That time on the bus was uncomfortable. About twenty minutes into the ride, I looked back at everyone else, and they were bust talking with their friends. Ryan was already asleep. I felt so lonely at the time. I was all alone and friendless, traveling to someplace I didn't want to go to at all. My life was a wreck.
.:FLASHBACK:.
Miraculously, about two and a half hours passed and I wasn't sick! But then, as we were entering this foresty looking area, the roads slowly began to curve. I swallowed and closed my eyes. I will not throw up in the bus. I will not throw up in the bus. I will not—
"Shar? What are you doing?" I literally jumped in my seat.
"Ry? The curves…" I mumbled. "Just leave me alone for a bit, okay?" I brought my knees up to my chest, and I was back in that position again. I took several deep breaths. I will not throw up in the bus. I will not throw up in the bus. I will not throw up in the bus…
Twenty minutes later, the bus pulled into a wide space of land. I looked out of the window. There were all these cabins in the distance and another building in the front. There was a path leading to this the cabins.
"Well, Sharpay, this is as bad as it will ever get." I said to myself. Ryan and I and the rest of the class headed to the picnic tables for the first official meeting. We learned about .who knows what, since I wasn't listening at all. Then we had to split up into cabin groups. Boys were on one side of the campsite, girls were on the other. Then it hit me, I would have to spend the whole time with girls from my class. Ryan wouldn't be there. Ryan wouldn't BE there.
I got assigned to a cabin with everybody that hated me. I was SO gonna die. HOWEVER, I grabbed my bags, put on a snobby face, cut in front of everyone in order to get to the cabin first.
.:END OF FLASHBACK:.
Amazingly, two days passed. I was my normal, mean, self-centered self throughout it. It killed me, though. You have no idea how much it kills to act like someone you're not every day of your life! It eats away at your spirit and soon you're left with nothing but a big empty space inside you that locks you away from the world. Then it was the last night of the trip (yay!) and we had to do our night hike.
.:FLASHBACK:.
We had to go out for this night hike next. It was when you went out in this freaky trail in the DARK, and there are places where kids have fallen into, like off miniature cliffs. The worst part? No flashlights or anything could be used. If you know me, I've been scared of the dark ever since I had to dial 911 in my downstairs closet. The good part? The whole class was going so I wouldn't be alone.
"Okay, grab a partner," said Dolphin, some weird group leader told us. We did. God, I couldn't see a thing. "In a few minutes, your eves will get used to the dark, so don't worry." Yeah, right. I hated the dark. I don't know why, but it's…scary. My life is consumed in darkness, and I'm afraid that dad will come back. Therefore, I'm terrified of it.
We headed into the forest. Finally, I could barely make out shapes of rocks and trees and the crooked path that we were on. I normally don't do this, but I linked arms with Ryan. He looked confused and weirded out. A few minutes into the hike, I could hear David's laughter…no, I that wasn't possible…
I was probably just imagining it. Yeah…it wasn't true. Then I heard it again and I tightened my grip on Ryan's arm. I could feel the fear bottling up inside me and my stupid imagination. Why couldn't my dad be like real fathers were? I wasn't ever able to have a real dad. Heck, I didn't know what it was like to have a complete family!
"Ryan…?" I said softly. I wanted to tell him about how I felt, but then I chickened out.
"Yeah?" he said.
"Never mind…" The nighttime breeze was blowing everything, making the trees and bushed rustle and the rocks to clink against each other. The wind howled through the endless night sky.
To tell you the truth, I kind of liked this experience. I think I connected with the earth more than I ever did before. The atmosphere made me feel complete, like I belonged to the earth. I felt loved for the first time in my life. Whenever I felt lonely, or hurt, or scared at night, I would lay in the top bunk, which I claimed on the first day, stare out the window and at the moon. It calmed me down and I would drift off into a semi-peaceful sleep.
.:END OF FLASHBACK:.
