Issue #3 – Uncle Joker

Tim's hands flew over his utility belt, shifting things back and forth. He pulled his staff free in one hand and palmed several pellets in the other. "All right, Starfire, you and Cyborg will take the lead with me. We'll make a triangle formation with me at the point, and Starfire on the left, and Cyborg on the right. Best Boy, Raven, I want you guys to follow behind. Stay close enough to react in an expedient amount of time, but be sure to stay out of his line of vision. The rest of you, stay here."

"Hey hey hey!" Cassie said.

"And just who put you in charge of the team, Boy Wonder?" Conner asked.

Robin may have blinked. They couldn't tell through the mask. "I've actually dealt with him before, even on a limited basis. I know the most about him. I work with the guy he's fixated on, and I'm most likely to know how to deal with him." In the back of his mind, he added, And I'm probably the reason he's here.

"Okay, fine," Conner said, crossing his arms. "But what's with this, 'You guys stay in the tower' stuff?"

"You're not in costume."

"Neither are Raven or Starfire!" Cassie protested.

"And mine's just jeans and a t-shirt anyway…" Conner said.

"And I just put mine on." Suddenly Bart was wearing the Kid Flash suit.

"Look, the senior members of the team have more experience, and—"

Cassie cut him off with a glare. "Whoa. Senior members? More experience?"

"Since when are you a senior member, Tim?" Conner asked.

"Yeah, and since when are you for segregating the team? You were the most vocal against that from the start!" Cassie said.

"We've been up against Brother Blood. We just took on the Fearsome Five Hundred. I've been toe to toe with freaking Superman!" Conner exclaimed. "I think we can take one guy in a ridiculous costume."

"That's just it," Robin snapped. "You don't know him. You don't understand him. And you don't realize how dangerous he is. You think just because you have magic lassos, and heat vision, and super speed then you can take him out like that." Robin snapped his fingers. "He's dangerous. He's killed over 2,000 people, one of those was Robin before me, and another was a police commissioner's wife. He's the reason the original Batgirl will never walk again. And if he's standing on our doorstep, then he obviously has some kind of sick and twisted plan in mind, and we've probably already stepped right into it. And if anything happened to you guys, Cassie, Conner, and Bart, I'd…." Robin's voice trailed off.

"You'd what?" Conner asked defensively.

Just then Joker's voice crackled over the speakers. "Yoo hoo! Justice Little League of America! Your Uncle Joker's come to visit! Why not come out and give him a big warm hug?"

"I think Robin's right," Cyborg said. "We should be more than enough to overpower him, but if something does go wrong, you guys are here for backup."

Starfire, Beast Boy, and Raven all nodded their heads in agreement. Bart realized that he was the only one who noticed the strange looks on their faces. He knew what it meant too. By leaving them in the tower, Robin wasn't just protecting them—he was protecting himself.

"Oh come on!" Joker whined. "What is taking so long? Are you all asking permission from your parents? Ringing up Superman, Wonder Woman, Animal Man…uh…Starfire Man…one by one to see if you can come out and play? I promise, I'm not a stranger. Just ask Bird Boy, the Boy Blunder! And besides, even if I was…" Over the large screens, Joker reached behind his back. "I've got candy!" He started licking a lollipop the size of his head.

"Come on," Robin said. "Let's go."

Cassie and Conner both turned their faces from him as he pushed his way through, but Bart tugged on his cape. "What is it, Bart?"

"Robin…if you need us, we'll be there. Right behind you."

"Thanks." Robin looked at the others, the ones he was bringing out in the field. "Titans together, I guess, and all that."

The Joker stood on the beach of the island, the water from the bay lapping at his hills. He was wearing sandals, a pair of blue shorts, and a Hawaiian t-shirt because the seemed like appropriate island attire. He twirled the chain of a pocket watch around his finger, and he hummed a little tune to himself:

I go LOO-OO-OONY as a light-bulb battered bug, simply LOO-OO-OONY, sometimes foam and chew the rug…Mister, life is SWELL in a PADDED CELL, it'll chase those blues AWAY…you can trade your gloom for a rubber room, and injections twice a day!

It had been stuck in his head all day. He wished he could remember what it was called or where had first heard it...

"Joker, whatever you're planning, give it up."

Joker looked up, and dropping down in front of him was Robin, the Batman's sidekick. Or one of them. He had so many of them these days, it was hard to keep track. Joker was seventy-four point five percent certain this wasn't the one he had killed. The rumor on the street was that one hadn't stayed dead. Oh well, it was the fun the first time, maybe it'd be fun again!

"You're late," Joker muttered, looking at the watch. "Kid, I hate to do this to you, because I know living under Batman's shadow must be difficult, what with those large pointy ears blocking the sunlight, but when it comes to punctuality, he has you beat hands down."

"Save it. Let's make this easy on both of us. Just come along peacefully."

Joker always had a smile, but he stopped the sly one from crossing his lips. This kid was, what, sixteen? His voice wasn't even fully mature, yet here he was trying to sound like he was in control. Joker could hear Robin lowering his voice, trying to affect the tone of Batman. But this kid, he was no Batman. He could never be Batman.

The whir and click of metal caught Joker's ear. He looked up, and not far away, a robotic man had a canon pointed at him. On Robin's other side, there was that orange woman with the gawdy hair who that one kid—not Robin or Batgirl, but he hung out with Batman…what was his name? Bat Boy or Night Bird, something like that—whoever he was, he used to like her, a lot. She had a finger pointed at him, and it started to glow. She was probably one of those aliens with the fancy schmancy super powers.

And in between them both, standing in front of that ridiculous tower shaped like a T, stood the Boy Wonder. Looking so tall, and young, and brave. And so very, very miserable.

This time, Joker did grin bigger. This was going to be fun.