Issue #4 – The Jester

Robin's hand tightened around his staff. The sweat making his glove slip slightly. He kept his stature. He kept his poise. He was blocking it out, but in the back of his mind, way deep down, a small voice he could barely hear kept rambling on and on. Why is he here? Of all of them, why does it have to be him?

You can do this, Tim. You've done this before, on your own.

But that was back when being Robin was fun. Before it was real. Before people got hurt.

But this time you have friends with you. If you handled him alone, you can handle him with friends.

But that also means there's more people for him to hurt. And he will. He killed Jason.

Robin bit his lips.

Batman's words echoed in his head. "You're nothing like Jason."

"Joker. You have until the count of three."

"What's the point, bird brain? My plan's already been executed! And I must say, it's my most deliciously diabolical plot yet! Ooo-hoo-hoo!"

Robin's heart leapt. He forced it back down. He ordered a drop of sweat to retreat into his brow.

"What have you done this time, Joker?"

"It's a two part scheme. And the first part involves you, the Teen Titans! I don't want to give it all away, but let's just say I've been watching you kids for a while. In fact, you might even call me an 'admirer.' You're 'secret admirer.'"

"The presents…"

"Right-o, boy-o! Say, you really are the apprentice of the world's greatest detective, aren't you? A chip right off the old block!"

"The gifts. The objects. What are they?"

"Whaaat? You mean you can't tell?"

"Don't play games, clown."

"I sent you a pair of glasses, a set of false teeth, and a toy horse with a bow. It should be obvious."

"A horse?"

"It came today," Cyborg offered, still aiming his arm cannon on the Joker. "It was, like he said, a toy horse with a bow."

"So what are they really?" Robin asked, having not taken his eyes off Joker.

"You mean you don't get it?" Joker's shoulders sank and his face drooped. He looked like he might cry.

"Just tell me."

"But the joke's no fun if I have to explain it." Joker sighed and kicked at a rock.

"You're about two seconds away from getting your teeth knocked down your throat."

"You use the glasses to see," the Joker said slowly, like he was explaining it to a simpleton. "The teeth go inside your mouth." He pointed to his mouth. "And a horse with a bow, well, that makes it a gift horse."

Robin didn't say anything.

Joker sighed. "I really thought better of you. I thought you at least had a better sense of humor than Batman, but he would have gotten that. Come on! You don't look a gift horse in the mouth!" And then the Joker clutched his side and cackled, one of those hideous laughs of his. Not the one that makes you feel sick inside, he saved that one for when he was being truly devious. This one just made Robin's fist clinch and yearn to hit him more.

"That wasn't funny."

"Maybe you just don't get it yet. But that was only part one. The other joke…is this."

Joker reached behind his back, but before he could pull his arm back around, a starbolt from Starfire and a plasma blast from Cyborg scorched the ground at his feet. They were accompanied by a bang, but smaller snaps and pops came as Robin threw tiny pellets which struck Joker's hand.

"Ow! Hey hey hey!" Joker exclaimed, clutching his hand and jumping backwards. He dropped what he was holding: several one-dollar bills floated to the ground, but then stirred by the wind, they floated into the air.

Robin caught one, and he looked at it. George Washington's face had been scribbled over in marker. He now had green hair and a huge red grin. Robin crumpled it. "What is this?"

"What is with you today, kid? Are you blind? Can't you see? I drew all over George Washington!"

"I can see that."

"I defaced money!"

"So?"

"That's a federal offense!"

Robin's shoulders almost sank.

"Well, I committed yet another crime," Joker said, shoving his hands in his pockets and kicking at the now smoldering rocks in front of him. "I guess you're going to have to bring me in, take me back to Arkham. But I should warn you, I'm not going without a fight!" A purple flower was pinned to the pocket of his Hawaiian shirt. He touched it, and a long stream of liquid arced towards Robin.

Robin blocked it with his cape, but it didn't fizzle or smoke. He looked at it curiously, then touched it with his glove. He held his fingers up to his nose.

It was seltzer water.

"Well, it's been fun, but it's time to split!" Joker said. He took a step, but the waves crashing over the beach made the rocks slick. His feet slipped and slid as if he was doing the twist, then he did a full somersault in the air and landed in the splits. His eyes rolled back in his head as he made gurgling noises, and he fell over.

"That…was quite the trip," he muttered, rubbing his head. Crack! Suddenly it smacked the ground again, throbbed, and Robin stood on his chest. Robin pointed the staff at his throat. "You think you have me, Boy Blunder, but I still have one more trick up my sleeve! You will come under my spell, be my loyal servant, once you succumb to my hypno-bowtie!" The bowtie, the pink one with purple polka dots—which clashed horribly with the blue and yellow Hawaiian shirt—started to spin, twirling slowly like a pinwheel. Joker laughed, Robin's fist brought the comedy to an abrupt stop. The next moment the Joker was on his feet, jerked up by his collar, and Robin was handcuffing his hands behind his back.

"Aw, shucks, it looks like I'm foiled again. Oh well, you know how it goes. I'll get you one of these days and your little dog too, blah blah blah. Maybe we can make it back to Arkham in time for tea."

Robin growled, and he spun Joker around, clutching him by the collar. He pulled the clown's face to his, and the Joker squinted, contorted his expression as tiny flecks of spit struck his cheeks. "I don't know what you're planning, Joker, but I know you're up to something. I know it! And I swear to God, if you hurt anybody on this island—anybody—I will hurt you. You think Batman's given you beatings? It'll be nothing like the hell I will put you through."

"Jeeze, the news is right. Kids are more violent these days."

Robin's fist jerked backwards, ready to shoot forward with the force of a missile. But when Robin tried to strike the blow, his fist wouldn't move. His wrist was caught on something. He looked back, and he saw it was Starfire's hand.

"Robin, don't," she said. "You've caught him. It's okay."

The Joker's shirt tightened around his fingers, but then he felt them pried away. It was Cyborg and Beast Boy. They took Joker by the shoulders and marched him towards Titans Tower. As they went, Beast Boy kept glancing back at him, at Robin, like he didn't recognize the boy anymore. Cyborg was focused on business, and Raven floated ahead without saying anything.

Starfire—Kory—stayed with him.

"He's up to something," Robin said.

"You shouldn't let him get to you."

"He comes out here, and he acts like a fool. It's a plot. He's trying to get us to drop our guard so he can do something really terrible."

"Perhaps. Or perhaps not. Dick and I had a talk about him once. Dick explained to me that one of the reasons Joker is so hard to predict is that he seems to reinvent his personality daily. One day he may be the homicidal madman…the next he's just an obnoxious prankster, a jester."

"He's not a prankster. It's an act."

"Regardless, you fell for it."

"What?"

"You let him get under your skin."

With that, Starfire flew back towards the tower, leaving Robin standing on the shore, the waves lapping at his feet. He stared out across the bay, watched the water ripple across the surface. He wrapped his cape around his shoulders, and he sighed.