Disclaimer- Harry Potter isn't mine. Nuff' said.
A/N- Just keep swimming, just keep swimming. School makes writing difficult! Hope you like it. Comments please! Sorry that this is another Acceptance song, but it fit, I promise I listen to other music though. I am SO sorry to have not gotten this out sooner! I'm really not that slow of an author. My beta just seems to have dissappeared, so this is un-betad. If she comes back, I'll edit this. This chapter is dedicated to xILoveSiriusBlackx because she is the best friend ever.
I take it all to heart
Don't point the finger
Choose the winner
Hold your own
It's never been arranged
Who's the liar
I'm the coward
The letter read like this...
Of all the sinners I've walked beforeThe Letter- Acceptance
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"She's going to need us Remus" said Tonks quietly, running her hand down the side of his face.
"I know, but she needs time. She left for a reason, I think. Just give her time Nymph."
"You know I don't like when you call me that!" hitting him playfully in the arm.
"OUCH!" he shouted playfully grabbing her around the waist and pulling her into his lap "That hurt! You know I bruise easy…"
"Mhmmm…" She muttered, leaning up and kissing him soundly on the lips. This quieted any witty remarks he had planned as he fell deeper and deeper into her embrace. She broke the kiss slowly, placing her head on his chest.
"Days like today…" she murmured sleepily.
He maneuvered her over him, lying out on the couch. Why did I ever think that I didn't need someone? What would I do without her? He thought drowsily.
They lay contentedly on the couch for a while, drifting off to sleep in each other's arms.
"Remus?"
He awoke to Tonks looking straight into his eyes.
"Hmm?" he said with a sleepy sigh.
"Do you ever feel guilty?"
This question struck him hard. Guilty about what? She's not having second thoughts about us! No, of course not, don't be so damned insecure. Then what is she worried about? He sat up, completely awake.
She saw the look in his eyes. She knew that look far to well. That's the one he gets when he thinks I'm going to leave him. Bloody hell no. I couldn't do that. He should know that by now.
"About being so happy. I mean, sometimes I forget, and then feel dreadful about it", She said quickly, trying to make him stop worrying.
He thought for a moment before replying "All the time, Nymph, all the time".
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I appareted to my small 'Apartment' in New York City. I liked it in the city, it was always loud, always in motion, and above all, no one recognized me. Tonks was right though; I needed to go back to England. I had been running from everything for 12 months, and it was just hurting me more.
But how could I prepare for what awaited me at 'home'? I was going to see the place where Harry and I had spent our last days together. I knew that I wasn't in good condition either. Something had happened to me after that night. I hadn't had a good night sleep since the last time Harry held me in his arms. I had used the dreamless sleep potion so much that I had actually developed immunity to it. I was prone to mood swings, and I would occasionally pass out for no reason. I had even seen a muggle therapist. 'Lot of good that did, trying to explain that your boyfriend was in a magically induced coma' I thought to myself. When did I get so cynical?
I packed a sparse amount of belongings, sweatpants, tee shirts, a toothbrush. I didn't see the point in caring what I looked like anymore. I locked the door and appareted into the den of Harry's, my, large flat in the center of London.
The first thing I noticed was that nothing had changed, the blanket was still on the couch, and a fire was still blazing. I suppose all the wards Remus put up here must have left time standing completely still.
I sat down on the couch, breathing in the smell of Harry that lingered their, feeling so lost, so alone. I don't know how long I sat there, it could have been hours or days, but eventually I realized I needed to eat. I was always careful to eat, even on days when I felt like laying in bed and starving to death. I needed to stay alive. I got up and walked to the kitchen, rummaging around for something to eat.
Eventually, I decided that I should go to sleep. I didn't change, but simply walked into the room Harry and I had shared. On the bed, I found the shock of my life.
Sitting there was an envelope addressed clearly in Harry's neat scrawl "Hermione". I felt a whirlwind of emotion as I feel to my knees on the soft carpet, sobbing silently, without shedding a tear. I picked up the letter, opened it and began to read
Hermione,
If you're reading this, I'm dead. Bugger that was rather blunt wasn't it? Well, it's the truth. I was always too blunt wasn't I? Well, no matter now… I hope I died protecting you, I know I would've. I hope that I took Tom with me. I hope that you can look back on me without sadness. I hope a lot of thing for you Hermione. I want you to be happy, that's all I ever wanted. I love you, and will forever, whatever happens. You got me through everything, kept me going. I always remember that I love you.
Harry
P.S- I want you to have this. I was going to give it to you after the war was over. Now, I just want you to remember me.
I read this completely stunned. I was in shock, shaking all over. How could he think I could forget him? How could I be happy without him? I fell on to the bed, my head spinning. I looked on the quilt on our bed, seeing a little velvet box. I couldn't even bear to open. I just stared at and blacked out.
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I woke up later; I don't know how long it had been. I was falling in and out of life, my head spinning. Maybe it was all a dream… No, I knew dreams could never get this bad. 'Its like losing him all over again', I thought miserably. It was then that I realized that no one had come for me. There wasn't anyone to be with me, to make sure I was all right. Remus and Tonks had their own life, Fred wasn't in a condition to see anyone, Luna had disappeared, and Ginny had enough problems. I was alone. Yet now that I realized this, things seemed better. I was no longer living for anyone. First, it had been living for Harry, to keep him alive for the wizarding world, then it had been living for the survivors, but slowly, they had all moved on, or reached that insanity that let them not feel their pain. I wasn't living for anyone. I didn't even have to live anymore…
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A/N- Thank you all my wonderful reviewers!
SoloKenobi, xILoveSiriusBlackx, leopardbabe- Thanks for the encouragment, I promise I'll keep writing!
Moony-Mione-Padfoot- My first reviewer! Ah, the thrill!
