Disclaimer- Harry Potter isn't mine… I wouldn't be saving for an iPod if it were. Nor is Franz Ferdinand, however much I would like to own them all. My god its been a long time since I updated. I swear to all of you I'm not this slow, I just had semester tests. High school sucks.

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Chapter 3- Outsiders

Love'll die
Lovers fade
But you still remain there
Squeezing in your fingers
What it means for me to be

The only difference is what might be is now what might have been

Outsiders- Franz Ferdinand

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Looking back, I see now that manic madness that came over me after reading that letter. It was almost comical in fact. I finally had purpose, just like I had in school or searching for the Horcruxes. I treated my own life in the same methodical way I would treat a potions essay. So I set to work.

First, I placed Harry's ring on my finger. I won't be wearing if for much longer anyway. Then I sat down and began writing a list, an 'outline' as muggle English teachers would say, to prepare. My last big assignment. I chuckled at my own insanity as I wrote the first step.

1. Go and Visit Harry.

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I hated hospitals, always had. St. Mungo's was no different, the bustling of lime-green robed healers carrying around fuming potions, and witches and wizards sporting various ailments never ceased to upset me. I myself had spent much more time within these walls then I would care to remember.

As I walked on to the ward, all the healers gave me curious, and encouraging looks. They all knew me, having seen me stay by his side for weeks before disappearing. They seemed to think I was finally here to move on. If only they knew, somehow I don't think they'd be smiling.

As I sat in the chair next to Harry's bed, I thought about him, us, and everything else. Do I love him? Did I love him? I have no idea. He was my world and I was his. But was it need or love? I stopped myself abruptly. It doesn't even matter. To many other things have happened. That battle changed me. Now, what to say to Harry?

Light streamed into the room, illuminating his raven black hair. If only he would open his eyes, stop me from doing this. But it won't happen.

"Harry, I think I loved you. I think you loved me… We would have been happy together, having children, and living in the world that you kept safe," I paused brushing back his hair.

"But Voldemort ruined that. He took everything away from us. He changed everything. I think that even if you were around now, you wouldn't love me. I don't deserve love from anyone. Too much has happened. If only you could hear me. But you can't and you never will. I know that you understand. I can't live like this, in this world, without you. I can't make it alone"

At these words, I stepped back. I was allowing too much emotion. I couldn't, I had to continue. I kissed Harry on the cheek and then apparated back to the flat.

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2. Write a note.

Remus, Tonks, Ginny;

You're probably the only ones who would check on me. Actually your probably the only one's who know I'm alive. Well, there's no use checking on me. I can't live like this anymore. Guilt and misery aren't something I take very well apparently. I don't see the point in mourning me. You have enough people to mourn. I haven't been here for a year; just pretend I went back to New York. Don't worry no burial for me, they'll never find me.

-Hermione

'I wonder how long this note will sit here?' I thought, slightly pained. 'A year like Harry's letter? It doesn't matter. If they don't worry, that's better. I don't want anyone to feel like I do. I wouldn't wish this on anyone'

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3. Go

I left my letter on the kitchen table and apparated directly to my final destination. I found myself in the death chamber, face to face with the veil for the last time.

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Sunlight streamed in over his closed eyes. He felt a soft hand on his forehead. A whispered voice. 'Hermione?' he found himself unable to speak. It was if he was partially awake. He could hear the tone of her voice, but couldn't make out the words. She sounded sad. He didn't like her being sad, he wanted to comfort her. He couldn't.

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A/N- This chapter was hard to write. Suicide is such a complicated thing so I couldn't graze over it. I'm sorry if this chapter seemed to go to slow.