Heh heh… apologies for the long wait, but I've really been stuck! I can't seem to find any humour in the cold, bleak world (I just got back my A-level results, so what do you expect?). Anyway, I kind of managed to scrape this chapter together… If it is any comfort, my other fic, Why Wouldn't It Stop Raining hasn't been updated even longer than this fic. Heh heh heh… please don't kill me!

Anyway, Rurouni Kenshin does not belong to me – ever! If it did, I wouldn't have any reason to be upset about my A-level results, and what it means for my future career…

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Himura Kenshin had gotten his way. According to a very gleeful Enishi, it had taken a lot of glaring and reminiscing, and even numerous quiet, philosophical, saintly, not to mention, long-winded lectures, but he had gotten his way.

Soujiro couldn't quite get himself to be as enthusiastic as his current cell mate, whom he was supposed to "entertain" while the "adults" were off in Saitou's office settling the deal. He had been quite aggravated when Saitou had locked the cell with a smirk, waving aside his protests with a , "But legally, he is still a criminal so I have to lock the cell." Oh, and did he mention that said policeman had ordered the guards to release Enishi from his wrapping of chains, locks and white sheets?

His cheek muscles have given up the struggle and were now cemented in a permanent broad grin which was anything but happy.

"And anyway," Enishi was going on, seeming happy to have someone to talk to other than his sister, "You should have seen that bloody Minister's face. He was all like 'Battousai! Oh my god, you are Battousai!' God, I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants." He paused expectantly.

"Uh… ok."

"Don't you find it funny?" Enishi asked, suddenly glaring and moody.

"What?"

"You have to find it funny," Enishi growled, suddenly becoming very menacing, "Nee-san said that I must find happiness in giving to people other than her. You must find it funny or I will murder you!"

"It's funny, it's funny," Soujiro blurted, waving his hands and giving a strained little laugh, "Of course it's funny! See? I'm smiling like a maniac."

"You smile all the goddamned time, bamboo-boy. You have to laugh!"

Soujiro forced himself to laugh then quickly asked, "By the way, what did your sister tell you to do about this happiness thing?"

Immediately, at the mention of his sister, Enishi's mood swung dramatically to sunshine mode. "Oh, you know how nee-san is," he began, "She says all this really, really smart things that are really difficult to understand because no one is as smart as she is, but I swear I'm trying." He smiled fondly to his right. "And anyway, nee-san said that I have to drop my glare and cold demeanour and be friendly to people. Was I friendly just now?"

"Huh… well… of course, I mean, yes! Friendly! Definitely friendly! Nothing short of the friendliest friendly one can get."

"Thank god," Enishi breathed and went on, "Anyway, she said I have to talk more, so I'm talking more then she said that you and I are in the same predicament so we should stick together. Oh, and she doesn't trust slit-eyes because he tried a billion and one times to kill Battousai, I think and… well… what else? Oh yes, she said that I should smile more, that I look friendlier and more good-looking when I smile. See?" Said person's cheek muscles started to ripple as something that looked vaguely like the expression you would find on the face of a shark after it has just had an encounter with a reef wall formed.

"Uh…" Soujiro tried, "Good try." Then he paused. "Eh… did you just say that we should stick together?"

Suddenly the cell door was flung opened. "I'm glad you feel the same way," Saitou said, stepping in with Himura trailing behind him. Soujiro watched Himura's face cautiously. It was twisted in an expression that screamed, "They aren't going to be very happy with what they are about to hear!"

"What did you mean by that?" Enishi asked.

"I decided," Saitou went on, smirking happily, "that it will be a complete waste of resources to find two separate guard squads for both of you. That means you have to share, which means the both of you will have to stick together whenever you go out."

Enishi and Soujiro exchanged looks. They could think of worse, but they could also think of much, much better. After all, what's to stop them from staying indoors?

"Ok."

"I foresee no problem."

"Which of course means that the both of you will have to work together on every single case."

"What?"

"No!"

"He doesn't know a single thing about working!" Soujiro wailed, and Enishi attempted to bash him in the head.

"What do you mean by that, paedophile's dream date?"

"What… you… you… you…" Soujiro faltered and decided that smiling was the safer option.

"What?" Saitou cut in, looking decidedly smug with himself. "I thought the both of you should stick together against the big, bad Wolf of Mibu."

He was greeted by silence and two hostile looks.

"Of course, this means that there will be a sort of buddy system between the two of you. You two keep tabs on each other, and if one screws up, both will be punished, probably by a slow and painful death, most likely, carried out by me."

"Oh no…" Soujiro mumbled.

"What does my consultant say to that?" Enishi demanded.

"I tried," Kenshin sighed, "but on that, the Minister was on Saitou's side. Anything to make the former captain of the Shinsengumi happy." Now the expression on Kenshin's face was one that screamed 'They aren't happy, just like I predicted, and it is time I got my ass out of here!'

"You loser!" Enishi screamed, his nerves starting to pop up. "You're deliberately screwing me up!"

But just before Enishi could murder Kenshin, his sister spoke up. Within seconds the deal was set, and the best Soujiro and Enishi could do was sit around and glare at each other while Saitou smirked and thanked god he was the smartest man alive.

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Soujiro flopped down on his futon and regretted it immediately when he felt his body come into contact with various parts of the futon, of which he was sure weren't supposed to exist in any kind of futons. Groaning in pain, he shifted around until the hard parts were pressing against the less bruised areas of his body. Sleep had been hard to come the night before, and he had a feeling it would be worse tonight.

Yukishiro Enishi was sleeping next door.

Thump! "Nee-san! Why wouldn't you let me kill him? What… but… but… he deliberately screwed me over! I swear he… ok… ok…"

Ok, scratch that. Yukishiro Enishi was next door and still wide awake.

That made things a hundred times worse.

Trying desperately to see the bright side of things, Soujirou got up and headed for the window. At least his window faced a relatively secluded alley, and was big and allowed for a brilliant view of the night sky.

Whistling, he was just starting to pull up his pants when he heard a scandalised gasp to his right. Startled, he turned to the right and observed in sheer terror, the comical sight of Yukishiro Enishi glaring at him with his hands in the process of removing his pants.

"What are you staring at, gay-boy?" Enishi shrieked, and Soujirou turned red.

"I wasn't staring," Soujirou protested back, "I'm doing exactly what you plan on doing! And I'm not gay!"

"Why the hell is your window exactly where I can see into from my window?" Enishi screamed back. "How am I suppose to do my business when there is someone else staring directly back at me? Hell… how am I supposed to do my business when I have to stare at someone else doing his business?"

"How would I know?" Soujirou wailed, the impact of their situation hitting him like a ton of bricks with Iwanbou on top. "I didn't plan it this way!"

There was a long silence as they stared at each other. Then Enishi growled. "Saitou Hajime."

"I'm starting to doubt Himura-san got anything past his ears."

"He's deliberately tormenting us…"

"In the hope we will beg for an execution…"

"Which he will then deny us…"

"Just like Chou warned me!"

Both of them nodded in comprehension for a while then Enishi glare at Soujirou. "Get your ass back in your room, gay-boy, and if you even dare to think about peeping, I will personally ensure your execution comes about."

"I wouldn't peep, but why do you get to go first?"

"Because I said so."

Sulking now, Soujirou returned to his room and flopped back down on his futon again.

And regretted it for the second time that night.

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Enishi blinked twice and took an instinctive step back as the moment they stepped out of the house, he was confronted with the business end of sixty-three different weapons.

"Is that…"

"Yeah, our guard squad."

"Why…"

"He thinks very highly of us."

"He…"

"Oh, he wouldn't admit it alright."

"Where…"

"You've got to ask the secretary."

"What…"

"Who said he has a name?"

"I…"

"You assume too much."

"Can I at least finish one sentence, pretty boy?"

"You just did!" Soujirou replied, chirping as happily as the little birds nesting in the tree above them. "But I answered all your questions, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did. How did you read my mind anyway?" Enishi looked more than a little annoyed.

"Oh, it helps that for the most of my life, I was the right-hand man of a rebel boss. I discovered most of their minds work in the same manner."

"Are you stereotyping me, pipsqueak?"

"Oh, no sir. I am merely stating my humble opinion."

"You are forgiven, as you have proven that your loyalty holds true over our oaths of the Triad."

There was a long silence then Enishi glared as Soujirou smugly indicated that he had just proven his point. Thus Enishi decided that since he had already proved Soujirou's point, he might as well take things further and give Soujirou more proof that he, Yukishiro Enishi, was a true-blooded mafia boss with a nasty temper and an insatiable taste for torturing people. Fortunately for Soujirou, Saitou appeared then and gave them both a scathingly contemptuous glance which ended the childishness immediately.

"So anyway, Saitou-san!" Soujirou intoned cheerfully in total disregard for the numerous bumps on his head, "What are we doing today? Something interesting, I hope! Yesterday was a little terrifying."

Saitou gave him a slightly condescending look. "Today, we will start the investigation on the broken down, but still powerful mafia organisation. We will start with the interrogation of Yukishiro Enishi. Hopefully, it will not have to include the Gatotsu."

"It wouldn't," Enishi shot back, glancing nervously to his right, "I am going to be a good boy and cooperate, wouldn't I, nee-san?" There must have been a positive answer as for the rest of the walk, Enishi held a deliriously happy grin on his face the whole time.

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"And anyway," Enishi went on, pacing up and down the bloodstained floor of the interrogation room excitedly, "The head of the organisation could be something like an absolute monarch or a figurehead. It depends on how powerful he… or she is, actually. And, oh yes, there have been women in charge of the triad before! I remember that my predecessor's predecessor was a woman. Apparently, she had…"

"Slow down, slow down," Soujirou muttered, trying to write as fast as he could, "I can't keep up with you."

"And, under me, I allowed the triad to trade with some of the Western countries, including the Russian and Italian mafia. It helped bring in all the really, really cool weapons that go boom when you push the button…"

"Slow down!" Soujirou groaned, getting ink all over his hand and his face, "I can't keep up! Start from that part about the roots of the organisation!"

"But that was ages ago," Enishi protested, "I've still got tonnes to tell! Tonnes!"

Saitou sighed, his hair already slightly ruffled and his cigarette slightly droopy, his hands and face in a similar state as Soujirou's. "Slow down," he ordered, "or I will personally ensure that the coffin needed for your funeral need only be a third your original height."

"Ok," Enishi grumbled, flopping down on the (deliberately made) uncomfortable chair, "Where was it you wanted me to start from again?"

"The roots organisation," Soujirou replied, just as Saitou said, "The head of the organisation."

There was second of both sides staring at each other then Enishi coughed delicately and said, "The head of the organisation it is then." He cleared his throat and started to gather his thoughts. "Anyway…"

"Wait, wait," Soujirou yelped, "I need to get more ink."

"Stop interrupting!" Enishi yelled just as Saitou gave his best death glare.

"But…"

"Oh you ridiculous boy-on-ecstasy!" Enishi roared and thundered forward, "You are in the conspiracy to stop me from atoning for my sins!"

"What? No! I just needed some more…"

"You planned this! You planned this! You…"

As has happened many times in this fic, something happens just in time to stop the untimely death of Seta Soujirou. No, it is not the reappearance of Tomoe, it was the appearance of a policeman with very grim news.

"Goro-san? Your wife is waiting for you in your office with a spade, ropes and some firecrackers."

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The moment the three entered the room, they were greeted by the sight of an elegantly beautiful lady sitting dignifiedly on Saitou's chair with a spade, a coil of ropes and a whole bundle of firecrackers on the floor at her feet. That was coupled by a very familiar glare which could be seen more times than not on the male partner in this union.

"Tokio-chan!" Saitou cried, suddenly looking like it was the happiest day of his life, "What a beautiful, pleasant surprise!" He swooped down to kiss her on the cheek, but was greeted with a fan against his lips.

"Please do not get all lovey-dovey on me, My Lord," came the cold but polite return, "It is inappropriate to do so in public, but you may commence from where you stopped when we get home."

Enishi's jaw unhinged and his eyes bulged out while Soujirou gawked and turned three shades redder than was considered healthy.

"Of course," Saitou said smoothly, "As you say, my most beloved wife. It shall be entirely as you wish."

"Tell me, my lord," the lady said, smiling quite suddenly in a way that reminded Soujirou of a cat about to pounce on an unsuspecting mouse, "How much do you love me?"

"Very, very much," Saitou said immediately, "Why, you are like my most precious katana to me… you are… like Aku is to Soku and Zan. You are beautiful like the sword slicing through an evil human's flesh! You are as sweet as the taste of victory over evil!"

"Oh really, My Lord?" the lady said slowly reaching out for the spade. "May I then enquire as to why I have not seen you for the past week, and why you have never bothered to even write to tell me what is happening to you?"

"Why… my wife…" Soujirou and Enishi watched in amusement as Saitou took a step back quickly. "I knew of course that as a good, loyal wife, you have the utmost confidence in my ability, and thus would not doubt my survival through whatever case I take."

"Oh, is that so? And why then have you not returned home in seven days?" The smile grew increasingly wider, as the danger grew increasingly greater.

"I… well… I was busy with work, my love, busy carrying out Aku Soku Zan."

"And that is more important than eating all the dinners I prepared for you?" the beautiful woman roared suddenly, swiping the spade up in one stroke. "You should have known better, Saitou Hajime! Gatotsu!"

Soujirou and Enishi exchanged looks then calmly stepped out and closed the door, just as a sudden yelp, much like that of a puppy about to be caned was heard. Slowly, they stepped back from the door and looked at each other.

"What a woman."

"Yeah… taming the Wolf of Mibu…"

"I always thought that a Wolf of Mibu could never be tamed."

The sound of an explosion rocked the office, followed by some very canine whimpering.

"I guess I was wrong."

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The sun blazed brightly as the sixty-five men walked down the roads of Tokyo. It was not an unpleasant kind of sun-blaze, as one might be led to imagine. Instead, while the sun shone brightly, it was not hot, as the wind swept through the buildings with a refreshing coolness. Yet, that did nothing to cheer up the black moods of one Yukishiro Enishi and another Seta Soujirou.

"Saitou Hajime is a bad boss," Enishi growled angrily, "I don't see what he has to be unhappy about! Sure, we laughed at him, but before he came out to beat the crap out of us, he had to put on his clothes first! That should make any boss happy and more inclined to be lenient in punishment!" He stomped angrily on the stone pavement and glared at the ring of miscellaneous weapons around him.

"Acutally, Yukishiro-san," Soujirou sighed, "I have a feeling that Saitou-san is not the kind of person who is ever inclined to giving lenient punishment." He tried out Tokio-san's smile, having added it to his own personal collection of smiles, and was pleasantly surprised when the flowers at the side of the road wilted away immediately.

"Yeah? Well… you got that right…" Enishi touched the bump on his head painfully, "But he sent us on patrol for two shifts, with no permission for pit stops! That is cruel! What if I have to use the window?"

"In this case," Soujirou replied cheerfully, "even if you just did it here, nobody will be able to see you through the ring of men and weapons around us." Immediately, all the men in the guard squad turned around and faced the outside of the ring, yet somehow still managing to point their weapons at the pair in the middle.

"Ha ha, very funny. I ain't smiling." Enishi sneered down his nose at Soujirou before turning to stare at a point some distance away. "What's the use of sending us out on patrol anyway?" he whined, "It's not like we can see through our bloody guard squad?"

Immediately, with absolutely no words exchanged, the rings opened up to form three V-shapes, with the pair in the middle of the inner V.

"My my…"

"Ok, so we can see in front of us, but we can't see to our sides!"

"Forget it, Yukishiro-san. I think we should be happy that they were willing to compromise like this."

Enishi grunted and stomped harder on the concrete pavement. "We are being abused, race-boy! Abused! I can't stand people who abuse other people! And neither can you!"

"What? How would you know how I…"

"You do, and that's final! Unless you want me to demonstrate what I can do with an earring and a lot of hay."

"Ok… ok… I concede."

Suddenly, a mystical sound filled the air. It was the soft tinkling of wind chimes, accompanied by the soft rustling of silk against skin. Enishi and Soujirou looked up to behold a fantastical sight before them.

A row of five women walked slowly forward, each holding one wind chime in each hand, and dressed in flowery kimonos. Their collars were pulled down to reveal more than was appropriate for the everyday Japanese woman.

"Oh great sirs," one of them said in a voice as whispery as the wind, "please, we are in great need of your help."

"What the hell…" Enishi snarled and turned around to glare in another direction.

"We will be pleased to help you in whatever way possible," Soujirou replied politely.

"Well…" the woman who had first spoken hesitated before addressing the more responsive man, "Our father is near his deathbed, and alas, there are no sons in the family. We five sisters must wed soon, or our property will be seized by our uncles and cousins."

Soujirou tilted his head curiously. "Really?" he asked, "I never knew that was how things worked."

"Please sir!" one of the other women cried, stepping out suddenly. "We really do need your help!"

The first woman stepped forward even further and stared at her feet, blushing. "If you help us, oh great sir," she whispered, "we will grant you the greatest earthly pleasure ever."

In slow motion, Soujirou's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. "What? Really?" he gaped.

"Oh man!" Enishi began but Soujirou shushed him absent-mindedly.

"Do you really mean it?" he asked, stepping forward eagerly.

"Yes sir," the first woman said, holding her head high, "we will do whatever is necessary for the sake of our family!"

A short laugh of disbelief escaped his lips. "I can't believe my luck!" Soujirou yelped, "This is unbelievable… wait… since there are five sisters, does that mean I get five?"

"Yes, sir," the first woman replied, looking away in obvious distress.

"I don't believe it!" Soujirou paced the V-shape around him then turned around and clasped the first woman's hand. "Just to confirm it," he said, taking a deep breath.

"Speed addict…" Enishi growled, getting ready to pummel the brains out of his partner.

"Just let me confirm it!" Soujirou yelped, his face beaming with excitement."

"Yes, sir."

"Ok," Soujirou began then paused and took a deep breath. "Ok."

"Yes, sir?"

"Do you mean that…"

"Oh hell, pervert!"

"If I help you in your predicament…"

"Ass…"

"And help you each find a husband…"

"Hole… huh?"

"You will each treat me to a bowl of beef ramen?"

There was a long silence as both the women and Enishi stared at Soujirou then very slowly, the first woman started to nod. Gradually, the pace picked up and suddenly, all five women were nodding at the same time.

"That is exactly what we meant, wasn't it, nee-san?"

"Exactly! Exactly what he just said."

"Oh, of course! Exactly! Eh… five bowls of beef ramen!"

"Of course, what else could we have meant?"

"Our intentions were definitely pure!"

"Oh yes, we were offering food, of course! What other earthly pleasures could there be?"

"None that we pure and innocent women would know of, of course!"

There was a short bout of strained laughter as the five women looked alternatively at each other, Enishi and Soujirou, who was beaming happily.

"What luck," Soujirou said happily, ignoring Enishi's opened-eye gawk, "well then, what are we waiting for, gentlemen? Let's go find these nice ladies some husbands!"

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