I'm finally getting things caught up, and this finally got some attention! Hurrah! In this little installment, you'll find SmartAss!Muffy, Cheeky!Roger, everyone obviously wants to have sex with Roger, and stories about our musician running around naked. cough Anyhoo. (Roger, being the smart-ass that he is, is just taking over this ficlet! Jeez!

Disclaimer: Oh, Jonathan Larson owns them. I just make the jokes. Enjoy!


Roger was still complaining about Alison's attack toward his private area by the time they met Collins at the Life. "Christ, Muffy, you could have castrated me!"

"I didn't know you knew that word, Roger," she quipped back.

"I know a lot of words," Roger replied. "Like Muffy's a crazy who—"

"Roger," Benny warned, giving him a sharp glare. Roger just grinned.

"I was just going to say Muffy's a crazy who-knows-what, Benny." Alison gave him a hard slap on his arm, which made the musician yowl. "MUFFY! JESUS!"

"If you would shut up, Roger," she said calmly, "then maybe you wouldn't get abused so much." Roger gave her an evil look, and then walked next to April, his head hung low.

"My poor abused baby," April said, reaching up and petting his head. Roger smiled and growled, hugging her again and kissing her neck. "Roger! Roger, we're walking, not groping our girlfriends!"

"You love it."

"Yes, but that's not the point."

"Could you stop thinking about sex for once, Roger?" Mark asked, an eyebrow raised. Roger gave him the same evil look he gave Alison moments earlier.

"Well, I don't get some every single night, Marky. Excuse my perversion." He rolled his eyes. "Besides, I'm just saying the things you're thinking. I say what everyone is thinking."

"What am I thinking then, Roger?" Mark questioned, still a sarcastic look upon his face.

Roger smiled. "That's easy. You want to have sex with me right now on the stairs." Mark blushed, and shook his head. Maureen looked to Roger.

"Okay then, Roger, what am I thinking?" He looked to her, and grinned.

"Well, you want to have sex with me, of course. Right here on the stairs."

Maureen gave him a look. "That's not what I was thinking."

"Unconsciously, you were. Secretly, you all want to ravish me right here on the stairs, which I don't blame you for. I mean, look at me! Anyone in their right mind would take advantage as a guy so alluring as me."

"Alluring? Roger, you just learn new words every day!" Alison commented, and they all laughed, with the exception of the blond rocker.

"Muffy, all of this is unnecessary. I know you want me more than anyone. You're just jealous you'll never have a piece of this." Benny knocked on Collins's door while his wife and his friend faced off in the hallway.

"A piece of that? Roger, if I wanted a piece of that, I would have married you." She stuck her tongue out and hugged Benny, who just smiled. Roger scoffed, and held April.

"At least my girlfriend is better than your wife." Benny turned to glare at Roger.

"You mean husband."

"Husband? Wait...hold on...no, no, I meant wife."

Benny was about to pounce on Roger when Collins opened the door. Alison was holding back her new husband, and Roger was just making faces and holding April as Mark was holding his forehead, shaking his head and Maureen was yelling, "FIGHT! FIGHT!" in the hallway. Collins looked around, and smiled. "Well. I see the gang's all here and acting normal." He went up to Mark and gave him a hug. "Happy pre-birthday! Let's go drinking."

"A strip club!" Maureen cheered, and Mark blushed.

"For once, Maureen has a good idea!" Roger said, dodging Maureen's purse as it flew his way. "Let's take Marky to a strip club!"

"Please, no—" Mark protested, but he got drowned out by laughter at Roger mimicing a pole dance.

"It'll be fun, Marky!" he taunted. "Pretty woman flashing you who aren't Maureen! A man needs a little variety sometimes, you know?"

"My boobs are FINE." Maureen said, pouting. "In fact, they're pretty fucking good if I do say so myself."

"Yes, but Mark's only be exposed to one pair in his life. He needs to see a mixture of breasts to see which kind he likes."

"He likes my boobs!" Maureen protested, latching onto Mark. "Don't you like them, Pookie?"

Mark's face was beet red. "Uh, y-yeah, I like them."

Roger rolled his eyes. "Muffy, flash the poor boy."

"WHAT?" Alison said, putting her hands on her hips.

"Flash him."

"NO!"

Roger pouted. "Please, Muffy? We'll compare your knockers and Maureen's."

"Get April to flash them," she said, glaring at him.

"Oh no," Roger said, hugging April tightly. "Those are only for my eyes. If Mark saw them, he might try and steal her from me." He motioned to Alison, letting go of April. "So go ahead, Muffy, take it off!" He then started to mimic a 70's song. "Here, I'll start the music. Wah-kachicka, wah-kachicka, wah-kachicka—"

"Can we just get going?" Mark blurted, his face red and burning.

"No!" Roger protested, sticking his ground. "I'm not beat-boxing 70's music for nothing! Someone has to flash Mark!" There was a small silence until Collins walked up and lifted Roger's shirt up.

"There," the professor said as Roger yanked his shirt down, "now someone's flashed Mark. Shall we?" Everyone else laughed insanely while Roger pouted.

"Collins! You shouldn't have done that! Now Mark's going to fall in love with my hot body and leave Maureen for me! What am I going to do?" Roger said in horror, putting his hands to either side of his face.

"I don't know, Roger," Collins replied. "Maybe you should just be a stripper already. Get money for your 'hot body'," he added, making air quotes as he said 'hot body'. Roger walked beside Collins.

"Would you pay me money, Collins?"

"If I was really, really drunk."

Roger drew back in mock offence. "Collins! Why not? You're gay! Am I not hot?"

"Roger," Collins said, putting his hand on the musician's shoulder, "I've seen you naked too many times already. I don't need to pay to see something I've already seen countless times."

April looked up, and pretended to pout. "Roger? Are you flashing Collins your penis when I'm not around?"

"Baby," Roger said, giving her a peck on the cheek, "I would never."

"He was drunk," Collins explained. "Mark and I dared him to run around the apartment building naked."

Mark laughed. "I remember that. He ran around the loft a few times before actually going outside."

"Yup," Collins chuckled, "and gave us a little dance too to 'I'm a Little Teacup' when he came back."

"Roger?" April asked, trying her best not to haul off and laugh right then. "Did you do that?"

Roger sulked. In a small voice he answered, "It was 'Mary Had a Little Lamb', not 'I'm a Little Teacup'."

Alison and Benny almost fell down the stairs. Maureen and Mark were in tears, hugging each other so they wouldn't fall. April and Collins were crying in laughter. Roger pouted. "You guys can all kiss my ass." Everybody stopped laughing, and then in unison began to sing 'Mark Had a Little Lamb', and Alison and Collins started to do a fake striptease as they went down the stairs. Roger flung his arms up. "You are all ASSHOLES! Every one of you! Fuck you! Fuck you all!"

"Roger, it was a nice dance," Mark added, wiping his eyes.

"I was impressed," Collins said, nodding. "Did you strip professionally once or was it improv?"

"Suck it," Roger said, sticking his tongue out, and walking fast to go out the door. They continued to dance behind him and sing all the way to the strip club.


Ah, so I suppose the next chapter is a strip club? Heh. I love it.