Title: X-Rated - Part 1
Author: Lisa M
Pairing: Let's just say that BJ, Hawkeye and Trapper are all involved in some way ...
Rating: Very hard R
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own anything. Don't sue ... no money.
Archive: Anywhere, just let me know.
Feedback: Would be appreciated - good or bad.
Summary: Hawkeye and Trapper get a new roommate ... Let the jocularity begin!
A/N and Warning: Somewhat AU andOCC- please don't read if you don't like that kind of thing. I had to make some changes to canon for this fic:
1) Trapper is not discharged.
2) Frank...is.
3) Hawkeye doesn't go on R&R, and thus does not pick up BJ and bring him back to the 4077th.
"Frank is finally gone!" I shout and dance around like an idiot in the cramped confines of the Swamp.
"Yeah, I miss him already. Don't you?" Trapper says dryly, his words oozing with sarcasm.
"Oh, yeah. I miss him so much," I down the rest of my martini and stand, reaching for Trapper's empty glass as I head towards the still. "I need another drink to close up this gapping hole in my heart."
"Have you heard anything about his replacement?"
"Not much," I answer and hand Trapper his drink. "I overheard Radar on the phone a few days ago. He was saying something about California. Some kid. Right out of residency, not Army. Probably green as the entire compound." I laugh and gesture around the tent.
"I guess all we can do is cross our fingers and hope that he's nothing like Frank."
"Bite your tongue," I say as I watch him throw back his entire martini in one swallow. "And if you keep that up, you'll be out cold by the time he gets here!"
A knock on the door startles me awake. I glance through the mid-afternoon happy-hour haze and find Trapper sprawled across his cot, completely unconscious. Heh! I warned him. With a smile, I sit and straighten myself up as much as I can.
"Who is it?" I call out in a sing-song voice.
"It's me, sir. Radar, sir." The response comes and my smile grows larger. "I have Captain Hunnicutt with me."
Hunnicutt? Oh yeah, Frank's replacement. I do a quick look-see around the Swamp and take inventory of the place.
One passed out doctor McIntyre - check!
One gin still, half-full - check!
Two empty glasses - check!
Filthy green socks scattered around the floor - check!
Pungent odor - check!
One cot, previously filled by Frank, now empty - Thank God check!
Home stinky home.
"Entre!" I stand and prepare to greet the newest addition to the 4077th.
Radar opens the door to the Swamp and walks in, followed close behind by Captain Hunnicutt. The first thing I notice about him is how clear his eyes are. Fresh. Free. The innocence I see reflected there is sort of scary. And definitely attractive. Who am I kidding? Everything about Hunnicutt is attractive. I allow myself to give him a quick once-over. I can hear Radar speaking to me, but it sounds like 'blah blah blah' in my ears. I can only seem to focus on the short blond hair, slim but decently muscled body, and those blue, blue eyes. It's because I'm so entranced by his eyes, that I notice Hunnicutt's gaze is going over me as well, and he has a small grin on his lips.
I find that very interesting.
"Sir?"
I feel myself becoming somewhat aroused, and force the feeling down. It still makes me a little uncomfortable reacting to men in this way. After all, I am -was?- the local womanizer, followed closely by Trapper. Damn Trapper! This is all his fault! I shift my gaze to his prone form. If he hadn't been so persuasive that night. So damn warm. No...this isn't his fault. I wanted Trapper as much as we wanted me. The thing is I wouldn't acknowledge my feelings. Not until three months ago, when he kissed me.
"Uh, sir!" Radar's voice snaps me back to attention.
"Sorry, Radar." I rub my eyes. "You caught me mid-fantasy. I was dreaming that Frank was gone and...wait a second. Frank is gone! It wasn't a dream! There is a God and He likes me just a little bit because if He liked me a lot, you would be a beautiful woman with..."
"Sir?"
"Sorry again Radar. My mouth runneth over."
"Sir, Hawkeye...er...Captain Pierce..."
"Out with it, Radar. And don't 'Captain' me, you know it gives me hives."
"Uh, yeah, okay. Hawkeye, this is Captain BJ Hunnicutt. Captain Hunnicutt, this is Captain Benj..." I glare jokingly at my small friend. "Jeez, okay! Captain Hunnicutt, this is Hawkeye."
"Pleased to make your acquaintance, BJ Hunnicutt." I hold out my hand to shake his. "I apologize for the rudeness of our friend over there." As I gesture over at Trapper, he moans slightly in his sleep. "He's had about ten too many cups of coffee and needed to sleep it off."
"I've had the experience myself," the young doctor replies, glancing from Trapper to the still and then to me, a smirk playing on his face. "That coffee's a killer."
I stride over to him and drape my arm over his shoulders.
"Well, then, I think you'll fit in just fine around here."
As if on cue, we hear choppers in the distance. Trapper jumps to his feet.
"It's a miracle!" Our new bunkmate shouts sarcastically.
"That's no miracle. That's Trapper." I walk Hunnicutt across the Swamp. "Captain Hunni..."
"BJ."
"Sorry. BJ, Trapper John McIntyre. Trap. BJ."
"BJ?" Trapper rubs the gin from his eyes and reaches out to shake the other man's hand. I watch as Trapper's unashamed eyes slowly travel down BJ's torso, to his toes, and back up to his face again. That's Trapper for you. No fucking around. "What's that stand for?"
Hunnicutt just smiles. And in that slight smile, I see trouble brewing - but trouble in a good way, perhaps?
"Uh, excuse me, sirs'? We really need to get going. The wounded..."
"Yeah, okay Radar." Trapper pulls on his yellow robe. "Let's go."
"Besides," I say as I follow the three of them out of the Swamp. "There'll be plenty of time for coffee later."
"I'm starting to think that it's always going to be like that around here?" BJ, exhausted, drops onto his cot. "Do things ever slow down?"
"BJ, if you think this is bad, you should have been here before you got here."
BJ looks at Trapper as if he's grown a second head.
"What my idiotic friend is trying to say is that it is much better when there are four competent surgeons working in the OR rather than three who are competent and one who's a total moron."
"Moron? That's being awful generous, Hawk. Frank was beyond moronic." Trapper fills three glasses at the still and passes them around.
"Frank...Burns, right? The guy I replaced."
"I wouldn't say 'replaced'. Frank was the worst surgeon I've ever met." Just speaking his name makes me tense, but I keep going. "I swear he left more things in his patients than he took out of them. Some nearly died from his stupidity. BJ, you have more talent in your pinky finger than Frank Burns has in his entire body."
"Is that why he was discharged? Incompetence?"
"Nah. He flipped out. Went batshit crazy." Trapper swirls his finger around his temple. "He got a section 8."
"I bet Klinger was pissed," BJ says with a laugh.
"You have no idea. Anyway, there are times when things calm down. We've just had a few crazy weeks." Trapper finishes his drink. "But sometimes we're lucky. The war takes a break and we get to stay up past curfew."
"And chase nurses," I say, lifting my glass to my tentmates.
BJ bursts into laughter.
"And what, may I ask, is so funny Captain Hunnicutt?" Trapper stresses the name and that makes BJ laugh even harder. "Care to share the joke with the rest of the class?"
"Neither one of you has any class, so who am I supposed to share with?"
"He's got us there, Trapper."
"Speak for yourself." Trapper takes BJ's empty glass and hands him another drink. He wanders back to the still. "So are you gonna tell us what you're peeing in your pants over or what?"
"I've been here for four weeks now, right?"
"Something like that," I reply and drink down my martini.
"In those four weeks, I haven't seen either one of you hit on, let alone score with any nurse."
Trapper and I share a quick and uneasy glance.
"Well, you know," Trapper refills his glass, walks over to BJ's cot and drops down next to him. "We have been sort of busy showing this new guy the ropes around here."
"How true, Trapper." I sit on my own cot. "And he's definitely been more work than the usual new guys are."
"We've been picking up his slack."
"Making him feel welcome in his new hell away from home."
"Turning him into a raging alcoholic." Trapper raises his glass in a toast.
"Just like the two of you?" BJ shoots back.
"Exactly!" I shout and throw myself on my back. "You may never have experienced the joy of martini bliss if it hadn't been for Trap and me. And then where would you be?"
"Miserable and sober. Sober and miserable." Trapper lays down next to BJ. It's a hysterical sight because the cot is so small that half of Trapper's body is hanging off the side. "Take your pick."
"So I guess I should thank you then?" BJ props himself up on one elbow.
"Nah," Trapper turns on his side so he's facing BJ. "No thanks are necessary. We are more than happy to corrupt you in any way we can. It's our pleasure." He leans over and plants a disgustingly wet kiss on BJ's cheek.
"Ugh! Thanks, Trap! But I never put out on a first date." BJ playfully shoves Trapper off his cot. He pours some of his martini in his hand and scrubs his face. "Especially when that date is you. I don't know where your lips have been."
Now that is definitely more than I can take and now I'm laughing so hard, I swear my lungs are about to burst out of my chest. Tears are running down my face.
"I don't think you want to know, BJ. It's a scary story." I can barely get the words out. "A nightmare of historical proportions."
"I'll remember this, BJ Hunnicutt. When you get lonely and you're saying 'Oh, Trapper...hold me," Trapper sits on the floor and sniffles in mock disgust. "Maybe I won't be there."
"I'm sorry. Did I offend your sensitivity?" BJ sits up and places his empty glass on the floor.
"Yes, you did." More pretend sobs from Trapper and I'm rolling on my cot. Even he can't keep the act up without breaking into a huge idiotic grin. "I'm very sensitive."
"Well, then I'm really sorry. Here," BJ, who is now laughing as hard as I am, holds out his hand. When Trapper reaches for it, BJ pulls him back onto the cot. "Let me make it up to you." He reaches around Trapper and wraps him in a loose hug. They fall back onto BJ's cot.
"Forgive me?"
"Forgiven." Trapper stops laughing and wipes his face. "Is your wife as easy as I am?"
"First of all, I don't think I've ever met anyone as easy as you are, Trapper," BJ replies, his eyes closing sleepily. "Second, not a chance. Peg'd have me in the doghouse for at least a week if I'd have pushed her out of bed like that."
"Well, then I guess you're lucky I'm not your wife." Trapper's eyes slip shut as well.
"Uh huh."
They fall asleep in each other's arms, and they look absolutely ridiculous. But, it's at this point I realize I've stopped laughing and I'm starting to feel the beginning stages of jealously. The confusing part is that I'm not sure what I'm jealous of...
Is it the fact that BJ...who is fiercely loyal to his wife, and who would never consider straying from her...is currently sleeping soundly spooned up against Trapper?
Trapper...a man who has strayed from his wife more times than I can count.
Or maybe it's the fact that Trapper has somehow managed to get in BJ's bed before me? Without me?
I know that it's probably a little bit of both, and how sick is that?
That is the final thought I have before joining my friends by surrendering to my own beverage-assisted coma.
"Got any room in there for me, doctor?" I wake to Trapper whispering in my hair. He pulls back my blankets and tries to slide into the cot next to me.
"Of course," I pause and glance across the darkness of the swamp. To BJ's sleeping form. I put my hand on Trapper's chest and hold him back. "Wait a second. Weren't you just over there, with BJ, spooning like baby cats? What am I...second choice? Or did BJ kick you out?"
"No, I woke up and realized that I was in the wrong bed."
"This isn't your bed either."
"Come on, Hawk. Shut up and let me in there."
Although we are whispering, the sound seems to echo through the silent tent. I remove my hand from Trapper's chest and he climbs into bed with me.
"Do you think this is a good idea? BJ's still here, you know."
"Believe me, he's sound asleep." Trapper says against my ear.
"He might wake up."
"He won't."
"What if he does?" I can be persistent when I want to be. But that's not really the reasoning behind my reluctance to sleep with Trapper tonight. Part of me doesn't want BJ to find out. Not because I'm afraid that he'll turn us in...but because I think I'm beginning to feel something for him. Something more than friendship, and I don't want that ruined by him seeing Trapper and me, together like this.
"If he wakes up, I'll invite him to join us."
I know that Trapper's lips are curled into a grin even though I can barely see him in the darkness. The thing is, the tone in his voice isn't exactly teasing. He sounds more serious than he should. I find that puzzling, but laugh softly anyway.
"What?"
"What makes you think he would?"
"I'm irresistible. You of all people should know that."
"Don't give yourself so much credit."
"I've never heard you say no."
"Still, what if he wakes up, Trap. We could get in trouble."
"We won't, and we'll be quiet."
"You know I scream like a girl when I cum, Trapper."
"You do not."
"I know I don't."
"Well, even if you did, that would only mean I'd have to work extra hard at keeping you quiet." He presses his mouth tightly against mine. As soon as his tongue meets mine and I taste mint and gin, I surrender. He knows I'll let him do whatever he wants. I always do. There could be a colonel parade going through our tent, and I'd still open my arms and bed to Trapper.
We are so involved with each other that neither of us hears the squeak of BJ's cot as he stirs.
"Hey." Trapper rushes into the Swamp and quickly begins to pack some stuff into a bag. "They've got some critically wounded soldiers near the line. Potter's sending me up there to see I there's anything I can do to help."
BJ and I jump to our feet.
"Why you?" BJ asks.
"My turn. Hawk went last time."
"What about me?"
"Don't be in such a rush, Beej," I say and clasp him on the shoulder. "You'll get your turn soon enough. Believe me."
"I'll be gone most of today and probably tomorrow. Maybe even longer than that. It'll all depend on the situation and what good I can do. If there's no point in staying, I'll be back quick."
Trapper zips up his bag and walks out of the tent. We follow him to the motor pool.
"Anyone in post-op you need us to keep an eye on?" I ask as Trapper jumps into the jeep.
"No. The only thing you could do is watch Crispin's leg. Make sure he doesn't fuck around with the stitches. He's been scratching the wound and keeps ripping the damn things out. That's it."
"Okay, I'll take care of it." BJ sounds nervous. His voice quivers slightly.
"Don't worry, Beej. I'll be fine. I've been saving my own ass for a very long time."
"You better be! The Swamp wouldn't be the same without your scummy socks laying all over the place, stinking up the joint."
The three of us share a laugh.
"Ha ha ha." Trapper grins widely. "Well boys, don't do anyone I wouldn't do."
"And that leaves who, exactly?" BJ says as he hands Trapper his medical bag and helmet.
"Sheep?" I laugh.
"Cows?" BJ joins in.
"Klinger?"
"Okay, you two clowns. Maybe instead of being doctors, you should think about taking your comedy show on the road."
"And leave all this?" BJ makes a grand sweeping gesture with his arms. "Where do I sign?"
Trapper shakes his head and starts to laugh along with us.
"Seriously, though. Be careful up there, Trap. You're going to be awfully close to the line." I pat him on the back...one of the only signs of affection we are willing to display publicly.
"Yes, mom."
BJ and I wave as Trapper's jeep drives away.
"So, Hawkeye Pierce. You up for some penicillin counting?"
"I was thinking more along the lines of getting some breakfast. I'm a growing boy you know."
BJ glances over at me with that look on his face. The one he gives me when he knows I'm lying. And when he knows that I will be going with him to count the stupid penicillin.
"Powdered eggs? Crappy, cold toast? Mmm mmmm good!" I attempt half-heartedly and try to slip away. BJ grabs me by the arm and drags me to the supply tent. When he opens the door, I pout and stamp my feet in the dirt like a child. A cloud of dust kicks up around me. With a shove and a laugh, BJ pushes me into the tent.
"Come on, Hawk. Don't pout. I promise I'll buy you a drink at Rosie's, okay?"
"Two drinks," I huff at him.
"Done. Now help me do this count."
Clipboards in hand, we start the count. The room is silent, except for the soft clink of the bottles and the sharp flip of the pages. BJ keeps glancing at me out of the corner of his eyes. He doesn't think I notice, but since coming to Korea, I tend to be overly alert to what's happening around me. This situation is no different. He's also very antsy. Shifting from foot to foot. It's like he wants to say something, but can't figure out how.
"Beej?"
"Uh huh?"
"Something on your mind?"
"Yeah...uh, no. It's nothing."
"Which is it, Beej. Yes or no?"
"Well, I guess there is something I wanted to talk to you about. But, it's awfully personal."
"You know you can talk to me about anything."
"I'm just not sure..."
I walk over to him and grab the clipboard from his hands.
"What is it?"
BJ inhales deeply and meets my eyes.
"Is something going on between you and Trapper?" My breath catches in my throat, resulting in me choking on air. BJ takes his clipboard back from me and turns away. "See, I told you it was too private. I'm sorry."
"No, no, it's okay BJ." I am finally able to get my breathing back under control. "Seriously."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." I glance away from him, feeling suddenly shy. And a little guilty. "I guess I'm just wondering why you'd think that?" Honestly, I'm not even sure why I ask the question. Part of me already knows what he's going to say.
"I've heard you, Hawk."
"Heard me..." I say to myself, but actually out loud.
"Yes. And I've seen you. Both of you. Together. It's a small tent you know. And the Army issue blankets? Hate to be the one to break this to you, but they aren't sound proof."
It's possible that I'm in shock, but my ears seem to be picking up something in BJ's voice that can't possibly be there. Can it? Am I hearing a bit of jealousy in his tone?
"Well, I guess there's no point in trying to lie about it then."
"No, considering you 'scream like a girl when you cum'." BJ says with a smirk. I can't hide my embarrassment. It's crawling across my face in the form of a hot crimson blush. BJ's smirk just grows larger. "Oh, yes my friend. I heard that."
"God, Beej. I'm sorry. If we've made you uncomfortable..." I reach out for his arm, and notice for the first time, that he has goosebumps on his skin. And not only that, but he's trying unsuccessfully to hide an erection with his clipboard.
"Don't worry about it, Hawk." BJ's eyes move to mine then back to the medicine bottles. He shifts away from me. "It doesn't make me uncomfortable."
And there's that tone again. I swear if I didn't think he'd hit me, I'd grab him and scream "Stop being so BJ and tell me how this makes you feel!" Then I'd kiss him. But BJ isn't Trapper.
Trapper is hard core and rough. Aggressive. He's hot-headed and impatient. He takes what he wants, when he wants it. I know BJ is anything but those things. He's tender and gentle. Non-confrontational. BJ's a giver, not a taker.
I'd say he's the anti-Trapper.
They do have some things in common, though. Their sense of humor, their amazing ability to put up with me. They can both drink ridiculous amounts of shitty gin, yet be more than ready to perform perfect surgery when they are called upon to do so. But when it comes to things like this, I know BJ isn't about force. And I really don't know if his hard-on is even an indication that he would truly be interested in expanding our friendship into a sexual thing anyway. Since there's no use in trying to cover things up regarding the situation with Trapper, I decide to put out a line and see if he bites.
"Yes. Trapper and I, well, we sleep together sometimes. Have sex with each other." Once the words are out, the tiny supply tent feels even smaller...and warmer. For some reason, I feel like I have to justify my actions to BJ. "It hasn't been going on long. One night, about three months ago, we got really, really drunk. We were feeling lonely and one thing led to another."
"What about the nurses?"
I laugh, which seems very inappropriate and I regret it immediately.
"They got tired of us. Sick of the 'love-'em-and-leave-'em bullshit."
"Yeah, I guess I can see their point."
"Ever since that night, things have been different."
BJ nods and begins counting again. I can't help but notice that when he lifts his clipboard, his erection is still very much there. I let him carry on for a while without saying anything. But that little voice in my head can't let go of the fact that something has my young friend aroused. And I want to know what it is.
"Beej?"
"Yeah?"
"What is that all about?"
"What's what all about?
I grab his clipboard and toss it onto the shelf so he can't use it to hide himself anymore. Deciding to go for broke, I reach out and place my hand over his bulging pants.
"This." I squeeze slightly, eliciting a gasp from BJ. "What is this all about?"
I expect him to push me away. Or to punch me. To run to Potter and turn me in. He does none of those things. What he does do is lean in and touch my lips with his. I jump slightly from the shock of him kissing me, but I quickly recover. I feel heat coiling inside my groin. I open my mouth and BJ pushes his tongue inside. He slips his arms around me and wraps me up tight. The feel of him, hard and ready, drives me further into arousal. I reach up, grasp a handful of his hair and pull him in, deepening the kiss.
Unfortunately, logic takes over and my brain starts sounding the alarms.
No! We can't do this here! We're going to get caught!
And as much as it pains me to admit it, when those gears are engaged, it's impossible for me to stop them. I don't want to do it, but I break the kiss.
"What's the matter?"
"Not here," I gasp. "Too many eyes. Especially now."
"Tonight?"
"God, yes." I get myself back under control. "Yes."
"It's a date then."
"I'll bring the wine and cheese."
BJ laughs and shifts himself uncomfortably.
"I think I need a cold shower. How 'bout you, Hawk?"
"I can't believe I'm going to say this, but that sounds like an excellent idea." I pause and wiggle my eyebrows at him. "Don't be offended if I check you out in there."
"I'd be offended if you didn't."
"If Trapper finds out, he's going to be so jealous!"
"Well, then, I guess he's just going to have to learn to share."
BJ turns to leave, but I place my hand on his arm and stop him. Something about his reaction to my boldness is bothering me, and I can't allow myself to go any further until I say what's on my mind.
"Can I ask you something?"
"After the bomb of a question I just asked you, I'd say yes."
"What about Peg?"
I know I've struck a nerve because BJ's muscle tenses underneath my palm.
"What about her?" He doesn't sound mad, but his tone is tight and his words are clipped.
"Beej," I turn him to face me. "You are the most faithful person I've ever met. There could be a hundred beautiful naked women dancing around in front of you and you wouldn't stray from Peg. I guess I'm just wondering why you seem to be so willing to betray your morals for someone like me?"
"Someone like you?"
"Yeah. I'm a self-proclaimed womanizer with a shaky moral code who is currently having sex with one of his male roommates. I don't understand why you'd want to be with me."
"Hawk, maybe you are all of those things. But you are also an intelligent, attractive, caring person. I can see that in you and I find it very appealing. I also know that you care about me." BJ touches my cheek with his fingertips. "I love my wife, Hawkeye. But Peg is...a long way away. In more ways than one. Sometimes a situation presents itself and you just need to take a risk. Not ask any questions."
"I don't want you to do anything that you'll regret."
"I think that if I leave this place without doing this," he leans in and kisses me hard. "I will regret that more than anything."
"Well, what about Trapper? We..."
BJ silences me with another kiss.
"Don't worry about Trapper. The three of us all have our part to play here. I'm sure we'll figure things out as we go along."
TBC
