A.N. VERY OOC and VERY STUPID. Just a warning XD
Chapter 20 – The Aftermath
"What were you thinking!" Noin screeched. "No, wait, hold that thought… were you even thinking!"
Heero and Milliardo sat deadly still in total silence, not daring to say a word. They both knew the real reason that Noin was so piissed off. It wasn't the fact that they had wrecked her SUV (to put it mildly), nor that the bridal fabric she had purchased had been thoughtlessly, yet admittedly resourcefully, used by Duo to dry himself off after he got out, nor that she broken a heel of her very expensive shoes running down to the water's edge, and had to walk to the police station, or indeed, that she had to walk to the police station. But rather, the answer was right before their very eyes.
"HEERO AND MILLIARDO – THE LOVER'S TRYST?" screamed one tabloid headline.
"A WET EMBRACE", boasted another, the innuendo so tacky and obvious that it made them both wince when they saw it. Well it got its point across. All of the magazines sported the same picture of Heero surfacing with Milliardo, in each other's arms. Well as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words.
"How can you do this to me?" Noin was positively breathing fire by now. "I mean, when you were taking over the world, fine! I could understand that! At least then we'd have some security or a safety net for our kids! But this! Now it's assumed that I'm marrying a gay man, and everyone will look at our marriage as a sham. The beautiful memories of the day will be marred forever! Marred!"
"Y'know Noin… you really got nothing to worry about in that department…" Milliardo started.
"Don't you even start! What the hell am I supposed to tell everyone now? I mean… first it was Main Street, and THAT debacle… now… now this….!" She started breathing heavily out of rage, and had to sit down as she started hyperventilating. "I need…to… lie down for a while… you….annoying… insensitive…." And with that she started down the corridor. Milliardo sighed and sat back down with his head in his hands. "It's all your fault, Yuy!"
"My fault!" Heero retorted "How is this my fault?"
"Well…" Milliardo was thinking quickly. "If you weren't a guy, then this wouldn't have happened! Hah!"
"Genius," Heero muttered sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "So it's true what they say about blondes…"
"Hey, you shut up –"
Milliardo was promptly interrupted by an audible thud from down the corridor that Noin had just disappeared down.
"Noin!" he cried and dashed towards where the sound was coming from. Rolling his eyes again, Heero reluctantly followed after him in case something actually DID happen to Noin.
He found Milliardo frantic, over Noin's limp body. "Omigod, omigod, she's dead! She's deaaaaaaad! My poor sweet Noin!" he wailed.
"Oh shut up, you big girl," Heero said, kneeling beside her and finding a faint pulse in her wrist. "She's still alive, she just fainted. Probably from the stress and the hyperventilating and what not…"
Milliardo squealed again and took Noin by the shoulders. "Noin.. Noin! Wake up! It's me!"
"Kiss her, o knight in shining armour, and break the evil spell," Heero suggested sarcastically. "I was kidding!" he told him harshly, a second later as Milliardo leaned in to kiss her.
A sweatdrop appeared on Milliardo's forehead. "I knew that"…
"We need to get her to the hospital… just in case," Heero reached for the phone.
"No, don't" Milliardo stopped him. "I don't want any attention drawn to this…they'll think I killed her!"
"Yeah… that's totally it," Heero rolled his eyes, but, respecting Milliardo's wishes regarding his fiancée, he picked Noin up and proceeded to take her outside to the car.
"What are we going to use to drive there anyway? I mean… we DID sink Noin's car.."
Heero's question was answered a moment later, as he opened the garage door, and almost dropped Noin in shock. "THAT is our car!"
"Yeah, yeah…" Milliardo appeared behind him. "it was the only thing I could get on really short notice. Well until they fish what's left of the car out of the harbour anyway…"
'It' referred to the 1989 bomb that was falling apart at the wheels that sat before them.
"Are you sure we're even going to get to the hospital in this?" Heero asked as he lay Noin in the back seat.
"We can always try." Milliardo got into the passenger side of the car, and pressed the automatic garage door button. Even before the door had completely wound up, Milliardo could see and feel the paparazzi gathering outside. Again. Heero quickly got into the driver's seat and slammed down the accelerator. Giving an almighty whine of protest, the car spluttered before reluctantly coming to life. Journalists and photographers quickly jumped out of the way of the rust monster quickly ascending upon them and Heero and Milliardo were free. For now.
"Faster!" Milliardo urged Heero as they raced down the freeway towards the hospital.
"I can't, I'm already going over the speed limit!" Heero yelled.
"Since when did you care about the law?" Milliardo retorted.
"Ohshiiit !" Heero swore as he heard the inevitable wail of the police siren that followed the red and blue flashing lights.
"Keep going, keep going!" Milliardo told him frantically as the police car neared them. Resisting the urge for another police chase, and calculating that their car probably couldn't handle it anyway, Heero pulled over.
"Sir," the police officer said, as he leaned through the window. "Do you realise that you are travelling dangerously over the speed limit…? Hey! It's you two! Milliardo and Heero!" his tone changed as he realised who they were.
"Yeah… what about it?" Heero grunted.
"Is it true?" He asked. "Are you really….?"
"Is it any of your business?" Milliardo growled.
The police officer chose to ignore the question. "Tell you what guys… I'll let you off… if you kiss each other… just to prove you're gay!"
Milliardo and Heero looked at each other. "Not gonna happen," Heero stated what they were both thinking.
"Well then," the police officer replied tritely. "I'm going to need your licence and registration details and I will have to fine you for speeding"
"Licence?" Heero's face blanked as he remembered that his licence had been revoked three years earlier after another dangerous high-speed chase that involved Duo stealing his pink fluffy bunny and speeding off… and that was too much information.
Before Milliardo could say or do anything, Heero made a rash decision.
Their lips met in a symphony of disgusted horror, and the gut-wrenching moment seemed to last a lifetime as their lips touched and danced the eternal dance of I-will-kick-your-fucking-ass-after-this-is-over.
Without waiting for the policeman's reaction, Heero floored the pedal and sped off again.
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" Milliardo yelled in disgust while trying to wipe the "Heero germs" off. "Blegh!" he spat out some more. "What the hell is wrong with you!"
"Yeah it was no joy ride for me either…" Heero told him "But my licence got revoked three years back, and I didn't feel like going to jail again…"
"But to KISS ME! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!" Milliardo shrieked. A look of knowing dawned on his face. "OH… I see now! You really ARE gay! You're secretly attracted to me, aren't you? AREN'T YOU!"
Heero sighed, and with one swift move, Milliardo was out cold, his head leaning on the dashboard.
Finally, the car trundled over the hill and towards the hospital. Heero couldn't believe that the car had survived this long. Of course, just thinking that automatically jinxed it, and the car obviously broke down, with a shuddering halt.
"No!" he yelled in frustration, slamming the horn with his fist in frustration, causing it to emit an indignant, loud honking sound, which startled Milliardo out of his stupor.
"Wha…? What's going on? Huh?" he wondered, just coming out of his blurry haze to be greeted by a slap over the head by Heero. "Ow!" he exclaimed. "What was that for?"
"Get out and help me push the car," he ordered, as he took position behind the car and started to push.
10 minutes later, they finally managed to push their car to the front of the hospital. Being the lazy asses that they were, and seeing as how Noin required cough urgent coughcough medical attention, they both took it upon themselves to take her into the hospital, and conveniently left the car in the ambulance bay.
"Hi," Milliardo greeted the receptionist, then scowled as he saw that she was reading one of the same trashy magazines that Noin had blown up at them about earlier that morning, "My name is Milliardo Peacecraft, and my FEMALE fiancée Lucrezia Noin fainted about an hour ago. My SEXUALLY UNATTRACTIVE ARCH NEMESIS is with her in the lounge," he told her, choosing to emphasise the important parts.
"Right sir," the receptionist took on an air of improvised professionalism. "I'll ring for a doctor right away"
Back in the lounge, Heero was feeling very awkward, still standing, holding Noin in the hero-rescuing-damsel way, which he knew, had Noin been awake, would NOT be the case, as it would be Heero-getting-his-ass-kicked.
Suddenly the thought struck him. "Oh shyt. What happened to the kids!"
--
Duo awoke to the sound of Wufei snoring, and promptly gave him a pillow to the face.
"What? Huh? DISHONOUR!" Wufei's automatic reaction kicked in, slamming his pillow into Duo's stomach. Duo fell backwards, accidentally stepping into Trowa's face. Trowa sat up in alert, and caused Duo to go crashing to the ground.
"Ow…. This game's not fun anymore…" he whined. "I know! Let's play Cowboys and Injuns!" his face lit up at his latest, greatest idea, and he took it upon himself to stir the rest of the napping chibis into joining his latest master scheme.
--
Noin was resting in a room. She had since woken and sworn bloody, wrathful revenge on both Heero and Milliardo, but resentfully obeyed the doctors' orders and stayed quiet, agreeing to stay for the night for observation.
"Well we dodged that bullet," Milliardo breathed a sigh of relief as they walked out.
"Yes Milliardo. Now we have to find a way of getting home, seeing as they've just towed away our car… AND I just remembered that we left the kids by themselves!" Heero ranted.
"Oh, it's fine, they're asleep anyway," Milliardo dismissed it nonchalantly.
"Milliardo. It's Duo we're talking about here"
"Hmm, you're right…we should get back…but how?"
-- One dodgy hitchhiking trip with a really seedy old trucker later --
"Phew we're finally home… I thought that old guy would never stop," Milliardo complained.
"Don't relax yet, I see people at the door," Heero warned him.
As they got closer, they realised that the people at the door were dressed too respectably for paparazzi journalists, and were a lot more proper and polite in their behaviour.
"Mr Peacecraft, Mr Yuy," the lady stepped forward and greeted them with a handshake. "I am Agent Takinawa and this is my partner Agent Todd," she said, signalling to the man behind her. "We are from the Child Protection Services. We've been waiting all morning, but got no reply at the door"
"Child Protection?" Milliardo exclaimed. "But why?"
"It has come to our attention that you have four minors in your care – or lack thereof – and the state is concerned for their wellbeing," she replied smoothly. Her smug tone and arrogant insinuations made Heero want to deck her.
Milliardo sighed. "Fine, come in"
He opened the door to be greeted with the smell of burning paper. "What the hell is that?" he cried. Heero pushed past him, and battled through the smoke, finally finding the source of the smoke, and, as predicted, where the kids were – in Milliardo's office. He looked at the table and swore. Milliardo would be hellannoyed about this one.
"Duo!" he yelled at the small figure dancing around said fire wearing nothing but his underwear. He looked around some more and saw the other chibis, who were once again, dragged into Duo's insanity. "Duo! What are you doing!" he wrenched him down from the table, and ran into the adjoining bathroom, using a bucket he'd filled with water to put out the fire.
"Hoo ya hi ya hoo ya hi yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Duo let out an almighty war cry. "Why'd you do that for? We were playing Cowboys and Injuns"
