The Witch King of Angmar

The lord of the Nazgul was pondering his new task. Many questions were before him. Where would he find this mango ice cream? Who should he ask for directions? What is a mango? Should he take the horse or the dragon? Who is Tyra Banks? They were endless.

The Witch King huffed and scurried off to his bedroom and sat in front of his vanity desk. It was cluttered with junk, pictures, even a Mars Bar wrapper. The Witch King sure loved his Mars Bars. He scanned his desk for something.

There it was!

The Witch King picked up his trusty telephone book, with memories scribbled all over it. He used it in his 10th year at Mordor High.

"HEY MR KING, U R A QT!"

"Yo, Witchy, call me sometime and we can go get stoned!"

The Witch King smiled. He remembered his high school years oh so well...

Back on subject. He needed some idea's from old pals.

"Hmm... let's see. Who should I call...? Oh, yes! Tom!

Tom and the Witch King were best of pals back when they were in an orphanage together, before the Witch King was adopted by Sauron. They met again later during the summer break after he Witch Kings 11th year. He was doing well, getting rather good grades and even had a girlfriend named Susanne.

The Witch King dialed Tom's number and waited.

"Brrring! Brr- Hello, this is Lord Voldemort."

"...Tom?"

" May I ask who is speaking?"

"It's me, the Witch King."

"OH HELLO, Witchy ol' pal! Im sorry, you'll have to call me back. Im in the middle of a spell right no- AARRRRRGGHHHHHHHH!"

"What happened? What is it? Are you ok?"

"THANKS A LOT WITCHY! The spell backfired due to the cellphone in the room. I was trying to curse this little black haired, green eyed baby. Now I've been smothered into 238910650136503650138765 pieces while the little monster gets away with a scar. A SCAR! Sorry, but you're going to have to call me back in about 11 years. Later."

Tom hang up the phone. The Witch King was rather distraught. He caused a great deal of pain for his friend. He was going to have to call someone else.

"Brrring! Brr- Hellosssss, who might be ssspeaking to ussss?"

The Witch King had called Gollum, who wasn't really a friend at all. But when you're about 10 feet tall, dressed in black, and have only taken about 3 showers in your entire life, you'll only end up with about 2 guys who would want to be around you.

"Oh, um. Hi. It's me, the Witch King. Would you mind answering some questions for me? Im in a bit of a pickle."

"Ohhh, oh, yess, yess of courssseess. We'd be glad to help our friendsss, wont we?"

The Witch King rolled his eyes.

"Uh, sure. Ok, first question. Where can I find mango ice cream?"

"Oh, in the Ssssshire. A nicccce boy named Frodo Bagginsssss can whip us up a batch, yesss."

"Second question. Who can I ask for directions?"

"Oh, asssk anyone you sssee. Do not be shys, and they will not be shys to you."

"Third. What in Middle Earth is a mango?"

"A fruit."

Well, that certainly made sense. Sauron liked fruit.

"Um, fourth. Should I take the horse or the dragon?"

"We sayss the horssse, yesss, that iss what we sayss."

"Hmm. Alright, last question before I set off. Who is Tyra Banks?"

Gollum screamed, and unfortunetly for the Witch King, he screamed right into the reciever.

"Oh, what did you have to bloody scream for? Im the second scariest guy around and Im sure Sauron didnt pop into your little cave for a morning 'Lets scare Gollum!'."

"Ohh, our missstakes. You ssseeeeeee, Tyra Banksss, ssshheeee issss a nasssty woman, yesssss. Very...fiercccceee."

"Well, I know she's fierce already. But I dont really scare anymore, it's almost lunchtime and I need to be off soon. Good day!"

"Waaiiiit!"

"Oh, what is it now?"

"You musssst be very careful of thisss Banksss woman. We warnsss you of her, we warnsss you!"

The Witch King hung up the phone, he was tired of Gollums creepy speech impedement.

"So, it's off the the Shire on my horse to see Frodo Baggins about this mango ice cream. Well, let's hope this works out."

And so the Witch King rode off from his home, and we shall picksss up the piecesss of the ssstory in the next chapter, wont we, my preccccioussss?