Heh heh heh. The second chapter is up. Thank you to all the people who reviewed. You make me so happy.
Note that Rurrouni Kenshin does not belong to me.
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"This is your room," Chou mumbled, waving his arm at the six by eight room, "and that's your clothes, sword… futon in the cupboard…"
"Thank you!" Soujiro chirped, naturally sliding into super-happy mode, "My, what a nice room this is!" He smiled so hard he almost looked like a watermelon split in half.
"You call this nice? Even the prison dungeons look better than this."
"But we have a very nice big window..."
"Oh, the size definitely makes things much easier and less messy."
"With a nice view and a nice breeze."
Chou sighed miserably. "Listen, kid. You are in deep crap now, okay? Stop acting like it's all so… nice. Saitou is the worst boss ever. Give him two days… two minutes even and he will have you grovelling on the floor, begging for an execution, which he will then happily deny you."
"Ah, but it helps that I am able to fix a permanent smile on my face all the time."
"Well… yeah…" Chou gave the younger man a sympathetic clap on the shoulder. "You don't need me to tell you this, but… well… smile, it confuses them."
"Ok."
"I mean, it really confuses them. Most of them at least, and sometimes, even Saitou, because he kind of expects you to wilt when he glares."
"Ok."
"Then I'll be leaving you, ya?"
"Ok."
"Bye."
The moment Chou left the room, Soujiro reached out to gently probe his cheek muscles. Smiling non-stop for five minutes or more was apparently the trigger to his instinctual reflex to keep his smile on all the time – and now he couldn't stop.
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The next morning dawned with Saitou stalking towards a certain room on the second floor of a certain police barrack that housed a certain young man with the capability to destroy the whole of Japan in ten minutes or less, depending on whether he used Shukuchi or not.
And this young man was under his command.
Saitou didn't know whether to rejoice or slam his head against the wall in pure agony. He decided to settle for something less destructive.
"Out of the way!" he growled, pushing his way past the archers and trying to circle around the cannons, accurately kicking the cannon-bearers in highly sensitive areas. "I mean it." In perfect synchrony, the circles parted in formation to form miniature circles before flowing back again behind him.
Stomping up the stairs, he stopped outside the room and gestured to the guards to knock on the door.
"Hold on a minute!" a voice called from inside. "I'm using the window!"
Saitou scowled and blew cigarette smoke into the door. "I am coming in at the count of five."
"What? But Saitou-san…"
"You have nothing that I don't have myself."
"Not true! I've got a mole on my butt. Do you have a mole on your butt?"
The guards started sniggering, and Saitou sent them a glare and a cloud of smoke that effectively stilled the giggling.
"Just hurry up!"
"Ok! Ok! Just let me wash my hands!"
In no time, Soujiro opened the door, only to receive a face full of smoke.
Saitou smirked as Soujiro began to cough frantically. "Nasty day, Seta?"
"It was fine," Soujiro replied, in a voice one octave higher than his normal voice.
"How horrible. No time for pleasantries, Seta. We make for the Kamiya dojo straightaway."
At that, Soujiro erupted into another burst of coughing. "Really?" he squeaked, "It will be nice to see Himura-san again. May I ask why we are going there?"
"That is for me to know and you to wonder about till the end of your miserable days."
"So… I wouldn't know what we will be doing there?"
"Yes. You are merely there to ensure that my talk with Battousai gets the necessary privacy."
"Ah… it will be talk only, right?"
"Probably, given that Battousai has lost his taste for battle."
"Ok."
"Good."
They trotted down the stairs and Soujiro smiled weakly when sixty-three sets of different weapons were aimed at him immediately. "Do you think they could…"
"No."
"Ok…" Soujiro touched his cheek muscles again. His smile had been fixed on his face ever since he last saw Chou. The futon had been even more uncomfortable than sleeping on a tree branch, and he had spent much of the night tossing and turning – with a smile on his face.
His eyes wandered as he fell back slightly behind Saitou and he turned to observe his guard squad. For some reason, they didn't seem to have any trouble forming a circle around him while keeping up with his pace. For some probably unrelated reason, they all seemed to look strangely alike.
"Hello," he tried, "I'm Seta Soujiro. But you all know that." He flashed his already present smile, but was faced with blank faces. "Well, since none of you seem to want to introduce yourselves, I shall name all of you Samurai One, Samurai Two etc, followed by Rifle One, Rifle two etc… and well… you get the point." He was answered by silence.
"Hey, Saitou-san!" he called.
"What?" Saitou snapped without looking back.
"Where did you get the men from this guard squad from?"
"How would I know? I just told my secretary that I wanted men who could form a circle and walk backwards, with the optional ability of being able to handle swords, firearms, cannons and bows."
"Ah. Maybe I will ask your secretary then. What's his name?"
"He has a name?"
"Well… I just assumed…"
"You assume too much."
"So I've been told."
They lapsed into silence as they strolled down the street, drawing stares from the early risers.
Soujiro sighed. The weather was cool, still in mid-spring, and there was a very pleasant morning breeze. Yet, things were already going wrong. For one, he was working for a government that he had been taught to despise his entire life. For another, he was walking behind a man who would gladly drag him onto an execution platform and personally strangle him. For last, he was being dragged to visit a man whom he had tried to kill a couple of years ago.
"Do I really have to go?" he tried.
Saitou shot him a glare. "Yes."
"But you do realise how awkward it will be for Himura-san and I…"
"Your comfort is not high on my list of priorities."
"But…"
"Shut up, Seta, before I decide to permanently seal up the window in your bedroom."
"Alright."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Saitou-san…"
"What?"
"I spy with my little eye…"
Saitou groaned and turned on the boy immediately, all sorts of rather crude words bubbling to rush out when he saw that the boy was staring up at him with a huge smile on his face. He hesitated as he tried to decide how best to deal with the situation.
He wanted to slam the smile off the boy's face, but he couldn't quite decide how to do it effectively, given that he had difficulty judging why the boy was smiling. It wasn't a triumphant smile or a challenging smile or a happy smile or a false smile.
In fact, he couldn't quite place the smile.
That was a first for the former Shinsengumi captain.
He continued walking backwards, trying to place the smile in a category so he could deal with the situation.
By the time they reached the Kamiya dojo, he was still thinking.
By then, Soujiro had already decided he owned Chou a very big favour.
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Stopping in front of the Kamiya dojo, Soujiro smiled nervously as Saitou knocked on the door.
"We don't really have to do this, do we?"
"Shut up."
"But…" Soujiro was interrupted when the door was opened by a young man in his teens.
"Oh god, not you," were the words of welcome.
"Oh god, yes me," Saitou smirked, thoroughly enjoying himself, "I need to speak with Battousai."
"Not again. You know Kenshin can't fight…" The young man peered suspiciously around the both of them. "Is that an army behind you?"
"Not quite, but close enough."
The young man glared at him. "What's up with the not quite an army, but close enough?"
"The reason is right next to me."
"Oh."
Soujiro tried to look pleasant as the young man looked him up and down. "Who's he?"
Soujiro smiled even harder now and tried to convince Saitou that keeping a low profile was the best idea anyone had ever come up with in a million and one years with his eyes.
"Seta Soujiro."
Apparently Saitou wasn't good at reading eye-language. Or, he wasn't looking at Soujiro at that moment.
"Oh… hi, I'm Yahiko… wait… Seta… Seta…" The young man froze with his finger pointing at said person. Then he erupted. "Holy crap!"
Jumping back a good ten feet, the young man drew a sword, one that Soujiro recognised immediately – Himura's reversed edge sword.
"You are here to kill Kenshin!" the young man howled, "I will kill you before I let that happen!"
"I can explain…" Soujiro tried, taking a step backwards hurriedly.
With another non-verbal howl, Yahiko leapt straight at Soujiro, swinging the sword in a discomfortingly expert manner.
"Saitou-san," Soujiro said, as calmly as possible, "this might be a very good time to give me permission to use my sword."
Saitou looked down at him.
Saitou's smirk grew wider.
Saitou stepped aside.
And Soujiro slammed his face into his hand in despair and ran for his life.
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The boy was strong and fast, but not really as fast as Himura had once been. Even without using Shukuchi, Soujiro was able to keep well ahead of him. But that did not stop the boy the slightest bit.
And it didn't help that Saitou had ordered him to not leave the Kamiya dojo compound.
"I wouldn't let you hurt Kenshin!" Yahiko roared, "Not the slightest bit! I don't care about all the evil things Shishio taught you, or how pitiful you really are! I will murder you!" He swung the sword and Soujiro yelped and ran faster when the edge of the blade almost caught his trailing clothes.
"Let me explain myself!" Soujiro squeaked, instinct making him smile like a maniac. "I'm not here to kill Himura-san!"
"Liar!"
"Saitou-san!" Soujiro wailed as he made his tenth circle around the Kamiya dojo.
"My advice to you is to keep running." A puff of smoke somehow still managed to cloud his face before he was past said policeman and making his eleventh round around the compound.
"I will kill you!"
"What's all this noise?"
Soujiro groaned when the inner door to the dojo flew open and Kamiya… no, Himura Kaoru emerged from within.
"Seta Soujiro!" Yahiko panted. "He's here to kill Kenshin!"
"Murderer!"
And the next thing he knew, Soujiro was dodging cooking knives, wooden buckets and bokkens in addition to being chased by the young man.
"I'm not here to hurt Himura!" Soujiro wailed, finishing his eleventh round. "Tell them, Saitou-san!"
"Don't push your responsibilities to others, young man. Do the explaining yourself."
"Saitou-san!"
It was fortunate then that Seta Soujiro's saviour appeared, emerging from within the dojo in a slow stately walk.
"Kaoru, Yahiko, do stop. I don't think Soujiro is here to do me harm."
Immediately, the knives, wooden buckets and bokkens stopped and Yahiko skidded to a stop, panting and groaning.
Soujiro looked up and straightened his back nervously as Himura Kenshin advanced towards him, smiling genially, and bouncing a sulking toddler in his arms.
"Hello, Soujiro. It has been a long time."
"Hello, Himura-san!" Soujiro chirped, plunging straight into super-happy mode. "Why, you do look much, much better as compared to the last time I saw you!"
Himura winced slightly. "I see you haven't lost that habit of yours of smiling all the time."
"Oh no, I did, for a period of time. But as you can see, the situation recently has been rather stressful, and I now find myself even more addicted to this then I ever was."
"Well…" Himura tried, "I apologise on behalf of my family… but do meet Kenji." Proudly, Himura lifted the toddler in his arms to eye level. "He's my son. Isn't he cute?"
The little round face gazed up at Soujiro with a half-wit smile on it. Pleased, almost ecstatic to find a friendly face, other then Himura's, Soujiro smiled back (not that he had much of a choice, given the current situation his cheek muscles were in at that moment).
"Hello, Kenji-chan," he cooed, patting the boy on his head gently, "My, my, you look just like your dad." He smiled as the boy stared up at him, marvelling in the innocence and purity that shone in the little boy's eyes.
The little boy smiled back, and grabbed Soujiro's finger and put it in his mouth.
Then he bit it.
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