D: I wrote 2 chapters in a row, so APPRECIATE IT GODDAMNIT, savvy? Bai-bai! And enjoy...

Disclaimer: WE OWN CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY...Dvds. We don't own Bring It On either! Yeah, you heard me!


The Bulimic And The Bitch

A French youngster named Octobus Skint posed like a fruity model in front of the blaring photographers who were calling for his attention. Skinny-as-a-fucking-stick Octobus ignored them and continued posing, throwing his hands in the air and then pressed against his hips. He resembled a gay male model, not that he was. His anorexic mother slapped him on the arm, forcing him to stop the silly charade. Instantly, he straightened up and held out the Rat's Body Part in front of him. It was weirdly covered in...slime?

"I was eating one of his pies, when it aaaaaaall happened. I took a bite out of one, and tasted someting, that is not meat or pastry! Apple? Chocolate? Lemon? Mince? Or, God forbid, a mix of vegetables? And zen I look into ze pie, and..." Octobus held up the Rat's Head even higher to emphasize his coming statement. "...I find the Rat's Body Part!"

"What part of the Body is it?" asked one of the journalists.

Octobus lowered his hand to take a closer look at his winnings, smiled and held it up once more, "Half ze head!"

Everyone winced and groaned once again.

"We knew our Octobus would ze hidden Rat's Body Part. He eats zo much everyday, that it would be impossible, not to find one!" His mother, who had hair like Marilyn Monroe, stepped in and broke the awkward silence.

"Then if he eats so much, why is he so fucking skinny?" an American reporter asked.

"I'll field tha' one!" Octobus interrupted, pushing his mother to the side to be in full focus of the camera. "It is zis new technique to lose weight! You eat and eat and eat and eat some more; and then, you throw it all up afterwards! It works wonders, believe me! Excuse me for a moment..."

Octobus turned around to a sink, leaned in, stuck to fingers in his mouth and let out a loud, sickening groan. The reporters and photographers winced when they heard something sloppy hit the sink. Octobus wiped his mouth and smiled.

Narrator: I really need to get paid more for this...set change people! Come on! If you don't hurry up, I'll fuck your mothers! In that case...slow down! We done? Okay...ACTION!

Grandpa Loder let out a false chuckle, "What did I tell you?"

Grandpa Jack rolled his eyes, which were hidden behind his nerdy-ass glasses, "Yeah, whatever you withering bastard."

"What a repulsive young man!" Grandma Pieca spat.

Grandma Pyla wagged her eyebrows roguishly, "I like him..."

The entire conversation past Chris's head like a gunshot. "There are only four parts left. I wonder where they could..."
Chris, like the retarded fuckmook he his, didn't finish his sentence since he was left in trance, staring into blank nothingness, a stream of drool dropped from his mouth.
Everyone in the room tilted their head in confusion, but soon ignored him.

"Now that one rats part has been found, things will really get crazy." Grandpa Jack predicted.

Grandma Pieca nodded in agreement, Grandpa Loder also agreed, "Yes...fucked up, indeed."

Narrator: SET CHANGE! Come ooooon! Don't you realise that I have life! Unlike you people reading this shit! Hurry the hell up! I'm missing The OC...ready? ACTION! Here I come, Seth...

In a palace like house in Yorkshire, England, lived a spoilt heiress named Wartina Vinegar. She recieved her inheritance from her mother, who had died and left everything to her. Not a dime for her husband. Now, Wartina lives with her wealthy father, and alcoholic Step-mother, who was only 10 years older than her. Which was weird, because her father was close to retirement. Wartina hated being called "Wartina" so she always introduces herself as Tina.

"T-I-N-A!" chimed Wartina and her cheer squad, in their skimpy outfits and pom poms, "TINA!"

The group of slutty looking cheerleaders begun to dance in a incredibly fast and skanky way, and they all, except Wartina who was the lead, began to chant:

"She's sexy,

She's cute,

She's popular to boot!

She's bitchin',

Great hair,

The boys all love to stare!

She's wanted,

She's hot,

She's everything your not!

She's pretty,

She's cool,

She dominates her school!

Who is she?

Just guess!

Guys just wanna touch her chest!

She's rockin',

She's smiles,

And many think she's vile!

She's flyin',

She jumps,

You can look but don't you hump- Whoo!

She's major,

She roars,

She swears she's not a whore!

We cheer and she leads,

We act like we're on speed!

Hate her cause she's beautiful,

Well she don't like you either!

We're cheerleaders!

We're, her cheerleaders!

Wartina did a backflip and landed right in front of the photographers, causing them all to gasp and stumble back. It was her solo.

I sizzle,

I scorch,

But now I pass the torch!

The ballots are in,

And one girl has to win!

I'm perky,

I'm fun,

And always number 1!

K-K-Kick it Tina!

T-T-T-Tina!

I'm strong and I'm loud,

I'm gonna make you proud!

I'm T-T-Tina,

Your winner Tina!

The cheer ended with Wartina doing the splits in front of the camera, her chest was heaving, she was gasping for air. She felt like she was about to faint from exhaustion. The journalists and photographers had mixed emotions. A couple applauded, some cheered, some just were standing there taking photos of this 13 year old cheer squad in skimpy clothes and doing sexual moves.

"Hope you don't mind me asking, but who's your idol, Miss Vinegar?" a journalist asked, raising an eyebrow.

Wartina stood back up, put her hands on her hips and started breathing heavily, "Paris Hilton. Why?"

The photographers and journalists looked at each other a sniggered, as if to say 'No wonder.'

"I have a question!" A female journalist called, pointing her pen in the air, "Isn't that cheer you just sung from a movie?"

Wartina glared at the journalist, "How dare you! I would never steal a cheer from a movie! I'd simply create one similar to it..."

Her elderly father dressed in a business suit stepped up next to her and put her hand on her shoulder and pushed her back. The attention was now on him. He could feel his daughter's eyes burning onto his back, as if to set him on fire for stealing the spotlight. He smiled when he heard footsteps fading away.

"When I heard that my dear Wartina wanted one of those Patty tokens, I started buying as much pies as I could afford. Hundreds. Hundreds of thousands. Thousands of millions. Millions of...ahem...I work in the meat industry you see. My workers get packages of meat and rip them apart to find any unusual items in it. But one day I said to my workers..."

Narrator: Fucking hell man! Can't this story narrate itself? I'm missing the end of The OC, bitch! Ugh...ready? Ready? Frank, that lady is not a lady! That's tranny, you asshole...okay...all real ladies in set? Aaaand...ACTION!

Mr Vinegar stepped up to the loudspeaker and leaned in on the railings to speak into it. He stopped for a moment to gaze around the animal blood splattered room and the tired female workers with ragged uniforms and hair nets. He smiled. How he loved to torture!

"Morning ladies," he greeted in a cold, 'I'm rich and you're not' way, "From now on you can stop ripping apart animal bodies and searching for unsanitary items, and start cutting open these Patty Pies and seek for the much-publicized Rat's Body Part. Just one will do, but who so ever finds more than one, will be granted immunity for next week. No one wants to get fired, now do they?"

Narrator: Mr Vinegar has something to say...
Mr Vinegar: Three days went by and...my Wartina was growing more restless everyday. I couldn't bare seeing my daughter this way. I knew if this kept up she'd gain wrinkles and ask permission for botox. I couldn't let that happen.

"Where's my Rat's Body Part? I want my Rat's Body Part!" Wartina screamed with a pout.
Her cheer squad appeared behind her and started dancing, but frowning:

Where's her Rat's Body Part?
She wants her Rat's Body Part!

Wartina spun around and glared at her cheer squad, "Fuck off!"

The cheer squad stopped dancing and walked off, all with slumped shoulders and whispering rude things about her. Her stepmother raised her eyebrows and grabbed the nearest bottle of vodka and sculled it down.

Mr Vinegar: Finally, I found her a Rat's Body Part.

A middle-aged, plump worker was almost falling asleep, rolling her eyes when she found yet another Rat's Body Part-less pie.
'Big Surprise,' she thought. Suddenly, after just grabbing pie at random and cutting it open, she saw something hairy, but wet inside of it. 'Could it be?' she thought to herself, her eyes wide with curiousity. She reached in, after a couple of squishy, muddy sounds, she pulled out what seemed to be ...

'Half a rat's head!' she thought, bursting with excitement. 'This is for my hungry daughter...'
Before the woman could pocket it, Mr Vinegar caught her wrist and snatched the token right out of her hand.

Wartina, having just finished her Cheer training, walked confidently up to her parents, threw her pom poms on the nearest piece of furniture and yanked the Rat's Body Part out of her father's wrinkly hands. She looked at it for a minute, and her father stared down on his daughter, waiting for some recognition.

"Daddy, I want another boyfriend."

Her father frowned, "Why not a pony, darling?"

Wartina pouted, "I don't want to ride a pony!"

Narrator: Okay folks, you know what time it is! It's CHANGE-THE-SET-BEFORE-YOU-GET-FIRED-TIME! You better follow the rules or you're out of the game! In other words...Imma fire your ass! We good? Okay! Everyone wins! ACTION!

Chris narrowed his eyes at the TV, "I don't think that was really fair..."

"I know Chris," his Grandma Pieca agreed with a sympathetic nod, "She should've found it herself!"

Chris frowned at his grandmother, confused, "Huuuuuuh? What are you talking about? I meant that it wasn't fair that they stole that routine! It's bullshit I tell you!"

Chris jumped off the top of the bed, ran to the door, turned around- facing his grandparents and repeated while shaking his fists in the air like King Kong, "BULLSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-"

Chris was cut off by once again, his head being stuck in the wall as his parents came running in from outside. The door had swung open and hit him on the back, causing him to land, head first, in the wall.

"Chris?" his father called looking around the room.

"I'm right here!" Chris screamed angrilly, his voice was muffled by the wall.
His parents looked to the side and saw that their son's head was stuck in the wall again.

"Oh for fuck's sakes..." his father cursed, and pulled him out.
Chris spat out what seemed to be about ten, tiny white insect things.

"I think we may have termites..." Chris choked, in between coughs.
His mother tittered but her face brightened, her hands were still behind her back. His father started smiling also.

"What the hell's going on?" Chris asked worrily. He looked as if he was about to cry, but rapidly changed into a hopeful face, "Am I adopted?"

His parents frowned at each other. Mrs Schitt took a deep breath and smiled again, "Chris, we decided that maybe you'd like to open your birthday present, tonight!"

TBC...


Bunny: Okay D wrote this chapter, neh? She went a bit over board last time. Right now read and review. It's important. We're not writing this if you don't like it! so review!

D: Yeah! You heard the bunny! Obey the bunny! REVIEW! We won't write anymore, unless you fucking review!