Disclaimer: Yu Yu Hakusho and all its characters don't belong to me.
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Chapter Two: Moment of Weakness
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Footsteps are heard approaching from outside the room. Hiei releases me and turns to face the door as it slowly opens. I'm left wondering who else could possibly walk through that doorway and if I've known them before. There's no way for me to really know. I hold back a lash of anger as my eyes focus to observe the small old woman who has just walked into the room.
She gives me a strange look, almost as if she's annoyed. At first I think she might be annoyed with me, but then I realize that she seems more frustrated at herself. She ignores me and turns to Hiei.
"It's just as I thought......isn't it?" she asks him as though I'm not even here.
I don't get what she's saying. I wish they would explain something to me. Hiei seems to know what she's talking about for he nods gravely. His eyes turn to me again and I get lost in their depths, wondering what he could possibly be thinking about.
Hiei looks away from me and he suddenly seems mad as though seeing the look of confusion on my face upsets him. I'll try to remember not to wear that look again, for his sake.
"Genkai...how did this happen?" he says, his voice sadistic and dangerous. I see that he is clenching his right fist at his side in an attempt to control this sudden outburst of anger.
The old woman, Genkai I presume, turns to look into my face. She seems somewhat hesitant to speak anything in front of me. "I don't have an answer for you at this time." She says quietly. I know she can feel my eyes on her as I watch her intently for any clue about myself.
Finally I get fed up with all the damn silence. "Where am I? What happened?! What's going on?!" By the end of the sentence I'm practically screaming out each syllable. I look at them with rage in my eyes, but at the same time I'm begging them for an answer. I need that answer terribly.
Genkai shakes her head warningly at Hiei as though telling him not to answer. I can feel his ki grow angered, but he nods back at her.
That's it. I can't take it anymore. I snap. I stagger out of my bed, ignoring the fact that I am already feverish and I'm not wearing a thing on my body. I disregard the flashes of pain that make me cringe as I walk over to them.
"TELL ME!" I scream. I'm so desperate. To know anything. I'm scared in this emptiness. It's terrifying the way I am so helplessly alone in this void.
My body gives out and my knees begin to crumple. Just when I think I'm going to fall onto the hardened floor, Hiei's small body is propping me up. His hands are wrapped around my waist and the whole weight of my body is on his chest as my head rests on one of his shoulders. I know my dead weight is a burden on his small frame and I try to lift myself, but I can't gather up the strength anymore.
"Tell me when he's revived again." Genkai says, her voice colder than ice. I think she's exasperated with my weakness, but I don't care. I'm starting to think I don't like her very much. I'm glad to hear the door swing close and her footsteps fade away into the distance.
I start to feel embarrassment creep over me when I remember that I am totally naked in front of Hiei. He doesn't comment though as he half carries, half drags me back to the bed.
I wonder why he's so gentle with me. I think he can feel my desperation and rage. I get the sense that he really just wants to comfort me, but he doesn't know how to bring himself to do it.
He manages to get my weakened body back up onto the bed and covers me back up with the blankets. I'm glad for them because I'm so cold, but then yet again I wish I could just throw them off of my sweating hot skin.
Hiei places a hand on my forehead and frowns. I sense worry radiating from him and also a little anger. It's almost like he's angry for me. It's so strange. I feel I don't know him at all, but it's like he knows my very soul.
"Kurama....can you remember....anything?" he asks me. He's not looking me in the eye now and I can tell he's trying to hide something from me. I can sense all these things about it him, without even looking. Maybe I do know him better than I first thought.
I reach out and grip his hand, wanting to have something solid to hold onto in this whirlwind of emotions. He nods at me vaguely as though he knows my answer. I can feel desperation rise in me again and I start to breathe faster as though I've just run a mile.
"Please...tell me...what's happening?" I ask him turning my eyes onto his, gripping his hand harder. He's the only one in my world right now that has a small chance of understanding what I'm going through. He's the only one I can turn to for information and comfort. I don't think he knows how much I depend on him at this moment.
"Not right now." He says, turning away again as though he can't stand to look at my crestfallen face.
My world is shattering in this silence and I slowly blink. Why is this all being kept from me? Don't I deserve to know something about myself or how I lost all of my memories?! I loosen my hand from his and jerk it away as though I've been slapped. Of all the people I know, which only consists of two right now, I thought that he was the one I could turn to. Why is he doing this?
"Why?!" I managed to say, controlling my rage and sadness. Hiei turns to look at me as though he's sizing me up. He takes a while to think before answering.
"Something's are more painful than physical wounds. I don't think you're ready to know yet. I can't put you through it." If he wasn't so cold when he said it I could have almost sworn he sounded devastated, but I wasn't thinking about that at the time. I was thinking about his response.
Those words only ignite the flame of my wanting. My eyes are glazing over in panic. I can't stand it any longer!!! Why is no one telling me ANYTHING! What could have possibly happened?! I want to tear myself apart. This curiosity is pushing me past the brink of sanity. It's almost like I'm clinging wildly onto what little I know to keep from being swept away.
Without thinking, I reach out and grab a fistful of his shirt and bring him within my striking range. He doesn't even blink as I bring my fist up to his cheek and punch with all the force that I can muster up in the shape I'm in.
He doesn't move as my fist connects. I'm surprised. I thought he would move away. He does nothing as my fist smashes into his cheek. It's like he doesn't care. I crumble inside when I see the look in his eyes. He's not mad at me, no, that isn't it. It's the disappointment in his eyes that hurts me so deeply.
I stare at his right cheek which is glowing red. I know it's going to bruise badly. He just ignores it as he reaches out and takes my face in one of his hands. My eyes get wide and begin to tremble with unshed tears.
"Kurama...Even if I did tell you.........you would not have those memories back......It's not as simple as that..." Hiei says slowly, rubbing his thumb across my cheek. I close my eyes against this tender touch and a tear slides down my cheek.
"I can help you regain these memories......but I also don't want you to be hurt........." he says, continuing to rub his fingers against my face.
I can't help but enjoy this intimacy between us. It's exactly what I need in this moment of weakness. "Why Hiei...why is this happening?" I ask. Please answer, I'm begging inside. Just this one question.
He sighs and gently takes his hand away. "I will talk to you about it after you have some sleep."
I feel disappointed, but not as much as before because I at least know that he's planning on telling me something. I think the main reason is that something in his touch seems so comforting to me. I don't know what it is, but I don't think I ever want to be without him again.
My eyes are fluttering with tiredness now. I hadn't realized how worn out I really was. Slowly I close my eyelids and my world fades away into darkness. I can sleep safely knowing that he is by side, watching over me.
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Author's Notes: Another chapter. Thank you for all of your reviews. I decided to only introduce one new character since I'm taking this very slowly. I know Hiei may seem slightly out of character, but he's really close to Kurama and they are all alone so he's a little more open. Maybe you'll actually learn something in the next chapter! Lol. Do you like how this story is going? If so, leave a review, but don't feel like you have to. (you have to though, just don't feel that way... JK) *wink*
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Chapter Two: Moment of Weakness
................................................................................................
Footsteps are heard approaching from outside the room. Hiei releases me and turns to face the door as it slowly opens. I'm left wondering who else could possibly walk through that doorway and if I've known them before. There's no way for me to really know. I hold back a lash of anger as my eyes focus to observe the small old woman who has just walked into the room.
She gives me a strange look, almost as if she's annoyed. At first I think she might be annoyed with me, but then I realize that she seems more frustrated at herself. She ignores me and turns to Hiei.
"It's just as I thought......isn't it?" she asks him as though I'm not even here.
I don't get what she's saying. I wish they would explain something to me. Hiei seems to know what she's talking about for he nods gravely. His eyes turn to me again and I get lost in their depths, wondering what he could possibly be thinking about.
Hiei looks away from me and he suddenly seems mad as though seeing the look of confusion on my face upsets him. I'll try to remember not to wear that look again, for his sake.
"Genkai...how did this happen?" he says, his voice sadistic and dangerous. I see that he is clenching his right fist at his side in an attempt to control this sudden outburst of anger.
The old woman, Genkai I presume, turns to look into my face. She seems somewhat hesitant to speak anything in front of me. "I don't have an answer for you at this time." She says quietly. I know she can feel my eyes on her as I watch her intently for any clue about myself.
Finally I get fed up with all the damn silence. "Where am I? What happened?! What's going on?!" By the end of the sentence I'm practically screaming out each syllable. I look at them with rage in my eyes, but at the same time I'm begging them for an answer. I need that answer terribly.
Genkai shakes her head warningly at Hiei as though telling him not to answer. I can feel his ki grow angered, but he nods back at her.
That's it. I can't take it anymore. I snap. I stagger out of my bed, ignoring the fact that I am already feverish and I'm not wearing a thing on my body. I disregard the flashes of pain that make me cringe as I walk over to them.
"TELL ME!" I scream. I'm so desperate. To know anything. I'm scared in this emptiness. It's terrifying the way I am so helplessly alone in this void.
My body gives out and my knees begin to crumple. Just when I think I'm going to fall onto the hardened floor, Hiei's small body is propping me up. His hands are wrapped around my waist and the whole weight of my body is on his chest as my head rests on one of his shoulders. I know my dead weight is a burden on his small frame and I try to lift myself, but I can't gather up the strength anymore.
"Tell me when he's revived again." Genkai says, her voice colder than ice. I think she's exasperated with my weakness, but I don't care. I'm starting to think I don't like her very much. I'm glad to hear the door swing close and her footsteps fade away into the distance.
I start to feel embarrassment creep over me when I remember that I am totally naked in front of Hiei. He doesn't comment though as he half carries, half drags me back to the bed.
I wonder why he's so gentle with me. I think he can feel my desperation and rage. I get the sense that he really just wants to comfort me, but he doesn't know how to bring himself to do it.
He manages to get my weakened body back up onto the bed and covers me back up with the blankets. I'm glad for them because I'm so cold, but then yet again I wish I could just throw them off of my sweating hot skin.
Hiei places a hand on my forehead and frowns. I sense worry radiating from him and also a little anger. It's almost like he's angry for me. It's so strange. I feel I don't know him at all, but it's like he knows my very soul.
"Kurama....can you remember....anything?" he asks me. He's not looking me in the eye now and I can tell he's trying to hide something from me. I can sense all these things about it him, without even looking. Maybe I do know him better than I first thought.
I reach out and grip his hand, wanting to have something solid to hold onto in this whirlwind of emotions. He nods at me vaguely as though he knows my answer. I can feel desperation rise in me again and I start to breathe faster as though I've just run a mile.
"Please...tell me...what's happening?" I ask him turning my eyes onto his, gripping his hand harder. He's the only one in my world right now that has a small chance of understanding what I'm going through. He's the only one I can turn to for information and comfort. I don't think he knows how much I depend on him at this moment.
"Not right now." He says, turning away again as though he can't stand to look at my crestfallen face.
My world is shattering in this silence and I slowly blink. Why is this all being kept from me? Don't I deserve to know something about myself or how I lost all of my memories?! I loosen my hand from his and jerk it away as though I've been slapped. Of all the people I know, which only consists of two right now, I thought that he was the one I could turn to. Why is he doing this?
"Why?!" I managed to say, controlling my rage and sadness. Hiei turns to look at me as though he's sizing me up. He takes a while to think before answering.
"Something's are more painful than physical wounds. I don't think you're ready to know yet. I can't put you through it." If he wasn't so cold when he said it I could have almost sworn he sounded devastated, but I wasn't thinking about that at the time. I was thinking about his response.
Those words only ignite the flame of my wanting. My eyes are glazing over in panic. I can't stand it any longer!!! Why is no one telling me ANYTHING! What could have possibly happened?! I want to tear myself apart. This curiosity is pushing me past the brink of sanity. It's almost like I'm clinging wildly onto what little I know to keep from being swept away.
Without thinking, I reach out and grab a fistful of his shirt and bring him within my striking range. He doesn't even blink as I bring my fist up to his cheek and punch with all the force that I can muster up in the shape I'm in.
He doesn't move as my fist connects. I'm surprised. I thought he would move away. He does nothing as my fist smashes into his cheek. It's like he doesn't care. I crumble inside when I see the look in his eyes. He's not mad at me, no, that isn't it. It's the disappointment in his eyes that hurts me so deeply.
I stare at his right cheek which is glowing red. I know it's going to bruise badly. He just ignores it as he reaches out and takes my face in one of his hands. My eyes get wide and begin to tremble with unshed tears.
"Kurama...Even if I did tell you.........you would not have those memories back......It's not as simple as that..." Hiei says slowly, rubbing his thumb across my cheek. I close my eyes against this tender touch and a tear slides down my cheek.
"I can help you regain these memories......but I also don't want you to be hurt........." he says, continuing to rub his fingers against my face.
I can't help but enjoy this intimacy between us. It's exactly what I need in this moment of weakness. "Why Hiei...why is this happening?" I ask. Please answer, I'm begging inside. Just this one question.
He sighs and gently takes his hand away. "I will talk to you about it after you have some sleep."
I feel disappointed, but not as much as before because I at least know that he's planning on telling me something. I think the main reason is that something in his touch seems so comforting to me. I don't know what it is, but I don't think I ever want to be without him again.
My eyes are fluttering with tiredness now. I hadn't realized how worn out I really was. Slowly I close my eyelids and my world fades away into darkness. I can sleep safely knowing that he is by side, watching over me.
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Author's Notes: Another chapter. Thank you for all of your reviews. I decided to only introduce one new character since I'm taking this very slowly. I know Hiei may seem slightly out of character, but he's really close to Kurama and they are all alone so he's a little more open. Maybe you'll actually learn something in the next chapter! Lol. Do you like how this story is going? If so, leave a review, but don't feel like you have to. (you have to though, just don't feel that way... JK) *wink*
