Well, everyone, it all came down to this one last confrontation with the krool croc - the last lashing, the final fracas, the ultimate undertaking. The Kongs versus the Kremlings for moral supremacy, for personal dignity, for land ownership. The last five years had been replete with infringement and retaliation, a cycle that had been perpetuated by K. Rool's timely retreat after each tussle, but now here was their chance to put a stop to this conflict. Once they caught up to the lead Kremling, they'd be able to end this once and for all.

That was the plan, at least. The whole gang was in high spirits as they followed Dixie and Kiddy to Shimmering Shoals where they had left the king of the Kremlings, howling and beating their chests. The mood deflated somewhat when they arrived and found K. Rool on his feet with his arms crossed and a smug smile on his face. That was likely because he was surrounded by a bunch of the Kong's other enemies: Armies, Zingers, Manky Kongs, and Slippas to name a very few, and they all looked ready to rumble.

Diddy gulped and began to slowly back away. "Okay, maybe this wasn't such a good idea."

"Where did he even find them all?" Lanky lamented.

"BWARK! Not liking these odds-AWK!-definitely not liking these odds," Squawks agreed.

It could very easily have ended poorly for the Kongs then and there. Against an army of every tribe they'd made an enemy of in the last five years, they'd likely have seen a reversal of their victories, with their home taken from them, their family broken, and their dignities shattered, never again to live their lives with all the peace, tranquility, and bananas they could ever want. So it was very fortunate that someone in their family was there to change all that, tipping the odds in their favor and ensuring their victory was long-lasting. Tiny Kong, once again, was there to save the day.

"What's this K. Rool?" she jeered, "Couldn't take us on by yourself so you grabbed every hippie and bumpkin you could find to shield yourself with?"

This brought a chorus of indignant howls and hisses, but no one's dignity was as insulted as the big Kremling's. He roared, "You watch your mouth, you stupid, little girl! I am the King and that means everyone here does what I say! If I tell them to crush you, they'll do it in a snap!" He snapped his fingers to illustrate.

One of the Mangy Kongs spoke, "Oh, is that what this is? I thought we were doing this because we all have a common enemy."

"I don't remember him menshhh-ioning he'd be our king," one of the Slippa's remarked with an expression of distaste.

"We already havvvve a kinnng," droned a Zinger.

Other tribes voiced their dissatisfaction with K. Rool's assumption that he was their king until he finally roared, "SILENCE, YOU PEABRAINED BUFFOONS! I brought us all together; ergo, I'm the leader of this outfit. And don't forget why we're all here in the first place."

"Yeah, 'cause K. Rool's too much of a wimp to take us on himself!" Tiny jeered. "Some king you are! Making other losers do your dirty work for you!"

"I sssssay we go for the loudmouthed brat firssssst," a Slippa declared.

"Yes, and get whalloped by the that big brute's fists." sneered a Gnawty, jabbing his head at Donkey. "You should try using your brain every once in a while, if it doesn't slip down to your tail first."

It didn't take long for them all to forget about their "common enemy" and focus on the guy next to them. They hurled insults, challenges, and even rocks in the case of the Neckys. It may have eventually devolved into a full-blown turf war. but that's where a unifying leader came into play, a leader who was fearless and would lay down the law, a leader who would steer them in the right direction, a leader who would tolerate no horseplay, foul play, or even a Shakespearean play, and that leader was hopping mad.

"ENOUGH, YOU MORONS!" K. Rool roared, sending up a spray of wet sand with each stomp, "DON'T YOU SEE YOU'RE PLAYING RIGHT INTO THE KONGS' HANDS? Bah! I can't believe I thought I could trust any of you to get this job done! It always falls down to me!

"Well, if you're so good at it then why don't you just take care of them?" a Manky Kong challenged him.

"Yezzzz!" buzzed a Zinger. "Zzzhow uzzz how it'zzzz done."

"It's because he's afraid of getting his butt kicked!" Tiny yelled. "Like the last three times he tried to challenge us!"

"THAT'S BECAUSE YOU WERE CHEATING! EVERY TIME YOU CAME AT ME, THERE WERE ALWAYS TWO OF YOU! TWO AGAINST ONE! IF THOSE HAD BEEN FAIR FIGHTS, I WOULD HAVE CRUSHED YOU ALL INTO BANANA STAINS!"

"Oh yeah?" Tiny sneered, her dander now up. "Well, why don't we prove it right here, right now? We'll do this, one on one! We'll show you you're nothing but a cowardly bully, who threatens people weaker than him to get his way."

K. Rool thrust his finger forward and uttered the two words that would change the course of history forever: "YOU'RE ON!"

And so it was that the fate of the Kongs and their island was decided. There would be five rounds as K. Rool would take on the Kongs one at a time to prove that he could beat them in a fair fight. Every resident on the island and beyond were in attendance to watch this historic bout. Wagers were made on the winner and how quickly the other would fall. And here to commentate on the match was none other than Swanky Kong himself.

"Hey, hey, hey, ladies and germs, and welcome to the fourth annual rumble! I'm your host Swanky Kong. Tonight, we'll witness the battle to end all battles, the toughest tussle, the fiercest fisticuffs this decade has yet seen between these foes: the Kongs versus the Kremlings!

"In the blue corner, we have our challenger! He's big, he's mean, and he's got a bad case of inferiority complex. Give it up for Krusha K. Rooooooool! Woo, listen to that crowd! Guess we know who's the favorite in this match.

"And in the red corner, we have our defending champion. Weighing in at a whopping 800 pounds, there's nothing this guy loves more than a good banana and if you get between him and his hoard, you're going to sincerely regret it. Give it up for Donkey Kooooooooong! Yipes! That's not a good sound coming from your spectators. This champ better watch his back; nothing can ruin your day like being blindsided by a cup of soda. Our impartial referees, courtesy of Kremling Enterprises (did I read that correctly?), are on standby should any illegal shenanigans happen on either side. Match begins at the sound of the bell...

"And there it is! K. Rool comes in fast and furious with his swings, but our own king of swing leaps right over his head and SNATCHES that crown with style-oh man, what a move-and he hurls that hurtin' headgear at that Kremling's keyster. Fun fact: that crown boasts an impressive fifteen points on the band; that's fifteen jabs to the rump, my friends, which is fifteen more than I would want to deal with, let me tell you. And judging by the howling, K. Rool agrees with me. Ah! Pulls that crown out of his rump and he returns it to sender, which is just the opening Donkey needs to jump over him and BOP his head!

"And down he goes! Knocked out cold, this Kremling seems to have taken one too many to the head; it ain't as hard as it used to be-six, seven, eight... and he's saved by the bell! So close! Ah, well. Next round means another Kong gets a turn at K. Rool.

"Next up against the kranky Kremling from Crocodile Isle is this little guy. He may be small, but he can hold his own in a brawl, and he's been with our main man through it all. Voted number eight in a top ten best sidekicks of all time, give it up for Diddy Kooooooong! And just listen to that crowd! Oof! Don't take it personally, kid, these guys have been hurtin' for a win for five years now. Match starts at the sound of the bell...

"They're off! And it looks as though K. Rool is going for the same tactic as last time, coming fast and swinging hard, but the little guy is taking full advantage of his size and speed, slipping around behind the Kremling and leaping onto his back. K. Rool has stopped and is now trying to get that monkey off his back but it's like trying to scratch that itch where you can't reach. He swings, he twists, he's bucking like a bronco and there's Diddy clinging to his back like a spider and refusing to let go-I'm telling you, having a spider monkey hanging on to you is no joke; it's like taking off a candy wrapper from a half-melted caramel.

"Whoops! Looks like K. Rool is trying a new tactic now, charging backward into the ropes to try to smash Diddy, but quick and nimble is this guy's middle name and, well, that's new! Now he's wrapped himself around the rope and K. Rool's back. K. Rool is now stuck to it like a fly in a spider monkey's web. Okay, maybe I should clarify that spider monkeys don't actually spin webs; they're so named because their arms and legs make them look like spiders... oh, everyone already knew that? Okay, good. Just thought I'd clarify. I once had the misconception that a swordfish was a fish that could hold a sword and I spent many sleepless nights trying to imagine how a fish could do that with fins...

"Whoops! Got a bit distracted there and it looks like K. Rool is attempting to break free through sheer brute force, one scaly foot in front of the other; that rope looks like it'll snap at any mome...

"He's free! Flying forward and... oh, whoops, gets tangled up in the ropes on the other side. That must be rather embarrassing for the king of Kremlings. And here comes Diddy, ready to add injury to insult; climbs onto his back, up to his head, and... bop on the noggin and the K. Rool is out! Ten seconds is all we need and it'll be an automatic win-six, seven, eight-the bell, seriously? Looks like K. Rool lucked out, but now he's got to face the Lankster...

"In the red corner, we have our next defending champion, Lanky Kong. This orangutan boasts the longest reach out of any animal on the island. In a game of tag, he could tag you without taking a single step. He can scratch itches that most of us couldn't even reach. He can claim dibs on anything and everything! He can.. sorry, getting a little carried away there. All I'm saying is I'm looking forward to seeing what the Lankster can do with those arms.

"That's the bell! And it looks like K. Rool's learned his lesson after getting his tail stomped on in the last two rounds-Hey! I call 'em as I see 'em! And don't think I don't know what's really going on with our 'impartial' judges behind that dark glass-but anyway, it seems he's decided to abandon the charge-and-batter approach and is circling our long-armed defender. And Lanky makes the first move! He shoots an arm across, reaching for that crown but, ooh!, slapped away by the kruel Kremling. Either he knows that crown leaves him virtually defenseless or he really likes wearing that thing! Personally, I think it's pure vanity.

"Lanky goes for another swipe. K. Rool bats him back. Another reach and the Kremling jumps back. Another swing and he... tickles his tummy? I thought this was a rock 'em, sock 'em, not a teenager's sleepover! Doesn't seem to be working anyway and-yikes! Nearly chomps off those tickling tips. Lanky's not to be deterred though as he comes in with another swing and-wait, where'd you get that feather? A bit unexpected but it seems to be doing the trick 'cause now the big, bellowing brute is a-huffing and a-sneezing. Lanky comes in with those 'lastic arms, tangles them in K. Rool's legs and down he goes! Out like a lantern in a winter storm! If he can just keep him down for five more seconds-seven, eight... that darn bell! Tiny! You give him what's what for me, you get me?

"Next up we have this short stuff topping off at a mere 105 centimeters. She may be short, but she sure makes up for it with attitude. Warning: those pigtails aren't just for show! They can blindside you and I swear I even saw her glide with them once! Old Ironguts should watch where he steps 'cause she'll do more than bite your toes!

"There's the bell, and off they go. K. Rool is going for a stomp attack-a sensible strategy seeing as she's short enough to dodge all his swings without trying-but she's quick and nimble when she needs to be, and right now she definitely needs to be quick and nimble. Not much luck in getting close to him, and it looks like she's pulling back to plan another strategy... oh, wait, what's this? She climbs the ropes and she's... sticking out her tongue and nyehing? Heh, that's Tiny for you. A bundle of sass in a little package, and just like that bully on the playground, K. Rool is not taking that like an adult; he's taking off his glove and he hurls that boulder-sized mass of sponge and leather in an attempt to sock her long-distance. But quick and nimble she is, folks, as she bounces off the ropes and IN A MOVE THAT PUTS NINJA KONG TO SHAME, SHE CATCHES THE GLOVE, SOMERSAULTS IN THE AIR AND FLINGS THE GLOVE BACK AT HIM! He catches it to the face and he staggers... he sways... and down he goes! Come on, clock, don't fail us now! Five... six... seven... eight... Oh, you have got to be kidding me!

"All right, everyone, this is the last round. One more win for the Kongs and K. Rool and his kronies will be gone for good (assuming he keeps his word). This time it's our very own gentle giant, Chunky Kong, who's going up against the kruel Kremling, and, uh... Chunky? You okay there, buddy? Don't mind him, folks, just a case of the jitters. Rest assured, he'll be taking home the gold once that bell rings. This Kong's got more punch than a Kong Christmas party...

"Ooh! And Chunky takes a fist right to the face! He's staggering and K. Rool goes for a right hook... Ooh, bounces off the ropes and is clotheslined by K. Rool! Get up, Chunky, you can't let this scaly scum take you down! Remember what Cranky taught you! Right hook, left hook, haymaker! Come on, Chunky! ...Well. It looks as though the Kremlings are making a comeback here... Chunky's not getting up... seven... eight... nine... ten. Yep. That's ten seconds and Chunky's still out cold. Looks like this round goes to K. Rool. The crowd is going wild. Still, that's four losses for K. Rool. In a normal bout that would be the end of it, but we're a sucker for comebacks, which means if K. Rool beats Chunky two more times, he wins the fight. I'm only just reading this and I just realized this was contracted by Kremling Enterprises. Of all the dirty, rotten, stinking...

"We're back, folks. This is round six and our two combatants are squaring off. K. Rool looking pretty smug there and Chunky is... nursing a black eye and cowering in fear. Oh, boy. Suddenly, I'm feeling the call of a ski resort somewhere in the mountains. But I think I'll wait to book that flight. Who knows? Maybe Chunky will make a comeback of his own.

"There goes the bell and-Chunky, it was just the bell! Focus on K. Rool! He's coming for... Ugh, K. Rool wallops him in the chin, Chunky twirls like a ballerina and... yep, out cold. Welp, folks, what seemed like an easy win for the Kongs is now looking to be a turnaround for the Kremlings thanks to some underhanded legalese-eight, nine, ten. And that's two rounds to K. Rool. One more and he takes home the trophy and the island. Everybody, get ready to say hello to your new overlord, unless he still wants to blow it up...

"Huh? What I said...? Well, yeah, he was planning to blow it up. Didn't you know? Had a Blast-O-Matic charging right over there... Well, maybe he was planning to warn you, take you off the island and offer you a new home; I don't know. You'd probably better ask him.

"Ooh, did you just feel that chill? The atmosphere's suddenly changed and K. Rool doesn't look so cocky now. The final bout's about to start and we see Cranky giving Chunky a little pep talk and some water (that's water, right?). This result of this round will determine the fate of the island, but given the turn of the mood, things suddenly seem uncertain. Who knows what will happen?

"There's the bell, and K. Rool winds up for a knockout punch, he swings, and...

"Wha... wha... did he just... did Chunky really just stop that fist cold? Holding it in his hand like a ripe orange, and that look... I have never seen that look on Chunky before... that's...

"WHOA! Okay... I knew Chunky was strong but punching someone straight through the ropes like that is just unbelievable! And... whoa! Okay... Chunky's just throwing that lunk around like a sack of rocks. K. Rool's looking real banged up there. He tries to throw his glove but now Chunk's swinging him around and around, faster and faster and... WHOA! I think we just got a record broken for farthest Kremling thrown!"

And it only got worse from there. K. Rool landed in a crowd of Gnawtys, Armys, Zingers, and Slippas, all of whom were decidedly unhappy that he had planned to blow up their home. Despite a black eye, a bleeding snout, a broken tooth, a crippled arm, and a twisted ankle, he was hobbling across that sand as fast as he could go. Fortunately for him, a krew of Kremlings were waiting in the water with a rickety rowboat they had managed to salvage from Crocodile Isle, and to the roar of "GO! GO! GO!" they splashed those oars with all due haste and speed until they vanished far into the horizon.

Since then, all the animals on the island, including the Armys, live peacefully together, having realized that having a small part of it to call home was better than no part of it at all. Nobody bothers with stealing the Kongs' banana hoard anymore and the Kongs now enjoy life just chillin' in their pad. They keep a vigilant eye for K. Rool in case he comes back but a few years have gone by since they'd seen that scaly scoundrel.

What happened to K. Rool and the rest of his krew? No one can really say. There are rumors though. One is that he now is a high-ranking fighter in a smash tournament. Another is he likes to do a bit of barrel racing. And one even claims he stars in his own TV show. Personally, I think after his last defeat, he finally learned his lesson and decided to settle down with a missus Kremling, raise some little crocs, and became a successful businessman. But you never really know. One of these days, he may just return with a new scheme burning in that one bulging eye of his...

THE END