So, Kim's in Shego's body, Shego's in Kim's, Kim's body is in Ron's van and Ron's out of cluedium! Where will it all end! Stay tuned! To this BT (the P) station, for:


05 – Night Life – Without Parole!

"Now this is something!"

Kim was pumped. What was more, she was motivated. Shego and Drakken had been meddling in her personal life far too often, and there's only so much a person can take. But at the moment, she was distracted. She was feeling the kind of physical power she'd only felt before from the wrong end of a roundhouse kick. Once she was unbound and able to try Shego's body out, she was definitely impressed.

"She's got really well-built quads! Great tone and density, biceps like rocks; my body's still a few years from this development stage. Shego's definitely in her prime—and would you look at this butt!" Kim had caught sight of a reflection in a piece of stainless-steel paneling.

Junior had a sudden panic attack, "No! I don't want to look! I looked before, and the consequences were dire! Dire, I tell you!"

Kim could just barely stifle an incredulous chuckle. "Let me guess: you were hot for teacher, and she was cold as ice?"

"Colder and angrier. She was like a tornado made of fingernails and knees!"

"Worth it?"

"Yes. Yes it was."

Kim rediscovered her purpose, and got down to business. She carefully extracted the brain-switcher from its power source, and wrapped it in her jacket. She tied it into a bundle, and gave it to Junior, saying, "Carry this, and keep it safe."

"Why not simply leave it here?"

"Oh no, not a chance. This thing is staying close by me. As high-performance as this key-lime chassis is, I want my native skin back. This is my ticket, and I don't want one of those cackling, meddling idiots holding it hostage. We're going to round them up, find the communication links that they used to get me here, bring Global Justice, and clean this up. Then, I go get my figure back. Where're the linkups?"

"Behind the properties room, past the big vault door they thought we couldn't open. But why am I carrying the machine?"

"Because, I need to have my hands free to fight. Like, say for instance, him."

On cue, Doctor Drakken came around a corner, whistling a happy tune, oblivious to what was going on. He passed between Kim and Junior, on his way back to the visitor room. "Good day, rich-guy's son. Good day, Shego." He continued on through the door. A moment later, Kim and Junior heard his panicked cry, "Aaah! Kim Possible has escaped!"

He ran back to Kim and Junior, "You, Euro-trash guy! We need to close off the exits. Shego! We need to—oh. Oh, wait. You're Kim Possible."

"That's right. How could you forget?" Kim grabbed his collar.

"Well, ah, I've had a lot on my mind, and see, the thing is…"

"Let me jog your memory." Kim released Drakken, and as he tried to bolt, she delivered a roundhouse knee to his abdomen. Drakken flew across the study; he spun around in the air, and landed, inverted, in one of the overstuffed armchairs. The chair fell flat, and Drakken let out a low groan.

Junior was flabbergasted for a moment. "I think you jogged him too hard."

Kim was equally so. "Yeah, it's all the extra strength. I've got to be careful."

"I wonder if Shego's having as much fun with your body as you are with hers."

"I don't know what she would do with mine that…" Kim's mind flashed through all the possibilities, and none of them were good. "We have to hurry! She's got my reputation, my youth, and my virginity in her—I mean my—hands!"

"Well, she's going to come back here for the rest of us, right?"

"I don't know that she will. I honestly don't know."

Kim and Junior rushed off to round up the rest of the inmates.

Drakken was barely lucid enough to hear Kim's last remark. As he slipped out of consciousness, his mind was troubled. She is coming back, right?


Shego's mind was far from "The Plan". At that moment, it was fixated on the insidiously appetizing aroma emanating from the picnic basket Ron had carefully secured in his father's van.

"Come on, Blondie! When do we eat?"

Ron was still missing the clues. "Oooh, we're making up pet names now? Ok, Sweetbread, I just need to do a quick check-up on the sitter." He pulled the van up on a house a few blocks from the Possibles'. A quick hop, skip, and jump to the door, and he rang the bell.

Kim's cousin Larry answered the door. "Ah, greetings Lord High Master Ronald. How fares the courtship rituals?"

"Well enough, Lar, but Kim kinda seems off tonight. Oh, you think she's nervous?"

"About this? I would be, but Kim's so brave all the time…" Larry scratched his head.

"Yeah, but she's always been more nervous about dating than villains. That's got to be it. I just need to get her to relax." He refocused on his original goal. "Are you sure you can handle watching Kim's brothers and Rufus?" He handed the sleeping naked-mole-rat to Larry.

"Actually, one helps with the other. But I also called in a favor."

"Wow, is that a family gift, or what?"

"No, we just help people. In this case, it's a girl from my 'World of Everlot' guild; I helped her power-level her ranger to sixty last week. We're having a little LAN party tonight, and maybe after the boys go home…" Larry nudged Ron in the ribs with his elbow.

Zita walked around the corner from the living room. "Hey, Larry, what's up—Ron! How are you doing, bro?"

"Zita? You and Larry hang out?"

"On WOE, we're tight. Lar, we're running low on snacks, there more in the kitchen?"

"Sure thing, Zee." Larry winked back at Ron as Zita left the foyer. "She's so into me, I can tell! She even brought over a friend, this super-smart girl named Justine. It's like when Princess Autolyca and Lady Payne went to Senator Bernalus to beg for his support, in the deleted scene from episode 2! That one would have cost them PG-13, for sure!" He looked like he was about to melt into his own shoes.

"Yeah, Larry. About Zita and Justine..." Ron was working up the nerve. The truth was hard, and this one was like a diamond-tipped cannonball.

Shego leaned on the horn. Her patience was running out.

"Gotta go. Thanks again, pal, and good luck!"

"Don't need it, but thanks." He shouted past Ron. "Have a good time, cousin!"

Whatever, nerdlinger. She contemplated just digging in right there. The anticipation was slowly killing her, but she could hold out a little longer. She needed to maintain her cover; the longer everyone thought she was Kim, the longer she had to finish the plan. Drakken wouldn't notice: the Antarctic night is a full six months long.


"Oh, me precious clubs! How yer daddy missed ye!" Duff finally got the lock off the heavily-reinforced locker containing his personal effects. He retrieved his bag, and pulled a spare kilt from one of the pockets. "And this! It'll be high time I got out of these horrid, restricting trousers!"

"Oh whatever, Herr Killigan. Ve must make do as kvickly as possible. No telling when this whole plan might collapse around us, and I for one need to be ready to fight. Curse this lock!" Professor Dementor was desperately picking at his own locker.

"At least you have two hands to work with." Gemini was having no better luck. "Just wait until I get my cyber-arm back out of this infernal box—Killigan, blow this door off with one of your explosive golf balls!"

"Nay! First theng's first. Off to change!"

"Fine. But hurry back, and for the love of evil, wear something under the kilt!" Gemini winced and covered his eye.

"I'll do as I please, and I'd thank you not to fixate on me underpinnings!" Killigan shouldered his bag, and stalked past the vault door.

Duff went to the shower room. It was the only one, but during Shego's time there she had managed to block off several hours a day for herself (or else). Killigan changed into his kilt, and was about to return to the vault room when he heard a noise echo off the tile. He spun around to find Junior. "Agh, ya wee peeping tom! I said before, this golfer don' swing that way!"

"This isn't about—wait, do I come off as a little pansy-boy to you?"

"Like a gymnast on shore leave!" Duff was very self-assured in his judgment. "With your slicked hair and fancy clothes!"

"They are the same as everyone's clothes, and at least I don't wear a skirt!"

"Ye nancy papa's boy! Ye can't have none of the Duffer! I'll jack ya good!"

Junior looked completely past Killigan to the shadows behind. "How long must I endure this horrible distraction business?"

Duff spun around, to be greeted by a heavy-gloved fist to the face. He reeled back, but didn't fall. He was definitely tougher than Drakken.

Kim readied herself. Killigan could make out the silhouette of Drakken's sidekick against the dim light. "Oh, ho. The wee lass is taking advantage of being a temporary grown-up! Playing a locker room game, eh? Well I play the game of kings!"

"Isn't that fencing?"

"Not where I come from. Fore!" One of his drivers leapt from his bag, propelled by a gas thruster. It hit his hand, and a ball dropped form the head to rest before him. "How appropriate you're green, I'll make a divot in yer face!"

His shot was like cannon fire, but Kim was too fast for it. Shego's muscles and tendons were tighter than a jungle cat's; the dodge was effortless. The ensuing explosion broke a few water pipes, and Kim was sure the others had heard it. She had to work fast. She ran across the wall of mirrors, flipped over Duff's head, and landed in position to grab him from behind.

Duff saw it coming. He brought his driver around and hooked his opponent's ankle. Kim fell to the floor, face down, and Duff sat on her back. He brought the handle of his club under her chin, and pulled back to choke her.

"How do ye like this, lassie!"

Kim struggled to speak, "Shego will—agh—kill you if she doesn't get her body back!" Her arms were burning; Shego's power was trying to escape its containment.

"She's got yours, and I don't think she minds! Normal color, young, no criminal record, beloved by the world; and who would nay want to be a natural redhead?"

"Someone who likes the sun. But never mind her. Check this out!" Junior spoke from the opposite side of the room. He held one of Duff's exploding golf balls, active, over a high-pressure toilet.

"Wait, nay!" Duff tried to stop him.

Junior dropped the ball, and flushed. He dove for cover.

The toilet exploded off the wall. The high-pressure line blasted Duff with a torrent of cold water; he was thrown back into the mirrored wall. He slid down, unconscious, onto the counter.

Kim crawled out of the way. "Thanks."

"No problem. But now you owe me more, and I aim to collect."

"I always return a favor, Junior," she replied with caution, "y'know, if I can."

She tied Killigan to a pipe with his own discarded trousers, and the two prison-breakers traveled on to towards the property room.


Drakken had worried to himself for nearly an hour. He was flustered, confused. He wasn't sure if he could trust Shego to come back.

What if she's abandoned me? he thought. What if, after all this, she really want's Kim Possible's life? She'd leave me to rot, after all I've done for her, with her, and to her?

He readied his makeshift supplies, and the rather crude winter gear he'd assembled. He took some of the remaining visitor room walls as emergency food, and set off through the door into the Antarctic wasteland. Better to take my chances out here, than to stay behind and wait for the law to come back. Blast you, Shego! He disappeared into the white-out.


Kim entered the darkened room with great caution, and left Junior outside to guard the brain-switcher. She was certain the remaining villains knew she was coming.

She was right. Dementor tried to take her by surprise. She moved aside quickly, but the little scientist was surprisingly spry.

"I don't know why you even try! You're all scientists and administrators. Without your equipment and henchmen, you can't take me!" Kim was showing a bit of Shegoesque bravado.

"I think we stand a decent chance, don't we, Herr Gemini?"

Gemini came around the corner, and raised his hand. "Yes, Professor; now that I've been re-armed!"

Dementor bolted. Gemini fired a rocket from his fingertip, missing Kim by an inch. She rolled behind a row of lockers, and got low to the ground. She went stealthy, trying to get the drop on Gemini, approaching from his eye-patched side. He was quick on the draw. A rocket fired, and Kim couldn't dodge. She held her arms up to protect herself.

The explosion carried her back into a locker. Gemini approached where his adversary fell, chuckling quietly. "My sister thinks so highly of you. How misguided she is." He jumped back, startled, as Kim sat up. She held up her—um, Shego's—right hand. The lock fell away from the damping gauntlet, and the glove itself slipped off.

"Oh, uh, oh my." Gemini took a tentative step back.

Kim lit Shego's hand. The feeling was incredible, like scratching an itch after having a cast removed. She fooled with it a bit, and concentrated the power in her index finger. With a flick, the other lock was gone. She advanced on Gemini, both hands aglow. He reeled back, and readied his hand for another shot. She was on him too quickly, and the cybernetic hand was sheared off in one pass.

"Ah! Please, Kim Possible! Have mercy!"

"Say goodnight, Gemini!" She reeled back to strike him.

Gemini closed his eye. Then, Kim bought Shego's head down into his, and he was out like a light.

Kim spun around, and lit the green glow up even hotter. "Dementor!"

The Professor was trying to crawl away. When he caught Kim's gaze, he looked left, looked right, and lumped into a nearby locker. He closed the door after himself. "I shall just stay here, zhen, ja?"

"You always were the smartest villain. Junior!"

Junior entered the room, carrying the device. He seemed to be shocked when he saw Kim. "Ah! Miss Possible!"

"Yeah, I got the glow working, and it rocks!"

"No, uh, not that!"

Kim took a look at herself. Her shirt had been completely burned off by the eruption of power, and hung in tattered, charred shreds around her waist. Shego's chest had been laid bare. "Oh. I don't care, they're not mine."

"Excellent." Junior re-opened his eyes, and fixed his gaze at Kim's center-of-mass.

"That doesn't mean you get to leer!"

"Sorry!" He re-closed them.

Kim looked around the room, and caught sight of a bit of green cloth poking out from one of the half-destroyed lockers. "Here's something I know will fit."

Shego's locker didn't contain a new bra, so Kim went without. As she slipped into the suit, it felt almost too loose, like it was tailored to fit a size eight. As soon as the zipper was closed, her whole tune changed; the suit adjusted itself, tightening around her with even pressure, moving and constricting until it felt like it wasn't even there. Kim did a few lunges and kicks, and was surprised by how easily she could move. She jumped in place, and felt not even the slightest uncomfortable bounce. Wow, this thing's put together like a suspension bridge! It could make Lara Croft feel like a ten-year-old gymnast! No wonder Shego hasn't traded-in for something more fashionable!

She went back into the property room, collected Junior, and they headed for the electrical switching box at the outer wall.

Kim made a cursory analysis of the tangled web of patch-cords and circuitry. A mess; definitely Drakken. She finally found a place where a phone receiver could be plugged in. "Uh oh. I don't have a phone handy. Junior, is there a phone receiver around here, somewhere?"

"There's a couple on this thing." He held up the bundle containing the brain-switch machine.

"No, those are modified."

"Oh, wait. I saw something earlier. I'll get it." Junior returned a moment later with a curious device, resembling a phone, but not quite.

"Junior, that's Professor Dementor's Transportulator!"

From his locker, Dementor could just barely make out the conversation, but that came through. "My Transportulator was here all along! Ach! Mein lieber, we could have all been free months ago!"

"Quiet, you!" Kim snapped back.

"Jawol, Miss Possible!" He fell silent.

"First thing's first; outside line. I wish Wade were here. Or Rufus, even…" She set about connecting the device.


At that moment, on Bondi Beach, Australia, the collected senior staff members of Global Justice were having a beach party. They had good reason, most of the world's most dangerous criminals were behind bars, the remains were lying low, and life was good. Doctor Director, dressed in a one-piece racing suit, sarong and floral eye-patch, picked up a Mai Tai from the barkeep, and wandered over to the table where some of her underlings were gathered. Will Du, her top agent, was poring over a laptop PC. Crash Cranston, Dash Deman, and Burn Berman, formerly of Team Impossible and their newest recruits, were with him; fresh off a game of beach volleyball against some of the nursing staff.

"Come on, Du, lighten up. You said it yourself, that prison is secure." Dash couldn't abide laziness, but since this vacation was paid, he considered it a crime to not enjoy himself.

"Very well." Du closed his computer.

Doctor Director seated herself. "Any problems, Will?"

"None at all, Ma'am. All security checks out. My, that is a lovely bathing suit."

"Don't butter me up, Will. That may work on civilians, but—what are you snickering at?"

Crash and Burn straightened up instantly, and replied in synch, "Nothing, Doctor Director, Ma'am!"

A tone sounded from Will's laptop. He popped it open, and looked at the status displays for SCIDD-Mark I. "Oh, my. Some prisoner's gotten to the communications switches, and is trying to dial out!"

"That naughty criminal!" said Crash.

"Break in on him!" Burn's curiosity was piqued.

Will opened the microphone circuit. "Attention inmate. Nice try, but return to the contained area at once!"

"Will? Will Du, is that you?" A familiar voice came over the speaker.

"Kim Possible? What kind of trick is this!"

"Will, you've lost control of the prison. Shego's out, the inmates are in control, and I'm stuck in here!"

That is quite impossible!" Will opened a cascade of video windows, all showed normal prison activity. "There is nothing untoward going on, whoever you are!"

"Oh really!" At the other end of the line, Kim pulled out a handful of video patch-cords.

Will's videos cut out, then reverted to the real camera views. He saw the ruined rooms, the unconscious villains, the open door, the scattered baked-goods…

"Wha—how—what…"

Doctor Director pushed Will back; he was in a state of catatonia. "Kim, this is Doctor Director. Explain what has happened."

"No time. I need an outside phone line, now! Shego's in my hometown, and I need to contact my friends and family!"

"Done. I'll debrief you later." The good doctor keyed a few commands, and the line was open. "How did they get access to communications gear?"

"I think they got it all from the villain property room. I have to go. Kim out!" The line went dead.

Doctor Director just sat for a moment. "Why was the property room co-located with the prison?"

Burn spoke up. "Well, as the new director of accounts, I thought it would be more cost-effective for the construction, if both facilities were, uh, together?"

"Well, I can think of somewhere better that you could have put it."

"Where?"

She was shouting at the top of her lungs, "Anywhere!" She calmed down just a bit. "Scramble a strike team to that prison, mop up, and for crap's sake do it now!"

"Yes, ma'am!" The three big men dashed off for the base; calling to any agents they passed. Doctor Director sank into her chair, and downed her drink in one gulp. "Ugh, why oh why did I take them on?"


Kim connected the rest of the Transportulator, picked up, and heard a dial tone. "Yes! Now, where to call. My house! No, no-one's home. Wade! No, I don't know his exact location, I need to be near my house. Got it!"

She turned to Junior, "You helped me, so I'll do what I can to get you and your father's sentences reduced. Try to keep the other villains contained, and follow instructions when GJ gets here. I have to go."

"Wait, Kim Possible, one thing."

"What?"

Junior scooped her up in his arms, and pressed his lips hard against Kim's borrowed set. She was shocked, and took a moment to regain herself. When it was over, she was silent for a moment.

She came back with, "Woah! Junior, what was that about?"

"Well, I…"

"Was that for me?" she asked, "or for Shego?"

Junior actually looked abit bashful, "I really just wanted to see what it was like, y'know, curiosity and all, but I like my legs in their current, un-fractured state, so…"

"Say no more. Take care." She dialed the phone, and shouldered the brain-switcher bundle. When the line picked up, she said, "Stand back!" And she was gone in a flash of green light.

"I am disappointed in you, Junior." Senor Senior, Sr. entered the light. "I've been watching you. A shameful display, aiding the heroine? And for what, a shorter sentence? Pay attention, I am berating you!"

Junior was dialing the phone. "Father, what is the area code for Paris?"

Senior was temporarily agape. Then, he was close to tears, crying out, "Son. My son, such a double-cross! I have never been more proud!"

"Quiet, father, it is ringing!"


Francoise was just opening the shop for the day, when his phone rang. "Oui oui, Francoise's salon? Ah, Senor Senior, Junior! No, all is forgiven for such good customers! Le Goop? We have much in stock, when shall you be by to get it? What do you mean 'right now'?"
Next up: Kigo vs. Shekim, er, Kimego vs. Shegim, uh, something! Plus - Will Larry score? No, but his failure will entertain us. Schadenfreude rules! (Look it up.)