I do not own Once Upon a Time

Chapter 14 Good Tidings of Great Joy

Bae, once again, had trouble concentrating on his lessons. He had no lasting effects from his fall in the lake, to everyone's great relief. And though you could tell that he felt the lesson and had learned a great deal, he had no less energy than before. The house was in an uproar once again, though this time for something that did not involve outside guests-It was almost Christmas. Bae had requested that she tell him tales of her own Christmases in her past, and Belle did her best to steer it into a more educational turn by getting him to recount his as well, and to form sentences about his favorite parts.

'Did you have roasted turkey, Miss French?'

'Oh no, it was goose for us, but still very delicious. Do you have turkey?'

'Oh yes! And so many sweets, Miss French! For that is my favorite part!'

'Why don't you write a list of all your favorite things about Christmas, and then we will work together on any words you have trouble with, yes?'

He was silent for a while, asking from time to time how to spell this word or that one.

'I shall get a holiday shan't I, Miss French?' His little nose curled up, as if he feared that he might have to spend the day bent over his studies-it was his first year with formal teaching, after all.

'Of course!' His face lit up with excitement and his eyes were bright with contagious joy.

'And you will have Christmas dinner with us won't you?'

And that was a conversation she had been worried about.

'Oh, I-I that is, I don't know, Bae. Your father might want it to be just you and him.'

'Why?' He looked genuinely baffled.

'Because you are family.'

Oh' he replied. The words seemed to pain him, and she regretted phrasing it in such a way. It warmed her that he should want her there at all. Having to say the words aloud hurt herself just as much as they hurt him.

'I always forget.' he spoke forlornly. 'Can I tell you a secret, Miss French?'

'I suppose you can, as long as it doesn't hurt your father.'

'Oh no! It's just something-I…I told you once that I don't remember my mother.'

'Yes, I'm sorry Bae, I do remember you telling me she died when you were young.' She was very sorry that Bae didn't have a mother, though she might not be as sad that he had no memories of her. It made Belle's blood boil just thinking of how someone could abandon such an amazing child as the one that sat so innocently in front of her, with his bright brown eyes, and hair that put her in mind of Mr. Gold…

'I sometimes daydream I have a mother.'

Bae's face was bent down at the revelation and he fidgeted sheepishly with his feet.

'Do you, little Bae?' She smiled warmly at him with assurance.

'And-And-And I imagine it's you, Miss French, I'm sorry! Please don't be angry!' He declared the last bit when he saw how Belle's eyes went wide in shock.

'You startled me, is all. I'm not angry. I-I' What was she to say?! That sometimes she replayed dinners they shared together and wished that they were a true family? That when they were all bent over a board game, how she wished she was experiencing true domestic comfort, instead of being the third party to a family she loved but could hold no claim over?

In fact, her realization of her feelings came one day from a sudden wish that she had her own family and for the family to be the one she loved already so dearly. She loved Bae, and she had come to hold a steadfast and endearing love to Mr. Gold-Rowland, his Christian name being only allowed in her thoughts.

She hoped a newly turned seven year old was unable to detect the increasing color in her cheeks at the thought-she almost missed the black to wash her out.

'I am flattered, Bae, that you should consider me so highly to imagine such things.' She said simply. She could say no more, though she would not dash his love for her, and though she would only be a distant memory of his one and only governess one day as he finished school.

She smiled at him, and she hoped that the smile demonstrated more than her words could say.

'It's just that, I heard Mrs. Lucas once say to someone, when they didn't know I was listening-that they would miss the noise I made when I went to school and wondered how I would get on when you left. Must you leave, Miss French?' And at Belle's gentle nod and 'one day, but not for many months.' he continued so sadly it broke her heart. 'Oh that you could stay forever!' Belle couldn't help but secretly agree, though she would never dare utter such a thing.

The week leading up to Christmas, Belle and Bae read Dickens' Christmas Carol, strung dried fruits and placed evergreens and holly around the living areas of the house. Mr. Gold would often bring a book with him and watch the goings on with quick glances and small smiles.

'Miss French?' Mr. Gold ventured one of the afternoons, after Belle had finished a chapter of The Christmas Carol. 'Would you join us for Christmas Dinner?'

'I-I do not want to impose, sir.'

'Nonsense. Bae and I are fond of your company at dinner, and since we will have no other guests for Christmas, will you not join us and help make it merry?'

Belle felt more than she could say. She knew she said yes, and then asked to be excused for a moment. Mr. Gold's countenance was awash with concern, but she could not stay long enough to reassure him, or else risk sobbing in relief in front of Bae.

She had assured herself that this Christmas would be one where she fit nowhere. The staff felt like acquaintances, perhaps Mary was more of a friend than not, but she would feel as if she was the odd one out if she had eaten Christmas dinner with them-even joining the Gold family she would be the third party-the outsider. However, she felt nothing but gratefulness at this inclusion.

Christmas day dawned clear and bright, a blanket of snow covered the estate of Dark Manor, though no new fresh snow was falling. The morning was quiet in Belle's room, but she knew that the kitchens would be a bustle of activity. Instead of dressing in her best yet, she wore one of the plainest of the new gowns, a solid gray with little trim, and threw on an apron Mrs. Lucas let her borrow and went down to the kitchens, where the strong mix of sweet and savory smells met her.

Belle was such a fixture in the great house that she was hardly noticed as she entered. She looked around at how best to be useful and saw one of the girls rolling out dough for Little Stars of Bethlehem and she went to join her. Soon she was caught up with other little tasks until her brow was beaded with sweat from the flurry of activity.

'Miss French, what are you doing down here, girl?' Mrs. Lucas huffed into the kitchens and acknowledged her with agitation-not unfriendly though. 'Dinner is to be served in an hour and you are here looking like a kitchen maid! Off with you girl and get changed!'

Belle smiled at the good intentioned housekeeper and hurried upstairs to obey. She now chose her best dress, and attempted to do her hair in a nicer fashion. She had the front of her hair parted and allowed the natural curls to behave naturally as a frame around her face. The rest was brought to the back in a loose plaited bun. She added her broach to her dress and fiddled with the lace coming out of her sleeves.

She used some ribbon to make a pretty bow on her gift to Bae, and set it on her little side table and left the room with no little nerves to join elder and younger Gold. She had been to almost every dinner for over six months, yet the decorations and the extra candles, and the general atmosphere felt completely different. This was a special event-no matter that it was the same number at the dinner table as ever before. It was a family event, where you shared a special memory with your close family, yet she was to be there too.

Bae's words from the week before echoed in her mind. She wished she was entering as a third, not a guest, but family. It was but a dream, and she hesitated only a second more before entering.

She was met with a warm smile from the master of the manor and overpowering excitement from Bae. The meal was eaten with some formality, and Bae gushed over the great spread of roasted turkey, the rosemary potatoes, and carrots. He squealed when the Stars of Bethlehem were brought out, and Belle and Mr. Gold stole pleasant conspiratory smiles at each other at Bae's joy over the special meal.

'Can Miss French come to the library with us and let me show her my gifts from Father Christmas?' Bae pleaded when the very last crumbs on his plate vanished.

'Yes, of course.'

'Might I go and fetch something from my room and meet you there?' Belle asked, Mr. Gold looked confused for a moment and shook his head and said a simple 'Of course.'

Belle hurried to fetch the little bundle she hoped Bae would enjoy, and hoped that perhaps he would understand how precious a thing she was giving him. She knew that eventually Bae would go to school and she would be off to some other estate with other children who might be significantly less amiable than he, and while they were thus separated would he remember the little governess that loved him so? She hoped he would, and look on her with fondness, and perhaps when he was a great man at five and twenty, he might pull out her gift and remember the governess that had taught him to read. Would the master remember her? She couldn't think about that for too long, or she would certainly be melancholy. She would enjoy what time she had.

She entered the library where she was coaxed to join them as Bae presented to her the little trinkets, toys, and games he had received.

'I hope you'll not mind my gift being a little worn, though it is something of great value to me.'

And with that, Belle presented her gift, shyly.

'Gulliver's Travels!'

'I thought you might add it to the library here for your own use-it's-it's yours.'

Bae wrapped his arms around her neck with a 'Thank you, Miss French.' and his father looking so warmly at her, with his good eye so deep and soft and brown.

They ended the day with Bae, who had reclined on the soft rug clad floor, reading Luke 2, with Belle helping him through the difficult words.

``Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace, good will toward men.'

'What does that mean, Miss French?'

'Jesus came to the world to bring peace, not really the physical peace from the Romans which perhaps was hoped for, at first, but eternal joy and peace in the hearts of men. Those who have the peace of the Christ child in their hearts have that and want to share it with their fellow men. Just like Scrooge in The Christmas Carol. When his heart was changed and held the true meaning of Christmas he wanted to do good towards those around him.'

As she spoke, he had set the Bible down and laid his head in her lap. Belle saw something deep and unreadable in Mr. Gold's gaze. However, her heart was full and warm with the memories she would keep with her forever-no matter where life took her thereafter.

Author's Note:

A very Bae centric chapter, but some Gold/Belle fun coming on the horizon! Things are about to really get going :) Christmas in Victorian time notes:
Gifts were given to children, but not from man to woman unless they were family or fiance.
Goose was cheaper, and therefore Turkey was only for rich families.
Little Star of Bethlehem's were star Christmas cookies.
Both Dickens and Queen Victoria were big proponents in making the traditions we celebrate today, popular.
I tried to do as much research as possible, but there is always a very large possibility to get details wrong. My apologies for any mistakes.
Hope you enjoyed the chapter!