A/N: Hey! I decided to continue this on a whim. I was reading someone's story, can't remember whose, and they were playing 'Two Line Vocabulary' from Whose Line, and it gave me an idea. This is what happens when the guys of the lab get bored….please review.
Though they hated to admit it, the guys of CSI were bored out of their minds. There had been a crime drought, so to say, for the last week or so. For some reason, no one felt like killing, or stealing, or committing fraud. Greg, Nick, and Warrick enjoyed their work, but not because people were committing crimes. They never thought they'd wish for more crime, but they were bored out of their minds.
The three young CSI's were sitting around the break room table snacking on Chex Mix, sipping sodas one uneventful night. They'd all had to recently put up with the girls' antics, with their "Office Game". Nick had already delivered a certain kind of payback to Sara, but ideas were stirring in his mind.
"Have you guys ever seen Whose Line is it Anyway?" Nick finally asked, when the conversation about the latest video games wound down.
"A couple times." Greg answered. "Why, do you have a crush on Drew Carey?"
Nick punched Greg in the stomach at the comment and laughed.
"You know that game, 'If You Know What I Mean'?" Nick asked, recalling the game from the television show.
"No, man. What is it?" Warrick asked, peering at him, slouched down on the chair.
"Well you have to work as many sexual innuendos into regular conversation as you can."
"You mean regular things that could be interpreted as dirty?" Warrick clarified, smiling.
"Yeah. Working here, there's got to be tons!" Nick figured. "So, what do you say? Most comments by the end of the night wins?"
"I'm in." Greg agreed, giving Nick a handshake.
"Y'all are crazy, but I'm in. This sucks." He commented on the less than exciting night. They all laughed and began contemplating in their minds what they would say. Sara walked in to get a soda.
"Solving all the world's crimes?" She commented, rolling her eyes.
"Hey! I've solved more crimes this week than you did all month!" Nick stabbed pack at her, not knowing if it was true or not. He just wanted ammo.
"Please! You've jacked off more times than you've solved crimes!" Sara finished before leaving the room. She heard a loud "oooooh!" from Greg and Warrick as she left, causing her to smile widely. Sara knew she'd pay for that later. Not that she minded.
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Catherine and Warrick were at a gun shop in downtown Las Vegas, where a few items had been stolen hours before. The owner had just left them in the back room as he checked his stock.
"I don't understand people who get their jollies off collecting guns. What's the point?"
"Don't dis it. Why do you collect clothing?"
"That is so not the same." Catherine defended herself, huffing. Just then, the wife of the owner walked in and introduced herself quickly. She was quite something else, if he didn't mind saying. As she left, he turned back to Catherine.
"I'd like to check the butt of her gun, if you know what I mean."
Catherine backhanded him, shocked that he'd actually say something like that at a crime scene. One point for Warrick.
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Greg, Nick and Sara were at a crime scene at the Bellagio. A young woman had been reported missing from her hotel room. Sara photographed the scene and Nick collected fibers from the floor, as Greg dusted for prints.
"She did not want to go." Sara commented, on all the strewn about items, indicating a struggle.
"Such a shame. She's got quite a pair of twins." Greg observed, looking at her picture.
Sara's face contorted in disgust, but amusement at his comment. Nick laughed out loud.
"She is hot, Sara." Nick commented, checking the girl out.
"Do you want any tonight or not? This is a crime scene. She is missing and you're talking about her rack?"
"Well, I would have liked to collect my own vaginal swab, if you know what I mean." Greg said, trying not to laugh.
"And it looks like she might want to have her mouth swabbed when she's up to it, if you know what I mean." Nick added.
"You guys are sick!"
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"So what the hell are you three up to?" Sara asked Nick as they found each other in the break room later that night. Nick caught her wrist as she went to the fridge, and pulled her back flush against his chest. He was looking extra dreamy and suave tonight, and he let his lips hover around hers, lighting brushing them against hers before he kissed her softly and tenderly. Nick looked like he was about to reveal some sort of epiphany, but that was far from reality.
"I'm not telling." He said bluntly. Sara pushed him in the chest, giving him an unbelievable look.
"Why not? I told you! I can tell you're up to something."
"I had to do a fair amount of bribing to squeeze it out of you. I think the same favor should be returned." He smirked.
"In your dreams, hick boy. I don't care that much." Sara told him, as she swigged back some water and headed for the door.
"You'll regret that!" He called after her.
"Whatever!" She yelled back from the hall.
Warrick walked in for a refreshment also.
"I'd like to raise her heart rate, if you know what I mean." Nick told him, taking a seat at the table. Warrick joined him, and thought of a new one to say.
"Well, I think Grissom would like to debrief you, if you know what I mean." Warrick told him as he sat. Nick gave him a disgusted look.
"Grissom wants me in a biblical sense?"
"No, man!" Warrick rolled his eyes. "He wants to actually debrief you on the case! He wants the low-down!"
"Oh! Then why did you say, 'If you know what I Mean'?"
"Just go, dumbass!" He nodded towards the door. How he swept Sara Sidle off her feet, he'd never know. Sometimes he was one French fry short of a happy meal.
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Later that evening, Nick, Greg and Catherine were working in the evidence room on a case from earlier.
"So how's your game?" Nick asked, knowing Catherine had no idea what they were discussing.
"It's tighter than spandex." Greg dedpanned. "I have four points."
"Yeah, maybe decade-old spandex. I have six points." Nick informed him, looking mighty smug. "I believe I am in the lead."
"Are you talking about the number of times you've screwed up tonight?" Catherine asked them from across the table.
Greg looked insulted.
"I'll have you know, the guys have devised a game of their own, which is much better than that little office game I heard about."
"What, is it most number of chicks lost due to stupidity or self-involvement?"
"Warrick's playing that game." Nick chuckled, knowing he had it bad for Catherine, but was too chicken to do anything about it.
"Well, you tell him he's doing a good job." Catherine smirked as she left the room to go find Grissom. She knew he wasn't playing whatever idiotic game they'd picked up.
"Man, Warrick would like to recover her body, if you know what I mean." Greg said.
"I know what you mean." Nick agreed, nodding. "He'd like to pull a double with her too, if you know what I mean."
"Yeah, I know what you mean!"
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Warrick, Nick, and Greg had all been called into Grissom's office. They were all currently sitting in chairs in front of his bugged-out desk, waiting for him to arrive. None of them knew what it was about, but they'd seen the girls snickering at them before they'd gone in. Friggin' chicks.
Grissom entered and closed the door somewhat loudly behind him, walking over to his desk. He threw down a file he'd been carrying and leaned back in his chair.
"So, guys. Who wants to explain what in God's name is going on around here?"
The guys looked between each other, confused. They didn't know what they were in trouble for, and didn't want to spill everything. Was it the porn magazines? The video games? The betting?
"Let me elaborate." Gil gestured with one hand. "I've had reports of multiple inappropriate comments made to female employees today. Any explanation?"
The guys looked at each other again, like they were eight years old and had just been sent to the principal's office for roughhousing.
"Weeeeeee may know something about that." Nick started, scratching under his jawline.
"And what would that be?" Grissom waited patiently and smiled, dying for the explanation. Nick looked at Warrick for help.
"Well, there's not been much to do lately, so we came up with a little entertainment of our own."
Grissom stared back at them again, waiting.
"We've been playing a game the last six hours. It's called, 'If You Know What I Mean'."
"And what's the point of this game of yours?"
The guys looked down, embarrassed. Since it was Nick's idea, he felt responsible.
"You're supposed to use as many sexual innuendos as possible in normal conversation."
Grissom didn't say anything, just stared back at them, tapping his pen on his desk, contemplating. That was always a horrible sign. You could hear a pin drop, and the guys were sweating bullets.
"So, let me get this straight. You're bored because there's no crimes to solve, since people are actually abiding by the laws. Instead of being happy about it and doing backed-up paperwork, you decide it would be humorous to make sexual comments to female coworkers. Are you out of your minds?"
The guys didn't dare say anything.
"Do you know that could mean sexual harassment? People suing us for your inappropriate comments? Not to mention ethics?" He was raising his voice, which he never did. "I hope you had a good time, because I am putting an end to it right now!" Gil told them sternly.
"We're sorry, sir." Nick said first.
Greg and Warrick muttered the same thing, not making eye contact with their boss. This was worse than being in trouble with their parents.
"I'm putting an end to it after we get them back."
The three guys looked up at Grissom with hope, awe, and admiration. He had a huge grin plastered on his face, looking smug and brilliant.
"Are you serious?" Warrick questioned. "I thought you said…"
"Sara Sidle caused me to fall on my ass in this very room. They got us bad for an entire two weeks. We are going to plan the granddaddy of all paybacks tonight, gentlemen. Who's with me?"
They were shocked to say the least, that their no-nonsense, bug-obsessed, nerdy boss was actually in for it. He was going to help them out. Praise Grissom!
They all joined their hands together, like some wacky football team, signifying their commitment to the cause. Now they had to get planning.
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"They thought they had us." Sara said, as the girls were sitting around the break room table later that night. They'd tattled on the guys to Grissom, and knew they'd be in big trouble. Not enough to get them fired, but to be reprimanded. They were eating Cheetos, thinking they were all that, when Nick walked in.
"Grissom wants to see everyone in the meeting room." He told them, looking solemn. After all, he had just been reprimanded. The girls all got up immediately, wondering what was so important. They filed into the meeting room where Warrick, Greg, and Grissom were already assembled.
"Take a seat, please." Grissom instructed them with a straight face. The girls looked confused, but sat down.
"Well, there's no easy way to say this." Grissom started, throwing his glasses on the table. "Due to the actions you ladies informed me about Warrick, Greg, and Nick, the department is being put under investigation. Officers will be coming in shortly to take our statements, and there will be a full investigation into the ethics and relationships within this department."
"What?" They all yelled, shocked. How had it come to this?
"Grissom!" Sara started. "You can't allow that! I mean, it wasn't that big of a deal, was it?"
"It's sexual harassment, Sara. Yes it is. You made that very clear when you three brought this to me."
Grissom looked between Sara, Catherine, and Mia with concern. They didn't know what to say.
"Grissom, you have to reconsider. We don't want them being investigated."
"Not just them, you too. The entire department, like I said. Sara, your relationship with Nick will be scrutinized, and any other flirting and dating that has gone on. So you better get your stories straight soon. They'll be here in…" He glanced at his watch, "Ooooh, fifteen minutes."
They all gaped at the speed this was happening. The guys looked really upset, because they would be in the most trouble. There was no denying what they'd done.
"It's protocol to take this to Ecklie, so we can't get out of this. This is exactly what he'd be doing."
"Ecklie's a friggin' fudgepacking asshole!" Catherine yelled, covering her mouth immediately after she said it. "I mean…he likes to bake fudge, and donkeys are his favorite…."
"Save it, Catherine. This is my call."
"But we didn't mean it!" Mia jumped in. "We were just playing around to get them back!"
Grissom crossed his arms and smiled, along with Greg, Warrick, and Nick. They had them. They got 'em good.
"Oh really?" Grissom asked, interested. "And why were they getting you back?"
"We know he knows." Greg said smugly. "And know you know we know he knows."
The girls all gave him a confused look.
"You are so busted." Nick told them, looking at Sara in particular.
"You mean there's no investigation?" Mia asked, looking relieved and scared at the same time.
"Well, we might need to investigate your consumption of Blue Hawaiian Coffee and your bowel movements." He told Mia. "And Sara, perhaps your ability to count and your mental health. And we don't want to exclude Catherine. How's your running, vacuuming, and pledge-saying abilities going?"
The guys all smiled at the girls, who looked mortified. They'd been caught too.
"There's no investigation, but it's time to put an end to our fun. We had our kicks, but it's time to get back to business. I know it's boring, but if you have down time, you need to catch up on paperwork. Dismissed."
The five CSI's and DNA analyst got up, taking a big breath of relief, and smirking. It was worth it. It was totally worth it. Now they'd have something to joke about for awhile and give each other crap over.
As they all streamed out, Catherine whispered to Sara.
"So, how does Nick look in tights?"
"A sausage and meatballs, if you know what I mean." Sara winked, and they all went back to their jobs.
A/N: So, I know that was a little sick, but I hope you enjoyed it. This is actually the end now.
