OK, Bluetooth Buccaneers and KP true believers, here it is, Chapter the Third. Thanks to all the kind reviewers who have added me to your favorite lists. We're skipping ahead a bit, to see the execution of Dr. D's plan for getting out of Dodge. We'll hit a few of the in-between details in flashback, so fret not. Plus, there's really two prison breaks in this story, and a surprise about two minor characters in this chapter. (I'm excercising my 'T' rating here). You'll see!
Disney Mondo Mega Corporation owns it if you saw it on TV. Else, not so much.
We Am What We Is! (Unless we ain't)
"Soon, Flying Sword, you will pay for what you have done to my family!"
"Yes, Crimson Snow. But first, I must tell you… I love you!"
The two Chinese actors on the Possible's big screen TV met in mid air, in a slow-motion wire-work ballet. They were half grappling, half embracing (hugrappling, as it were). At some point, some smart director from China figured out how to combine martial arts and romantic drama in equal parts and still make a viable movie. Many such classics followed, and there could be few better choices of date movie for Kim Possible and her sidekick/boyfriend.
"It's just so beautiful… oh, look at that kick!" All the parts of Kim's brain were engaged at the same time.
Ron was concentrated solely on Kim. He'd racked his brains for a week since the prom, on how and where his life needed to change, to fit his new role. He'd gone to someone for advice. It was time to share it with Kim.
"Hey, Kim?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I talk to you for a sec?"
"Oh, uh, okay." She hit pause. The screen froze with the two actors caught in mid hugrapple, their lips mere inches apart, their swords mere inches from fully drawn.
"Kim, I've been thinking about our relationship."
"What… ohmygod are you going to break up with me?"
"Okay, first, that's tantamount to suicide. Second, I could never even dream it, and third, let me finish!" He recollected himself. "Okay, so I was thinking about what we are, what I am. Am I a boyfriend, a best friend, a sidekick, or some weird hybrid, like a boysidebestfrick?"
"A what?"
"And what I thought about was this guy." He held up the DVD box for Enter the Dragon.
"Bruce Lee made you think about your relationship? See, it's stuff like this that makes your mom think…"
"Not like that! Bruce, see he had this thing about labels and boxes and stuff. He learned a bunch of different fighting styles, and decided that the best was no style at all."
"Right. The art of fighting without fighting. The way of no way." This girl studied diligently in all aspects of her life, and this one helped to keep her alive, and so she studied it especially hard. "Use what works for you, don't concentrate on tradition and ritual, and just fight your own fights."
"Yeah! So I got to thinking. Maybe what's got me so tweaked is I'm trying to fit myself in a bunch of boxes, and no matter which one I choose, I have to cut off some parts to fit."
"Gross! Go on."
"KP, we're unique. No couple I know of has quite the same, well, uniqueness about it."
"No, they sure don't. I can't think of another couple that'd base their romantic discussions on Jeet Kune Do."
"Right! And so, instead of trying to fit stuff into labels, like 'date', 'boyfriend', 'love puppet', whatever, we just be who we need to be!"
Kim slid into it full force, and it felt good to Ron-out a bit. "We are the relationship with no name!"
"We am what we is!"
"We is what we am!"
"We have no style!" Ron called it out triumphantly.
"At least you don't!"
"Straight up! Boo-yah!"
The display had exhausted them both. They panted to catch their breath, then caught hold of one another, and fell on the couch tightly bound.
Kim landed on top. Her hair fell forward, framing her face and forming a red curtain that shut out the rest of the world.
"You look so beautiful." Ron lay enchanted by the little beads of sweat forming on Kim's brow. He could feel her whole body pressed against his, every movement and curve passed along through four thin layers of cloth. He was getting hot. Very hot. He took hold of her waist and pulled tighter.
Kim could read the signs. She knew Ron was at the edge. Her mind was clouded. Go or stop. Back up or charge. Sit up or strip down. This could be the most important moment…
"Kids! We're back from the store!" Kim's mother called from the kitchen. She and the tweebs shuffled in with a full load of groceries.
The two teens reacted in perfect synch. They were both upright, and the movie was resumed, in less than three seconds.
"Kim?"
"Yeah?"
"We almost…"
"Mmm-hmm."
"I'm, I mean, you know I want to, I just don't want to…"
"Pressure me. I know. You didn't." She leaned over, and pecked his lips lightly. She whispered. "Someday. Maybe someday soon."
Kim went to the kitchen to help her mom with the groceries. Ron just sat and cooled off for a minute. He thought back to the advice he was given that previous Wednesday. Good one, you two. Thank you both.
Ron had gone to the movie theater on Wednesday night, with no intention of seeing a movie. He timed it for the middle of Zita Flores' shift. When he got to the head of the ticket queue, she glanced up to see him with a worried look on his face.
"Hold on, Ron." She spoke into her headset. "Boss, I gotta go on lunch a bit early…Ok. Ron, go wait over by theater 10, it's closed down tonight."
Zita took her break, and met Ron in the theater. He was staring at the ceiling. "Z, I got some girl questions to ask you."
"Well, I'm something of an authority, being a girl and all. But why don't you ask your usual source?"
"She's the one the questions are about!" He turned to look at her.
"Ah, of course." She sat down, one seat away from Ron. "I heard about the prom. Finally happened, huh?"
"Yeah. But what happened? Everyone says it's a huge step, a massive upheaval, but I just see it as a little, I don't know, lane change!"
"That's a sticky one. Are human relationships a discrete or continuous system?"
"Umm, what?" Ron's eyebrow went to visit his forehead.
"Oh, my new significant other is a bit of a science wonk. I got used to it."
"A real hard-core nerd, eh?"
"Yeah. They're great."
Ron briefly thought, they?, but he kept on with the conversation. "So what you're trying to say is, does love come in chunks like cheese, or flow freely like, um, melted cheese?"
"Yeah! That's what Justi…" Zita cut herself off.
"Justi? Justin? Is that the new guy? Well, why didn't you bring him to the prom?"
"Uh, it's not important, Ron." She smiled, and held up her hands in a dismissive gesture.
"Ok, whatever. So, I should try to convince Kim not to put things in boxes, or try to fit things in holes where things ought not go!"
"Yeah, that's my boy! And, eww!"
Ron was about to leave, but he sat back down next to Zita. "Hey, Z. Did it not work out with us because, y'know, the whole Kim-slash-Me thing was so obvious, or was it because I didn't have what you needed?"
"Oh, the first one, sure. My new… well, they're just…"
"Zita?" A new voice called from the back of the theater, one of a fussy, logical, yet stern demeanor. "There you are." The voice's owner walked up and planted a little peck on Zita's forehead, then moved to sit.
Zita was mortified. She hadn't been ready for this particular introduction. "Ho boy. Okay, Ron, this is…"
"Justine Flanner!" Ron's face took on a hybrid expression halfway between shock and arousal.
"Oh, yes. Kim Possible's sidekick, Mr. Stoppable." The bookish blonde girl settled in right next to Zita.
"Boyfriend." Zita corrected.
"Oh, congratulations. She's such a fine specimen. Very bright." There was no response. "Hello?"
"Ron?" Zita tapped on his forehead. He moved not a muscle.
"Uh oh, Honey. He's locked in shock-rousal mode."
"I got this." Zita stared into Ron's eyes. "Okay, yes, we're involved. No, you cannot take pictures, watch, or 'join in'."
Ron shifted to 'shock-pointment'. "Aww! Too bad for ol' Ronzo."
Justine turned to her blushing Latina lover. "Did I introduce new data ahead of schedule? Zita, I'm tired of being treated like a 'black project' with you!"
Ron cut in. "Yeah, just now she was playing 'hide the gender pronouns' with me!"
"I hate that game!"
"Look, Justine, I'm sorry! It's just, my parents are Catholic, and I don't want to come out to them until I'm prepared to move out, y'know."
"In case they hit the roof, then throw you out from under it?" Ron had a certain gift for metaphor.
"It's hard for you, sweetie. I know." Justine held Zita's head against her own chest, and gently stroked her hair. "So, what was your problem, Ron?"
"It seems a little smaller, now." He said it with no trace of sarcasm. "I'm just trying to figure out a way that Kim won't try and make us do 'couple things', just because we're 'supposed to'."
"Ah. Trying to make someone adopt a new model for the universe is hard. It's usually because they can't visualize it. Try using a metaphorical model that matches something that she's familiar with. Something she's studied."
Ron's epiphany hit hard. He saw in that instant the perfect way to proceed. He leapt to his feet. "Ladies, I gots me some planning to do!" He made a move to dash from the theater. He stopped short, and turned back to the couple seated in the front row.
"Uh, girls? Don't be offended that I ask this, but I figure you might have some insight."
Zita sat back up. "Sure, Ron. Shoot."
"Do I come off as gay to you?"
"No, not at all, does he, Justine?"
"No. And I have very accurate Gaydar."
"Really?"
Justine pulled out a little electronic device from her coat pocket. She pointed it at Ron, and it gave a few beeps. "Ok, twelve percent over the baseline average."
"Eh!"
"Oh, it's probably being influenced by the hairless rodent in your pants."
"Ladies, if you two don't quit breaking my brain, it may just stay broke!"
"Then, you probably don't want to hear my theory that a person's gender identity is best expressed as a seven-dimensional vector quantity."
"La la la, I can't hear you!"
Kim came back from the kitchen. Ron rose to meet her in the doorway, and snatched her up in a quick kiss. "Tonight, we have a date."
"What, a for-real date?"
"I just thought of the perfect sitch. A grassy hilltop in the park, a home-cooked picnic dinner, just you and me and a billion stars!"
Kim was in awe. Who was this, and where did Ron sneak off to? "That just sounds…"
Beep-beep-be-deep!
The Kimmunicator went off in her pocket. Another interruption! "Better be important, Wade!"
"Sorry! Interrupt any illicit cootie-passing?" For as intelligent and advanced as Wade was, he sometimes reminded Kim he was eleven years old.
"Cut to the chase, kiddo!"
"Right. Anyway, I got Will Du on the line. Says it's important."
"Oy. That guy! Put him on."
Will Du's face replaced Wade's. It showed no emotion. "Kim Possible. Is everything well?"
"What do you need, Will?" She was growing impatient.
"We have a bit of a problem at the new GJ super-prison. One of our inmates says she has the location of a secret doomsday weapon, set to go off."
"And, what, she wants to go free in exchange for deactivating it?"
"No, she said she'd divulge the location willingly, but only to you."
"Me?"
"Yes, she was very specific."
"Who is it? The prisoner."
"Shego."
Shego! Even from prison, she could ruin Kim's day. "Okay. Send Wade the coordinates. You're arranging a ride?"
"I'd prefer if you did. All our assets are busy at the moment."
"Uh, okay."
"And Miss Possible?"
"Yeah, Will?"
"Keep it quiet." His face disappeared.
Wade came back on the screen. "I'm decoding the coordinates."
Ron was crestfallen. "I guess the mega-date will have to wait for next week."
"Oh, so not! You go make up the best meal you can, I'll settle up with Shego, and I'll be back for a late dinner!"
"Woah! That's some prison!" Wade's eyes had shot open. "I'll need to call in a big favor for this one."
"Where am I off to?"
"Antarctica!"
Several hours later, a hypersonic VTOL was skids-down on an ice field, in front of an imposing metal fortress. Kim debarked, and asked the pilot to wait. "And thanks again for helping me out, Colonel Washburn! It was a bit out of the way!"
"Least I could do, Kim! After you got me into the test-pilot program at the space center..."
"No big, I know a guy. Great landing by the way. Real smooth."
"Hey, I am a leaf on the wind!"
"Uh, sure you are."
Will met Kim at the vault door, and led her to the visitor's room. It was divided in half by armored glass, and a telephone link was provided between the inmate and the visitor. There was just one. Obviously they didn't expect many visitors at the same time. Or at all.
"After you, Miss Possible. Please hurry. I'm not sure how much time we have."
"I'll try my best. Y'know, being an amateur and all." She wasn't sure he picked up on the sarcasm.
"Quite." He excused himself.
Kim sat down in her chair. Shego was brought in by a pair of uniformed guards, one a stocky man with a red beard, the other a short man with a goatee. The guards stepped back to the rear wall, and flanked the door. Shego picked up her telephone.
Kim did the same. "What is this all about, Shego?"
"Oh, what? No small talk, no witty banter, just straight to the point? You got a date or something?"
"I do. Where's the device!"
"What, you do? Rebounded from Eric so quick? Some jock on the football team, perhaps? Or the chess club?"
"No. The sweetest, most compassionate friend a girl could ever ask for…"
"The buffoon? Stoppable? It is, isn't it? Hah!"
Kim could swear she saw the guards chuckle at that. "What, he's not just some goofball, he's at home making me dinner right now."
"I'm sure he'll be an excellent wife, someday."
"Oh, that is it. You are going to get it if you don't tell me what is going on right now!"
"How about we show you."
"What?" Kim was held fast to the chair by retractable manacles. Mechanical clamps extended from the phone receiver around her head. She could see the same happen to Shego. She felt a sudden flow of electricity. It felt almost…familiar.
She blacked out for a moment. When she could see again, she was looking at herself. From the other side of the glass.
Doctor Drakken entered the room, from the visitor's side. He unhooked the manacles on the chair. "Everything check out?"
"Yeah," Kim saw herself say. But it wasn't her voice.
"Here, take this." Drakken fixed a choker around Kim's neck. But it wasn't Kim's neck anymore.
"Check, check one. I'm an snotty, self absorbed princess with an inferiority complex!" The voice was a perfect impression, now.
"Excellent, Shego. Go, your ride awaits. Just remember to come back with the cargo-craft to get us before the five-oh gets wise."
"Hey, Doc, relax. I can do anything!"
The real Kim shouted to the guards posted in her side of the room. "Hey! Why aren't you guys…"
She got a good look at them, when they lifted their caps. Duff Killigan and Professor Dementor.
"No. No!"
The two guards started to laugh their respective villain laughs. Killigan spoke up first. "Ye should see the look on ye face right now, lassie!"
"Oh, no, Herr Killigan. It is not her face, not her face AT ALL!"
Drakken and 'Kim' walked out the door, and shut off the light on the visitor's side. The real Kim could see her reflection in the glass. It was the green-tinted face of her own worst enemy.
Bum-bum-bummmmmm! How will KP escape this peril? Will Shego have fun at dinner? Will Justine and Zita ever let Ron watch? Will the good Colonel Washburn now suffer a horrific death, having uttered the killer catchphrase? Stay tuned to this website! Random Bluetooth time, random Bluetooth I.P. address! Stay piratical!
