Thanks again, Gen. Mac. I know the rest of you sticking with this story have to have opinions! Come on, give it to me good...

Chapter 19

"Hello?" Kara answered her cell, after pulling it out of her bag. It was a few days after her talk with Spike, and she was investing in some "retail therapy".

"Hi, Kara. This is Dr. Lee."

"Oh, hey. Is there anything wrong?"

"No, no. I'm just calling to tell you that I managed to find you a spot at a 3-D Ultrasound center sooner than our next appointment. The machine takes highly detailed images."

"Okay. When can they fit me in?"

"July 1st? It's a Monday. We should be able to pinpoint the accurate age of your baby, as well as check for possible problems. You can bring someone with you, too."

"That day is clear so far. Just let me know what time. Is there anything different about the scan than the last ultrasound?"

"We'll use a transvaginal probe this time. It gives us more accurate images in a 1st trimester pregnancy. It's perfectly safe. The images on the computer will be in color, and three-dimensional. Quite amazing, really. In the last trimester, a couple can see exactly how their baby is going to look before birth."

"Oh, wow. Will the insurance company cover this place, or do I need to bring my checkbook? It's fine, either way. I'm not hurting on funds."

"I don't think they'll cover it, but I can always submit it. Just be prepared, and we'll see what they say later. I don't usually go to outside appointments, but I'll be there this time since you are a possible high-risk pregnancy. Hold on, and I'll seewhat time they've given you…Kara, it will be at 11 AM. It's in West Hollywood, so I'll have my secretary fax you a map, okay?"

"Sounds great. Thanks, again. I'll see you in two weeks."

"Bye, Kara."

Kara put her phone back in her purse and jotted down the date and time on a notepad. She shopped a while longer, until it was late enough for Tara to get off work. Her friend was all too happy to accompany her to the next appointment. Tara said she'd arrange to have the day off the next day, since Giles wouldn't be able to refuse a request that far in advance. Kara stopped in the food court for Chinese food, then caught a chick flick that Spike had refused to see. By the time she got back to the house, lugging in all the bags, she was in a pretty cheerful mood.

The phone rang as she walked into the kitchen to check the messages.

"Oh, hey, Steph. How's my sister, the camp counselor?"

"The kids were great, but the week sucked. I slipped and fell into a poison ivy bush and practically had to bathe in calamine lotion."

"Aww, I'm sorry! Never had it, but I do still remember the chicken pox. How's everything else?"

"Good. I've got a part-time job playing the piano at a nursing home for a couple hours a week. They seem to like me. You're still coming to Peter's graduation Friday, right?"

"Wild horses couldn't drag me away. I can't believe my baby brother has finished high school! Isn't he supposed to be 4 and begging me for stories still?"

"You aren't going to get all weepy, are you? Mom's going to be bad enough, and if you start, too, I'm doomed."

"I'll do my best to stay dry-eyed. Are we going to dinner afterwards?"

"As far as I know. How are you and Spike doing? It seems like months ago since I talked to you."

"Uh, things are interesting. We're okay, there's just some stuff we need to decide on. You know…you get to that year point, and you start wondering about the future…that kind of thing. I might fill you in, if we get a chance for any privacy."

"But you're okay?"

"Yep. I've been through lots worse, remember?"

"I know, and I still want to hit the guy for cheating on you. Hey, I'm free for dinner. Want me to come over?"

"That would be great, Stephanie. I'll see you soon, then."

"15 minutes, tops. Bye."

Kara hung up, and hit "play" on the answering machine. All sales call, so she erased them. The fax was there from Dr. Lee, so she skimmed the directions, then folded the paper and slipped it into her purse. She then started pulling out fixings for dinner.

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The chicken was almost done sautéing, and the rest was on low heat to keep warm, when Stephanie came through the door.

"Kara?"

"Kitchen! Lock the door and set the alarm, would you? There have been a few burglaries in the neighborhood, lately."

"Sure." She walked in a moment later. "That smells really good. What are you making?"

"Just something simple. Browned chicken, steamed veggies, and wild rice. Help yourself to something to drink."

"Yay! You have guava juice. The market by my apartment doesn't carry it. Do you have any 7-Up?"

"Sure do. It's the only thing that settles my morning sickness – oh, crap! You didn't hear that!" Why do I ramble without thinking! Stupid! Stupid!

"Did you say-?"

"Uh unh. I didn't say anything past 'Sure do'. Anything else you heard was just a figment…this isn't working, is it?"

"I'm going to be an aunt?" Stephanie's hazel eyes were wide in surprise.

"I can't say. I don't want to jinx it. Breathe a word, and I'll break those nimble fingers of yours. Please?"

"Okay," Steph said lightly. "Anybody else know about this 'figment'?"

"Only one, and she's sworn to secrecy, too. Look, there's a chance things won't…go well, okay? So, I don't want to say anything, in case they…well, don't."

Stephanie walked over to her sister and gave her a hug. "I get it. Let's have a nice dinner, maybe watch a movie, and I'll tell you about the cute first aid guy that treated my rash."

"Oooh, gossip! Were there any kisses? I've never heard you talk about a boy before!"

Stephanie rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "Lord, what have I gotten myself in to?" she said dramatically.

"Tall person! Make yourself useful and get the glasses down."

"Hey, I can't help it my mother is 5'9". At least you don't have big feet."

"Heh, yeah. Aren't they cute?"

"Shut up!"

"I've missed you living here. You have to come over and use the pool, now that you're off for summer. The house has been…empty."

"Well, maybe that'll improve in a few months."

"Yeah, it could," was Kara's quiet response.

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Dawn finished her sophomore year on June 20. She was ready to do the Snoopy dance, until Joyce hinted that those free hours could now be added to her job for the summer.

"Why do I have to work all summer? Buffy didn't at my age!"

"No, but she was slaying at your age, which was much more difficult. And she's working now, too. If you want to get your driver's license at 16, Dawn, you have to earn some money to put towards a car. I didn't buy Buffy's, and I won't buy yours, either."

"This is so not cool! Summer is supposed to be fun, you know. No school freedom?"

"You'll still have plenty of time with your friends in the evening, or on weekends. You'll see."

"And when do I have to start this?"

"Let's see…I'll give you a week to do nothing, before I want you to talk to Giles, and renegotiate your schedule. Fair enough?" Even though it was a question, Joyce didn't look like she wanted Dawn to argue.

"Fine," the teen sighed. "Can I go over to Michael's now? He's leaving next week."

"Sure, honey, but don't come home alone if it's after dark."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Seriously! She knew how to avoid vampires, Dawn thought to herself.

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Spike knocked twice as he came through the door. The Summers' kitchen was warm from whatever Joyce was cooking, though from the scent, he would guess peanut butter cookies. She entered the kitchen and smiled affectionately.

"Hi, Spike. What brings you by?"

"Nothing much, Mum. Jus' haven' stopped by in a while," he responded with a shrug.

She looked closer, and noticed his hair wasn't slicked back as usual, and there were faint shadows beneath his eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept in a few days.

"Would you like some hot chocolate? The cookies will be done soon, too."

"Thanks, luv. That'd be nice." He dropped onto a stool, resting his elbows on the island counter.

Joyce busied herself with fixing his drink. She'd give him a couple minutes to speak before she asked what was troubling him.

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"So, elaborate on what's been going on with you and Spike. You mentioned talking about the future?" Stephanie knew her sister would hold it all in if she wasn't prodded to talk about it. As soon as they'd started eating, she'd grown very quiet, and Stephanie had known that it wasn't as trivial as Kara had mentioned over the phone.

"Yeah. I asked him, Monday, if he'd thought of where he saw us going, because it's been weighing on my mind recently. I haven't told him about the – you know – yet, but it's really made me look at things. It's my own fault, really. I wasn't thinking about being careful because Spike's not supposed to be able to reproduce, but life had other plans. Anyway, we talked some about it, but the conversation didn't end well."

"Did you fight?"

"No. More that I was brutally honest, and I think I bowled him over. And now, all I can think about is providing a home for-"

"So, if I'm getting this right, your timetable got pushed up, and now you want some kind of commitment. Why don't you just ask him, if he's the one you want?"

"I want him to. And if I asked, out of the blue, he'd know something's going on that I'm not saying. He's uncanny like that."

"Well, how do you think he'll take the news?" Stephanie asked.

"Shock and disbelief first. He might even not think it's his. This is such a mess! You know, after Dan, I was going to be done with guys for a long time, but Spike wouldn't leave me alone until I loved him back. Bastard…"

"Aw, you don't mean that…"

"No, I don't," Kara sighed. "I just want things to be easy again."

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Joyce set the steaming mug in front of the vampire, complete with tiny marshmallows, and turned back to the oven to remove the cookie sheet.

"Are you going to tell me what's eating at you, or are you going to sit like a lump all evening?"

"I didn' say anythin' was wrong."

"No, but you called me 'Mum', and you only do that when you're worried about me, or needing to talk. And since I'm in perfect health, it can only be the other option. Anyway, you look like you haven't slept in days."

"What's today?"

"Thursday."

"Then it's been three nights," he mumbled.

Joyce set a plate of the cookies on the counter between them and sipped her iced tea. "Don't touch them, yet. They're very hot. Three nights with no sleep? That's not good for anybody, Spike. Is it something serious?" Her blue eyes shone with concern.

Spike sighed, running a hand through his already messy hair. "Kara's upset with me."

"Did she say that?" Joyce asked gently.

"She wouldn't let me in the bedroom."

"Oh."

"Yeah. It was the proverbial dog house for ol' Spike."

"Did you two have a fight?"

"No, and that's where she has me bloody confused. We were talkin', and it was intense, but calm, ya know? She said her piece, got real quiet, said she wasn't feelin' well, and left the room. I gave her some space – she usually just wants to calm down – but when I went up to sleep, her door was locked. I tried sleepin' in one of the guest rooms, but that didn't go so well. I must've finally dozed off, 'cause when I got up, she was outta the house. I waited around for a while…but she was avoiding me…so I finally drove back here."

"Have you tried calling?"

He shot her a sarcastic look. "Gee, that's a good idea. Hadn't bleedin' thought of that."

"Hey, you came to me, so put away the sharp tongue, mister," she scolded him. Spike immediately looked contrite. He mumbled "sorry", and stirred the liquid in his mug. Can't take the boy out of the man, or vampire, she thought. "Tell me what you talked about, and maybe I can give you a woman's perspective."

Spike told the whole tale; ending with how much emphasis Kara had put on the fact that she would be left behind even if they were mated.

"Usually, I can read her like a book, but she's been so up and down for months, at random. I can't make any soddin' sense of it, except that she's scared, and hiding something from me. She's almost been-"

"Fragile? Yes, we talked a while ago about how unsettled she still felt about being herself and Kalari at the same time. I can't imagine how it would be toremember living for so long – a full and complete life – and at the same time, be a young woman still finding her place, her purpose. Spike, what every woman wants is a sense of security, whether she finds it for herself, or with a man. She wants to know that what she cares about is safe and protected. Money helps, but not completely. She wants to feel it emotionally, too. Some women don't need much. Others want the whole shebang – house, husband, and family. Kara can handle her job, and she's obviously got the money. You need to figure out what's missing, and if it's something you can provide. That's my best guess, after your story."

"And what if I can't?"

"Then you'll find a compromise, or let each other go," she said gently. "I'm sorry, I'm not being much comfort to you, Spike. Do you want your relationship with Kara to be permanent? And it's okay if you don't. It's okay to be the 'right for right now' guy." Joyce paused to let him think it over.

"I never had to put that much thought into being with someone before. Dru was my sire, my salvation from soddin' mediocrity. It just seemed natural to stay with her forever. And bloody Harmony was just a rebound. I knew that two seconds after she opened her mouth, but it was easier than being alone, after Dru. Then Kara has me thinkin' about all these things that shouldn't even cross the perception of a vampire. I'm the bloody Slayer of Slayers – sorry – and I find myself liking the cats and the pups and the cushy home and cable telly…I can't even remember the last time I thought about bleedin' some pulser dry! I should want to stake myself for being tamer than the Poof, but my day feels right as long as she tells me she loves me." His rant trailed off with, "It's not natural…"

"Maybe…" Joyce started, and he looked up at her like he hoped she had all the answers. "Maybe…you've out-grown the old ways? Were you happy, with how Dru said you should be?"

Spike thought of himself as a fledgling, of his primary thought that he could finally restore his beloved mother to vitality. His turning hadn't diminished his love for her at all, and it had broken his heart to hear the foul things the demon had spouted once she had risen. He'd learned a hard lesson that day, and much harder ones to come once Dru had introduced him to Angelus and Darla. No, he hadn't been happy to become what they wanted, at all, but he'd been desperate to please, even as his hatred of his elders quickly arose.

He'd had such hopes once Darla and the newly souled Angelus had left them – he finally had Dru to himself – until she had started bringing back lovers when he was out hunting. She'd turn on the charm, and distract him with her seductive ways, and he'd forgive her, again and again. Oh, she didn't flaunt the others she took to bed, but he knew, always. It was easy to fool himself when he didn't see them, and Dru knew it. She had a devoted caretaker, so she was happy. Peaches losing his soul buggered everything up, and for the first time, he actually started to doubt how much Dru cared for her childe. She hadn't taken his alliance with the Slayer against 'Daddy' very well, and no longer hid her dalliances. Once he ended up with the chip in his head, there was no sense trying to go back again.

There had been good times, but also doubt and insecurity. It wasn't just wanting to be better than 'William' that had him taking on Slayers. He had hoped that Dru would choose him once and for all, once he had accomplished something Angelus had never even tried. And it had worked, but only because Angelus had the filthy soul and wasn't her 'Daddy' anymore. It gave her a free pass to prefer her Spike, instead. Too bad her refusal to let him claim her showed where her heart truly led. And now, he finally knew what it was like to be loved back. There was no doubt that Kara loved him. She just didn't trust that he'd want to stay. So, he'd have to convince her.

Joyce's hand on his shoulder brought Spike out of his musings. "Spike? Are you okay?"

He smiled at her. "Yeah. Thanks, Mum." He kissed her on the cheek, and was out the door before she could speak.

"Well, I guess he figured it out." Joyce put the cookies away and cleaned up the kitchen.

She looked at the clock, and went to go pick up Dawn.

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"Stay, please? I'll lend you something to sleep in, and we'll have a slumber party in my bed, just like when we were kids."

"Ohhh-kay. I'll just go home tomorrow to change before Peter's ceremony."

"Thank you. You know, you're pretty grown up, for a 20 year old."

"Gee, thanks. And this coming from someone who still owns an Eeyore sweatshirt," Steph teased.

"Hey! You gave it to me, so shut up."

"Oooh, tough words from a shrimp!"

"Shrimp! I can still take you down, and I know all your ticklish spots." Kara raised her hands up, like claws, and Stephanie took off running.

It was the most fun either of them had had in a while.