Author's Note: So happy to hear how you all are enjoying these latest chapters. And I have to be shamefully honest: The reviews really make my week, thanks to the continued COVID isolation. It means a lot when I receive them. (In fact, they are so powerful they caused me to pick up this story after 10 YEARS.) So, thank you.
The saga continues...!
Severus's Gift
The whole Parseltongue incident set Snape off on a new direction of study that completely consumed both his and Petunia's time. Additionally, he and the other teachers were kept busy by a steady stream of correspondence after the conclave.
Professor Snape had shared his findings mainly in writing and had said little about them the night of Petunia's performance. He did not believe he could do it all justice in such a brief and casual setting, and he wanted interested parties to take their time carefully reading his work. Although Snape did not accept invitations to speak, he did participate in conversations with his colleagues through journals, letters, and even some newspapers.
With all of this, Professor Snape had little time to pine over Petunia until the day's end when he was alone with his thoughts. Then, he sometimes indulged in fantasies of the ways he would shower her with appreciation, gifts that he might give, or doors to society that he might obliterate so that "his faery queen" could be the extraordinary person she was destined to be. But he was also exhausted, and even this did not last long before he went to sleep.
Petunia was less enamored with their new direction. Snape seemed convinced that there was a connection between her emergent powers and Slytherin. He kept talking about "egregores," which as far as she could tell was mostly symbolic; the "personality" a place takes on over time. He seemed desperate to prove that there was a link between her and Salazar Slytherin, the historical house founder. All of this was because she spoke the language of snakes, and the snake just happened to be Slytherin's symbol.
After the initial Parseltongue incident, Petunia and Snape found that she no longer needed the gnome's ring to speak it. It now came quite naturally to her, but it brought with it a new anomaly. Like a beacon, Petunia's mastery of Parseltongue seemed to attract all varieties of snakes to her, and they would often find a common garden snake clinging to a wall nearby or sunbathing in the grass when they were outdoors.
The frequent appearance of snakes carried over into non-living ones, as well. Petunia found herself opening books to pages with illustrations of snakes and serpents or noticing them on tapestries and paintings throughout the castle. It was when she started dreaming in Parseltongue that things took a dramatic turn. As soon as he learned this, he ordered her to keep a daily journal, with the knowledge that he would be reading it. Again, he insisted that she document anything that seemed to further connect her to snakes or Slytherin, and seemed especially interested in whether or not she felt a "connection" to the egregore of Slytherin house, or not.
It was all somewhat interesting, but she didn't really understand the point. Why did it matter that she had displayed abilities that were highly valued in that particular house? She had never put on the Sorting Hat; who was to say what house she really belonged in? But she went along with all of Snape's demands, of course – both because she was good at maintaining focus, and because it allowed her to continue spending time with him. Her own growing attraction to Snape was alarming, but she told herself it was just a temporary fascination with his genius. Somewhere deep down, of course, she knew it was about more than that.
There was one part of their work that she loved, however. From the very beginning, Professor Snape had first explored connections with faery magic to explain Petunia's abilities, and she had increasingly fallen in love with all things faery. She eventually figured out that occasional visits from a gnome – she was pretty sure it was the same one each time – probably had something to do with her gifts to the colony at the edge of the Forbidden Forest, and she was delighted to think that she was a special friend to these incredible, mysterious beings.
Professor Snape always seemed a little annoyed when they talked about this, but he did not discourage it; merely warned her to take care. All fey were unpredictable creatures, he'd told her, and once she allowed them into her life, she might find she would get more interference than she bargained for.
Petunia continued to visit the faery colony. She kept her distance and tried not to make a nuisance of herself. She would lay on her stomach in the grass and watch them for hours…watched them dance, gather dew and pollen from flowers, have banquets and parties, and even perform magic rarely observed by humans, such as shapeshifting.
They were masters of this, and it always happened very quickly; there would be an animal where a faery had been, or vice versa, and it seemed trick of the light was the difference. They always had shared characteristics, so they were almost recognizable in animal form. The faeries themselves appeared as "plant-like humanoids," as she called it. They were most often the color of the environment around them, and it was often impossible to distinguish any gender, if it existed.
One day, Draco Malfoy told her about the tales of faery royalty, the fey rulers of the forest. She listened open-mouthed as he explained that not all faeries were so small, and the larger ones could be quite frightful. It was always discouraged not to offend them by trespassing in their homes, harming animals or insects, or treading on flowers. These fey, when seen, often appeared to be similar to humans, but they might have some strange, wild characteristic, such as antlers. They towered over humans, and were almost always accompanied by a feeling of dread, or imminent madness.
She learned from Draco it was very unlikely she would ever see one of these noble fey and got the impression that it was probably better not to – she was not too keen on being carried off by a ghostly hunting party or being forced to dance night after night at faery balls. Still, the knowledge that there was more to this world of fey had a powerful effect on her imagination.
Her gnome visited her more and more frequently, until he – she decided it most resembled a male - seemed perfectly comfortable being seen by her. She thought they were striking up a bit of a friendship, and for the first time all year, she felt a deeply satisfying connection to something beyond the material world.
Being able to use, shape, and work magic was wonderful, she decided, but the magical world held far more interest for her than wielding spells and charms, which seemed sort of clumsy and forced by comparison. Even so, she had rapidly progressed into a very skilled witch, surpassing almost all the students in their studies except for the sixth and seventh years. All these observations, Petunia dutifully recorded in her journal, which he read every Monday and Thursday.
As for Severus, he pored over it religiously, constantly looking for clues. He also, of course, had begun to find it very interesting reading. He secretly hoped he would learn more and more about her, so that he might know her dreams and desires, and the kinds of things she took delight in.
One day, there was a new entry that captured his attention:
Last night I dreamed about the unicorn in the picture on my wall. I had this strange feeling of familiarity and warmth from it. It seemed like a guide, somehow. It approached me in the forest, and I touched it. Its silver hair felt like silk on my fingers, and there was an energy to it, like pure light. It communed with me without words.
It seemed to want to heal something. It was not clear to me what, but in the dream, I felt such emotion and longing. What a beautiful creature. It reminded me of how much I loved them as a child – before Lily started to show her magic. I hadn't thought about that in a long time. I used to pretend I had one as a secret best friend. We would go on adventures and discover things and fight monsters together.
When Dumbledore rejected my request to come to Hogwarts, that put an end to all my imaginings. I wanted nothing more to do with it. Now I am starting to remember why. It hurt too much. And that is what I felt in my dream – a fresh hurt, just as if I were that little child and not a grown woman. I woke up and the ache was still there.
I almost did cry a little, but the dream was also so beautiful that I couldn't help being happy for having it. And then it occurred to me: mightn't there be unicorns here, in the Forbidden Forest?! I could have sworn I'd heard them mentioned once or twice, but I have yet to see one. I almost wanted to go to Hagrid right away and ask him, but I felt a little silly.
I'm glad I can appreciate them again, though, because it makes me feel somehow more whole. It's like I want to forgive the child I was, absolve her of something…but what? I don't know. How can a child be guilty of anything serious at such a tender age? Well, in any case, I don't know if I shall ever see a unicorn, let alone be close enough to touch it, but the hope that such a wonderful creature might actually exist gives me a little fire of excitement inside. It's as if I have a little nightlight for the darkness that is adulthood…sometimes.
Severus read this entry hungrily, holding it so it was only inches from his nose. He read it again, and again and again. Of all the things she had written in the journal so far, this was the most personal. She could have kept it private, but she had chosen to share it knowing he would eventually read it. She knew he often dismissed anything sentimental as 'nonsense.' If she had decided to share it, she must think it important.
But it was not this that interested him. He had stumbled onto the perfect inspiration! He now knew something that Petunia's heart craved, and it was something he could give her, easily. He thought that if he arranged an opportunity for her to see a unicorn up close, perhaps it would have special meaning to her. It might let her know that he took her seriously and would never dismiss anything important to her as this. Severus had found the perfect way of telling her he loved her without having to say a word. He would not have to risk anything by fulfilling this perfectly innocent desire. It was so simple he considered it done.
Later that afternoon, he visited Hagrid's hut. When he left, he could think of nothing else but Petunia's face when he made her wish come true. This thought, this new mission, buoyed him to ecstatic heights and he was in a wonderful mood for the rest of the day. Hagrid had said they would need to wait for the full moon, and he would let Snape know when everything was ready. On day two of the full moon, Severus told Petunia to meet him near Hagrid's hut and the Forbidden Forest. He tried hard not to display his delight as her eyebrows furrowed with curiosity while they were finishing breakfast.
Petunia went to her suite to change into some outdoor clothes. It was late afternoon, and the Headmaster had instructed her to meet him in the courtyard by the west wing. The sun was high in the sky tipping toward the west when she emerged from indoors. In a few hours it would be sunset. She crossed the courtyard, lost in thought as she navigated around the few students returning to the west wing.
She saw Professor Snape pacing casually in the courtyard, his hands behind his back. He turned toward her just as she approached.
"Ah, Petunia. Excellent. Walk with me."
Professor Snape started to leave the courtyard and started to walk down the path to Hagrid's hut. Petunia followed, intrigued. It was not totally unusual for them to have spell casting practice or discussions outside, but they usually took place nearer the school. Petunia spent enough time near the Forbidden Forest; it was rare for Snape to take her there himself. She was pretty sure by now he was not a big fan of faeries.
He ambled along the path as if he were in no hurry, so Petunia fell into step beside him. They were quiet for a while, until they passed the Whomping Willow. They were going to Hagrid's hut, she guessed.
"Ah, Hagrid," she said, as if she were figuring out whatever secret plan this was.
"Only for a moment. He is going to guide us deeper into the Forbidden Forest," Professor Snape explained. Petunia looked at him, and for a moment thought she saw his mouth twitch with a smile as he glanced at her. He was being unusually secretive, but what made it so strange was he didn't seem serious at all. So far, this trek did not feel like it was headed for an actual lesson.
Hagrid's enormous frame stood in the doorway of his hut as they came down the path, the light from a soft lantern in his hand outlining it.
"Good evening, Headmaster," he rumbled. "Hello, Petunia."
"Hello, Hagrid." Petunia smiled.
"Greetings, Hagrid. Thank you for meeting us here. Everything still in order?" asked Snape.
"Good to go," said Hagrid deviously – for Hagrid, this meant a very obvious wink and a knowing glance in her direction. Petunia was a little amused. Whatever the secret was, it seemed a little more adventurous than usual. Maybe it would actually be fun. "The clearing's warded and safe, and I've checked to see that the – er, 'object' is righ' where I left it."
"Excellent. Take us to it, please."
As if he had been waiting gleefully for just this moment all day, Hagrid swung the lantern up in the air and stomped around toward the back of the hut, gesturing for them to follow. Petunia looked at Snape.
"After you," he said. She fell in line behind Hagrid, and Snape followed last.
"Hope yer wore good shoes for this. I shoulda warned you," Hagrid said worriedly.
"Not to worry, Hagrid. Petunia's boots seem to be solid enough."
Petunia nodded in agreement.
"Good, good…that's good…that's good…" Hagrid trailed off thoughtfully.
The terrain became increasingly rough the moment they stepped under the canopy of the ancient trees. Petunia found it difficult to keep up with Hagrid's easy stride over enormous, arching roots and through prickling brush; he moved through the forest as if nothing could slow him. She opted for going carefully rather than quickly, and Hagrid stopped and turned to check on them every few minutes. In the forest, it almost seemed as if it were already evening. The thickness of the trees kept the path dark, and now and then she heard things scurrying away from them.
Hagrid made small talk about the creatures under his care, various regions of the forest, and the residents who occupied them. She learned that there was a tribe of centaurs that lived in the forest. This was surprising news to her as she had never seen Firenze, whose lessons took place at night and usually in the Astronomy Tower.
Her heart leaped. If there are centaurs, what else might there be? Probably anything you could imagine! She thought excitedly. She wished she could explore the Forbidden Forest safely on her own, but she had read enough fairy tales to know that this was an adventure she did not need to have.
"Nice full moon out," said Hagrid after they had walked in silence for a while. "Poor Professor Lupin."
"He is used to the cycle of the moon by now. It may not be pleasant, but he has learned to make it as comfortable as possible," Snape replied. "Professor Lupin is a werewolf," he explained for Petunia's sake. She stopped stock still and he almost bumped into her.
"Pardon me…but I thought you just said that one of the Hogwarts professors is a werewolf?!" "Not to worry, Petunia. Lupin is no danger here." Hagrid shook his head ruefully. "If I'm to be perfectly honest, if anything, he's the victim. Bein' a werewolf - that's a curse I'dna' wish on my worst enemy."
"Indeed," was all Snape said. Petunia began walking again, but she thought the Headmaster sounded amused. What an odd temperament he is in today. I wonder if he's won an award or something.
Hagrid stopped and stood quietly without turning around, and Petunia and Snape stopped behind him.
" 'Ere we are," Hagrid said quietly. "Right there." He raised his arm, pointing. Petunia could just see a large clearing between the tree trunks in front of them, a few feet away. Hagrid turned to them. "You'll want to 'ang back a bit, Headmaster," he said to Snape, who nodded. "Well, I suppose that's it! You'll find yer way back all right?"
"I've marked the path as we've walked. We'll find our way back."
"Good," said Hagrid, but Petunia thought he sounded a little uncertain about this. He looked guiltily at them. "Well then, if you'll not be needin' me anymore – "
"No, Hagrid. You've been immensely helpful. I thank you," Professor Snape said, with a small smile that seemed to say I've got it from here. This seemed to reassure Hagrid.
"Well al'right' then. See ye on the other side!"
"He's leaving?" Petunia said belatedly, as Hagrid turned and crunched away.
"It'll be all right, Petunia." Professor Snape still looked amused, looking at her with a knowing expression.
"Very well, Professor. So…what now?" She looked around. As enchanting as it was to be so deep into the Forbidden Forest she felt a little bit of creeping fear, especially with Hagrid gone and the two of them alone. Despite the fact that Snape was undoubtedly a powerful wizard, somehow Hagrid's giant size and bulk had made her feel a little safer out here.
"Now," he said quietly, "This is as far as I go. You go on ahead."
"Ahead?! Where?! Are you leaving me here?!"
"Shh, quieter please. No, of course not. Just into the clearing. I will be here watching."
"What's supposed to happen?" Petunia whispered, panicking.
"Nothing bad or dangerous," he assured her.
"But I don't know wha – "
"Just…trust me. Go into the clearing and wait. You'll see. I promise I will not let anything bad happen to you, Petunia," he added. Something in the way he said those last few words, and the way he looked at her gave her a sudden, pleasurable shiver, and she looked away, suddenly self-conscious.
"All right, let's give this a go then! I'm dying to find out what all this mystery is about." She tried to sound brave as she made her way through the brush and broke into the clearing.
The moment she crossed the threshold of forest and meadow an incredible feeling of peace came over her. The clearing seemed to have a whole atmosphere all its own. She felt safe and happy, and she marveled at its beauty, perfect grass and gorgeous wildflowers spread like a carpet over the ground, none of it much higher than her toes.
She'd almost forgotten about Professor Snape over in the trees as she approached the center. She turned around once she reached it. She could see that he had emerged just at the edge of the clearing and was standing under the trees, watching her.
She started to call to him, then stopped. Somehow it seemed that whatever she was about to experience was for herself alone. She sat down in the grass and drew her knees up to her chest, waiting. After what could only have been a minute or two, she heard a soft noise coming from the other end of the clearing. She looked up, gasped and froze, afraid to move, afraid to disturb the vision, as it might be nothing more than an illusion…
A white, shining creature stepped through the trees and came toward her. Its body was lithe like a deer's, but its shape was more horse-like. The silver horn in the middle of its head pointed toward her as it quietly approached, barely making any sound with its hooves. Its silver-white hair bounced and feel ever so slightly, reminding her of milkweed. Petunia saw with amazement that its hooves were completely golden in color – might they even be gold? The most incredible thing, however, was the pale light that seemed to surround the unicorn as its gentle, dark eyes met hers. A lump rose in her throat as the creature came right over to her and stopped a foot or so away. She stood up slowly and faced it, hardly believing her eyes.
As in her dream, the animal did not speak, and yet it seemed to commune with her in some silent way, as animals often do with each other. She could not have put her finger on it, how she knew that they were exchanging thoughts and impressions; she just knew. Petunia felt herself breathing in shallow pants, adrenaline coursing through her body. She gazed at the unicorn in wonder and slowly reached out a hand. The unicorn stepped forward and met her hand with its soft, velvety nose, and she rested it there for a moment before slowly stroking its coat.
Not once did the unicorn take its eyes off hers, and she had the unmistakable feeling that she was its guest, that it had come here just to meet her. Had it known she was coming? Why did it come? She would never know, other than that Hagrid had somehow engineered it. But this creature was intelligent and had a will of its own, and she knew it had come of its own volition. Suddenly the unicorn knelt its front legs and sank to rest upon the grass. Petunia followed suit instantly, knowing the next thing that would happen; it would put its head in her lap and stay with her, just like the girl in her picture…
If Petunia had been a truly religious woman, she would have described the moment as holy, separate from the material world around them in a sacred, invisible dome. Time had no meaning, and she slowly stroked the unicorn's hair and neck and face. It closed its eyes. It seemed she had been sitting there forever when a vague memory that she was not alone came to her. What had become of Professor Snape?
She looked up and saw him leaning against a tree, exactly where he had been. He was perfectly still. She could not see his face. She returned her attention to the unicorn, whose warm, heavy head rested now on her knee, the long, perfect horn now under her fingers. She gently explored it, and as she touched the horn, she felt a feeling of energy in her fingertips. "Like light," she whispered.
Do you have a message for me? She thought. She listened in the silence. Only a barely perceptible breeze answered. Was it possible she could feel a little disappoint at such a magical moment? She resolved to listen in a different way. Not everything was sensed by sight, sound and touch. Gradually, she became aware of a deep, miniscule feeling of certainty within her. Words came to her to describe it…
Compassion, friend, love, kindred. Hello. A sort of vulnerability that she could only describe as trust. Her mind exploded with understanding: the gift of the unicorn was trust. Even though it was one of the most desired creatures in the world, according to folklore at least, even though it had always been portrayed as elusive and rare, somehow this connection was its nature. Innocent, vulnerable, but at the same time wise, and immeasurably powerful, this creature only communicated with other beings in one way, and that was complete, unconditional –
Tears streamed down Petunia's face, but she was barely aware of them. This epiphany would change her. She could never be the same again. Not after this. She sat as still as she could, feeling with every single one of her senses, now also her inner knowing. She held the words in her head that had come to her, and the deep understanding that had changed her. This moment would not last forever; she would have to depend on memory forever after. She resolved to write about the experience as soon as she made it back to Hogwarts.
After some time – she had no idea how much or how little – the creature stirred, opened its eyes, and lifted its head, looking at her. She understood that it was time to part – at least for now. It did not feel like a permanent good-bye. It stood up and so did she. They looked at each other. There was a wholeness there, now…a feeling more satisfying than the simple ache of beauty and humility. It was all right. Everything was going to be all right. She was powerful. She was whole. She was enough. She was loved. By whom? It didn't matter. By Love itself.
Gracefully the unicorn gave a small, quick bow of its head, letting her stroke its hair one last time. Thank you, she thought gratefully. It then turned around, and she watched the long, silver tail, the white, sloping back, and the sharp, luminous horn disappear into the trees. The moment it was gone, air came rushing back into her lungs. She realized she had periodically been holding her breath. She felt her muscles relax; she had been as still and slow as she could be while the unicorn was with her. She touched her face, and felt the drying rivulets of her tears. She looked around for Professor Snape. He was still exactly where he had been, but now he stood arms folded, patiently waiting. She walked back to him.
As she approached his dark eyes bored into hers, searching for something. He smiled warmly, a most rare smile for him that she had seen one or two times by now over the course of their partnership. She tried to smile back, but she was still in a daze, only partly aware of him. The magical aura of the unicorn and whatever they had shared still enveloped her, and she felt she had not fully returned to the world.
Professor Snape looked at her like he wanted to say something or ask questions, but he didn't, and she knew he understood that this was not a moment for speaking. Quietly he held out his arm to her, and she took it, letting him guide her back through the forest. As they walked in silence, she noticed a shimmering path of runes leading them back the way they had come. Nothing about the forest felt dark or dangerous, now. She would be sorry to leave it – but it would be all right.
As they neared the edge and Hagrid's hut came into view she stopped and Professor Snape turned to look at her, letting her arm fall freely by her side. She looked up at him, feeling serene and full of wonderful emotions. She recognized that expression; it was the look of someone who had just given you a gift that was meant to be very special, and was waiting anxiously to see if you liked it. She smiled, her eyes welling up just a little again.
"Why?" was all she said.
He was silent a moment; apparently this was not a question he had thought ahead to answer. For some reason, Petunia found this amusing. She watched him as he seemed to come to a decision, and she knew before he spoke that it would be a surface, polite answer, and not the truth – whatever that was.
"I read your journal, as you know, and you – described in detail your dream. I thought perhaps it was important," he added as if it were an afterthought, and she felt he was looking for an excuse that would make sense.
"I don't think that's true," she heard herself saying, and he started ever so slightly.
"Wha – "
"I think, Headmaster," she continued, "That you have a rare and kind heart, and you work very hard to make sure no one knows it. Don't worry. I will keep your secret."
He was stunned and clearly had nothing to say to this. He dropped his gaze and looked around nervously, unsure of what to do. She took his arm again; somehow, this whole experience had given her a passive boldness, and she felt it was up to her to take charge for a little while. He responded automatically, trudging again back toward Hagrid's hut. The lights were on side, but she could not see him. He must be inside, then.
"Petunia," Snape said suddenly, stopping again. He seemed to have regained his ability to speak. "I hope this – event is…helpful for you. We've both learned together over the year that it is better not to have things unresolved. Such things affect our use of magic, and our ability to control it."
"Professor Snape," she said while her sense of serene courage still remained, "There are no words to describe what this meant to me. I don't know why you did it, but…thank you. I'm sorry I can't say anything that comes close to expressing my gratitude. Of all I have been through this year, this – this moment, is the one I will never, ever forget.
Snape finally smiled, though he still looked a little awkward. Naked, she thought, laughing inwardly. He looks as though he knows I can see through him. Well, nothing wrong with that. In less than an hour this moment of deep connection would fade and everything between them would go back to the way it was. Might as well be present with while it lasted.
Snape walked a little of the with her up the path to Hogwarts, then told her to go ahead. He had some things to discuss with Hagrid.
"I'll see you in the morning, then, Professor?" she asked.
"In the morning. Yes. Bright and early as usual."
"Of course, Professor." Smiling knowingly, she turned and continued up the path. Although she could not see him she was pretty certain that if she had turned around to look, he would still be standing there in the path like someone who wasn't sure where he was. She giggled. What a wonderful day this has been, she thought.
