Chapter 21 Finding Purpose

Belle sat near the fire for a good while, unable to drag herself up at first. She then mentally shook herself for her self pity and laziness. She would simply take things one step at a time and figure out her own path at Dark Manor! First things first-The room was no longer a school room. She stood up, gathered up the books and went to the library to organize them back to where she assumed they had been before. She then went to ask if there was some sort of storage chest where she could arrange the globe, and other nick nacks.

A little while later, Dove walked in with the large ornamental chest and placed it near a wall. He looked at her curiously but said nothing and left her to her work. She left the little table and chair that Bae had used and set up his favorite pencils along with writing and drawing paper so that when he came back he could use it if he wanted to.

By that evening, she had the room ready for dusting out. She went to change for dinner, knowing that she looked like a dusty mess. Her hair, ever the bane of her existence, refused to cooperate without a wash, though she didn't have time for that. She allowed her curls to simply form a frizzy halo around her face and pulled up the rest as nicely as she could. She hurried downstairs where she met the amused face of her husband.

'So what has my wife found to amuse herself with today?'

She smirked back. 'You know full well what I did, I'm sure Mr. Dove gave you the details.'

'Mmmm he told me he helped you with a trunk in the school room-you know you can get someone to do that, if you would like.'

Belle thought on his words for a moment, now worried that she had perhaps overstepped.

'You aren't embarrassed of me clearing the school room, are you?'

'What? No, no, of course not. I just didn't want you to feel you had to do it. You would never embarrass me, Belle.'

'I just didn't want to do something wrong-something your wife wasn't supposed to do.' She had no idea if what she was saying was making sense. She hoped he understood what she was trying to say.

'This is the Dark Manor, dearest-I think we left what was 'supposed to be done' to some distant shore, ages ago. Do what you want to do, my Belle, I'll help you in any way I can.'

She smiled shyly at that, but it wasn't until their bedroom was cloaked in darkness that she ventured the real reason she was cleaning out the classroom. It's funny what we are emboldened to say under the cover of darkness when we are too scared to do so during the light of day.

They had settled in, she was resting her head on his chest-the non-scarred side, as some of the feeling on that side was gone. He had also insisted that she sleep on his good side, as he didn't want only his scarred side to be on display when she woke up every morning. She had rolled her eyes, and given a pretty little speech, but in the end she caved and here she was, nestled comfortably in her husband's arms.

'Rowland?' She knew he was awake, the typical deep breathing and gentle snore had not started yet.

'Mmm'

'I-I uh.'

He pulled himself up a bit, the moon casting enough light to cast silver shadows on both their faces. She could almost see as well as feel his curious gaze on her face.

'What's wrong, Belle? Is this about earlier?'

'I just-well, part of me wonders about what my place is here. You have your business deals, and figures-All the staff have their own jobs here, and I suppose I don't know what mine is.'

She could feel him lay back down in thought.

'You are the mistress here-while Mrs. Lucas might be the housekeeper, you can insert your own ways here and run it the way you like. We were so busy with Bae and then getting ready for our trip that I did not have Mrs. Lucas come to you to help you settle into your role as mistress. I'm sorry. I so very much want you to be happy here, Belle.'

She could hear the bit of distress in his voice.

'And I am, truly I am, Rowland, please don't think that I'm not. I just need to find my way here, is all-and I will, I am sure.'

Rowland let out a relieved and somewhat contented hum and they laid back and let the darkness and their combined warmth pull them to sleep.

The next day, Mrs. Lucas came to Belle to show her the workings of the Manor. Mrs. Lucas asked her about menus and whether she would like to change up how any of the cleaning was done. She didn't think anything needed to be improved, but she thanked Mrs. Lucas anyway. The older lady was very good natured about the entire thing, though Belle knew how much Mrs. Lucas enjoyed having the run of the house. Belle didn't want to take any of that away, however, but she did think of one thing she could focus on that would perhaps give her some of the direction she needed. Two ideas indeed came to her and it made her giddy to think she had finally found a way she could improve the lives of other people.

She found Rowland in the library, as it was the afternoon, and despite the loss of Bae to their routine, many parts were still intact.

'Did Mrs. Lucas show you everything?'

'Yes, she was wonderful, thank you. And I don't really have a great desire to change anything-The Dark Manor is so beautiful and runs so well the way it is already.'

He looked at her a little curiously at that-almost as if he was in awe of what she had said.

'But.' And she grinned at this, causing Rowland to wrinkle his forehead and tilt his head in amused curiosity.

'I found something to do.' She clasped her hands together and rocked a little on her heels before she sat before him in eagerness. He was all ears at this point.

'I spoke to Bae before he left and we thought that perhaps when he returned, he wouldn't want to stay in the nursery any longer-he will, after all, be a big boy of eight by Christmas time.'

They both chuckled at that, Bae's last letter reminding them just how many days were left until that illustrious birthday arrived.

'And I think I would like to turn the bedroom down from ours into his room. New bed clothes, curtains, I'll move his desk in there with all his writing and drawing paper, new pictures, everything!' She knew she was rambling excitedly, but if the sparkle in Rowland's eye was any indication of his feelings towards the project, or towards Belle's excitement for the project, it encouraged her to continue. 'We can move some of his favorite toys there-of course, only the ones we deem appropriate for a big boy of eight.'

'That all sounds like a wonderful endeavor, my Belle.' He grinned, and they settled happily back into their routine, however, Belle could not focus on any book, but had brought a sketchpad into the library. Her skills were not great, but she mapped out exactly the way she wanted the bedroom to be and before too long, she had filled in that day in a splendid manner.

By November, the bare guest room had been turned into something any great boy of eight years old could be proud of. Belle had helped oversee the repapering of the walls, a dark green leaf pattern, with gold edged details that gave it an elegant, albeit what she deemed a masculine touch. The four poster bed was made of heavy, dark wood and looked like the trunks of trees, it's branches reaching out to touch each other. She had visited shops with Mrs. Lucas to find bed clothes for it and a heavy satin green for the curtains. A braided gold rope was chosen to hold the curtains back and allow a lighter gauzy fabric to show, making the sunlight cast its beams directly onto the little desk that she had instructed be brought into the room. A lush rug covered the cold wooden floors and she had found watercolor paintings of forest landscapes that had an otherworldly quality to them that reminded Belle of the stories they had read together. When it was all said and done, she breathed a sigh of relief and joy to see something she had orchestrated come to fruition.

'It's beautiful, Belle, you did a wonderful job with it, as I knew you would.' Rowland commented when she declared the project finished at long last.

'You don't think it's too beautiful do you? I mean, I don't want Bae coming back and groaning that I've made his bedroom too femenine?'

'Not at all-I think it will suit perfectly.' He smiled at her bit of insecurity.

After that, she began in earnest towards something she felt would be ongoing during her time as mistress-poor baskets. It was something she had done as a clergyman's daughter, and would even accompany her father on some of his trips. She sewed useful things in the evenings while Rowland often read to her, then she and Mary would gather things from the kitchen and disperse the baskets to those in need. The exertion would take up the entire day, they met with many dear people that remembered fondly the charity of Belle's family and she would come back feeling full-full of purpose and joy.

Soon it was time to ready the house for the young master to return. Belle wanted the house turned into a scene from a Christmas card. If a person cared to see the inside of the house, they would wonder if Bae's little forest had any branches at all by the time she was done. Extra candles were brought in and all of Bae's favorite sweets were made to greet the boy when he arrived. In fact, on the day before they expected him to arrive, the house smelled like a mixture of spice and forest.

'You're going to spoil him, you know.'

Belle was busily putting last minute touches to Bae's bedroom, carrying in a few of his favorite toys, displaying a few of his most well done drawings, a few he had sent with his letters, and adding a few evergreens to bring Christmas into his bedroom as well. Rowland, not used to being without Belle for more than a few hours at a time, had followed her into the space and placed himself on one of the new chairs she had bought and read his newspaper while he watched her.

'I don't think such a sweet boy as Bae can be spoiled!' She teased, they both knowing full well some of the antics he could stir up.

'I think it's been too long since you've seen him then.' Rowland chuckled, but seriously added. 'I am just so thankful you love him so much. Bae couldn't have a better mother, you know. Sometimes I think back to when…she never would even give him a chance…' He bit back the words he was about to say, his voice cracking a little, threatening to break on him entirely.

Belle thought she could imagine she knew some of the words he was struggling to say and the emotions they conveyed. She too didn't understand and knew that it had not only affected Bae's younger life, but it had forever affected Rowland's feelings towards himself.

She came over and went to her knees, taking his hands as she had done when he worried over her happiness in the library. This time she could kiss him without throwing out propriety. She said nothing, and wanted to get him back into the playful mood he was in before. She thought over the thing that had been weighing on her mind for the past couple of weeks, and thought that perhaps though he wouldn't be in a playful mood, it might make him happy-she hoped it would make him happy…

'Rowland.' She said firmly, he pulled himself out of his reverie to look at her.

'I think you need to ask me what my next project will be after Bae goes back to school.'

He tilted his head and seemed to not even take in what she said at first. After some moments he took a deep breath, as if willing himself to be more lighthearted for her.

'Are you thinking so far ahead as that, already? The boy hasn't even arrived yet.' He softly chuckled.

'Humor me, will you, dearest?'

'Alright, What will your next project be, my Belle? Something that will change the world, I'm sure.'

'I don't know about all that, but I think my next project will be to redo the nursery.'

Author's Note:

Hope you enjoyed that chapter! It took longer for me to write this time, as I'm really trying to get everything to converge into the ending I am wanting them to have.
I decided not to leave Belle in too much uncertainty, or to dwell on any angsty thoughts... so I hope the fluff was enjoyed.
I enjoyed looking at lots of bedroom pictures, wallpaper patterns (let's just pretend there was no arsenic in these, lol), rugs, etc, and while individually you can find most of the things I describe, I was definitely going for an enchanted forest themed room, so it was more of 'finding things to fit the theme' instead of trying to be 100% correct. I did find out that Victorians loved busy patterns! lol