Linked Sausages and Pearls
"Where's Paul Anka? He didn't meet me at the door?" Lorelai asks me as she comes home from work. I consider making a joke that he's probably on tour or something, but I know she's sick of those jokes.
"Peas scare him" I explain. That crazy dog, it's scared by just about anything."Really?" she asks before she kisses me. "Huh...peas. Cooked or raw?"
"Doesn't seem happy with either form, Seriously, there's got to be something wrong with that dog. Lorelai adds peas to her list of what not to cook in front of the dog before she asks me what's smelling so good.
"Fried chicken." I answer. Soon it will be cremated, but whatever.
"Luke, will you marry me?" she asks sing-song-ly. As she begins to set the table, she tells me about this skit-thing she wants to do for Halloween. I'm ready to back her up one hundred percent, until I realize she actually wants me to be a part of it!
"Okay. Uh, just a couple of questions, here. Uh, once you've electrocuted me and I'm dead, uh, how exactly do I get to the operating table?" I learned earlier this week that her father is some kind of a Herkules when he managed to carry that dollhouse of hers all the way to the door-step. I had no idea this was a family-thing, though.
"Huh. Good question. Maybe I can position the operating table, like, right near the electric chair so I can just flop you over onto it after you die?" she answers. Boy, aren't we naive today?
"Okay, let's say we work that out, now I'm on the table, uh, you're going to cut me open with what?" I still can't believe she's going to go through with this. Apperantly she's planning to use a rusty saw, and then pull sausages out of me...Sure...
"Last question. Uh, what are the odds of you getting me to do a skit where you electrocute me, cut me open and pull linked sausages out of me? 'Cause I'm thinking they're right up there with Pia Zadora making a big comeback." I'm firm on this one. It doesn't help that she keeps begging all night long. She doesn't stop until she falls asleep on my arm a few hours later. Finally, I can get some peace and quiet so I can think...
Man, does she think I'm crazy or what? There's no way I'm doing that skit-electric-chair-sausage-thing she suggested tonight. No way!
It would probably cheer her up, though...She's been kind of down lately. She pretends it's nothing, but I know better. That little talk with her father the other day probably didn't help much. This whole Rory-thing has been bothering her much more than she wants to admit.
I really wish they'd make up soon. I hate to see her troubled. She's supposed to be the cheerful and happy one, while I'm grumpy and bitter.
The next day when she comes home, she's not even pretending to be in a good mood. When I ask her what's wrong, all she does is handle me a card. It's an invitation, a girly invitation with laces all over it. When I open it I realize it's from Rory. It's her 21th birthday soon, and she's having a party. I don't see the problem. If Rory wants contact with her again, why isn't she happy?
"You don't want to go? Rory wants to talk to you?" I ask. She sends me a look that could scare the heck out of anyone.
"You're just as naive as Sookie. Rory didn't send me that invitiation, Mum and Dad did!" she says, and I can tell that she's agitated. "They want me over there so they can get me to agree to bribe Rory into going back to college!" She doesn't say anything else, she knows it's not necessary. I know she doesn't want to force Rory to do anything. That's probably the best way, if Lorelai thinks it is. I know better than to tell her how to raise her own kid, she's an expert in that area.
A few days later she comes to the diner for lunch. Lunch for most people, who come to my diner, is a salad, perhaps even a burger, and if they're really feeling crazy, they order soda instead of water. That's not my girlfriend, though. She wants chocolate chips pancakes with wipped cream. Not a small amount of wipped cream either, no, she's making her own little Taj Mahal on top of that pancake. She's going to make herself sick. And if she doesn't, she's going to make me sick! I'm just about to ask her if she wants some sugar on top when my phone rings. I'm surprised when I hear Rory at the other end.
"Yes, it's Rory. Is my mother there?" she sounds irritated. Lorelai has understood who it is, and looks as if she can't believe it.
"I'll give her to you" I answer, and am about to hand Lorelai the phone. But no, that's not what Rory wants.
"No. I just want to know if she's coming to my birthday party."
"She wants to know if you're coming to her birthday party," I explain to Lorelai while Rory continues ranting.
"We're making the chocolate boxes right now, and I need to know if she's coming so I know whether or not to make her one!" I repeat her message to Lorelai, who answers that she didn't know she was invited. This causes Rory to yell into the phone, and I have to keep it a few inches away from my ear.
"I sent her an invitation! Where the hell'd she think it came from, the invitation fairy?" She said "hell"! Sweet, innocent Rory said hell? Once again, I bring the information on to her mother. I feel like that little green dude from MSN. Always at service, for your communication! After a bit more screaming and shouting Lorelai concludes that she'll come to the party. Rory seems satisfied with the answer and hangs up. My eardrum is relieved."Rory called..." Lorelai is just sitting there, looking stunned. Doesn't she think I know?
"I know, she called and yelled at me!" I answer.
"No, she called and yelled at me!" Lorelai answers. She's right, but try telling that to my eardrum!
"Yeah, but I'm the one who had to hear it, and she was loud! And she said - 'hell'. I never heard her say 'hell'. I didn't even know she knew how to say 'hell'" I sum up to myself how my illusion on how innocent Rory is has changed during this short phone call. "She was mad and she yelled and she said 'hell'!" Lorelai just keeps smiling that stunned smile. "Yeah, but she called!"
Rory's big day is here. I'm picking Lorelai up in about half an hour. Just as I put my tie on, I remember something. What if Lorelai is so excited about talking to Rory again that she has forgotten to buy her a present? I take a look at my watch. The store is closed already. Do I have anything? I really have to think, could there possibly be something in my appartment suitable for a 21 year old girl? I don't think so...Yeah, wait a minute! I run over to my dresser and pull out the bottom drawer. Yep, it's still there. A little red box with Mum's best necklace in it. I remember when Liz and I were going through Mum's stuff. Liz tried this on, but it didn't fit her, so she gave it to me. I remember pointing out that it wasn't quite my style, but she just laughed and said I'd have to find a nice girl to give it to. Rory is a girl. Rory is nice. I'll give it to her. In fact, come to think of it, there's not a person in the world I'd rather give this necklace to than Rory. I just hope she wont think it's silly.
Lorelai and I arrive in Hartford about an hour later. As we walk up the stairs, I take a look at the front door.
"That's got to be my least favorite door in the world to knock on." I state. Lorelai doesn't agree.
"What about death's door?" she asks.
"The reception on the other side might be warmer," I mumble as I raise my hand to knock. Just then, some other guest opens. I lower my hand again.
"At least you didn't have to knock." Lorelai shrugs.
"Ready?" I ask her. As if we were some kind of spies on a mission.
"I was born ready." We go inside. The place is full of people, most of them look about three or four decades older than the birthday girl. There are waiters running around with drinks and everything. Fancy.
"Nice low-key affair," I mumble. It turns out Lorelai did remember a gift. She leaves it on top of the pile that's been put on a table. Then she grabs two pink drinks from a tray, and hands me one.
"What is this?" I wonder. It looks disgusting.
"Do you see Rory?" Lorelai asks. No, I'm not looking around, all I can look at is this weird drink.
"Not yet," I answer. Seriously, what is this? Some kind of exotic soda?
"Boy, big turnout!" Lorelai looks around. She's right, there are tons of people here.
"Yeah, maybe if we're lucky and we keep moving around we can avoid..." Before I've even finished my sentence the one I was hoping to avoid has come up to us. Just my luck.
"Lorelai, you came!" Emily seems surprised. "There's a chocolate box for you in the hallway." she continues. Then she turns to me.
"Hello, Luke. I didn't know you were coming. I don't have a chocolate box for you. You'll have to share with Lorelai."
"Fat chance," Lorelai exclaims and looks at me. "Mum has really good chocolate." Fine, I'm not the sugarloving one anyways.
"I see you have a Rory." Emily states. What the heck is she talking about? Rory is nowhere to be seen.
"Excuse me?" Appearently Lorelai doesn't understand either.
"Your drink. It's called a Rory," Emily explains. Now she's looking at me again.
"What's the matter, Luke? You don't like your Rory?"
"Oh no, it's great. A little...pink, you know." I say in a faltering voice.
"Well Rory is a girl." Gee, Emily, there's a new piece of information. "Girls like pink."
I try to explain that I understand that, but she's on a roll. "No one is asking you to wear it, it's not a skirt."
"I know, I just..."
"Drink the drink." Lorelai seems to be fed up with this whole drink-discussion. OK then, here it goes.
Blaaah! That's disgusting. As Emily walks away, I turn to Lorelai.
"It tasted pink. I mean, it really tasted pink, like pink-pink. Ugh!" Lorelai smiles.
"Come on, let's get something to eat," she suggests. I follow her to the livingroom. The taste of the drink is still stuck on my tounge.
"Terrible. It's like drinking a "My Little Pony"!"
After a rather strange conversation with Rory and a few of her friends from college, we go out to the garden where the food is served. If everybody at Yale is like those people, maybe Rory's quitting isn't such a bad idea?
The food is terrible. Some kind of sushi. Just as I force down a red piece, two women about Emily's age approach us. They claim to be friends of Rory from something called the DAR. DAR? Dumb, Arrogant and Rich?
"What's the DAR?" I ask them. They start laughing as if I've made the comment of the year.
Lorelai smiles at me. Was my question really that stupid? I mumble that I'll go get a beer, and hurry into the house again. I just have to get away from those chuckling hens.
Inside, I'm met by Rory.
"Hey, little tip," she says. "We do have beer here."
"Ah, the magic words. I was just heading over to the bar."
"Have you tried a Rory yet?" she asks. I nod.
" Yes, I have. Not my kind of drink."
"Yeah. Mine either. " she admits
"Lorelai'll be glad to hear it." Someone had to bring up the subject. "So, you two haven't talked yet."
"Not yet..." she seems sad. Why do both she and Lorelai have to be sad? If only they could both come to their senses! I don't get them...
"Well, it was nice of you to invite her here. Means a lot." I tell her. Now she's smiling again.
"I'm glad she came. I'm glad you both came." Now there's the nice Rory I know. Wait a second... The gift! I reach into my pocket and hand her the red box.
"I've got something for you. Birthday present," I explain. As if I'm talking to a three-year old. She opens the box slowly. Now she's staring at it as if she can't believe her eyes. Wow, think she really, really likes it! Thank goodness for that! I explain that it used to be my mother's, and that I just had it sitting around in my drawer. "You know you're lucky, 'cause Caesar's birthday's next month, and I know he likes pearls, so..." She smiles and gives me a hug, then some woman comes up to her.
"I saw a jewelry box and I couldn't help myself," she explains. As Rory shows her the pearls, I can see that she is impressed. "Oh, it's fantastic." I think I made a good choice there.
"It's from Luke, my stepfather-to-be." Rory explains. Wow, I have a title now? I'm connected to Rory! In a sligthly vague way, maybe, but still. That's kinda cool. Now, don't get sentimental here, Luke. She was just introducing you, that's all.
The woman introduces herself as Tweeny Halpurn. Snobbish name, but I'll let that one pass. Rory tells me Tweeny is her colleague from the DAR. Here's a chance to find out what this is.
"What's the DAR?" I ask again. Same reaction as the last time. Tweeny laughs hysterically, while Rory smiles at me.
"I'm killing with that line tonight." I mumble before I excuse myself and head over to the bar. The DAR-mystery will probably be an unanswered question that will come with me to my grave. I stay at the bar for a little while before Lorelai comes in from the garden. She sits down next to me.
"Are you ready to go?" I ask her. She shakes her head.
"No, not yet. I have to talk to my dad first," she answers.
"Have you talked to Rory yet?" I ask as I run my fingers through her hair. She shakes her head again.
"Nope. I don't know if I dare to. I want to be sure I don't make things any worse, you know..." she sighs.
"Look, she invited you. That probably means she wants to talk to you. I mean, she didn't invite you just to fill up the guest list." I take a look at the crowd. Whatever the DAR is, it sure fills up a party.
"You're right, I probably should talk to her..." Lorelai grabs my hand and squeezes it. "I'll see what I can do." She gets up. "But first I have to talk to dad." She takes off and dissapears through a door at the other end of the room. About two minutes later Emily follows her inside from the garden as well. She has this hostess-thing down alright. She makes eyecontact to one guest after the other, and quickly smiles at every one of them. Until her eyes fall onto me. I don't get a smile, just a quick nod, before she hurries into the same room Lorelai went to.
About half a minute later, Lorelai comes back out. Her eyes are all red, I wonder what happened to her in there. Must have been something bad. Not surprising, considering who was in that room with her. I'm about to walk up to her to ask her once more if she wants to go home, but she seems to be looking at something. I turn around to see what it is. It's Rory, Rory's waving at her. Lorelai waves back. Come on, girls, you have to do something more than just wave at each other. OK, now things are starting to look better, Lorelai takes a deep breath and walks over to her daughter. And, finally, the moment we've all been waiting for, ladies and gentlemen; their mouths open and they're talking to each other! It seems to be a bit awkward at first. It's not like they're hugging or crying or anything, but at least they're talking! They both look so happy, as if they don't want to move away from each other ever again. They're just standing there, talking and smiling and... I can't hear what they're talking about, but that doesn't matter. What's important is that there's a conversation going on here.
But...what's happening behind me? Oh no! There's a whole crowd, lead by Lane and that twit Rory calls her boyfriend, and they're heading in Rory's direction. They're singing "Happy Birthday" and they're pulling Rory with them away from Lorelai. Come on, you guys, at least let Lorelai finish her sentence, huh? What do they want with Rory, anyway? I turn once more to see where they're taking her. Aha, I should have known. There's a huge chocolate cake, the largest one I've ever seen, and behind it...there's my beloved mother-in-law-to-be. For some reasons she looks unhappy. Disappointed, or something like that, I don't know. But she doesn't look half as sad as Lorelai. My poor Lorelai, she's standing over there, all alone, with tears in her eyes. I walk over to her.
"Ready to go?" she asks with a sigh.
"Sure." I place my hand on her shoulder as we leave. Neither of us says a word until we're in the car. She's just sitting there, staring out the window, looking all sad and miserable. I have to do something to cheer her up.
"Hey. You can pull linked sausages out of me if you want." I offer. She turns to me and smiles. I smile back at her. We'll get through this, I know we will. That smile on her face is enough to keep any man trying. Now, I have to ask her something before I forget it.
"Listen, Lorelai, seriously. What is the DAR?"
I hope you liked it. Please, pretty please, leave me a review!
