Chapter 7: Disgruntled Dragon

SPROING-CLUNK. SPROING-CLUNK. SPROING-CLUNK.

He was getting closer, cackling like a maniac. The only way out of here besides the chute where Tiny had been dropped was through the door at the other end, meaning she couldn't run. There was only one alternative. She would have to hide.

She barely had time to climb to the ceiling and suspend herself by her suspenders – a process that's trickier than it sounds - to blend in with all the other mechanical puppets when the door crashed open and the maniac sproing-clunked inside.

It was the craziest-looking killer toy Tiny had ever seen. A ghoul-in-a-box. From its peeling and faded star-spangled box sprang the head of a Kremling with bulging bloodshot eyes, though something seemed wrong with the head. In the back there was almost no skin at all covering the metal skull inside. It was as though it had ripped the face off of a living Kremling and roughly shoved it onto its own, wearing it like a rubber mask. As bad as the blood between the Kongs and Kremlings was, Tiny could not help but feel a sense of horror for the poor Kremling.

The ghoul-in-a-box cackled with glee. "I wonder what it is? I wonder what it is? Oooh! I can't wait to find out!" He leaped forward toward the hill of gears, brushing against the feet of the puppets overhead, including Tiny's, who barely restrained her gasp. He drew up before the hill and his cackling quickly died.

"It's not here," he cried. "It's gone! But how? I know I heard something fall in here! I know I did!" With claws that sprang separately from the box, he began tearing into the hill of gears, sending them clattering against the walls and the floor.

Then suddenly he stopped. He had heard a ping. A softer, more musical tone than that made by the clunky gears. His head swiveled on its spring and he looked down.

It was a rivet from one of Tiny's pockets. It had ripped off as she had been sliding around the gear hill – something she hadn't noticed until just now. Her heart hammered in her ribs as she prayed it wouldn't lead the killer toy to her.

"Ah ha! Haven't seen you before! Something did fall in here! But you didn't make the noise, now, did you?" He plucked it from the floor and studied it. "Something came in here with you, didn't it? Or is it… someone, hmm?" He swiveled his head one full turn first in one direction and then the other, the gears involved in the motion grinding like bones, setting Tiny's teeth on edge.

"Yoohoo! Come out, come out, wherever you are! When I find you, we're going to have so much fun, just you wait!" He sprang toward the furnace and then bobbed his head around both sides of it, checking to see if she was hiding there. Not finding her there, he sprang toward another corner and rummaged around the half-finished parts piled there. When he didn't find her there either, he swiveled around toward the center of the room.

"Clever, clever, aren't you?" he gloated. "But don't worry. Sooner or later, I will find you. And then we'll…"

He cut off abruptly to sniff the air. "...ah, I think I smell…" He sniffed again.

"Coconuts. I do believe I smell coconuts!" He cackled. "Ah, tickle me pink! It's a she! And she's in here! Somewhere…"

He tipped his head back.

"…in…"

He rolled his eyes to the ceiling.

"…here…"

He bared his metal fangs in a triumphant grin.

...

While the other Kongs had been busy deciphering their riddles to open the doors into the temples, Diddy was racing as fast as he could through the hallways of his temple, for when he had entered, he had found the riddle already solved (I've an emerald rind and a ruby core, bury my onyx specks if you want more) and the door wide open. He also found a lot of the temple traps, which ancient civilizations are so fond of installing, had already been sprung: the swinging blades, the poisoned darts, the crushing walls (this took him some time to unspring as there was an unfortunate Kremling jamming the works). After dodging past all of this, he finally entered the glittering treasure chamber where the piece de resistance was a golden effigy of a half-peeled banana resting in the paws of a corpulent stone gorilla at the top of a set of steep stairs.

The Kremlings weren't interested in it, however, as Diddy quickly discovered. Instead they were both gazing up at a giant lens, one of four that caught the sunlight that filtered through the seams of the ceiling and refracted it toward the golden banana like a spotlight in order to entice treasure hunters and remind them why they risked life and limb going through the deathtrap. One of the Kremlings was holding on to a leash, which was attached to a long-limbed primate making his way up the wall toward the lens. There was a button on the end of the leash, which was designed to administer a shock to the Kong on the other end when it was pressed. Which was why Lanky was climbing the wall.

Diddy considered his options. Then he scurried to the base of the stairs, turned to the Kremlings, and shouted, "Hey, you peabrains! Over here!"

They spun around in surprise. Lanky almost fell off in surprise. Then the Kremlings chased after him. The one with the leash was still holding onto it, yanking Lanky off the wall like a spring. The orangutan crashed into the back of the Kremling, sending them both tumbling to the floor. The other Kremling turned once to see what had happened then turned back to Diddy and gave chase. Diddy turned and ran up the stairs, bounded onto the head of the statue then reached down and plucked the golden banana from its paws.

The temple rumbled, dust showering from the ceiling. The Kremling paused halfway up the steps and glanced around to see what was going on.

Then a giant stone ball dropped on the stairs and rumbled toward the Kremling, who barely had time to yelp in surprise before he was bowled over. He was knocked out flat - emphasis on flat. Diddy ran past him to the other Kremling, who was getting to his feet with difficulty as he still had the leash in his hand and was trying not to shock Lanky in honor of his entreaties of "Please be careful. I really don't want you to accidentally press that button. It hurts." With his tail, he whipped the Kremling's wrist, causing him to yelp in pain and drop the leash. A punch to the gut and a headbutt later, the Kremling was prone on the floor, groaning softly.

"Lanky!" Diddy ran over to his long-armed friend and started fussing with the collar. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah-ow! Easy there! This collar's on tight! And you could have had me killed when you distracted them. That scaly pinhead pulled me right off the wall!"

"Er, yeah. Sorry about that. Was the best I could come up with at the time. Any higher and the fall could have left you like banana mush on the... boy, this collar is really on tight!"

Lanky brushed him off. "Then never mind that. Listen, we need to get back to the others and warn them. I overheard these scaly pinheads say that K. Rool is going to blast the island with some kind of giant cannon."

"Oh, everyone already knows about that," said Diddy, picking up the leash and offering it to Lanky. "Which is why we're gathering everybody together to stop him. According to Snide, it'll take five of us to shut it down." He turned and started toward the exit.

Lanky wrapped the leash around his wrist and then loped after his smaller companion. "Who's Snide?"

"K. Rool's ex-mechanic. He's the one who built the cannon, so..." He shrugged. "Oh, watch your step here. The floor falls out from under you if you step on the wrong bricks."

They quickly dodged past the traps and made their way out of the temple, ignoring the glowing symbols above the door, which translated to, "Hope you enjoyed the tour. Please come again soon." After taking a moment to allow their eyes to adjust to the searing brightness, Diddy motioned to Lanky, "Come on! Let's grab the others and go! They're all in the different temples, so we'll split up." He pointed at the obelisk. "We'll meet back here once we..." He froze.

Lanky asked, "Hey, Diddy? What's wrong?"

Diddy immediately took off, screaming, "RUUUUUUN!" A moment later, a huge monster swooped down, snatched him up, and shot back into the sky again.

"Diddy!" Lanky scurried across the hot sands. He paused before the scuff where his friend had been snatched and looked up to see the monster climbing higher, a gruesome blot against the sun. It was headed toward the top of the obelisk where no doubt it would snack on the terrified chimpanzee.

"Hang on, little buddy, I'll save you!" He cried and loped toward the obelisk.

Heights didn't usually bother Diddy. The fact of the matter was out of all of his friends he was the fastest climber, shimmying fifty feet up Old Conker, the oldest and tallest palm tree in the jungle, at a record 6.3 seconds. But dangling from the clutches of a flying monster was an entirely different matter, one where a fall to his death was very likely.

But rather than a guaranteed death by splat, Dogadon, the monster with Diddy in his clutches, was taking a more personal approach. He carried the little monkey all the way to the top and dumped him on the star-shaped platform. Diddy immediately bounded to his feet, taking a fighting stance. Dogadon hovered over him, giving him a withering stink-eye to let him know that he deserved this. Then he opened fire.

A thing to note about fireballs: fire is incapable of retaining a shape on its own, so the fireballs that Dogadon lobbed at Diddy had to be shaped by something from the monster's own glands, namely saliva. Of course, the hapless primate wasn't as concerned about how disgusting it was as he was about how much being burnt alive would hurt as he scurried here and there to avoid them. But with each fireball that splatted against the platform, there was getting to be less and less room to run. Soon it was too crowded with quivering piles of flaming loogies for Diddy to run anywhere, and so there he sat, trembling as he stared into the cold eyes of Dogadon, who wanted to get one long last look at the inconsiderate jerk who had disturbed his beauty sleep before incinerating him.

In times of desperation, most find themselves doing things they would otherwise be incapable of doing. In Diddy's case, facing the long end of the barrel, so to speak, he did the unthinkable. He took his trademark cap and used it to scoop out a bit of flaming loogie and lob it at the dragon, hat and all.

As a dragon, Dogadon's body was built to be fireproof with hard copper-colored scales, so it wasn't usual for anybody to be able to turn his own flames against him. But with every "invincible" boss, there is always an Achille's heel or two on them, and Dogadon was no exception. He had a rather large, round snout – something the other dragons had often teased him for in his youth – with large flaring nostrils ("flaring" being metaphorical as the only thing that came out of his nose besides phlegm was smoke when he was angry and trying to hold it in). That hat full of loogie slapped him right on the left nostril just as he was inhaling for another burst. His sinuses became overwhelmed with phlegm and the disgruntled dragon burst into a fit of coughing and sneezing that sent him bobbing. He wobbled back and forth, shaking his head, his eyes watering, gradually dropping from the obelisk until he slammed into its face. Dazed, he plummeted to the ground, falling past Lanky, who yelped in surprise, where he crashed into the sand, which only irritated his nose further and started off another round of hacking and sneezing. He staggered to his feet and then hobbled off.

Diddy's little heart hammered against his ribcage like a woodpecker. That had been a close call. The workout had left him hot and sweaty, and the piles of loogie still burning around him didn't make it much better, not to mention the glaring sun above.

Lanky poked his head up from the edge of the platform. "You all right, little buddy?"

"I'll live, thank goodness for that," he replied, wiping his forehead.

The movement drew Lanky's attention. "What happened to your hat?"

"Used it to get myself out of a tight spot. I'll just grab another one back home, but for now, let's find everyone else and get the heck out of this oven."

"I second that," Lanky replied, and the two of them began their long trek down…