept from the room. Rei could only blink after him, utterly stunned.
Again he had to ask himself: What the HELL was with Kai?
He sighed heavily, unsure of how much more of this mental torture he could take, and set about making some breakfast for the others.
Kyoujyu came walking in just as he finished the rice off, yawning and looking ruffled. Rei couldn't help but smile. "Morning, Kyoujyu. Kai decided to let you set team training today." He informed as the smallest member of their team sat down at the table.
"Hmmm? Oh!" Another yawn, "Really? Why?" He blinked, as a bowl full of rice was set before him. "And good morning by the way. Thank you."
Rei chuckled at the poor, sleepy lad. "I don't know, he said that he just wanted to train alone."
Kyoujyu picked up his chopsticks, pausing as he stared thoughtfully at the wall. "That's not unusual I suppose, he just hasn't… done it for a while."
Rei sighed. "Yeah. I know." He would do, because Kai had stopped training alone to train with him, and since the breakdown of their friendship, Kai had resumed training with the rest of the team. Rei thought that he should have felt satisfaction or at least relief at the fact that Kai had resumed his old attitude of distancing himself from the team. Instead… he was worried.
As the day wore on and Takao and Max awoke and ate their breakfast, they headed outside into the courtyard to train a little, following the orders that Kyoujyu barked out. Rei thought that he'd be distracted, or pleased that Kai wasn't breathing down his neck or boring into him with those damned eyes and yet…
And yet Rei missed it. It was so subtle he almost didn't notice it, but as his irritable mood increased, it seemed to him to be the only logical explanation- Logical, of course, in the loosest sense of the word.
And so, three hours, sixteen minutes and forty four seconds after Kai had told him about training, Rei finally lost the battle.
"Sorry guys. I need to have a word with Kai about this idea I've had." He said suddenly, all ready tucking his blade into his sash.
Kyoujyu looked mildly offended. "You could always ask me."
Rei shook his head. "Sorry, Kyou, but I just want to talk it over with him. He has the most experience of all of us, after all."
Kyoujyu looked ready to argue, before shrugging it off, settling for looking annoyed. Rei smiled at the display, before he moved off and left the group and the dojo behind.
Where would Kai go? Rei considered this. If anyone knew, it would be him, after all, before their best-friendship had degenerated, Rei had known Kai better than everyone else. Kai was being avoidant, so he would probably go somewhere away from other people. That ruled the park out. After considering it some more, Rei decided on either the little cove where they did their beach training, or in the wooded area around the dojo. Sure enough, as Rei padded in the general direction of the beach, his sensitive ears caught a faint metallic 'clank'.
He couldn't help but smile at Kai's predictability and set off towards the sound, moving a moderate way into the small wood, until the noise was clear and consistent.
Finally, he caught sight of the white of an ever-present scarf, and sure enough, his eyes landed upon the figure of his team captain- one, Kai Hiwatari.
He was training in a glade, single arm outstretched as he weaved his blue dranzer blade between young saplings that circled the small clearing. Rei couldn't help but pause and simply watch him silently. In that quiet moment, as Kai's scarf fluttered gently on the spring breeze, and the sun cast soft rays that were dappled by tree leaves emphasising Kai's pale skin and making him almost glow, Rei saw what so many saw in the isolated blader. Surrounded by deep greens, Kai stood, almost timeless. Fresh and alive much like the perfect spring day, with eyes that glittered like clear rubies on a smooth, peaceful face unlined by a neutral expression, if not just a little touched by a quiet melancholy.
Kai was… handsome. Rei couldn't –wouldn't- deny it. He wasn't cute, or hot, or buff, or any of the million and one different words to describe ascetically pleasing people. He was just… classically handsome. He had a charm of his own that was almost impossible to detect, but still very much there. He was attractive in an extremely masculine way, and yet he had subconscious traits that were almost… feminine, but this only made him whole. It made him Kai, and as he stood solemnly in that little dell, apart from the world and all of its troubles, Kai was more himself than Rei had ever seen him.
It struck Rei then just why Kai had been his first crush, perhaps even why he'd let Kai be his first kiss.
For that reason, he found the courage to step forwards.
Kai whirled around. "Who-!" He snapped, jumping before he realised the identity of his visitor. "… Rei? What are you doing?" He admonished, relaxing again.
Rei stepped forwards, reaching the lighter area of the clearing, though he still maintained a short distance from Kai. "Sorry, Kai. I didn't mean to be so quiet, you just looked like you were concentrating."
"No I meant…" Kai sighed. "What are you doing here?"
Rei blinked, surprised at how… plaintive Kai had sounded. "I came to see how you were." He said truthfully.
Kai nodded. "Right. Well, I'm fine, so you can go now." He stated, turning his back on Rei.
Rei's mouth popped open, completely shocked by Kai's dismissal. "Kai!" He admonished. "What have I done now? Last night–"
"Last night… we both learned something, Rei. Let's just leave it at that." Kai said quietly.
Rei cocked his head to one side, looking very much like a perplexed cat. "We learned something?"
"Yes." Kai said simply.
"…What was it we were supposed to learn?" Rei questioned, confusion evident in his voice and upon his features.
Kai turned to him, and Rei was surprised to see that Kai looked confused himself. "Look, Rei. I misinterpreted the situation last night, okay? I admit, I was wrong, I didn't know that you'd be so horrified by what I did, because you led me to believe that it might have been welcomed. Evidently not. I apologise for any harm done, and I'll avoid coming near you from now on."
Rei's shock made him speechless. Not only did Kai sound vaguely… hurt, but also he was apologising. It was rather formal, but it was an apology nonetheless, and yet Rei felt no satisfaction. Instead he felt… guilty. Which, of course was absolutely ludicrous, because he had pushed Kai away for good reason! Still though… "Kai, that's not what I want! Look, the only reason I pushed you away is because I didn't want to hurt Takao."
"You were happy to run to his bed." Kai snorted.
"Because I was frightened."
Kai looked mildly offended. "Of me?"
"No, Kai." Rei replied, shaking his head slowly. "Not of you."
"Of what then, Rei?" Kai said in an exasperated tone. "Because this is all far too complicated for me."
Rei couldn't help but sigh and run a hand tiredly through his hair. "Of myself." Rei said quietly. Kai had to shuffle closer in order to hear what he was saying. "I… I'm with Takao, Kai. You have to understand that, and I don't want to hurt him, but last night, it was like I was paralysed. The way you touch me and kiss me it makes me… it makes me forget myself. And I'm not going to hurt Takao, or let you hurt me, just to prove your point."
Kai frowned. "What point?" He asked, voice also hushed.
"That… that I'm not right for Takao. I know that I keep letting you kiss me, and I know that that makes me weak and I know that you only want what's best for the team, but I'm trying, Kai. I'm really trying to make a go of it with Takao. I owe him that much, so I had to push you away last night. I had to pass your test, but now I think that I did something wrong." Rei replied.
Kai's frown deepened. "You think that I keep coming onto you because I'm testing the strength of yours and Takao's relationship?" When he received a nod, his eyes widened. "Rei… you're an idiot. I couldn't care less about your relationship."
Rei ignored the fact that the last word had been heavily laden with sarcasm, since he had more pressing issues at hand. "What? Then… why? I thought you were trying to prove a point!"
Kai looked incredulous. "Why? Rei… I'm…" Kai had the grace to look a little embarrassed. "I am human you know, and I'm a guy and… and you're very attractive. It's simple. I'm… well I'm attracted to you, and in seeing that you were willing to go out with Takao I thought that maybe you wouldn't spurn my advances after all." He sighed. "Look, this is all very awkward, what I'm trying to say is—"
"You like me?" Rei questioned softly.
Kai stared at him a moment, before he looked away. "I suppose so."
"So I hurt your feelings when I pushed you away?" Kai said nothing. The silence spoke volumes and Rei couldn't help but smile. "Kai… are you jealous of Takao and I?"
"No." Kai responded, sounding just a little bit sullen. "I don't care, I just… you just don't suit him, I mean—" Further rambling was cut off when lips were touched to his. Ruby eyes widened in surprise, and thick silence fell upon the clearing. And then, very slowly and very softly, Kai responded with a sweet innocence that Rei had not known he was capable of. In a way that Rei had never experienced before, his heart fluttered within his chest, thudding and twitching in excitement.
Rei withdrew first from the chaste kiss. "I wouldn't mind if you were jealous you know, Kai. I… I like you too, though I think that's kind of obvious." A light blush dusted his cheeks at that. "Do you think… do you suppose that, we could maybe… give it a go?" He asked hopefully, cheeks growing rosier. With Takao, their relationship was good, but with Kai, he knew it could be great. Unlike with Takao, he found himself craving Kai. On top of that, Kai knew him better than any other. Rei could have what he had wanted all along- his first crush and his best friend all rolled into one. Given time, they could even fall in love, and have the kind of relationship he had always, always dreamed of. He flexed his fingertips in nervous excitement.
And yet, Kai just remained still, looking blank though Rei knew his thoughts were whirring. He seemed to reach a decision. "Rei… I can't give you a relationship."
And Rei's heart sank. "I… but…" He tried uselessly.
"It wouldn't be fair on you, or me. I'm not comfortable with the idea and… you're my friend, Rei. I just happen to be attracted to you. That's not a basis for a relationship. Besides, you and I both know, I'd just be no good in a relationship."
Rei began chewing on his lip once more, trying to fight back the unexpectedly strong wave of disappointment. "Kai tell me… Would you…" Rei's cheeks burned, "would you sleep with me?"
Kai stared at him, expression guarded. "If you were willing, yes."
"But you… you couldn't love me?" He asked, voice so soft Kai almost couldn't hear.
"I know you, Rei and I know what you want. I can't give you what Takao can, in that regard. I just don't work that way."
Rei nodded, feeling defeated for some peculiar reason. "Okay. I suppose I'll see you later then." He sighed finally, turning around to begin the trudge back to the dojo, before he could leave the dell behind though, Kai's voice stopped him in his tracks.
"Remember, Rei. I may not be able to give you what Takao can, but I can give you what he can't. You can't keep on living in a passionless relationship." He warned.
Rei looked back at him, uncertainty dancing in yellow eyes. "It's better than having no relationship at all."
"Is it?" Kai said simply. The question was soft, but it floated on the breeze, hanging between them like an invisible barrier. Rei found himself wanting for Kai to breach it, but yet, Kai simply stood, waiting for an answer.
Rei found that he had none.
Unable to withstand the silence much longer, Rei sighed and walked away.
Days passed, and before Rei had known it, a week had gone by from that decisive meeting. He lost the battle that he had not even been willing to fight, and despite his better judgement, he fell into being selfish and satisfying his needs above others for the first time in his life.
It would lead to heartbreak, pain, perhaps even the destruction of the BBA, but he could no longer resist Kai's magnetic pull on him. Over that following week, he had gone to Kai, and Kai had come to him, and sometimes by mutual understanding, they had come to each other. Searing kisses and shy, but hasty touches had taken place in deserted hallways and a darkened bedroom. Kisses good night were lasting and left both craving so much more. And all the while, afternoons were spent, cuddled in the arms of Takao, smiling and laughing with the younger one. Feeling at ease and basking in being loved and protected.
And Rei was, for the first time, being greedy. In Kai he found the desire and the longing that he hungered for, and in Takao, he found the love and the adoration that he had craved throughout his lonely life. He knew it was so, so wrong. It went against his morals, it went against who he was… or, at least who he thought he had been. He was playing a stupid game with all of their emotions, but… but he couldn't stop himself. He couldn't find what he needed in either of them, but from both of them he'd found what he was pining for. Love and passion.
He refused to call what he and Kai shared an affair. Affairs were dirty and wicked, and what he had with Kai was anything but. Could it even be classed as an affair? Despite their impassioned embraces, their clinches had never gone beyond that line, most often defined by the waistband of a pair of simple black trousers.
It was all so perfect, that Rei couldn't see how it was wrong. The guilt that plagued him was near constant, because he did care about Takao, very, very much, but when Kai's lips were on his… everything seemed so far away.
Of course, Rei was a pragmatic being, if a romantic at heart. It was inevitable, that it would never last. It was the sad certainty of affairs- someone always got hurt.
Next chapter: Things go from bad to worse, to better. Rei makes a realisation and possibly the best decision, or worst mistake of his life.
