Disclaimer: I don't know why I'm still disclaiming…surely there'd be no point in claiming credit for the idea the eighteenth chapter was based on, if it's already obvious that the same idea the other seventeen chapters were engendered by has already been disclaimed. Still, I disclaim!
This chapter should really be listed as a change of point of view, sort of an interlude, so, since I'm absolute crud at naming chapters, I'll just call in Interlude. Wow, I feel so formal and special. Anyway, onto reviews.
Tenshi: Thanks. I'm sort of working up to something, but I'm mostly just rambling on about Treet and his life, which is pretty fun, lol.
Violet Rush: He'll get around to it eventually. He's still in the hiding from her phase, though. I mean, I would be too.
Wizard: He'll get over it eventually. Still, there had to be a reason he couldn't be a Mindhealer, if I'm sticking to the canon about his character. Lol, there's only about one paragraph in existence about him and I'm still having trouble sticking to it. I don't want Lirain and Treet in training together anyway, because it would be logistically hard for all characters involved.
Fireblade: Lol, I quite liked that phrase myself.
Silentstream: Thanks. I think that would be quite boring to write, myself. I like it better this way.
Anyway, I got really bored in math class and instead of skipping to the next day, which you'd all probably have to wait months for knowing me, I decided to stick in a short chapter about Lirain and Rith. Well, looking back at it, maybe not so short a chapter. Ten pages, my longest ever. I hope it's ok, I wrote most of it in math class, so yeah. Read, review, and learn more about Lirain and Rith. Enjoy!
Chapter 18: Interlude
After leading Treet to dinner and giving one of her fellow Trainees a light kick in the shin and the injunction to try to ensure that Treet didn't get run over by hordes of rampaging and hungry Trainees, Lirain grabbed two of the trays meant for Healers who's duties forced them to eat and run and headed back for Rith's "lair" at an easy jog.
The consequence of afternoons spent leading Treet around was evening lessons, since she had no chores at that hour. She could always study other subjects before she slept, but the hands-on instruction she could get from her teacher was irreplaceable.
Lirain rapped softly at the door with her foot, her full hands preventing her from knocking properly. After a few moments, Rith pulled open the door, looking drained and wan.
"Bad day?" Lirain asked sympathetically as she walked in and sat down.
"Long day. Council meeting this morning, the usual old business being debated back and forth until the councilors go blue in the face, then a meeting of the Healers Circle. Not quite as annoying, but far more tiring, seeing as they actually require my opinion sometimes. I had only a few Candlemarks to spend with actual patients, and many of them need me a lot more than those windbags on the council. I can't treat half the patients who need it, only those the Circle decides are "dangerously unbalanced" and the few of our people who need it, plus my admissions duties." She grimaced. "Sometimes I think it's just too much." She ended with a hand gesture meant to be self-deprecating and humorous but which did little to alter the tired lines etched on her forehead.
Seeing her chance, Lirain shoved one of the steaming trays into Rith's hands. "Don't worry, I'll have my Greens in a couple of years and you know they'll keep me here on permanent assignment, then I'll be able to help you more."
Rith blinked and smiled a little, remembering who she was talking to. Her tone became more businesslike. She never complained, except when exhausted.
"Yes, you will, but if you want me to grant you robes to properly match that hair of yours, we'd better have a lesson tonight. A mostly theoretical one, sadly, since I have no desire to go up to the House of Healing at this hour. That meeting with your Trainee was just the end of it, I'm afraid." Rith closed her eyes, wondering if Lirain would take the bait.
"Was it bad? He didn't say." Lirain asked worriedly, jumping on Rith's words.
"Not bad, necessarily. Still, as soon as I met him, I knew he had a far higher level of Empathy than most Healers, and I saw something about his trip here. Just a flash, mind you, but it's possible that he's a natural Mindhealer. That's why I came down so hard on him. He may well lean naturally towards Mindhealing, but he would be miserable with me as a teacher. I wasn't sure until I saw him, but as soon as I did, I could tell. The way he acted was a dead giveaway. Ideally, he needs a teacher who can teach only him, as well as being physically and mentally approachable. From what I hear, he's a little leery of the full Healers, as well as everyone his own age, except, oddly enough, you." Rith's penetrating gaze rested on Lirain. She had her own suspicions about the relationship between her emerald-haired trainee and the reticent Holderkin boy.
"A natural Mindhealer? What'll happen to him without training, then? Can he do something else?" Lirain asked, ignoring the last comment.
"Oh, he'll be fine. He'll be happy enough in another area of study, and when he's been here a while and isn't quite so traumatized, I'll pull him aside and see about giving him a week or so of fast and dirty training in Mindhealing. It's a great asset to all of the specialties, in fact, I'd say it should be mandatory for all Trainees with an above average Empathy level." Rith maintained.
"But, if he's a natural, shouldn't he be studying Mindhealing?" Lirain asked, still worried.
"Not necessarily. This problem isn't as uncommon as you think. Because of the type of people that become Healers, especially Mindhealers, they can be sensitive or easily traumatized while they're still young. When you get someone like your Tretin, it's better for him to see as little of me as possible for a while, however that might happen to come about. He'll use his own peculiar set of Gifts wherever he goes, that's part of being a Healer. And if he's desperately unhappy, he'll know to come back to me and we'll sort it out, although I'd say he'd have to be in a pretty bad way before he'd do that. Hopefully by the time I get around to training him, he'll be able to stand the sight of me," Rith said, her tone calculatedly acid.
"It's not his fault!" Lirain leapt to Treet's defense. "You should have seen him before he walked in here! He was white as a sheet; I had to shove him through the door! Do you know what you had to do to him? I was there too, I felt it! How can you even act like it's his fault after that?" Lirain was outraged without knowing why. She took deep even breaths, one of her first lessons, repeated the lines she had been taught over and over in her head. 'I will not allow my anger to control me.' How many times had she been forced to write that out in her first year at the Collegium? She almost laughed, equilibrium restored.
Rith would have been angry had she not deliberately goaded Lirain into a response. "Do you think I know not what I do?" She asked in deadly cold that was only partially feigned. "Do you believe that someone with our Gifts could be untouched by that duty? Indeed, that is the reason it falls to us, that there might never be pain without compassion and understanding and that it might fall in equal measure to the giver. You will know too, one day, what it is to suffer through a torment you cannot avoid and cannot ease. Do you truly believe that I do not wonder, every time I see one who looks as your Holderkin boy today if we do the right thing? If it is worth it to pervert our Gifts for the safety of the Collegium and Valdemar itself." Rith spoke truly, if a touch more melodramatically than she intended. She sat quietly, perfectly composed, waiting for a response.
Lirain's face had gone pale. "I…I didn't…" She stuttered, speechless for one of the only times in her life.
"He'll be just fine. He's not the only one to be a bit shaky for his first few moons at the Collegium, nor, I suspect, will he be the last. He's improving slowly, though, I imagine. You left him at dinner? How's he doing alone with all those other Trainees?" Rith asked, firmly changing the subject.
"Oh, he's just fine," Lirain reported automatically. "A little jumpy maybe, but nothing major," she added, her professional assessment ruined by the look of pure shock on her face. She stopped, astonished. "How would I know something like that? I have no idea what he's doing at the moment," she said.
Rith just smiled, "I'm sure I don't know. Maybe your mind is so desperate for something to do that it's making things up. I suggest we occupy it with a lesson. I thought we'd have sort of a mini-lesson today, since both of us are tired. It's not something you'll run into often, which is why I saved it for so long. It's only that you should recognize it when you see it." She paused.
Rith had suspected something odd between Treet and Lirain from the moment they had met. The slight aura irregularity she had seen in each of the Trainees had tipped her off as to the true nature of their relationship. Since the Lifebond was newly formed and unacknowledged by either of the pair, however, the difference was barely palpable, it had taken Rith, who knew one of the pair well, worked constantly with Trainee Healers and had the Gift of Mindhealing to discern the difference. The chances that Lirain would pick up on it without a fairly strong hint were so slight as to be negligible and Treet's were even less.
Rith was really of two minds as to whether Lirain should be told. Treet should definitely not know until he was ready to come to terms with the knowledge, but Lifebonds could be dangerous if left unacknowledged. Rith remembered only too well the tale of the unfortunate shay'a'chern couple that had been younger Trainees in Rith's final year. One with the minimum Empathy that could accompany the Healing Gift and one unused to using her Gifts in any sort of capacity and completely unable to sort through what was coming in. Confused by her feelings for someone she thought she couldn't possibly be in love with according to the strictures of her upbringing, the older Trainee had turned cold and sullen towards her heartbroken Lifebonded, completely ignoring her.
Thinking she had committed the equivalent of a mortal sin and not knowing where to turn, the younger girl had sunk into a deep depression. Nothing of that sort could go unnoticed for long in the Healer's Collegium, of course, but by the time it was brought to the attention of the senior Mindhealer, Rith's teacher, it had taken weeks to pull the girl out of it and still longer to quell the horror aroused when the girl's Lifebonded realized what she had done. That job had fallen to Rith, one of her first real assignments, and for that reason she remembered it especially vividly.
If Lirain was at least made aware of the situation, she could allow the bond to flourish and grow slowly enough that Treet would not be alarmed by it. Still, the knowledge would be a heavy burden to bear, especially alone. Rith had agonized and finally come to the decision to give Lirain all the information she required, in a non-suspicious manner, and allow her to put the pieces together for herself. If she reacted favorably, as was probable, she could be given advice, more information and support. If she showed any signs of an adverse reaction, which was possible from the simple shock of it and the fact that Lirain was not a person who liked to feel railroaded into anything, Rith could deny her suspicion, backing it up with Empathic projection if necessary, although that solution was makeshift at best and would probably cause more problems in the long run than it solved.
Lirain coughed, reminding Rith that they had been sitting there in silence for long moments. Rith looked up, taking a deep breath. Her work this night could decide the immediate future of two lives at least, neither of which was her own.
"Today we're going to have a quick talk about Lifebonds. Even though you don't see them that often, when you do, you should learn to recognize them immediately, because they can be one of the more dangerous emotional disturbances if left unnoticed for too long. Lifebonding has been known to tear people apart from the inside and for all that they can be wondrous things, they can as easily cause tragedy."
Lirain was, as usual, taking notes. It was as likely that a fairly broad hint would be necessary before she saw any personal application.
"If you end up with a severely unbalanced patient, which, given the extreme shortage of our Gift, is mostly everyone you'll treat, you may find, when you begin to probe, that their discomfort is centered around another person. This could be a normal crush or love affair; you'll have to talk to both parties to ascertain that. If you have a person who is completely obsessed, beyond all sense, dreams about a certain person constantly, will do anything to be in their presence, anything like that, that is a good clue but still inconclusive. There are, however, two main ways that you can tell if you're dealing with a Lifebond. The first involves a fairly deep probing, so I don't recommend it. However, if you have reason to be far inside the patient's mind anyway, you can check for a connection of some kind going outwards rather than somewhere else within the mind. If you see that, especially on the subconscious level, that's a pretty good clue you have a Lifebond. The other, less invasive way is mainly only good for a Lifebond unacknowledged by one or both of the parties. It's fairly easy and extremely non-invasive to read auras, every Trainee learns it as soon as they get here, practically, although only Mindhealers learn the nuances. If you see an aura that is somehow bent out of shape or twisted, one that doesn't conform to the contours of the person's body, a Lifebond is probably what you have, since it's one of the only things that can totally warp an aura."
"How does that work?" Lirain asked, fascinated. She had always been taught that someone's aura was the truest way of reading them, that it was incredibly hard to change or disguise.
"It's rather simple, really," Rith said; glad to see that her student was paying attention. "A Lifebond isn't in any way inert. If you're Lifebonded to someone, you want to go to that person, in fact you need them. In some cases, it can cause both mental and emotional pain to be away from them, and that even if both are aware of the bond. If both parties aren't aware, they don't go to the person in the way that they want to, so their aura tries to go for them. It basically does its best to reach for the other person's aura and forge a proper Lifebond, which can't be done without both of the pair acknowledging what's going on. Otherwise, you get something equally potent, but somehow not whole. I'm not Lifebonded, so I can't describe it any better. If you could find a Healer or Herald who was and ask them, they'd give you a better idea," Rith said. "Oh! A word about Heralds. Lifebonds are rare in the general population, but somewhat less rare in Heralds. Also, given the Companions and the type of people that are Chosen, if there is even a suspicion of a Lifebond, it is even more important than most times to find and deal with, because when Heralds fall, they fall hard, and that's about the only time you'll see them in here for anything other than injury. Self-sufficient and hardheaded in the extreme. Lifebonds are also slightly more common in the Bardic and Healer ranks as well. I've quite often thought it's our compensation from the Havens for the difficulty of the work we do." Rith said casually.
Lirain smiled at the thought of Herald Karissa voluntarily entering the House of Healing. If she could be taken as an example of your typical Herald, not that any of them were typical, it would certainly take a great deal to coerce one past those doors. She then yawned widely, it had been a long day, but at least she had gotten to see Treet, for a while.
Rith figured that the seed of thought had been planted. She couldn't push too hard. She refused to ask herself whether she couldn't or she wouldn't. Instead, she smiled at Lirain. "I told you it was a short lesson. I wasn't sure if you would come across it on your own or not, but now that you know, there isn't much left to say. We both need sleep and I suggest we get it. I'll see you tomorrow morning, no excuses about your Trainee, either. You can have the afternoon off of studying if you wish, but there are a couple of cases I'd like you to see."
"Of course," Lirain agreed, thinking that she'd at least have the afternoon. "Sleep well now, teacher."
"I'll probably do that right here, actually. Off you go so that I can sleep." Rith said, carefully implying where she would be if anything came up.
"Certainly," Lirain said, shutting the door and beginning the walk back to her room. Perhaps she'd put off that studying a little while for some other reading.
Once in her room, she pulled a heavy blue textbook off of her bookshelf. A cardinal Mindhealing text, it was necessary gear for every Trainee Mindhealer, or so she had been told.
She flipped it open to the index and began to leaf through to L.
Lifebonding
Symptoms of….86-87
Occurrence….54
Misdiagnosis of….6
Humming, Lirain flipped to the first page listed, skimming past the sections on aura reading and deep probing to the section on alternative methods of diagnosis.
"Feelings of tugging towards another person, obsessive or possessive feelings, odd dreams occurring at least ten times per moon, often more frequently, difficulty concentrating, sometimes depression, no interest in love affairs or sexual encounters, feeling numb or cold around other people, feelings of being unsettled or disconcerted" she muttered to herself as she read. "Hard to mistake those." She yawned again and decided that reading hadn't been such a good idea.
She lay down, preparing for her nightly ritual of meditation and settling of the mind. Projective Empaths had to be especially concerned with keeping their emotions inside their minds where they belonged.
After a few minutes of steady breathing, she reached for her center and blinked confusedly. For the first time in over a year, she couldn't find the steady, stable place that marked the center of her power. She had noticed it shift a tiny bit each night recently, but she had been warned of that happening as she came into her power and had paid it no mind. As long as she could still find it, everything was fine. Reflexively, she checked her shields. Still up, molding themselves as they should, almost, yet something was not quite right. She didn't panic, felt nothing but slight confusion.
Remembering Rith's lesson and the many that had preceded it, she knew that aura reading was the most reliable indicator or emotional state. Even the Ungifted could feel auras, although they mostly said that people were radiating emotion, when in fact they were only inadvertently projecting it through their auras.
She quickly slipped out of her half trance and tried to read her own aura, slightly harder than reading someone else's, somewhat like trying to see the back of your head. Eventually, she got a clear focus and frowned. Something was definitely not right. Instead of molding to her body, her aura, a cool green as always, rippled away in some places, especially near her torso.
Unbidden, Rith's words came back to her. "If you see an aura that is somehow bent out of shape or twisted, one that doesn't conform to the contours of the person's body, a Lifebond is probably what you have"
"A Lifebond?" She gasped. "Impossible!" She had no idea what else it could be, though the idea was absurd. She ran through the checklist from her textbook. "Tugging? Well, maybe somewhat, but only towards Treet. It's probably only the feeling of being needed. Odd dreams? Come to think of it, yes." By that point, Lirain was more surprised than shocked. She got up again, pulled on her Trainee Greens and left, barely remembering not to bang the door behind her. If anyone could sort out this mess, it would be Rith.
When she finally made it to Rith's office, she was panting and out of breath. She ran her hands reflexively through her hair and knocked as gently as she could on the door. Within a few moments, Rith opened it, blinking sleepily. "Oh, Lirain! What's the matter?"
Not usually prone to panic, Lirain found the feeling of terror she was experiencing unfamiliar and therefore frightening in and of itself. In fact, she was behaving more like Treet than herself, she thought ruefully. Not that she minded it in him, he certainly had cause. In herself, a fairly well trained Mindhealer, such panic was unacceptable. She took a few deep breaths, quelling the rising fear before she spoke.
"I probably shouldn't have woken you, I probably overreacted," she said, laughing in a way that sounded high and forced to her own ears. "Something's wrong, but it could have waited, I suppose. I tried to meditate the way I always do before bed, but for the first time since, well, it seems like forever, I couldn't balance enough to find my center, and you aren't supposed to lose it once you have it!" She said, her voice rising in a wail. "It's been shifting a little recently, but never so violently."
Lirain's hands were shaking, so she clasped them behind her back. After so long, not finding her center was like waking up without a leg, having no idea where it had gone or what had happened to cause it to vanish.
Rith felt her training and experience push her to let them take over. She was itching to project calm, soothing emotions, but she firmly squashed the impulse. She couldn't allow her projections to tint this meeting, if she wanted a true reading of Lirain's reactions.
She settled for her best calm, in-control-Healer voice. "I see. Have you noticed anything else?" She asked, looking appropriately puzzled.
"The first thing I did was check on my aura, especially after that whole lesson earlier, and it was wrong. Not the lesson, the aura. It sort of rippled away from my body in places, exactly like you mentioned today. Then, well," she blushed. "I looked up Lifebonds in my text and some of the symptoms sounded not too far off, but, I mean, that's ridiculous. So I ran down here. I guess I panicked," she admitted shamefacedly.
"I see," Rith said neutrally. "So, what do you think?" She queried, unwilling to push.
"The only thing that's changed recently, apart from my center and aura, that is, is Treet. I don't suppose I'd mind being Lifebonded to him, really. In fact, I'd like it, not that I seriously think I am. Am I?" She asked, looking pleadingly at Rith for an explanation.
Rith gave up. She was entwined with this affair for better or for worse, and Lirain was her student, in some ways, her daughter. "Lirain," she said solemnly. "I think you may very well be Lifebonded to Tretin."
"Lifebonded?" She asked in shock. Or, at least, she thought she should be shocked. Inside, however, she felt as though she had always known. If it had been an issue of being tied together with someone else for the rest of her life and beyond, she might have been upset, but Treet was nothing like that. He was like some long-lost splinter of her soul, and she no longer felt fear. Well, maybe that was overstating the case a bit, she thought to herself wryly, but she was certainly no longer crippled by the debilitating terror she had previously felt.
"Yes," Rith agreed calmly. "Lifebonded." She devoutly hoped that Lirain wouldn't realize that she had known beforehand.
"You knew, didn't you? That lesson today." It wasn't a question.
Rith sighed; she should have expected that she couldn't keep that secret for long. "Yes, I knew. I just couldn't tell you. I haven't been certain for long, only since I saw you go into trance with that patient yesterday. I thought I'd let you figure it out on your own, in case you weren't ready to know."
To Rith's relief, Lirain accepted that statement. "What about Treet? What will he think?" She could imagine him being slightly bewildered by the prospect, but she couldn't imagine him not being as joyful as she in the end.
"I don't suppose we'll find out for a while, at any rate," Rith said as gently as she could. "Lirain, you really mustn't tell him. He's not yet been here for a moon, he's never even known about regular love, never mind the ache of a Lifebond, and he's not particularly well settled in as it is. If you weren't so well trained, it's unlikely you would have noticed the difference in your center. He'll just assume he's adjusting and find his center again. The other Healers won't say anything if I have a word with them."
"Not tell him!" Lirain exclaimed. "He'd be happy, I know he would. Do you think he wouldn't care for me? I thought Lifebonds didn't work that way!"
"He certainly feels for you exactly as you do about him, or he would, if he knew how to recognize what he's likely feeling. Since he doesn't, telling him would only make him confused and bewildered, as well as insecure. It's honestly not particularly healthy for most adolescents to be caught up in a Lifebond. You're mature enough to handle it right now. If he'd been here longer, he probably would be too, but as it is, you'll have to keep it from him a little longer."
Lirain flopped back in her chair. "Why did you tell me, then?" She asked miserably.
Now was the time to go to her, Rith knew. From most people, any sort of pity would not be permissible, Lirain could be extremely proud, but from Rith, it was endured. She sat down on the chair and patted Lirain's hand. "I know it's hard. I told you because one of you has to regulate the thing as it develops and grows, and as a Mindhealer and the better trained of you two, you are the obvious choice. You certainly aren't being stopped from showing affection or caring, and as you see the bond grow, you can use your own judgment about how to slowly get Treet used to the link. As his Lifebonded, young as you are, you can probably tell best. Once the bond has grown a bit, you can tell him, but until then, you must keep it to yourself. I'll be here to help and advise, and I have complete faith in you."
Lirain sighed. "As long as I know he cares for me, I suppose I'll manage. After all, a few hours ago, I didn't even know that much."
"You'll have that, and more, Lirain, if only you can be patient. Now, I think it would be best for you to sleep on this. You know I'm here if you have questions in the morning."
Lirain smiled her best smile. "I know. Thank you, Rith."
"You're welcome."
