The closer they got to the hotel the more Cora noticed Edith's tensity. Her thumb repetitively went over the same place on her hand and her top teeth were digging into the bottom of her lip. She was a ball of nerves, though she was trying to hide it.
Cora could only imagine the wave of emotions Edith must be going through. She tilted her head in question, paying attention to the details of her daughters features. Her eyes were unpredictable and yet Cora could see the tiredness that filled them, casting a shadow over her orbs. There was something eating at Edith, and she felt worried that it was more than the situation at hand.
"Here we are," Edith nodded as they turned the corner and came to a stop outside the hotel. The transaction between her and the driver lasted no more than a few seconds and she quickly moved to get out. The blonde smiled stiffly, briefly meeting Cora and Rosamund's gaze as they exited as well.
"You've never stayed here before," Rosamund stated perplexed as Edith led them into the unfamiliar place.
"I couldn't very well have stayed at The Ritz, Aunt Rosamund now could I?," Edith mumbled blatantly. Her behavior seemed skittish as she avoided their eye contact and made herself distant, refusing to let them get too close.
"You could've come to me," Rosamund said in hushed tones as she leaned in from behind to be closer to Edith's earshot.
Stopping abruptly in her tracks, Edith turned to face her aunt. "Could I really?" she asked rhetorically. The last time she had spoke with her Aunt, Rosamund had wanted her to send Marigold away and now she was here, claiming she could've gone to her when she had chosen to leave her childhood home. She felt confused. Overwhelmed. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea," she shook her head.
"Edith-" Rosamund began but before she could say anything Cora had stepped in closer, almost fixing herself between the two.
"Maybe Edith's right," she spoke grabbing hold of Edith's hand in reassurance as she fixed her gaze on her sister-in-law. "Two's already quite the crowd as it is." She hoped the prospect of it only being the two of them, would help Edith feel less exposed and outnumbered. Her actions were similar to that of a cornered animal and Cora desperately wanted her to know she posed no threat.
Rosamund looked down picking up what Cora was laying down. Had things maybe gone differently, she might have fought for her right to stay but things had not gone differently. She had already met little Marigold. Edith had taken her there herself and given Rosamund that privilege when she had no one else. It was only fair she give Cora the same now. A chance for Edith to introduce Marigold to her grandmother. "I see, why don't I just wait in the lobby then?" she offered, bowing out as she gave them both a half smile. She stepped in close even though Cora was somewhat blocking her and reached out, gently stroking Edith's cheek. "You'll come down and see me again though? Before we go?"
"I'll have to see," Edith stepped back, withdrawn and skeptical. Turning her gaze towards her mother she gulped, "If you'd still like to see her I won't stop you, but-"
"But what?" Cora interrupted looking at Edith intently hoping to make a point. While Edith hadn't turned her away, she had yet to feel the same openness from her daughter that she had felt only the night before. "I'm not here to chew you up Edith...nor am I here to interfere. You are grown and the days of my unwanted interference is over. You have a child now, I'd just like to meet her."
Edith's posture relaxed slightly at her mother's words and she nodded softly. "Alright," she muttered, leaving room for nothing else to be said as she turned swiftly on her heel.
"I'll try not to be to long," Cora stated in a reserved manner looking at Rosamund before she turned following Edith, leaving the ginger-haired woman alone with her thoughts.
Cora entered the room behind her daughter and was first greeted with the sight of a younger looking nanny occupying herself with crochet in a chair by the corner and then a small golden-haired child who was asleep on a bed that sat in the center of the room. Cora's breath made a swift exit from her lungs and the world seemed to fade away as her eyes landed on the sleeping figure. Her petite face was nestled into a pillow that was placed beside her, hiding a fare amount of her facial features but Cora could make out the silk curls that undeniably resembled that of her mother's. This was Edith's daughter. Not just any little girl. Her baby's little girl. Her hearing that had become slightly distorted in her focus now began tuning back in and she could hear Edith.
"Was she asleep the whole time?"
"Yes milady, never even stirred," the unfamiliar voice of the babysitter replied. "Will you be needing anything else madam?"
"No, but thank you," Edith answered quietly opening her handbag to retrieve the tip. Smiling politely she handed the payment over. "There you are."
The woman nodded in thanks and quickly made for the door, leaving the room with a soft 'thud'. Edith turned towards her mother, nervously watching her in silence as she had yet to remove her gaze from Marigold. She could see the tears that were brimming in her mother's eyes as she stood unmoving as if in a trance. She hesitantly moved forward positioning herself past her mother and beside the bed next to Marigold. The whole time she had been gone all she'd been able to do was worry about whether or not her little girl was alright. She had not been able to shake the worry till now. Now that she could see the steady rise and fall of her small frame. Reaching down, she quietly pulled the covers up to her daughter's chest, and placed a soft kiss to her head.
Cora opened her mouth to speak but no sound came as she watched her daughter and granddaughter side by side. She could see the adoration that Edith had for Marigold clear as day. The care that was woven into her moments as she checked on the small child, ensuring her well-being had not changed in the time she had been gone. The raven-haired woman shook her head slightly as Edith turned to face her, "Edith I- I'm afraid I don't know what to say..."
Edith looked around her facial expressions becoming a blur that Cora could not distinguish. "You're disappointed, aren't you?" She asked as if she already knew the answer. "Of course you are. How could you not be?" Her gaze faded from Cora and back down to Marigold.
Cora exhaled softly closing her eyes for a brief moment at her daughters words. "I don't think you are being quite fair..." she spoke softly closing the gap between them. "While I might wish you to have entered motherhood under better circumstances, I only do so because I know this will not be an easy path and I do not wish that for you. But I will not fault you for I am sure you could fault me the same. The gift of a child is never a disappointment my darling, no matter the surrounding circumstance." She reached out caressing Edith's cheeks with the back of her hand, staring deeply into her orbs as she did. The blondes rigid posture slowly started to loosen and Cora could feel the tensity leaving Edith's muscles as she stroked her arm. "The only thing I want is to see the both of you happy and together."
"Do you really mean that?" she questioned seeking assurance that her mother's intentions were not false.
"Oh Edith..." Cora hummed tucking a loose curl behind her ear. "Of course I mean it. I am your mother and you," she paused, nostalgically looking at her daughter. Remembering a time when Edith had been young, young enough to still believe her mother could protect her from anything. A time when she had been small enough for Cora to gather her up when the world no longer felt safe. A time when Edith had still trusted her to do so. "You are my baby. No matter what you do, no matter how old you grow...you will always be my little girl."
Edith's chin began quivering and a lone tear slowly trailed down her cheek as she held her mother's eye contact. "I kept this from you for so long," her breath hitched. "I never-I never thought I could tell you...I never thought you'd forgive me." Edith's resolved manner crumbled and she covered her mouth hoping to quiet her sob.
"Oh my darling," Cora whispered softly as she reached forward, pulling Edith into the safety of her arms. Cupping the younger woman's head to her chest, she quietly murmured calming words, "shhh its alright poppet...it's alright. " Her daughter's body shook against her frame and she could hear how shallow her breathing was. Leaning her head down, Cora nuzzled her nose into Edith's thick curls and pressed a kiss to her head, humming comfortingly as she did so.
"I was so afraid," she choked, grabbing the shoulder of her mother's dress. "Afraid of what it meant if I did tell you and afraid of what it meant if I didn't tell you. I wanted to tell you, truly I did. In fact I tried, multiple times, but then I would just get so frightened. Frightened to say it out loud..." she pulled her head back gently, looking at Cora. "But I've never regretted a decision more. Had I told you-"Edith hesitated looking at her daughter. "-things would've been different. Maybe I wouldn't have given her up. You would have been there with me with me when the time came. You would've convinced me otherwise. I see that now."
Cora watched as Edith wistfully turned her head away and started to tentatively pull away from her grasp. "Edith," she breathed, reaching out to cup the blondes chin. "I would've given anything to have shared that precious moment with you, to have seen your daughter-" she paused looking over at marigold with watery eyes. "-come into this world, but I'm afraid longing for something we cannot change is only futile. While I might dream of a past where you...involved me, I understand that is not where we are nor is that the reality we live in. I know now, my love and that's all that matters. We will figure this out together."
"How?" Edith looked up at her in doubt, much like a child who could not grasp how to fix the mess they had created; could not see through to the other side of situation, clouded by their own panic.
"I think we should tell your father, he will be able-"
"No!" Edith hissed in a subdued tone, shaking her head in disagreement. "I could not bear the way he would look at me...you cannot tell him, mama."
"Edith," Cora held her breath, her stomach twisting at the thought of leaving her husband in the dark. "I can't keep this from him...he is your father-"
"Please Mama," Edith pleaded desperately, cutting her mother off again. She backed away slightly, "I don't think I could handle that...not now. Maybe not ever."
Closing her eyes Cora exhaled deeply. "Fine, he doesn't have to know," she agreed. "But I will tell you this now, secrets have a way of never staying a secret. They will always come out one way or another. Believe me. Let it be your choice before it's too late, and the chance is taken away from you." Edith did not respond but instead nodded, looking away doubtfully after she had done so. "I say this because I love you Edith, and I do not wish to see this knowledge used against you."
Edith met her mother's gaze, her features softer and posture more engaging. "I'll think about it," she answered quietly.
Cora smiled softly and leaned forward, placing a kiss to Edith's forehead. "That's all I ask darling," she muttered contently. It was at that moment in time, they both heard the distinct sounds of the sheets rustling and Marigold emit a small whimper. Cora's eyes shifted to the little girl and she was able to distinguish her features clearly this time.
"It's alright my darling, I'm here," Edith assured quickly going to Marigold's side. Cora watched as Edith gently pushed the messy curls behind her small ears, reassuring her that she was indeed there with her. The toddler wrapped her tiny arms around Edith's neck and hid her face in the crook of her mother's neck. "Did you sleep well huh?" Edith muttered. Picking her daughter up, she cradled Marigold to her chest hoping to comfort her.
Watching the two together, Cora felt as if she had been transported back in time. As if maybe time had not gone by so fast and Edith was still small, small enough to hold. And yet, Edith was standing right there, fully grown and holding the child. Marigold was Edith's replica and there was no mistaking the uncanny resemblance between them. "Oh Edith! She's beautiful," she spoke stunned as her eyes locked on the little girl. "It's quite like looking at you at that age."
Edith gave her a shy smile in response and gently leaned her head on Marigold's. There was a longing in her eyes as she stroked the girl's hair. As if there was something she desired to share but could not. "She has Michael's eyes..." she stated quietly, so quietly Cora had almost missed it.
"Yes, she does," Cora answered as she closed the space between them and gently placed her hand on the back of Edith's head. She imagined what it would have been like if she would've lost Robert, before he had met one of their girls or she lost the chance to share that moment with him. It would've been devastating.
"He would've loved her mama," she turned her head towards Cora, tears pooling in her eyes. "I know he would've..."
Cora smiled sadly, empathizing with her daughter. "You loved him," she stated rather than questioned.
"Oh I did," she replied hoarsely, shaking her head. "I really did mama, and he loved me. He would've married me had he had the chance."
Cora tilted her head in curiosity, "I don't want to upset you darling but if he loved you and-" she hesitated looking down momentarily. "-and if he bedded you, why didn't he marry you before he left?"
"He couldn't," Edith answered lowing her voice as she looked away and wearily sat down on the edge of the bed. "Not until he had gone to Germany that is."
"What do you mean?" Cora's brow furrowed in confusion. "What was he doing there?" Edith met her eyes but she did not speak. She simply looked at her mother unable to find the courage to answer. Cora moved and took a seat beside her daughter, softening her gaze. "You can tell me."
Her silence lingered on and Cora could feel her uncertainty seeping out into the room. Marigold must have sensed it too and began to fidget in Edith's arms, pulling on her dress to try and get herself closer to her mother. "Shhh my love, everything's alright," Edith murmured as she wrapped her arms around Marigold and pulled her closer, standing as she did so. "You're safe."
There was no way for Cora to described what it felt like to watch Edith comfort her child. To see her mother Marigold and care for her, sent butterflies all through her stomach. Marigold burrowed her face into Edith's neck and used her tiny hand to grab ahold of her hair for comfort. While Marigold might not have spent the beginning of her life with Edith, it was clear to Cora that the little girl knew she was safe with Edith. Whether or not she viewed Edith as 'Mama', Marigold clearly felt the unbreakable bond that simply existed between a mother and her child. "You are a natural," Cora smiled at her daughter as she deferred the conversation from Michael seeing Edith was uncomfortable.
"It doesn't feel that way," Edith scoffed slightly as she made circular motions on the toddlers back. "I feel as if I'm failing her completely. I have turned her world upside down and I don't even know the first thing about how to comfort her. I don't know what makes her feel safe when she is scared or what helps her sleep her night. I don't..."she stopped, shaking her head slightly leaving the sentence incomplete.
"You don't what?" Cora inquired softly.
"I don't know her," Edith choked out and her lips trembled. "Sometimes I wonder if I'm just another strange face to her. A person who comes and goes but does not stay."
"Edith..." Cora breathed her name sympathetically. "I won't lie and say I know how she feels and I won't try to make you believe that I understand how you feel, because I don't. While I might understand the pain of losing a child, I do not know what it must've been like to have been separated from your child when you know she is alive and breathing and no one's but yours. You had to watch her grow standing from the sidelines, knowing she had no knowledge of who you truly were to her. You didn't get to be her mother...but you do now."
Edith shook her head softly and her eyes filled with guilty tears. "All she has ever known of me is that I leave her. I gave her up Mama...how can she forgive me for that?"
Cora stood and inched closer till there was no longer space between them. "While she might not know you are here to stay yet, but she will soon. You'll prove it to her," Cora smiled encouragingly, as she reached out to gently brush away the blondes falling tears with the pad of her thumb. "You are her mother...and something tells me she already knows that." Cora gestured to the now relaxed toddler who was settled safely in Edith's arms and content to stay there. Whether or not Edith could see it, Cora could see that Marigold already trusted Edith.
"I hope to God you are right," Edith whispered as she leaned her head into her mother's palm, seeking the comfort that rested within them.
"Give her time...give yourself time." Cora narrowed her gaze observing Edith closely and took note of the tiredness that seemed to weigh her shoulders down. Sketching itself into the details of her features and highlighting the contrasting pale and dark tones of her weary face. "Were you able to sleep at all last night?" The raven-woman pondered, as she subconsciously twirled the end of one of Edith's curls.
"Afraid not," Edith answered, the corners of her mouth lifting to attempt a smile but they seemed to fall as quick as they had started to rise. "She couldn't sleep poor thing and the only thing that seemed to help her was being in my arms."
"It was the only thing that ever helped you..." Cora stated, smiling as she remembered the nights where she had to do the same for her little girl. Edith's brow furrowed in interest and she tilted her head to the side, trying to recall what her mother was talking about. "You might have been too small to remember, you were little, no older than Marigold, but you wouldn't fall asleep if I wasn't holding you. You would work yourself into such a terrible panic and wouldn't calm down unless you were with me. Like mother like daughter so it seems."
"Yes...I guess so," Edith smiled faintly leaning her own head against Marigold's. She closed her eyes, inhaling the scent of her daughter's hair. Exhaling, she felt the weight of her tiredness pulling her down. The heaviness of her limbs called her to lie down and rest for a while but she couldn't. Marigold needed her. Slowly opening her eyes, her vision focused in on her mother, who's eyes were longing and locked on her own. Edith could see the worry and the wandering that filled her mother's orbs. She gulped as Cora stood and reached out, softly stroking her cheek with her knuckle.
"You need sleep," Cora stated her words firm but loving and spoken with tenderness. "You've had a long night."
"I'll sleep later, when she tires again," Edith offered trying to avoid the scrutiny of her mother's worries.
"And what about till then?" Cora questioned, refusing to let her wiggle herself out of the discussion so easily. Marigold had just woken up, which meant she wouldn't be going back down for another few hours most likely. "Let me stay with you while you try and get some rest hmm? I could easily enough tell your aunt Rosamund to not wait for me. I could stay with you both...at least for a while longer." Edith stood silent and irresolute at her mothers words. She felt her nerves building in her chest. Growing and rising up to her throat, threatening her ability to speak. Tilting her head down she subconsciously smoothed out the corner of her dress trying to calm the dreadful feeling. Her lack of response was very much a response to Cora and the older woman quickly extended her hand, grabbing hold of her daughter's. "Edith I-" she began but immediately stopped as Edith started speaking over her.
"I just don't think that's a very good idea Mama. She's not ready for that. l...don't-think," she paused shaking her head slightly. "I'm not ready for that." Her body language was no longer relaxed and tired but protective and alert.
"Edith," Cora breathed softly as she stepped closer but Edith had already moved back some sensing her advance. Dropping her gaze, she tried to avoid displaying the hurt she was sure overwhelmed her features. She supposed she walked into in that a way. The relationship that existed between them was equally as complicated as it was simple. It was simple to love Edith. Her heart beat do it. Being a mother to her, Mary and Sybil was the foundation of who she was. Mothering them, caring for them, comforting them...this was simple. The complicated part was understanding how to get them each to see they needed it. No matter how old Mary or Edith grew, she was still their mother, and they were still her daughter's. They needed their mother, they needed to be comforted and cared for. Though they did not always see this. She raised her gaze meeting Edith's, "You don't have do this alone..."
"You say that now mama, but something keeps screaming at the back of my mind that you don't really mean it," Edith replied rapidly, her chest heaving and her tears brimming. Every time she started to believe her mother could truly want to help her she would get this sinking feeling. "Are you truly this unbothered and unnerved by the repercussions that you will face right alongside of me, if I return to Downton?"
"Edith Violet Crawley!" Cora spoke firmly casting aside all precaution. There were times to be patient and let your children choose their path for themselves and their were times when you push. Push hard. Edith had backed herself into the window and Cora used the moment to get close to her. "How could you think the repercussions matter more to me than the both of you?" She shook her head as she reached out placing both hands on the sides of her daughter's face, desperately trying to get through to her. "That after you watched me stare your sister's death in the face, the most important thing to me right now couldn't possibly be you and Marigold? That after I learned in the span of mere minutes that you had a daughter, that you went to a foreign country and left me in the dark with no knowledge of the truth, that I could've lost you the same way I lost your sister and I would been none the wiser..." her voice shook under the fervor of her feelings and a tear began to slowly roll down her porcelain cheeks. "That after learning all that you really think the most important thing to me right now isn't bringing you home? Where I know you are safe and close to me. Edith I can't lose you..."
Edith closed her eyes feeling the urge to let a sob escape her throat. Her tears threatening to break free from their walls and expose her. She could feel the care and desperate love flooding from her mother. The weight and warmth of her hands resting on her face begging her to give in. Her chin quivered violently and she could no longer contain her cry. Her head sunk into Cora's hands and she stopped fighting the woman's touch as her tears cascaded down, falling unto Cora's arms. "I have completely failed mama," she choked as a sob overtook her.
"Hey, sh sh sh shhh," she cooed softer the second time tilting Edith's head up and gently brushing away her tears. Edith's eyes were tightly closed and even though Cora had lifted her head, she did not open them. "Edith love...look at me," Cora stated tenderly as she stroked her daughter's jaw with a featherlight touch. Edith shook her head slightly, causing a small whimper to escape her lips. 'This wasn't happening' she thought to herself. Her heart was beating outside of her chest and an overwhelming panic swelled in her stomach making her queasy in the most uncomfortable way. "Poppet," the raven whispered this time so delicately Edith was sure she must think she was having a breakdown.
Opening her eyes, she finally looked at Cora and for the first time since she was a child saw the woman that held her till she fell to sleep when she was small. The woman she ran to when she was hurt and inconsolable. The woman she had refused to believe she had needed for so long. "Ohh mama," She choked as her shoulders began to shake and and again her eyes screwed shut as she began to weep harder.
Seeing the panic and grief that swarmed in Edith's orbs sent Cora reeling. Much like the frenzy that takes over a parent's mind when their child is hurt. "You're alright, it's alright, I'm right here," Cora hummed under her breath enveloping Edith into her arms doing anything in that moment to bring a semblance of comfort to her daughter. She briefly smiled at Marigold trying to ensure the little girl did not think anything was wrong, though she knew the toddler had to be feeling how upset her mother was. She was clearly concerned about Edith and wrapped her little arms more closely around her neck. Whether this was to comfort herself or her mother, Cora did not know. Feeling Edith's form still shaking in her arms she pulled back partially, wrapping her arm around her back as she carefully guided mother and daughter to the bed. "Come sit with me hmm...?"Cora suggested gingerly not wanting her to feel like she was being forced into anything. Receiving a small nod of approval, she sat down and gently pulled Edith into her side. "She's strong my love," she whispered as she softly stroked the bridge of her nose. "Stronger than you think. You both are. You are ready, you just don't see it yet."
"I can't see o-over this," Edith stuttered her breath catching in her chest as she closed her eyes trying to regain control over her emotions. "I want to come home believe me I do. I want her to grow up with Sybbie and Georgie, I want her to know you and papa and I don't want her to feel the way I did, alone and unhappy...I just," she stopped out of breath from her outpour. "I just don't see how..."
"Then let me see for you," she suggested softly running her hand alongside Edith's face. "Let me bring you home-" her voice faltered and her eyes flooded, glistening against the light as she gazed over Edith's features "-let me take care of my baby..." Cora tilted her head as she reached up, smoothing out Edith's curls.
Her shoulders sinking beneath the weight of the choice before her, a lump rose once more in her throat. "And what if going back ruins this chance I have with her, mama?" Her breath hitched in her throat, ending her question abruptly. The thought of going back and putting herself in such an easy position to be found out. To so carelessly disregard the potential fallout it could have on Marigold's life was not a decision she could make so hastily knowing it could not be undone. "I don't know if I can do that..." her words faded, only the sound of her sniffling lingering.
"What if you leave? And things still go wrong?" Cora's voice cracked as she offered another perspective. "Please my love...check out of this hotel and come with me. Come home. Where you belong, where you both belong. Where you'll be surrounded and safe, and even if things aren't perfect at least the two of you would be together. Mmm, what do you say?"
Her body giving into her mother's persuasive words, her head nodded yes but her eyes remained unsurprisingly unsure. "Alright," she agreed timidly. "Alright I'll go, but you have to promise me something..."
"What is it poppet?" Cora's brow furrowed.
"You have to promise that if something goes wrong, if this gets out, you'll make sure she still has a chance of a good life. A life where the faults of her mother won't follow her."
"Edith what do you mean? What are you talking about?" Cora leaned back in confusion, her eyes darting back and forth as she searched for the answers.
"Mama we'd both be fools to think that this won't follow me for the rest of my life and I'm not sure-" her voice cracked and she looked down away from Cora's questioning eyes. "I'm not sure I'll be able to take care of her if the truth comes out. I wouldn't have the means...no one besides Michael has loved me up until now, why would anyone else want me now that I have an illegitimate child? The magazine business would only last for so long once it was circulating around in the papers that I'm the mother of the previous owner's child. And might I remind you, a mother, a woman, no more than a carrier with no means. Not a wife...or a widow. She will need someone with more means than I to protect her. She will need you. So please, before I give up the opportunity to leave and take her where no one will ever be able to learn the truth and use it it against her," she stopped momentarily, out of breath. "Promise me you'll protect her Mama."
Cora nodded fervently, her earrings clicking as they moved in unison with her head. "I promise...I promise," she repeated, sealing her word. "I'll protect you both my darling, no matter what. I know I can't ask you to not worry but I ask you to trust me. I almost lost you once, I won't take that chance again. If things do not go according to plan, I will take you out of the country myself. Either way I have no intention of letting you two be separated ever again. I'll do whatever it takes my darling just please...say you'll come with me? Say you'll bring her home?"
"I'd have to get my things from the office first," Edith responded meekly as she sniffled trying to compose herself. "Can you stay that long?"
Cora felt her cheeks rising in a tearful, affectionate smile as she grabbed a hold of her daughter's face and planted a kiss of relief of her forehead. "I can wait as long as you need," she chuckled lightly pulling back to rest her head on Edith's. "Besides it will give me time to get to know my granddaughter."
Chapter three! What a development! I had a thrilling time trying to capture this segment in the likeness I pictured but after all this time...I think it was worth the wait.
