Disclaimer: As seen by the fact that every time I try to type the word 'tree', I end up writing 'Treet' by mistake, my story definitely owns me. Unfortunately, I don't own Valdemar.

Okay, so I had the most amazing luck the other day. I walked past this yard sale after it had ended and there were BOXES of fantasy books and tons of complete Mercedes Lackey trilogies free for the taking. I brought my backpack and piled in everything I could fit, of course. I had to share that, since nobody I know seems to appreciate it.

Not too many reviews on the last chapter, but a huge thank you goes out to everyone who did review, it warms my little heart unimaginably.

Raynsong: Yup, Karissa's working on it. At least for once she recognizes her own limitations. I wish I could just get Veria's hooves in there and set her straight, but as Misty rightly said, that wouldn't really be an effective solution.

Fireblade: I stand in awe of your disclaiming skills. Karissa, of course, will be straightened out, and will come to realize the benefits of a bit of judicious mind shrinking and then I will inflict much anguish and much Healing, in that order.

Ali: Glad you're enjoying – I was rather proud of my latest plot gimmick myself. I have been thinking about writing a Karissa story, but there will be a lot of flashbacks and things in this story, so I cant really see what there is to tell about her in terms of her past. Maybe a few more one shots if I can think of a plot.

Anyway, Karissa has made a somewhat bad decision, which, according to Orson Scott Card's Characters and Viewpoints, has lost her sympathy with the reader. Personally, knowing that she's going to see the right path soon, I would be more sympathetic, not less, as a reader, but who knows?

Since the last chapter, little has changed. And so, at this sad juncture, we rejoin our characters with an update on the Treet situation and then move to the current nexus of the problem – Karissa. Enjoy!

Chapter 32: Decisions

Treet wasn't exactly sure how much time had passed. Objectively, he didn't think it had been long. A day, maybe. It felt like a whole lifetime. The food was the same as it had been forever. Simple, harsh fare. What felt like streams of people passed by to sneer at him, although Treet knew that it was simply his brothers aiming a taunt or a kick to amuse themselves between chores. He truly pitied their wives, when he had time to spare for anyone other than himself. Treet occasionally saw his mother, but she never spoke, simply gazed at him with wide sorrowful eyes and wrung her hands under her apron.

Periodically, his father came to 'offer' him the option of marriage. He knew that soon his father would simply force him to the altar, but that Nin still hoped to avoid the public humiliation his wayward son would provide in plenty if dragged all the way there.

Treet wasn't sure why he continued to refuse. A continual low key buzzing of other peoples' pain and anger and desperation and fear and all sorts of other things battered at him constantly, augmenting his own and giving him a killing headache to boot. It would be simpler to just give in, but he couldn't quite force himself to do it. There was something. Something he should be resisting for.

Karissa simply lay in bed, looking more pale and white than she had in days. Her mind ran in circles, the same circles over and over again. She held the key to the problem. All she had to do was turn the key in the lock. All she had to do was say yes. Just say yes. But what if she did? What if the lump of pain and misery that she had coiled around all her life simply vanished? What would she do? Would she still be the same person, or would she become someone else entirely? Surely nothing was worth that. Nothing except maybe Treet. She had no doubt that if she were being held captive he would do whatever it took to help her. Shouldn't she do the same for him? She wanted to help, but what could she do? She held the key. All she had to do was turn it in the lock.

:Veria, what do I do: She asked, for the thousandth time that day. The reply never changed.

:You know what you have to do.:

Veria was determined not to soften. Her Chosen was a damn fine Herald and a damn fine person besides. Veria simply had to trust that she would do the right thing. Sometimes being an omniscient being really wasn't all it was chalked up to be.

'Why, if I were still human, I would be of more help in this situation,' Veria thought. She had been well known in her last life to be possessed of a distinct streak of independence. At least, so other Heralds and those not on the receiving end named it. The others tended to have more abusive descriptions. In this life, much to her disgust, she had emerged sweet tempered. Well. Sometimes.

:It's not that I don't want to. It's that I can't.: Karissa said plaintively, continuing the argument to distract herself from her own thoughts as much as anything else.

:You can do anything you want to do, Chosen, if you just make up your mind to it.: Veria coaxed.

:I'm not strong enough.: Karissa insisted.

:I've seen you face down bandits twice your size, Kari. You are anything but weak. The shadow lover courts you as he does all Heralds and that you do not mind.:

:For one thing, I mind it very much indeed when Healers mess with my body. And for another thing, that's entirely different from this. This is the only kind of death I fear, you see. Death of the body, well, I'm not exactly eager for that to happen, but whenever it happens I die as myself and I go on to whatever lies ahead. What we're talking about is death of soul, of spirit, of self.: Karissa said, beginning to rant.

:Don't you think you're being a little overly dramatic? Nobody is talking about changing your whole personality.:

:They are, though, although they don't mean to. Think about it. What has my whole life been since, well, forever? You and the lump of misery I like to call my past. And the latter, I think, may have shaped me more. Take it away and what do you have left of Herald Karissa:

:Everything: Veria replied in an impassioned tone. :Your memories, your past, those will be there, and your personality will not be changed in itself. You will simply gain control over it. What you have now is not free will, beloved. A force you can neither understand nor control drives you. If you set that aside, you will be more yourself than ever.:

:I'm afraid, though.:

:I know you are. And you are not wrong to be. Everyone fears something. But is it not worth facing what you fear, to save one who means much to you? I promise you that there is nothing in this that will harm you. You may not enjoy it, it may be filled with anxiety and you may have to revisit things you would rather leave buried, but there is no harm in this for you and much benefit to Treet.: Veria said, sensing and pressing her advantage. Truth be told, the situation as a whole had rolled up almost everything that Karissa feared and hated, which would be a hard potion for her to swallow. Healers, Mindhealers, peril facing someone she cared for, and the need to mindlink, which was intrinsically terrifying to her.

Karissa paused, radiating uncertainty and confusion. :Veria, if I don't do this, will you repudiate me:

:Never, Chosen. I swore to stand by you when we bonded and I will not do anything but. If you decide that you cannot do this, I will offer you no reproach - now or ever - in thought, word, action or Mindspeech. But if you find the strength to do this, I will be prouder of you than I think any Companion has ever been of their Herald.: With the mental equivalent of a quick caress, Veria left Karissa to her thoughts, correctly judging the conversation to be over.

Karissa's strongest desire at that point was to curl up in a ball at the end of the bed and moan to herself. Unfortunately, that wasn't exactly an option. She sternly told herself so.

She would talk to Lirain when Lirain returned, Karissa told herself. She would. This wasn't a commitment, mind. She wasn't saying she was going to do anything. She was just going to talk.

Lirain wanted two things at that moment, both equally impossible. For one thing, she wanted Treet. For another, she wanted to dose herself with enough sleeping potion for a long and peaceful rest minus nightmares and insomnia. Only her promise to check on Karissa kept her on her feet at this point.

She had spent the day so fully wrapped up in her work and her patients that time had seemed to stop passing. As far as she knew, she had awoken from a restless doze when the sky was still an indeterminate shade of dawn. She had then moved through the backed up stack of patients requiring urgent but not immediate assistance, perfectly within her abilities and a considerable drain on Rith's time and energy. She thought she hadn't stopped for lunch, but she couldn't be exactly sure. It was possible that someone had shoved something in her hand while mouthing the expressions of care and concern she had about had her fill of.

Lirain wasn't ready to admit, even to herself, how much it had cost her to keep her emotions out of her Healings. She had carefully, almost lovingly, shunted them out of the picture. She would pay later, she knew, but she accepted that eventuality.

Despite her resolve, she felt trepidation as she pushed open Karissa's door for the second time in as many days. She refused to consider how very much rested on her success, especially given her lack of a plan.

It was not in her to see Karissa as the wrongdoer. Her Gift damned her to seeing the shades of gray, the quintuple sides that most stories had. Yet as her exhaustion and stress whittled away at her shielding and her Lifebond shrilled its agonizing thrum louder and louder she wanted badly to throw something. She pushed open Karissa's door and staggered into a seat.

Karissa's face reflected deadly uncertainty. She was as good as unGifted in her present state, but Lirain's face was enough to convince anyone that something was deadly wrong. Lirain was hit by such a blast of pain that Karissa's uncommonly soft words escaped her, only the shadow of their meaning drifted into her mind - a sincere wish to help combined with terrible doubt and fear not simply bordering on obsession but reaching within it.

"Listen to me," Lirain said. "I don't know what I can say to you to convince you that Treet needs your help and needs it desperately. There is nobody else who can help him – you are literally the only one. He's being hurt and abused and every second we delay increases the risk of irreparable damage. All I ask is that you work with me to help me find a solution, allow me to try to Heal the hurts you have suffered and restore your Gift to you."

Karissa remained silent. She wanted to help, oh how she wanted to. She even almost wanted to be free of the chains of the past that hung upon her.

"I swear to you upon my Gift that this is necessary. I further swear that I will not take away any of your memories nor alter the person that you have become. I cannot, of course, promise not to hurt you, but I promise you that harm will outweigh good and there will be no lasting pain from this. All I ask is that for Treet's sake you try this with me."

"And if it's too hard?"

"If you say the word, I will stop doing whatever I'm doing, instantly and without question and I will not bring up the subject again until you do."

Lirain was almost holding her breath. She thought she might have found the hook that would give Karissa the ability to help. Allow her to control the terms and the battle was half won.

Karissa was poised on the brink, caught in an agony of indecision. She did as she always did in such situations, reached for Veria, her anchor since the instant of her Choosing. Veria instantly returned a burst of love and support.

"Yes." Karissa almost whispered, before she could allow her fear to get the better of her.

Lirain jumped into action almost instantly. "Do you want Rith to do this, being as she's more experienced?"

"No, you. Treet loves you, even if he doesn't know it yet. That's more than recommendation enough."

"Alright," Lirain readily agreed, having expected something like this. "Tomorrow, then?"

"Now. Before I lose my nerve."

One look at Karissa told Lirain that this was a real possibility, but Lirain was tired from a full day of work. "As a Healer, I advise you that us trying to do anything complicated on the level of rest I suspect we've both had is extremely unwise. Here's an idea. I'll dose us both with enough sleeping potion to knock us out for an equivalent amount of time. You won't have any more time to think about anything and you won't dream, but I can tell you for certain that you'll be able to handle stress much better after this."

Karissa reluctantly agreed to the sense of this idea and Lirain fetched the sleeping potions, pouring them each a mug. Karissa saluted Lirain ironically with hers, grimacing at the bitter state. As she fell into slumber, her face smoothed and she seemed almost innocent.

Lirain arranged herself in a semi-comfortable position in the available chair and also drank deeply. The familiar sensation of heavy lidded eyes crept over her as her Lifebond receded to a bearable level.

They both took sleep while they could, preparing for the difficult trials ahead the next morning.