Love, Lust, and Lolicons
Authorship: Avery Likelytale (on MapleStory, my IGN is Annabub and I play on the Broa server. Give me a whisper if you play!)
Author Notes: Wow...uh...thanks to everyone who reviewed. Didn't know I'd get this many. OO; Well, you all get candy. Better get it analyzed by a food chemist before you eat it. It might be poisonous.
Caution: Chazz and Zane, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G...and that's really all you need to know.
2. Zane is a Sexual Predator
Chazz spent the rest of the afternoon cooped up inside his tent, despite the best efforts of Jaden and Syrus to drag him out and build sand castles with them. He eventually had to erect a barricade of bookshelves and legs broken off of tables--from last night's fit--in order to keep the two Slifer scum out.
Night came swiftly, and soon the sound of squawking seagulls and screaming students gave way to nothing but the soft hooting of owls and the light splashing of waves. Chazz crept out of his tent, casting a look at the main Slifer Red dorms to make sure that Jaden and Syrus were inside, and did not notice. The last thing he needed was those two pouncing on him and tagging along.
If he was going to get beat up by Zane, he was going to do it alone.
Zane seemed strangely nervous and uncomfortable when Chazz sighted him, standing by the lighthouse. He was shifting awkwardly from foot to foot, his hands in his pockets as he stared, with a worried look in his sea-green eyes, at the half moon.
"Hey," Chazz called out hoarsely, breaking the silence.
"Oh...hi," Zane said.
Chazz drew near, tensing, readying himself to attack in return when Zane struck. Zane, however, stared off into the distance, away from Chazz, and said, "I heard that, you know, you told Alexis you liked her."
Here it comes! Chazz thought. "Yeah, I did," he said, as bravely as he could. "What about it?"
"Uh...nothing." Zane said.
"Nothing?" Chazz repeated.
"Nothing."
Chazz was thoroughly confused. Zane stood, looking as insecure and unaggressive as ever, saying in casual terms that he didn't really care that Chazz had tried hitting on his girlfriend.
Chazz blurted out, "But...I thought you and Alexis were an item! You're not going to beat me up?"
"Huh?" Zane jumped back several feet. "What? Of course we're not. Of course I'm not going to beat you up! Where'd you get that?"
"Uh...did you know that she likes you?" Chazz tried, now beginning to wonder about the nature of Zane and Alexis's relationship.
"She does?" Zane stared blankly.
"Yeah! She told me that. You don't like her back?" Chazz practically screamed. Here was this idiot who had the affection of the most beautiful girl on earth, and he didn't realize or care? What was wrong with Zane Truesdale?
"Of course not," Zane said. His voice had suddenly turned quite matter-of-fact. "I don't like her. I like you."
"Wha--"
Chazz's cry of confusion was cut off in a blink, when Zane seized Chazz by the collar and firmly planted his lips against Chazz's. Chazz felt the soft warmth of Zane's lips for only an instant, before jerking away violently.
"Waaaaaaghhh!" He screamed, staggering backwards. "Holy shit! You kissed me! You're a sexual predator! A sexual predator! Get away from me, you rapi--"
At this moment, Chazz's crazy swerving brought him over the edge of the pier, and he fell into the icy water. Gasping for air and choking out incomprehensible curses, he splashed wildly for several minutes before realizing the water was shallow enough to stand in.
Zane was laughing now, his eyes bright with mirth as he leaned down to haul Chazz out. Chazz accepted Zane's arm, but only for a moment--he jerked away as soon as possible once he reached dry land.
"You child molester! You lolicon, shoutacon..." Chazz blubbered, pointing an accusing finger at Zane.
"What's wrong?" Zane sounded amused. "I'm only two years older than you."
"No, you're not!" Chazz jabbed his accusing finger toward Zane, violently. "You're a freaking old man! You--my first kiss was supposed to be for Alexis, not you!"
"Are you on PCP or something?" Zane said. He still sounded remarkably calm. Chazz wanted to pick up something large, sharp, and pointy, and hurl it at Zane's ungrateful, laughing seaweed-head.
"I'm not old," Zane continued relentlessly. "I'm seventeen, you're fifteen. We'll be perfect together. What do you say?"
Chazz hissed out, "Never. Never in a million years, you loser."
"Do you..." Zane paused theatrically, and began examining the stars again. "Say...want to bet on that?"
"Fine by me!" Chazz snapped.
"All right," Zane stepped toward Chazz, causing Chazz to back away warily. Chazz realized with a jolt that if he stepped back any more, he'd fall in the water again. He gave Zane a vicious glare. "Here's the conditions," Zane was saying. "I'll get you to say 'I love you' to me within...let's make it...two weeks. If you win, you can do whatever you want. If I win...I get to have sex with you."
Chazz exploded. "NO WAY IN HELL ARE YOU WINNING! THERE'S NO WAY I WOULD SAY I LOVE YOU--AND THERE'S DEFINITELY NO WAY YOU'RE GONNA FUCK ME!"
"Shush," Zane said, placing a hand over Chazz's mouth. Chazz squirmed indignantly. "We don't want people to hear, do we?"
"Mrmmff!" Chazz protested.
Zane released Chazz, and Chazz staggered backwards, falling into the water again. This time, Zane made no motion to help Chazz. "Well, seeya, Chazz." With a smile--a devil's smile, thought Chazz--he departed. Chazz soaked in the water, glaring furiously at Zane's departing back, before blurting out a question that had bothered him ever since Zane made his proposition.
"Hey! How do you have sex with another guy, anyway?"
Zane's response was one simple word. "Anal."
As he sat in the frigid water, staring with a mixture of shock, disgust, and revelation, Chazz received the sharp and brutal sensation that there were some questions never meant to be asked.
The next day was not a good one. It was an interlude between classes, where kids could take a break, chat with their friends, and relax outside, but Chazz remained sulking at his desk, feeling quite depressed. Jaden's incessant shouting wasn't helping his headache much, either.
"Chazz! Chazz! Hey, Chazz! Wanna duel? Let's duel, Chazz! Duel! Get your game on! C'mon, Chazz!" Jaden had grabbed his textbook and was now bopping Chazz on the head with it.
"Will you shut up?" Chazz screamed.
"Aww, Chazz," Jaden said, a large, bubbly smile still on his face. "You know you want to duel me."
Last night's events had left Chazz with a sort of trauma that had turned his mind toward the darker, dirtier side of things--so that when he heard Jaden say this, he heard something quite...different...from what Jaden had intended.
"No fucking way!" Chazz leaped up from his seat and reached over, trying to punch Jaden, but Jaden wriggled out of the way. "Go ahead and die, you nasty little perv!"
"Perv..?" Syrus said, evidently confused.
"Hey, Chazz, take a chill pill, will ya?" Jaden said, seizing Chazz's arm. Chazz furiously twisted out of Jaden's grip and hissed at him, much like an angered cat.
"Chazz, you're scary...," whimpered Syrus.
Chazz gave the turquoise haired midget a quick look. It was the first time he had really paid any attention to Syrus since he met him--after all, Syrus didn't have much presence. Chazz was hit with the sudden realization that this short, whining kid in the Slifer Red jacket, with the tiny glasses that were more decorative than anything, was Zane Truesdale's brother.
"I HATE YOU!" Chazz roared into Syrus's face. Syrus let out a scream of fright, and tried desperately dodging behind Jaden, but to no avail--small as Syrus was, he could not fit through the tiny gap between Jaden's legs and the wall. "You--you have the same blood as him! That stupid bastard! I hate you too! I hate all you Truesdale people!"
"Cut it out, Chazz!" Jaden seized Chazz underneath the arms, for Chazz had raised both his fists in an attempt to attack Syrus. Syrus trembled and cried.
"No way! He's related to that spawn of Satan!" Chazz's thoughts were becoming incoherent--all he could think about was the events of the night before...Zane, stealing his first kiss. Zane, laughing at him, mocking him. Zane, making that ridiculous dare.
Zane!
"Who--wha--are you talking about Zane?" Syrus said, between chattering teeth.
"Yes, I am talking about Zane!" Chazz shouted. "Zane the pain!"--and with those three words, Chazz demonstrated the remarkable extent of his poetic abilities.
"Wow, you're talking about me."
Chazz whirled around wildly and saw, with infuration, that Zane was standing in the aisle, looking relaxed and calm, as he always did--but this time with a grin on his face, instead of his usual stoic expression.
"Go away!" Chazz yelled.
"I don't get it," Syrus said. "What's going on? Why does Chazz hate you, Zane?"
"You don't hate me, Chazz, do you?" Zane said, in that same hatefully calm voice. He took Chazz by his shoulders, pinning him with strong hands. "You love me. Say it. You love me."
"Hell no!" Chazz wrenched away from Zane's grip and collapsed backward, panting, onto a hard plastic seat. Breathing heavily, he said, "You've never had a girlfriend before, have you? 'Cause if you did, I feel really sorry for her if you treated her like you're treating me! Now fuck off!"
"Why? You've never had a girlfriend before either," Zane said merrily. "So--"
Chazz reached up to hit Zane, but Zane grabbed him by the wrist and managed to pull Chazz up to his chest. Chazz let out a noise of indignation as Zane wrapped his arms around him, stroking his hair. He could feel Zane inhaling deeply into the mess of his hair.
"Now, if you'll excuse us," Zane said, looking up at a frightened Syrus and an unsettled Jaden, "my boyfriend and I will be going on a date. Seeya."
Chazz caught a final glimpse at Syrus and Jaden's unbelieving faces before Zane dragged him away, across the room, and out of the door.
My life, he thought blankly, is a freaking soap opera.
Author's Notes: ROFLMFAO.
Really all I can say. :D Besides that I can't tell anymore if I'm writing satire or not.
Review or I, using my mental powers, will send out a psychic wave that will send your office chair spinning across the room until you hit a wall and receive a minor concussion, which will hereby wipe out all knowledge you had of your second grade teacher's lip deformity.
PS: And yes, nobody wants to forget their second grade teacher's lip deformity. Nobody
