Big answers in this chapter. Love to know your opinions, guys, so please review.

Gen. Mac - thanks for always saying a word or two.

Chapter 17

When Kara finally stated talking, the sound nearly startled Tara, her friend's silence lasting for close to ten minutes while she picked at her food.

"I remember the spell I asked you to do," Kara blurted out suddenly.

"What?" Tara asked in surprise.

"The forgetting spell. I remember now."

"Oh. Does Spike?"

"No, at least I'm pretty sure. I think he would have mentioned it."

"You're probably right. How did that happen? The spell was devised to only break from specific triggers."

"Well, maybe I should start at the beginning. Do you remember back in April when Spike and I went to Ossiriand?"

"Yes. You mentioned that was when he claimed you."

"Well, he wasn't the only one who did some claiming. That Saturday night, we got caught up in the moment – you know, and I claimed him back when he claimed me, only the words I used were an eternity claim. We made love into the next morning, and I woke up hungry…"

"Of course…" said Tara in encouragement.

"Yeah…and my servant noticed the marks on my neck. You see, Ossirian Immortals married, and then there were eternal claims. That bond has to be entered into with all surety and seriousness because it literally is forever. If you both die, then your souls are still linked for all eternity. And since it is that powerful, it can make amazing things happen, even impossible things. My servant congratulated me, and in so doing, reminded me about everything related to that kind of claim. On intuition, I checked my tattoo in the mirror, and the symbols had changed."

"What did that mean?"

"I still don't know. I went straight to the Elder, demanding answers and feeling like I had been cosmically duped. He would only tell me that it was a blessing, before and after. I went to the library to research, digging up anything Kalari didn't know, or had forgotten, and I discovered a ritual that would remove the eternity bond…"

"Oh, Kara…" Tara was starting to see where this was going.

"I teleported Spike home while he was still asleep, found the Elder, and performed the ritual. It could only be done within the first 24 hours of the claim being initiated. It was horribly painful, and the ritual is meant to drain the caster's powers for a day or two, as a warning to think before you leap next time. The tattoo left with the spell. I summoned Yavanna, needing someone familiar with the old ways, and she could find nothing wrong with me, nothing that the symbols had been needed to protect me from. We went to her house for a couple days…I wasn't ready to face Spike, yet, knowing he'd be hurt and angry when he couldn't feel me as strongly anymore…I did make sure his claim would be unaffected from the ritual, and that he wouldn't suffer any pain for the removal of my own." Kara took some sips of water, collecting herself to continue the tale.

"You should have told him about your fears," Tara said softly.

"I know, and I told him that with my apology, when Yavanna brought me home. My powers hadn't returned, yet, so I couldn't teleport myself. Spike was at the house when we got there. He was eerily calm, which means that he's mad enough to be beyond yelling. It is a truly scary thing. So, I told him what exactly I did, and why. There were so many things we should have talked about – decided on – before mating. It's the equivalent of marriage, and we still had separate houses. I freaked – panicked – and acted to correct that mistake until we could make those decisions as a couple first."

"What was his reaction after you explained everything?"

"Okay. He comforted me while I cried. We – haven't actually picked up the rest of the conversation. I didn't leave the house except for supplies for the recording booth until he dragged me to The Bronze to hang out with all of you." Kara looked down at her hands, playing with a napkin. "I still didn't have my powers, so I didn't want to get into any fights. I was just focused on trying to make it up to Spike. Eventually, I could teleport again, but it left me exhausted. With everything feeling so wonky, staying at home meant that I could pretend I was still 'normal girl Kara' for a while."

"And how do you feel now?"

"Seeing everyone on my birthday helped. Spike totally surprised me by getting Mel out here, and then having practically everybody I know come by…that was neat. I don't have a history of good birthday parties, so having that one go so well meant a lot. Lifted my spirits, which have been all over the place since the ritual. Lorne probably gave me the most useful gift, right now."

"What was it?" Tara's mind was trying to process all that her friend had been through and keep up with the story at the same time.

"A centering stone, to focus on the inner you and reconnect your thoughts with your emotions. I used it Saturday night, and that was quite a mind journey…"

"I hope it helped?"

"Yeah…a lot. See, he'd read me the last time I sang at Caritas, and picked up the stone knowing I would need it the next time he saw me. He read me again at the party, and made sure to give it to me when I walked him out. I'm pretty sure there's more to that stone than just helping you focus during meditation. I'm going to have to ask where he got it…"

"Kara, I'm a bit confused. How has all that enabled you to break the spell?" She really couldn't see where the connection was, yet, but what hadn't been said was troubling the witch.

"Sorry…I got a little side-tracked. Okay, remember that I told you my doctor diagnosed me as not being able to carry a child to term? Well, what I didn't say, was why I went to the doctor in the first place. It wasn't just because me and my then fiancé were wanting to have children together. I-" Kara let out a ragged breath, causing Tara to grasp her hand in support. "I had a miscarriage, at two months along, and wanted to know why. Then, finding out that it was my body's fault? I was shattered, and guilt-ridden, and every other thing you can imagine in that kind of situation. Only Mel and my ex know, until now. What…happened…led to our break-up. I was depressed, which everyone thought was attributed to my mother's illness, but outwardly, I functioned. My ex saw what happened as a cold wake-up call that he was facing adult issues he wasn't prepared to handle, yet. We were barely more than kids. I couldn't blame him when he finally admitted he wanted to go into the service, to live a structured life. We didn't really grieve much together. He asked if it would be alright to name her Katie, and that was pretty much that."

"How old would she be?"Tara asked gently.

"Seven, in August. When I was deep in my head, I found her – what my imagination came up with for how she would look and be now. I had tried to bury the pain, the loss, so deep, and I'd never really dealt with it. Not all the way. I talked with her, played with her, sang her a lullaby. There was another me there, who was guarding her and so afraid that setting her free would mean losing her, the memory of all she would have meant. I released Katie, and the other me was so angry. She asked me what would happen if the same thing happened again. I denied that it could, and she recalled that I wouldn't remember what I had you remove. Only I did. I knew as if I'd never forgotten, and she saw it.

The next person I saw in my mind was Kalari – how she looked in her own body still. That blunt side of me? Nothing compared to her. Well, as these journeys go, I faced more truths and revelations…The final version I got to meet was my logic center, who all but kicked me in the ass for being an emotional yo-yo lately. As soon as I woke up, I went to Ossiriand and buried myself in the library to confirm what I knew." Kara wiped away a few tears. She was getting through these confessions better than she'd thought she would.

"And what did you find?"

"Well, since I wasn't hiding from myself anymore, my powers are back. Um, as for the rest…" Kara's voice dropped to a whisper. "I'm kinda pregnant."

"Huh?" Tara was truly surprised, not sure she'd heard correctly. "Can you repeat that?"

"I'm kinda pregnant," Kara repeated.

"But Spike's dead…I-I mean his, uh, swimmers are."

"Impossible things becoming possible through on eternity claim…I was ovulating on the night it happened. I checked my calendar."

"Oh. Okay, but how can you be 'kinda pregnant'? Sweetie, you either are, or you're not," Tara teased.

"Funny thing about Ossirians – I had to look this up in the archives – We're true Immortals, right? And children weren't overly abundant. There's no race to fit them in during your prime like mortals have to. The thing is, because we had so much power, indefinitely, the universe had a catch for the growth of our race. Once fertilization takes place, the egg gets to sit there while the potential soul it will become is weighed for worth. I don't know how they figured this out, but they did. The egg doesn't get to start growing until the universe has made its decision, which can take up to two and a half months. The pregnancy continues if the soul is worthy of receiving that much power in the future. If not, then the egg simply disappears with no harm to the mother. It could take a matter of days, or more than a month. The two and a half months was the longest holding period on record. I won't know what's happening until I have an ultrasound, or at least hear the heartbeat. Did I confuse you at all?"

"No, no. So, you're sure? Have you taken a test?"

"Not yet, but I missed my period, and I never miss. You can set a clock by me, normally. Plus, well, there's just this feeling where I know. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah. I think any woman would know if she was aware of herself. I can't imagine being oblivious to it all. Are you excited? When are you going to tell Spike?" Tara asked curiously.

"Scared as all hell, at the moment. I don't want to say anything to Spike, yet, in case this doesn't…take. I think he'd be crushed to have the opportunity, only for it to slip away, well, unless he really doesn't want to be a father…but I'll deal with that thought when it comes. And Tara, I don't know if I can carry the child even if I do remain pregnant! Becoming a Protector cured a lot of my health issues, but it might not have gone that far. I don't want to start hoping, only to have what happened to Katie occur all over again. I can't go through that a second time."

"I know, sweetie, and now that I'm informed, I'm going to be there for you every step of the way, okay? You don't have to face this alone."

"Thanks. I guess the next step is to find a doctor specializing in supernatural babies. It will be a little hard to explain to a normal doctor that I'm carrying the child for a year. Whales carry their offspring for a year!" Kara's head hit the table. "Oh, god, I'm going to be the size of a house," she groaned.

Tara giggled, and the serious, oppressive mood that had descended upon the table finally lifted as humor came into play.

"I'll ask around discreetly for a reputable mid-wife in the area. I don't know of any OB's, but Lorne might. He seems to be connected to everything in L.A.," Tara suggested.

"Yeah, I already thought of that and left him a message to call me. I also left a message for Yavanna. She's directly linked to the PTBs, and I want to know if they know what's happening. I've known them long enough to not completely trust them. Are you going to eat that tomato?"

"Please, have at it," Tara said with a grin.

"I've been craving anything with tomatoes for weeks. After we met up for breakfast the day after The Bronze? I stopped and got a jar of salsa on my way back to the crypt. I can't get enough of it since. That's when I started to suspect something was going on with my body. The only other time I craved salsa was with Katie. I guess I can't be in denial about why I want it anymore."

"I was wondering why you were eating it at the party. You hate Mexican food, normally."

"Still do, except salsa. I'm so amazed I haven't gained weight, yet. I've been such a pig," she grimaced. "Tara…it's nice talking about the pregnancy stuff with you. With my mom so sick, I didn't get to share it with anyone last time. It didn't really feel appropriate."

"I'm glad to help."

Kara flagged the waitress over, intent on ordering another basket of fries, with extra ketchup. It really felt good, now that she'd gotten everything off her chest. Weeks of fear were now replaced with a lesser apprehension. Knowing Tara had her back no matter what was to come made facing the possible risks a lot easier, and Kara finally felt like she could breathe again.

"So, assuming you were having a normal, human pregnancy, how far along are you?"

"6 weeks this last Saturday. The heartbeat doesn't appear in a human pregnancy until week 8, I think,so I wouldn't know for sure what was happening now, anyway."

"And we're going to think positively until there's a reason not to, right?" Tara said firmly.

Kara grinned a little, and nodded. "Right. I'm going to expect normal and healthy, because most pregnancies are just that."

"Feels different once you say it out loud, huh?"

"Yeah…it does…I really need to stop putting off that conversation with Spike. I don't want him making a further commitment to me just because I'm pregnant. Should I ask him to move in with me? Should I demand an engagement? And, oh my god, my father's going to flip if I end up an unwed mother. Not that I want to be, but he's really old-fashioned about stuff like that."

"What's the worst he could do?"

"Forbid my siblings from seeing me because I'm a 'bad influence'. He spanked me when I was 16 once because I didn't say 'yes, sir' when he called for me. I didn't even know he'd instituted that as a new rule, but he punished me for being a bad example for my brother and sister just for that. So, yeah…if the timing's obvious, then he's going to flip out."

Tara tried to make light of it. "Well, technically, you were married, just not by human laws. And your sister is already an adult, so, won't she make up her own mind?"

"Yeah, that's true. We've stuck together since she graduated high school. Well, you know how that family stuff is. It never quite leaves your head."

"Hmm, quite true. What would you like to do next?"

"What, today?" Kara asked, confused.

"Uh huh. You've had enough heavy thoughts today."

"Uhhhh, I have no idea. I didn't think about being out past lunch. You don't have plans with Willow?"

Tara shook her head. "Her Monday class goes until 6pm. Oh, speaking of classes, Dawn missed school today. She's got a stomach flu, or something. We could drop in and see how she's doing?"

"I guess that would be alright. I pretty much owe her, anyway, since I've been such a recluse. I'll be right back." Kara got up and walked over to the counter. She came back a couple minutes later with a takeout container. "Chicken soup. Good for what ails ya. Shall we go?" She picked up the charm and put it back in her pocket.

They paid the bill at the register up front, then found their respective cars in the parking lot. Kara followed Tara back to Sunnydale and onto Revello Street. She felt proximity tingles through the claim as they approached the front door.

"Spike's here," she announced. Tara nodded, and tapped on the door softly as she opened it.

"Dawn?" she called.

"Living room!" They found her on the couch with a sleeping Spike slouching next to her. "Shhh! Don't wake him. I called him at one o'clock because I got bored. He didn't even last through the first movie," she said quietly. She giggled softly. "I painted his fingernails orange." The two women cringed at the garish color.

"We brought chicken soup," Kara said.

"Cool. I could eat, if one of you can find the Saltines. I kind of can't move." Spike's head was on her shoulder. "Does he always snore?" she asked Kara.

"Only when his head is at a funny angle. He breathes almost silently, otherwise. It's cute, though."

"Yeah. At least he doesn't rattle the windows," Tara added.

Kara handed Dawn the soup while Tara went in search of the crackers.

"Dawnie, I found Oyster crackers, instead. Those okay?"

"Yeah, that's fine. There's a packet of some in here, too." Tara handed her the box, then took a seat in the comfy chair. Kara was in the kitchen now, searching for a snack.

After a while, Tara went in search of her, to see what had happened. Kara was just taking a batch of tater tots out, and smothering them with ketchup.

"Ahem," the Wicca said upon seeing her friend. Kara sheepishly smiled and picked up her plate and fork.

"I got hungry."

"You just ate enough lunch to have Xander over-full."

"40 minutes ago! Now I'm hungry again. Oooh, I need a banana." She rifled through the fridge until she found one in a drawer. Kara peeled it, then started slicing it on top of the potatoes.

"Kara, that's gross! Ketchup on the banana?"

"Mmm hmm, it's good," she mumbled around the bite she was chewing. Tara shook her head and went back to claim her seat. Kara took the other chair, since there wasn't room on the sofa. Dawn did a double-take at Kara's plate.

"Please hide that from my eyes. I threw up this morning. What the heck are you eating!"

"Um, tater tots…and a banana. Obviously, with ketchup. It's actually not bad. The ketchup overpowers the banana, so it's just a little sweet added in." She devoured the plate like she hadn't eaten all day, making her friends stare at her like she'd grown another head. "What?"

"Smell good on the way by?" Dawn quipped.

"Eat your soup…brat," Kara grumbled.

"Oooh, snappy comeback!"

Fifteen minutes later, Kara was back in the kitchen. It was as if just acknowledging her pregnancy had kicked her appetite into hyper mode. She eventually came back with cooked zucchini smothered in salsa. Tara arched her brow in silent comment, earning a glare from Kara. Dawn noticed the exchange and knew she was missing something.

Predictably, Spike awoke when the sun went down. Joyce had already called around 6 o'clock to say she would be at Giles' for the evening. Buffy was still out, too.

"Hey, sleeping beauty," Kara greeted her boyfriend. He blinked sleepily.

"Hey, luv. What are you doin' 'ere?"

"Just visiting Dawn on her sickbed. Tara and I had a late lunch together."

"Tha's' nice. I'm famished. Is there any blood left in the freezer, Bit?"

"I think so."

He pecked Kara on the cheek, then stretched and headed for the kitchen. Even half asleep, he still managed that sexy swagger that made Kara want to purr in appreciation. Behave, kitten. Impressionable minors in the room, she heard in her head. For his teasing, she sent a very imaginative picture to his head of something they had yet to try. She heard the mug stutter on the counter, and smirked in triumph.

"You're thinking bad thoughts to each other again, aren't you?" Dawn asked her.

"Huh?"

"You always get a certain look on your face, and your pupils change shape. Then Spike all but drags you out the door within 5 minutes. And I'm happy for you guys, as long as you stay away from my bed."

"Oh, eww! Dawn! I wouldn't even think to do that!" "Bloody hell, Niblet! That's just disturbing!"

"You guys are just so easy!" she laughed. "Ow, ow, that hurts my stomach." Tara just held her hands up gesturing that she was staying out of it.

"Well, ladies, as fun as this is, the Friday night turnings will be rising tonight, so I've got a job to do." Kara joined him on the porch. "Come by the crypt when you're done here?"

"Maybe," she replied coyly.

"I only warrant a 'maybe' now? That hurts, pet," he pouted.

"Big baby," she teased. "Mel's still at the house. It would be rude to leave her alone overnight."

He sighed, put out. "Yeah, you're right. She's probably expectin' you back by now." He leaned in, nuzzling her cheek with his own. "Kiss for luck?"

"Mmm, always."

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"Mel! Have you eaten!" Kara called as she walked in the door.

"Just some leftover salad. What took you so long?"

"Dawn is home sick, so I stopped in to cheer her up. We lost track of time. Come on. Is pizza okay?"

"Sure. I'm a mother of four with no free time. Takeout is my friend."

Kara spent the rest of the evening filling in her old friend on people they knew, and reminiscing on funny stories from high school. Melissa was flying home the next day.

----------------------------------------------------

"Seriously, you can take her. Just tell dog she's a present from me to the kids, if he gets mad. She's young enough to sleep the whole way on the plane."

"Are you sure?"

"Yep. The kitten has bonded with you. She'll be a good pet. I insist."

"Okay, fine. Let's leave for the airport before I change my mind."

Kara and Melissa exchanged warm hugs and promises to call soon. Kara stayed long enough to watch the plane take off, then drove home.

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Okay, so one big secret out. Any thoughts? The next update will be Sunday.