Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter… sob. Nor do I own acceptance, or U2.

A/N- this is my first fic. It's going to be pretty angsty, but bear with me and the romance will come along. Constructive comments please! I would really like to know what I could do better, but I have to warn you, this story is all planned out in my evil little mind. Em B

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Chapter 1- In the Cold

Time shows us that all that ever mattered

All that ever mattered leaves us in the cold

If you ever believe this what you need

It will spin around and shatter

Throw you to the floor

As it leaves us in the cold

In The Cold-Acceptance

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Everything was different. Everyone who had been left behind was different. I, Hermione Granger, am kneeling in front of the graves of almost everyone I had ever known.

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It was the fall of my twenty-first year, when it all happened. My relationship with Harry was going well, considering I was dating the soon-to-be savior of the entire wizarding world. Harry had asked me to move in with him after we had found all the Horcruxes; all that was left to do was wait for Voldemort to make an appearance and he didn't want to waste time. I had been able to deal with his mood swings; they must be normal for someone under that much stress. I felt like I was the only one who could make him feel normal, if only for a few minutes. That was all I could do for him.

Ron and Luna were married. It had been sudden, but not completely unexpected. He had been heart broken when I started dating Harry. After Luna's father had been attacked by the Death Eaters for being a "Potter Supporter," the two had grown close. The wedding had been quick, almost as if people were asking, "Can we truly celebrate?" People had to live quickly in a world where they could die tomorrow.

Halloween came around. Bad things always seem to happen on Halloween. Remus popped in while Harry and I had been snuggled on the couch. The warmth of his body against mine is the most vivid memory that I possess. I haven't been that warm since…always cold. Remus told him the Voldemort had finally come out of hiding. Harry immediately switched into battle-mode. He told me to go to the Burrow, that I would be safe there. He told me that he could never bear to lose me, that he loved me, and then he Apparated away.

Back then I was the same old Hermione, stubborn and willful. That all seems to be gone. There was no way Harry was going into this alone, and I think he knew that. I immediately followed him, frizzy hair trailing him, Apparating into a cacophony of noise and chaos.

This battle was to held in the Department of Mysteries, in the same room that Sirius was taken from us. That veil seemed to have a draw, somehow pulling us to fight in front of it, like some strange spectacle. That room has held so much bloodshed, through so many centuries that I wonder if it is simply cursed.

I don't remember much of the actual battle. I don't know whether this was from my injuries or just my mind's way of protecting me from the worst memory of my life. All I know is that now I can look back on it with some strange detachment. I have no tears left to cry. Ron was the first to fall, he died protecting his family, and becoming the martyr he was always destined to be. Professor Flitwick died gallantly taking Avery with him. George and Charlie came in quick succession. Molly and Arthur soon after that, Molly simply losing all will to live. I fought hard, just trying to stay alive for Harry. Draco killed his father. Bellatrix and I dueled…

In the end, it was just Harry and Voldemort dueling on the steps to the veil, both alone as it was always meant to be. They went at each other in complete silence, both so focused that even Voldemort couldn't shout his usual taunts. Harry had just hit Voldemort with the killing curse as I finally passed out.

I woke up in St. Mungo's. They told me Harry was in a coma. They told me Voldemort was dead-for good this time. They told me I was one of the few survivors. The congratulated me, rewarded me, and asked me questions. All I could do was lay by the side of the only man I had ever loved. They told me all crimes by our side were to be forgotten. I was free to finally live a normal life. I had just always expected to live that life with Harry.

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Here I was again, placing flowers next to the graves of my best friends. I felt cold, numb; I feel no emotions. This was mechanical. The cool breeze of October blew across my skin. Suddenly, I heard the faint 'pop' of apparition, and Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks were standing behind me, hand entwined. They had been able to find happiness after the war and I envied them.

"Hermione?" said Lupin, never speaking above a whisper on this hallowed ground.

"Yes, it's me, I know its been a while, but its really me" I said, trying to grin slightly.

At that moment, Tonks swept me into a deep hug, nearly crushing me. Her hair was its long natural black today, probably both in mourning and in the fact that Lupin liked to see her 'naturally'.

"Hermione! We haven't seen you since… Well, since you left. Are you finally coming back to England? We've really missed you, you know that don't you?" She said, her face making an attempt at a chuckle.

"I don't really know" I replied somberly. "I left because I couldn't deal with people telling me what a hero I was, I just needed to escape from it all for a while"

This was true, only partially though. It hadn't been just that. I couldn't watch Remus and Tonks have such a happy relationship, when mine was never going to happen. I couldn't watch Fred be slowly driven to madness by the loss of most of his family, knowing that I was close to it as well. I couldn't see Draco Malfoy, ex-enemy, raising money to help the survivors of the war. Everyone seemed to move on, but my life was always lying on a hospital bed in a private ward of St. Mungos.

I began to sob uncontrollable and Tonks just rocked me in her arms, while Lupin glanced nervously around. He was always uncomfortable around me, with things like this. I think he was the only one who realized how deeply everything had affected me. The only one who knew what it had done to me.

I soon heard another small sob from my left and looked up. Ginny kneeled next to the graves of her parents, weeping nearly silently. This was another reason I left. She had lost more than me, but I could never bring myself to help her, it just hurt too much and reminded me of what I had lost. I looked at her, and saw the deep sadness in every part of her. Her once vibrant hair now lay dull, the spark was gone from her eyes and the childish glow had vanished. She was in just as much pain as me.

The four of us sat in silence for a long time, all caught in our own thoughts. Eventually, Ginny broke the silence.

"Hermione, I think its time that you go home"

And however much I didn't want to return there, I knew that she was right.