Title: Something About You
Universe: loosely G1 cartoon. Sequel to Anything You Like. Also follows the events of Skimming the Surface and Break from Habit.
Rated: NC-17 for detailed physical intimacy between mechanical beings, including plug-n-play, and a graphic description of what amounts to child abuse, past. GRAPHIC.
Pairing: Astrotrain/Cobweb.
Author's Notes: Only Cobweb (nicknamed 'Enny') and his missing friend are my creations, all else belong to corporations. Cobweb ... Oh Sweet Primus! Astrotrain figured some things out about Cobweb, things I did not know before, and then I was graced with Cobweb's own point-of-view. Brace yourself. It took me a few days to adjust to what Cobweb had to say. Among other things, I would have sworn that I would never write a rape. As far as I know, I am the originator of the term "meiotronic ratio". 8700 words, not including the footnote.
Astrotrain stopped thinking about being used. It was a liberating feeling, to not contemplate who benefited most from a given exchange.
He realized that where Enny had occupied his thoughts regularly since the trip from Cybertron, he thought almost obsessively on him since having his daydream fulfilled two work-cycles - days - ago. Enny even haunted his recharge since, scenarios where an unconscious Enny was mostly disassembled by scavengers nagged at him. Worse, last night, toward the end of their work-shift, something had upset Enny. Astrotrain noted the sudden distress but saw nothing physical befall him and found nothing in their one-sided conversation that could possibly be controversial. He was trying to formulate how to ask what was troubling his assistant when Enny disappeared. It was normal for him to do so as the morning hours brought the assigned recharge time. Enny slipped away, presumably to his assigned quarters or some safe alternative. As he closed the shop and headed to the quarters he shared with Blitzwing, Astrotrain realized he was hesitant to ask because he was afraid that Enny's distress was somehow connected to their recent activity.
Today, Astrotrain was distracted during the daily tag-up, worrying that Enny would not meet him. He was relieved when Enny fell in beside him as normal when he left the meeting. He smiled to himself and looked down at Enny askance as they walked. Enny's gait was off, taking closer to three steps than two to each of Astrotrain's this time; he slowed his pace to allow the small mech to keep up with less difficulty. As soon as the door to the shop cycled shut behind them, Enny sank to the floor, resting his back against the wall beside the portal. Astrotrain was immediately attentive. He knelt beside his friend. "What's wrong?"
Enny did not speak but gestured to one of his legs. It took very little inspection to tell a stabilization strut was missing completely from his lower leg, not cut from him but disassembled. Enny looked pained.
Astrotrain met his friend's optics: "Casseticons."
His answer was a non-committal gesture and dimming of optics. Enny leaned back against the wall and let his optics dim completely.
Astrotrain wondered how Enny had managed to avoid this situation for so many weeks. From what he had heard, even large mechs were not safe from the little sneaks; it was allowed because Soundwave wanted to ensure vigilance. He and Blitzwing looked out for each other, recharging by turns in their assigned quarters. He was still curious who looked out for Enny. I would gladly, flashed through his CPU, full realization of why he wondered so often about the conditions in which Enny spent the daily recharge period. He still did not ask. "This isn't hard to fix. It won't even take a groon, maybe only a couple of 'hours'." Trying to get used to the local vocabulary, he used the Mandarin word. Enny did not seem to notice this time; usually he would 'roll his eyes' (dim one optic then the other, quickly) at him and they'd both laugh at the strangeness of using organic speech patterns. Concerned that Enny was too uncomfortable to respond like that, Astrotrain set about finding materials from which to fabricate the part. "The problem is copying the sensor array. I may have to take the other one apart to make them match."
No answer. Astrotrain glanced at Enny when he found a dowel of suitable diameter, "This'll be faster. I won't have to put it on the lathe." Enny tried to stand and resorted to scraping up the wall; it sounded painful to Astrotrain's audios. He set the dowel down and took the two steps back to where Enny sat. He reached out to the tiny mech. "Allow me," he offered in courtesy before setting his hands on Enny's waist and lifting him gently to the staging table in the center of the room. Enny looked disturbed. Astrotrain was struck with the memory of what they had done, the night before last. His energon flowed a little faster. He rested his hands on the table on either side of Enny. Rather than continue to tower over him - the table was enough lower than the work bench to be inconvenient for interaction - Astrotrain knelt and looked up at him. "Don't worry that every time I touch you I mean to ... touch, like the day before yesterday." The nearly white optics and minimal facial structure gave away nothing. Astrotrain continued, wanting to be clear, wanting to understand and be understood. "I didn't expect you to touch my spark, but you sought it. I would let you do it again." Pause. "I will let you do it again if you wish." He paused again and lowered his head, looking up at Enny's face from beneath his optic ridge. More quietly, he continued, "I may ask you to do it again." He forced the systems to cool down that had sped up in response to that train of thought. He lowered his optics, no longer able to look at the impassive expression. He continued, "Only if you want. Enny, you were off-line after your systems overloaded, then you were unhappy when you came back to me. Again, this morning, something made you sad right before you left for your quarters. Tell me why. If our interface upset you, tell me so I know to not seek it again." He found he could not raise his eyes back to his friend's. Primus, don't let that be the problem! He off-lined his optics and waited, I'm lost. All those vorns with no enemies and no friends ruined me.
Small hands touched the sides of his face and exerted pressure indicating he should move to look at Enny. He complied, feeling suddenly as helpless in the hands of this tiny one as he had in those of the ex-Guardian. A shudder passed his frame. He powered his optics and met Enny's gaze. Enny rested their foreheads together, an old gesture of intimacy, one that Astrotrain thought passed out of use long ago. Enny caressed the sides of his face. "Lock the door," he said in such a low volume Astrotrain would have thought he imagined it had Enny not dropped his hands to his shoulders to shove him a little when he didn't move soon enough.
"Anything," he said as he stood up to comply. When he returned, Enny held his arms out to Astrotrain, mirroring the situation two days ago when he returned to be wrapped in Astrotrain's embrace. Astrotrain knelt before Enny and rested his head against the tiny black and white chest. Enny wrapped his arms around Astrotrain's helmet. Astrotrain placed his forearms on the table on either side of Enny, holding him loosely, hands on his hip joints.
"I've not the energy." That statement rivaled the largest number of syllables Enny had ever said in his presence. Something about his voice pulled at Astrotrain's memory, but the rareness of hearing it out-weighed any other factor. Enny massaged Astrotrain's neck and brushed his cheek against the ridge of the purple helmet, battle mask rotated up out of the way. Astrotrain triggered his auto-record function, wanting to be able to replay Enny's speech for himself later. "You make me glad to live. Even in this frame." He moved his hands back to the sides of Astrotrain's face and moved to pull the big mech to sit up and look at him.
Astrotrain felt certain of his systems try to speed up again as he raised his head and realized he wanted very badly for Enny to kiss him at least. He knew he had work to do, including the repair for Enny, but Enny had just told him something he desperately wanted to know: their interface was not what had upset him. Astrotrain looked up into the bright optics.
Enny did kiss him, but on his brow. Then he continued. "My friend-" he used a strange word that Astrotrain took to mean 'friend', then corrected himself, "my roommate wanted to tell me he was leaving with Starscream on a mission. He walked in on us. He didn't understand what he saw. We had words. He hasn't returned." He gestured to his damaged leg. "Yesterday I didn't recharge. It was difficult, after...," he allowed his optics to twinkle, reassuring Astrotrain. "This morning I had to rest. I added a second layer of security to the entry codes and energized the door." He sighed, "They broke the code. I don't know how else to bar them. I missed today's energon dispensation."
Processor racing, Astrotrain's systems started cycling down on their own. He had some mental adjustments to make. Enny used an old gesture, said something about 'this frame' as opposed to some other he had owned, and now used vocabulary long extinct: he used a specific word for 'friend' that implied 'protégé' and 'investment' and 'creation'. There was something else about his word-choice; Astrotrain thought it was significant. Why is that no longer used? he searched his databanks cursorily. New body, ancient spark. The thought fascinated Astrotrain, another mystery to mull over, as Enny's real name had been.
Get it together! Astrotrain mentally shook himself. Enny's expression seemed expectant, as if he were anxious, waiting for a response. Hopeful. Astrotrain hugged him. "Blitzwing and I don't have a lot of room, but you're welcome to recharge with us."
Enny looked as happy as Astrotrain had ever seen him, smile subtle but expression warm and pleased.
He was suddenly excruciatingly self-conscious, wondering if he'd done anything in their time together that would have translated differently in times past. He looked away. "He will accept you for my sake. Or you can stay here if you want. We can set the codes so that if anyone even tries to get in while you're alone it alarms everybody in the base. Or, just me and Blitzwing." Astrotrain looked back at his friend. "Or we can all recharge here. He's really not a bad roommate, he's just not social. He wasn't-"
Enny stopped his nervous vocalization by the simple expedient of kissing his mouth.
Astrotrain powered off his optics. Primus! He knows how to own me!
They moved together. Size somehow not a factor, Enny completely directed their movements. Astrotrain traced every strut and joint in Enny's thighs and back while Enny found sensitive seams in Astrotrain's upper arms. He broke the steadily intensifying kiss, systems audibly straining from lack of energon. Astrotrain rested his head against Enny's chest. "I don't have the energy. Primus," Enny breathed, "I want to." He stroked the hinges of Astrotrain's airfoil that stuck up on either shoulder. "Blitzwing won't mind?"
The big mech groaned, optics still powered-down, face pressed into the striped chestplate. "Blitzwing will cooperate or find another place to sleep," he managed. What part of what you're doing to me is supposed to let me wind down and get to work? he thought, enjoying the touches on the transformation gears in his shoulders despite Enny telling him he was too low on energy. His logic protocol served him well in that moment: "I have recharged normally and taken in enough energon. I trusted you with my spark, I can trust you with my processors. Let me plug into you." I'm doing this all backwards, some distant part of his CPU provided, main attention consumed by Enny, first letting you touch my spark, now offering to plug in. Next we'll actually have a getting-acquainted conversation!
Enny seemed to think about that for a few ticks. His hands stilled on Astrotrain's shoulders, fingers resting in one place long enough for Astrotrain to notice their temperature was too low, another obvious sign of fuel depletion. Back to his non-verbal ways, Enny slid open the cover of his interface housing.
Recognizing the sound and where it came from, Astrotrain's power regulator faltered. He raised his head and was met immediately by Enny in a processor-scrambling kiss. Optics still off, he gathered Enny tightly to him and sat on the floor with his back to the work bench, shifting Enny to his lap. Never breaking the kiss as their position shifted, he eagerly guided Enny's right hand to his interface port as he slid it open.
Enny felt gingerly around the area, soft fingerpads tracing the orifice and teasing the cable coiled inside.
Astrotrain thought he might overheat from that, and the way Enny was kissing him. He had to break for an astrosecond. "Primus, Enny!"
Enny overwhelmed Astrotrain: right hand expertly unwinding his interface cable, left hand stimulating every sensor between his dermal plating and his spark core, lips and glossa playing arousingly along the seams in the plating of his neck. Enny rested against Astrotrain's chest, hands on their inexorable missions.
"What-" Astrotrain's vocalization hitched as Enny again found his spark chamber. His perception was already shrunk to the trembling body on his lap. He repositioned Enny's legs as he spoke, remembering that they both seemed to enjoy having the exposed edge of Enny's motor housing in contact with his plating. His hands on Enny's hips, thumbs tracing the edge of his engine block, he asked, "What can I do for you? To please you, Enny?"
As Enny drew the cable toward him to connect to the jack in his interface port, he thought about it. "Spark c-" he started, faltered, resumed again, "Sp- Engine. Touch-!" He could not complete the thought, but he completed the connection.
Trying to move, feeling as if he were moving in slow-motion, Astrotrain felt displaced. He sent energy to Enny through the connection and Enny shared the feeling of the receipt of it, life flowing between them. It was intoxicating. He touched Enny's engine purposefully and felt the vibration in his fingers; Enny sent him the pleasurable feel of that solid grasp on his body. Enny was accessing his processor, sending a data stream since vocalization had failed him. Spark Core, flitted through Astrotrain's CPU, not his own data, My motor is also my spark chamber.
Astrotrain vocalized and Enny let him hear it as he did: "No wonder you batted my hands away that time."
Yes, Enny sent to him. Enny's tiny hands were still moving: left tapping lightly on his spark casing deep in his chest, right now caressing the interface cable, squeezing and coiling and-
"En-ny," Astrotrain vocalized. Enny shared sensory input freely with him, and let him know he was reading the stimulus from Astrotrain as he perceived it, too. They felt the revolutions of Enny's engine in Astrotrain's hands on the motor, and in the motor itself, Enny's spark core. They felt the vibration pass into Astrotrain's spark chamber, and in the oddly-made hand grasping it. They felt current flowing in Astrotrain's interface cable, and received as a charging field by Enny's power system. They reveled in the exciting-frightening-flaunting feeling of his large hands around Enny's spark chamber and the grounding, receptive feeling of his cool, responsive plating against Enny's manifold and the sensitive inside of his thigh-guards. Enny's systems were already red-lining, and knowing that was the limit for Astrotrain, "Enny, oh Primus! Enny you'll-! You havta-! Primus! Enny!"
Radiation emanated from Astrotrain in waves. More energy flowed to Enny over the connection and he was overwhelmed by it, passing to Astrotrain every bit of sensory input he had. Light pulsed from them. Enny's engine screamed; his legs wrapped Astrotrain's midsection, holding their bodies together as Astrotrain's grip weakened.
Astrotrain slumped back against the bench, cooling system straining. His lover rested against him, temporarily fully exhausted, power system needing time to convert the influx and put it to use. He slowly extricated his hand from inside the broad chest and Astrotrain's hands from around his engine, letting them rest on the armor of his thighs. Astrotrain was reeling: until Enny unplugged him, he was in control of the Triple-changer's conscious functions if he chose to be. Enny held on with his own hands and smoothly directed Astrotrain's body to move, to lay down flat on his back on the floor. Then Enny settled on the side of his body where his interface port was located, lying gingerly on his wing, aware of every sensation the movement caused Astrotrain and consciously sharing that awareness with him.
Even in the haze of overload, Astrotrain registered the foreign data that passed his CPU. He had just enough control left to raise his head and smile as Enny carefully disconnected his cable from the jack and coiled it back in his interface port. "You don't have to-"
Enny quieted him with a delicate fingertip to his upper lip. Their covers slid into place. They basked in the warmth of what they had done.
Within a breem, Astrotrain recovered himself having spent very little energy in the encounter. He looked down at his lover. Enny rested lightly on his left wing, tucked up against his side with one tiny hand possessively wrapped around a strut in Astrotrain's shoulder. He was deep in recharge.
We need to have that conversation, Astrotrain thought. You are not what you seem. You are older than your shell; are you older than me? You have more to say than you do; what are you not telling me? You require more energy than you're allocated; is your spark greater than mine? You use more of the catalyst than you should; what are you trying to forget? He traced the backs of Enny's legs with his left hand, careful not to crush Enny's fingers as his shoulder shifted. You spend every work-shift here although you were not assigned to do so; what are you avoiding? If someone were looking for you, he would have found you by now. What are you not telling me? You told me you have a friend/protégé/creation. You told me he is the one who interrupted us. You told me you were upset when you returned because you two argued before he left on a mission with Starscream. How do you have a Seeker for a friend? For a roommate, no less? You told me he has not returned to guard your recharge. You told me you tried to protect yourself this morning and failed. You did not tell me why you were visibly pained before you left the shop for recharge today. What are you not telling me? Trailing his hand back up over the doors positioned as thigh-guards, he let it rest on the edge of Enny's extremely hot manifold. The temperature of it was notably higher than Astrotrain's own core. You used a word closer to 'child' than 'friend'! It's an old word, but...no! You didn't mean-? He almost wanted to shake Enny awake to ask, at least to hear that seldom-used vocalizer, now that he'd thought about what to listen for. He replayed in his processors what he'd purposefully recorded Enny saying, from I've not the energy, to I missed today's energon dispensation. Listening more to the voice than the words was difficult, especially his favorite part, You make me glad to live. But the more he picked at it, the more he processed and cross-referenced looking for use of that particular word for 'child' that was related to the word for 'friend', the more certain he became: You're a femme.
Breems later, Astrotrain decided Enny needed a full recharge period. He (she?) was exhausted and required additional time to process and distribute the energy Astrotrain gave while they were connected. He was down a few percent; he hoped it was enough to make a significant difference for the little transformer pressed to his side. Carefully, he disengaged the disproportionately long fingers from his left shoulder with his right hand and tenderly lifted the small frame so he could stand up there at the back of his shop. Holding Enny against his chest with his left arm, he cleared space on one end of his staging table and laid Enny down there, lamenting he could not offer a proper recharge platform with temperature regulation. This will have to do for now, he thought. How lucky would I have to be? he mused, looking down at his friend, I haven't even heard of a femme in vorns. How lucky would I have to be to not only meet one who is not an Autobot but have her show up in my passenger compartment? Never mind the chances of her taking any interest in me! He shook his head, and got to work on the replacement strut for Enny's right leg. I have to thank Shockwave for guiding you aboard.
-X-X-X-
Cobweb came aware out of the clearest recharge she remembered having. For a processor cycle, she wondered what was wrong with their platform, and was about to ask Starrunner if the regulator had shorted out again when the rest of her processors came on-line and her immediate cache was open to her. Astrotrain, Cobweb could not believe her luck. Primus, it's about time you let something go right for me again! she thought. She had not only secured herself a productive position in the garrison, but had one of the largest mechs in the Decepticon ranks - a Triple-changer, even! - ready to hand her his spark. Her energy levels were higher than since... she didn't want to think about that. Ninety-five percent, she mused, he maxed my charger out. He shared energy with me even though I didn't ask him to. She rested, leaving her optics off for another tick to listen to Astrotrain at work. It sounded like he was pulling wire. She turned her head to the sound and powered her optics. There he stood at the work bench, his back to her on the staging table. You placed me up here when I didn't wake, she thought. You care. She appreciated his height and the breadth of his wings as he worked.
Her spark still pained her, reminding her of how it came to be split. She wondered if it always would. It was worse now than it had been early that morning, when she felt her creation's fear. At least whatever threatened his life had passed quickly. He's still sparked, she thought with relief. This time it isn't because of him, she quietly accessed her automotive glove box, getting out the dispenser of catalyst she kept there, so why does it hurt now? She silently connected the injector nozzle with an inlet under the edge of the armor of her chest. Just a bit, to take the edge off, she told herself, smoothly taking a large dose, the amount she used on the rare occasions she was allowed a good ration of energon. She hoped it would be enough.
Astrotrain must have heard her movement, he paused and straightened up. He turned slowly from his task toward her; she quickly put the chemical container away. "Thank you," she vocalized, covering the sound of the latch closing.
As if he understood her original line of thought, he said, "You were exhausted," as he came to look at her. "How is your energon level now?" He looked thoughtful, as if there was more going on in his processors than normal.
She took the question at face value. "High." She said, and sat up, thinking to slip off the table and get to work, hoping he really hadn't noticed what she had done. The catalyst hit her systems and she felt the distance return. It didn't so much dull the pain as it made her care less, both for herself and for the missing part of her spark.
He prevented her by stepping over to where she sat. He knelt as he had earlier, arms resting on the table, loosely around her. "We have to talk," he said firmly. Cobweb was afraid he was finally going to say something about the catalyst. She was relieved when he didn't: "We've gone about this all backward, Enny. Cobweb," he said, expression questioning. "There is more I don't know about you than I do. You come here every day with me. We work together. I talk, you listen and encourage, but you tell me nothing. Even when we interface, you tell me nothing." She met his searching optics. "You know as much as you want to, more than that, about me: past, present, future ambitions. You never even told me your name! I had to hear it from your chi-ild."
He stumbled on the last word, the one she used for her roommate; it came awkwardly from his vocalizer. She scooted closer to the edge of the table, closer to him, and rested their foreheads together in the most intimate gesture she knew. She wanted to reassure him. "My name... 'Cobweb' is not mine. You gave me 'Enny'." Optic-to-optic with him, she was unsure what he wanted, and certain he would not be happy to know what she could tell him clearly. She hedged, "There is nothing to know."
Put on the spot, Astrotrain did what he was best at: frontal assault. He leaned back, looking at Cobweb from roughly her own arms' reach. "What's your name, the one you claim, without me giving it to you? Where are you from? Who's your creator? What's your primary function, by design? What drew you here?" He paused, coming to the more difficult questions, the things that were most important to him. He dropped the volume of his vocalizer several decibels. "What drew you to me? What is your relationship, really, to the one who is missing? I'm not familiar with the word you chose for him. What is the relationship you want, with me? What is your...status?"
I knew you'd get to this eventually, Cobweb thought, How much do I tell you? His unfamiliarity with that word for 'child' was perplexing - she did not want to have to explain it. She wished she had thought better of it before using it: it specified the speaker's role as primary spark-giver of the identified bot. His willingness to admit he did not understand the vocabulary was unexpected: most Decepticons would start a fight rather than admit a Cybertronian word escaped them. She turned her head to look away when he got to his last two questions. They sat in silence for a few processor cycles, only the sounds of the base and their own systems in the room. She met Astrotrain's optics shyly. "Status? I'm ... yours. Your ... partner, by function if not by assignment."
Astrotrain was looking at her expectantly, and lifted his right arm from the table to rest his hand, palm-up, in her lap. "I'll listen," he said, and Cobweb thought he looked receptive.
Cobweb placed her right hand in his, and watched as he closed his fingers around her entire hand, protectively, not putting enough pressure on her hand to flex the metal but offering firm contact. It seemed to be a gesture of acceptance. She could not help but imagine that huge hand, part of that immensely strong frame, crushing her, tearing her apart. Would I welcome that? "Cobweb, in this frame. I have not discovered my true one yet," she lied, not ready to share that unproven memory with anyone. Who would believe I was Comettracker, anyway? she thought, giving him the slow smile that usually served to encourage him to speak.
Astrotrain matched her smile. She thought he was satisfied with her answer. He lifted his left hand to the back of her head and pulled her closer as he leaned forward to kiss her chastely. Then, he looked into her optics from that close and said, "Tell me the rest." He gingerly rested their foreheads together, adopting that gesture of hers. "What do you mean by 'child'? It will not hurt me to know he is your lover, that you have taken me in addition to him. I- Your spark-" he paused and looked down at their clasped hands, increasing the pressure minutely.
Cobweb was not interested in letting him pursue that line of thought. She brought her left hand up to caress the side of his helmet slowly, ending up grasping one of the sturdy cables that held his head on his body. "If I answer those questions, you will be the only one on Earth, besides me, who knows. Will you keep it that way?"
"Enny," he said, looking back up to her optics, "of course. You already have me. Let me know you."
She wished to Primus she didn't have to rely on Astrotrain so heavily. Now that Starrunner was missing, she could not afford to lose his interest. If he wanted answers, she felt she had to give them. She looked away, counting the scratches on the work table over Astrotrain's shoulder. Why do you care? Why do I care? What if I tell you? What if I don't? You could destroy me. Would you? That might be easier.
"We have work to do," Astrotrain said, and she hoped he was letting her off the hook, "and you are in no condition to help me right now." He released her right hand and wrapped her in his arms briefly - an embrace she returned desperately - before letting go and standing up to look down at her, still sitting on the table. "I'll work, you talk." No, he had no intention of letting her get away without answering his questions, things he felt he should know, "I'll try not to interrupt you."
She felt the effect of the catalyst pass; the pain returned to the forefront of her consciousness. She didn't think it wise to blatantly take more while Astrotrain was watching.
-X-X-X-
Astrotrain thought he was being as magnanimous as anyone could want, even Enny. She - he was certain of that now, despite her avoidance of what he thought was an obvious question - was fascinating. He'd be a fool to turn down her attention just because she had some other lover. Even if he is a Seeker, he thought, I wouldn't turn you away because of it. I bet he's the one who came from Cybertron with us, who flew over us and dipped his wing. What's his name? He resumed pulling sensor wire, standing perpendicular to the workbench and the staging table where Enny sat so he could work on her new stabilization strut and still make optic contact with her encouragingly. She shifted uncomfortably and Astrotrain thought she looked pained. "What's wrong?" he asked. After a breem of silence, Enny started talking, as requested.
Nothing she reluctantly told him concerned him for her sake, or for his own. "I'm from Shockwave's installation on Cybertron." He knew that. "My spark was obtained from Vector Sigma by Delta Horizon." He didn't recognize that name, but took it to mean she was significantly older than her current shell: no one had been to Vector Sigma in vorns because no one knew where to look. "This form was built mostly to test a-" she stopped, restarted, "-to test my Creator's theories on efficiency. He sent me here to fill a requisition from Soundwave for a reconnaissance agent." Her camouflage was a Mini Cooper, a small sporty car with a cult following even though it was not particularly powerful or particularly fast or particularly anything. It was available in one form or another in most developed countries and would allow her to blend in by being 'cute'. She disdained that adjective, he could hear it as she uttered it. Starrunner, she explained with fondness in her tone, was the other requisition built by Shockwave, for Starscream. He was the black mech who came with them from Cybertron with the MiG-29 Fulcrum for his alt mode, the most common fighter jet on the planet. He was her roommate here, her only friend before Astrotrain. "Never my lover," she said with distaste, "he is missing since that outing with Starscream." The others had returned, but Enny couldn't ask them about him: it would draw their attention to her and the fact that she was not a Seeker but lived in their level. She assumed - rightly, by Astrotrain's estimation - that if they were reminded that Starrunner was not using the room he and Enny shared, they would kick her out without a second thought.
Starrunner might be all right, if Starscream and the other Seekers don't like him, he thought. As he worked to make the new strut mirror the one he had expertly removed from her while she recharged, he wondered how anyone could miss the novelty of her vocalizer. Femmes had a distinctly different sound than mechs. Mostly, Astrotrain found he felt relief that the missing one was not Enny's lover. He hated the thought of competing for affection, convinced he could never compare favorably to a younger, smaller mech. He wondered at the tone with which she denied having anything physical to do with Starrunner, but refrained from asking.
Enny talked far longer than Astrotrain expected. She shook slightly; he thought the catalyst she took must not have been enough to affect all the energon her body was creating from his donation. He realized her characteristic quiet was at least partially chemically induced. She haltingly told him that Shockwave, the creator of her current form, forced her spark chamber open once, mingling someone else's spark with hers. He split off a large portion of hers with that other's to create Starrunner's spark. She faltered and restarted several times. Astrotrain thought she indirectly confirmed that she was a femme: no two mechs could possibly give enough energy to spark even one as big as Enny, let alone Starrunner. Astrotrain noticed that she was crying discreetly, coolant flowing out around her optics and down her plating to run back beneath it where there was a gap. Your plating, the seams that aren't there, that's one of Shockwave's experiments in efficiency, he thought.
As she spoke, he stopped what he was doing to turn fully to her. She seemed to be talking a stream-of-consciousness, no emotion in her vocalization, eyes focused far away. Tears around her optics and on her minimal faceplates were the only indication that she felt anything, that she was recounting an event that actually happened to her. He wanted to touch her, to offer as much comfort and support as he could.
-X-X-X-
Cobweb explained that Starrunner was her roommate, her only friend. "Never my lover. He is missing since that outing with Starscream." She hated Starscream: "I don't dare ask him where Starrunner is, even though I'm sure he knows. The only reason I still have access to our room is because he's forgotten that he gave it. If I draw attention to myself he'll have Skywarp and Thundercracker evict me from that storage room whether or not I have anywhere else to go."
"Starscream." No where to go with that until she explained more. "Shockwave." Shockwave, she thought. She lost track of her vocalizer, thinking aloud.
Cobweb followed her Creator's every word. She did what He directed when He directed, shadowing Him when she was not carrying out an order outside of His presence. As far as she was concerned, the stars shone because of Shockwave; they reflected off His purple plating only because He willed it. The universe around her was perfect.
In her own imperfect mind, she remembered the power of a much larger frame and she remembered flying. She didn't ask her Creator questions except on the rare occasion He invited her to do so. She listened and followed direction and used the vocabulary and manner He preferred. When she misstepped or overreached, she accepted any correction, any punishment He dealt her without complaint or back-talk. He had saved her, she knew: she remembered the feeling of her body dying, processors fading. She remembered surprised blue optics reflecting a touch of the red of her own as she watched the tiny Altruist expire from the damage caused by the Traitor's strafing.
She helped Shockwave build a new model of Seeker for Earth. More efficient, he would use no subspace. His camouflage would be an improvement over those already there because Shockwave selected it based on logic and critical evaluation of all options. She worked on the programming and listened as her Creator lamented the lack of a suitable spark for the shell. The body and processors were complete; all that was left was construction of a spark casing and procurement of a spark to enliven it. She looked forward to the trip to Vector Sigma. She didn't know how she knew, but Cobweb expected an exciting pilgrimage. She waited expectantly for Shockwave to tell her they were leaving.
Orns passed. Her Creator assigned her other tasks that she performed without question. She was disappointed, thinking that perhaps the requisition for the Seeker had been canceled. Shockwave gave her an order that rekindled her hope for an adventure to Vector Sigma, telling her to go to the shop and wait there until after He finished speaking to Lord Megatron. "Aye, Master Shockwave," she accepted the direction and went to the shop. Did He mean me to clean the area? Perform maintenance on one of his tools? she thought but kept to herself. She did not fidget. She did not look around. She waited as directed.
Shockwave walked briskly from the command center to the shop, she heard His steps on the deck plates. His gait was unhurried and certain, steady. He entered the compartment and walked straight over to her. Familiarly, He set His hands on her waist and lifted her to the nearest work bench. Am I due for something? she thought. Shockwave didn't act like He was doing anything unusual, but He was not checking any of her systems and He was not doing maintenance. He was just touching her gently, pleasantly. She waited, curious, trusting her Creator. Certain of her systems sped up and she trembled. Unsure of what He was doing and how she should respond, she tried to sit still. "Allow your systems to react," He said.
She relaxed. He's trying to show affection, she thought and smiled shyly up at His expressionless face. She rested her hands on His hips timidly. He stroked the sensitive inside of her thigh-guards, pushing her legs apart and moving closer. He stimulated every seam, every sensor in the vicinity of her hip-joints, working His way to her engine. He built her; He knew her sensor net and the effect of every touch. Pieces of her plating moved aside, allowing Him better access, only partially of her will. With His right hand, He coaxed her spark chamber to start to open. She moaned. Anything for you, Master, she thought.
Somehow He had something she didn't recognize in His left hand. She knew a moment of uncertainty. This is wrong, passed her processor, that's a spark core. She watched in horror as He triggered that foreign spark chamber open. Hers tried to close in self-defense, but He prevented it with the strength of His fingers. It's supposed to be just You and me! she wanted to protest. All that she could manage, trying to push away from Him, to scoot back farther on the bench, was, "No, Master-"
He roughly merged that other spark-energy with hers. She shrank from it but had no where to go, no way to shift her own spark away from the assault. The soul mingling with hers was weak, disoriented and questioning, confused but not afraid. She caught a question from it - him, she understood: Primus? he asked, and Are you the Matrix? He seemed accepting, serene and curious. Before she could form any kind of answer, his presence started to fade.
It hurt, and it made her sad for the hopeful one who was dimming. The influx of energy made her feel like she was bursting, made her shake from her core to the ends of her fingers and the edges of her plating.
Her Creator was not finished with her, with the two of them. As she felt her spark start to change, unable to keep her self, her unique personality, separate from that other, Shockwave did something. Even if some of her sensors - optics, audials, tactiles, fields, any of them - were positioned to receive the data with which she could have determined what it was He did, the pain was too much to take. Was there sound? Was there light? Was there vibration? The pain maxed out every sensor in her body, sending her processors signals too strong to decipher: white-out conditions on every channel. That other - she thought of him afterward as her mate - offered comfort even though his self was being subsumed into hers. Then the sensory overload passed. He was gone; her spark hurt; she felt diminished, weakened, exhausted. She thought she would die there.
She wondered if Shockwave meant to kill her.
Her sensors reset. Part of her processor noticed that her spark core was closed. She could hear Shockwave moving about, tinkering with something in the shop. She forced her body to work, shifting her plating back into place and sitting up. When did I lie down? she wondered. She watched as Shockwave finished making the connections for the new Seeker. Her very spark ached and she understood: That's my offspring.
Power reached the new one's optics. He looked at Shockwave, then at Cobweb. "Who are you?" Shockwave asked, and Cobweb wondered if he'd asked her the same thing when she first came aware.
Looking at her, he answered Shockwave: "Call me Star-" his vocalizer fritzed on the last part. His glance flicked to Shockwave with a hint of fear and Cobweb resolved she would do anything in her power to prevent him ever feeling true fear. She felt love for this new being. He cycled his new vocalizer and tried again, "Star Runner. Call me Starrunner."
She cycled her optics, reminding herself of where she really was: Earth, the mechanical shop, with Astrotrain. He was looking at her with an expression she couldn't read accurately, partly mixed of horror and anger, partly distress. He was standing strangely, holding his hands out. His look became questioning. Not knowing what he wanted, Cobweb did the only thing that made sense: she placed her hands in his. He held them lovingly and caressed her fingers with his thumbs. She didn't understand; he looked uncertain, himself. She met his optics. Then he knelt, as before, and made his optics level with hers as she sat. "You shouldn't have to remember that."
-X-X-X-
Astrotrain felt he should not assume; he held his hands out to her, asking permission to touch her, inviting Enny to him. After a moment she seemed to see him again. She stopped talking and set her hands in his with an air of resignation, as if she were giving up somehow. She looked up into his optics questioningly. Rather than look down at her, he knelt again, and stood straight on his knees, level with her on the staging table. Since she was not vocalizing, he thought maybe he should. "You shouldn't have to remember that." He thought it was the right thing to say: she started speaking again. Optics dim but lit, coolant flowing from behind them freely, she tried to describe what it felt like, told him the pain was only escapable during overload and the recharge of true exhaustion.
"Why am I telling you this?" she said dully, "Forgive me. Please, let's get to work."
"Shockwave's an unfeeling fragger," he began, "and too short-sighted to know what he had, in you. Femmes are so rare-"
She interrupted him, sounding pained and angry, "I wasn't a femme! I was Comettracker! He crammed my spark into this frame-"
Her vocalization had risen in pitch and decibel, and Astrotrain knew she didn't want others to know what she told him. He cut in quietly but firmly, "-and raised your meiotronic ratio way above the break. He made you more by putting you in this small form." Did I know Comettracker?
Quieter, sounding desperate, she added, "He used me. He- he raped my spark with that Autobot's! And-" she was physically shaking with the memory. Astrotrain released her hands and pulled her to his chest, offering as much comfort as he could, sitting down on the floor with her as he had, twice before, for other purposes. She grasped at hydraulic lines in his shoulders, something she could hold onto firmly with her small hands. "I- I almost welcomed it, trusting him, until I realized he wasn't loving me. He was using me. He was killing that Minibot, extinguishing what was left of his spark with mine. It was-" her voice hitched in a sob. She held onto him as if he were the Last Hope of Cybertron, "it was horrible. In battle- anytime before!- I'd have killed that Autobot! That stupid, useless Minibot! But he-" she was crying hard now, hands wrapped painfully in the lines in Astrotrain's shoulders. He didn't move, didn't try to make her let go.
He must have reacted somehow to the pain of her grip. Something made her realize she was squeezing too hard. Enny let go of him. "I'm sorry," she gasped.
"Don't be," he said, softly, "I can take it. Go on, what about that Minibot? What had he done?" Astrotrain didn't know if 'he' was the Minibot or Shockwave, but that was not important.
She replaced her hands on him, soothing the injured lines with the softness of her fingerpads. Astrotrain thought it was a positive sign that her extremities were no longer cold. Coolant continued to leak out around her de-energized optics. She held her head up, vocalizing toward Astrotrain to ensure he could hear her clearly at that low decibel. "The Minibot- He tried to save me, tried to keep me from being assassinated. It made no sense!" She paused to cycle air. Astrotrain was careful not to touch her exposed motor housing now that he knew it also contained her spark. He touched her face with his left hand, brushing at coolant on her plating. He stroked her back supportively - the subtly curved roof of her auto-mode - with his right hand. "Starscream," she resumed, and Astrotrain thought he was about to have a good reason to despise that mech, if he were somehow a party to Shockwave's actions. She continued, "-came around for a second pass after injuring me badly. I- I crawled into a ruined building, trying to save myself, knowing my body was failing. Starscream was too useless, too much a coward to transform and finish me in person. He strafed. The little Autobot- He was possibly smaller than I am, now. He tried to protect me. I- I don't understand why. He had to know who I was, at least see the faction marks on me. But he stood between me and Starscream with his blaster and tried to shield me. Starscream shot us and left us for dead. I- Shockwave- He built me, as I am now. I was aware of myself again, and just getting established in this body, remembering it was not my own, my original. I looked on Shockwave as my savior, I realized he had found my spark chamber. I- I would have done anything he asked me to and he- and Shockwave- Delta would never have-"
Astrotrain waited, listening to her cooling system complain. She seemed to have said all she was going to, crying quietly again, head bowed. She certainly told him more than he expected. "We'll refill your cooling system," he said, as normally as he could, thinking, Starrunner has all of that Minibot's spark-energy, and a good portion of yours. He is your child. He processed again the unfamiliar word, and decided that he wouldn't be thanking Shockwave the next time he saw him as much as educating him on how not to treat a sparked being. And Starscream... He held her against his chest. She stopped crying.
Lost, each in dark thoughts, they were startled by the sound of the door buzzer. Astrotrain remembered that he locked it, and ignored it, not interested in dealing with anyone else right then. He tucked Enny's head under his chin and held her tightly, wanting to be that hope for her.
The buzzer was triggered again. Starscream complained to someone in the corridor, "He's probably out flying. Come on! We don't need Astrotrain. You can fix me-"
The mech nearest the door, probably Skywarp, cut him off: "Screamer you're as fixed as we can make you. Lemme leave him a message, at least."
"I'm fine," Starscream's voice faded as he spoke, probably turning away from the door and leaving. There was no more sound from the hallway.
"I wonder what happened to that slag-heap this time," Astrotrain mused. Starscream, who treated him with disdain at every turn, was one of his most regular customers. "He's so vain! Every little scratch, he's in here. I wish I could disappear like you do. But if he had Skywarp with him, there's something significant wrong." He was really just vocalizing to have something to listen to, used to carrying on one-sided conversations with Enny.
She responded, surprising him. "He was probably injured last night," she said with some certainty, and shifted to look up at him with powered, dim optics. They had just a hint of red in them at low power; Astrotrain wondered if that was something Shockwave designed or something Enny controlled consciously. She continued, "He- his Trine probably attacked Starrunner. They could have caused the life-fear I felt from him last night." She looked like she might start to cry again at that thought.
"That's what affected you," he said. She dimmed her optics once, a silent 'yes', essentially turning them completely off and back on. "Your spark is still tied to his. I remember hearing something about that, part of the reason why females who sided with the Decepticon cause wore themselves out so quickly. When it happens again, you can tell me. You don't have to run away."
Enny smiled slightly, trying to regain her humor. Astrotrain assumed her systems had run through the catalyst she took when she thought he wasn't looking, that she must be struggling through coming down. She gestured to her legs, "I couldn't run away now if I wanted to."
He smiled back and chuckled a little, appreciating that she felt up to trying to make a joke. He gave Enny a slight squeeze of a hug and held her up under her arms so he could stand and settle her on the work bench. "Maybe I should leave you this way, then?" he offered, trailing his hands over the unhindered segments of her legs. "Let you be a hostage to my shop." Do you know I want you here? She looked like she was taking him literally: the partial battle mask slid back into place over her mouth and jaw and her expression hardened. He couldn't allow that! He continued down the path: "I'd claim your energon for you and sustain you by energy-transfer." Will you let me care for you? He let his pumps cycle faster, as if at the memory of that intimate process. He watched her struggle to the conclusion that he was kidding. He slowed those pumps back down, "But I like it when you appear beside me after Soundwave's daily." Keep doing that? He pretended to think about it. "I think you still startle some of the others even after a month." Don't let them know you? He paused and leaned forward with a smile and a kiss to the edge of her mask. "Just because you claim your ration every day, doesn't mean you can't let me top off your levels once in a while." Please?
Astrotrain took the precarious but happy look she gave him as answer enough, and offered Enny her original strut and its new twin for inspection.
-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-Footnote-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-
The term 'meiotronic ratio' refers to the spark-energy-per-unit-mass of a robotic being. It comes from the term 'meiosis' which is the name of the process by which gametes (i.e., sex-cells, eggs and sperm) are produced in preparation for mating, for production of a new, unique being from half each of two donors' genetic material. In complex sexual creatures (all of them on Earth, outside of a few fungi which remain uniform and produce isogametes) there are two very distinct classes, female and male, the distinction being the investment the individual makes in gametes. Those who invest relatively heavily, producing few gametes with lots of nutrient and instructions for cell creation and division in addition to the donor's genetic material, are designated 'female'. Those who invest very little, producing abundant gametes with nothing but genetic material and a disposable cell to carry it, are designated 'male'. (See Richard Dawkins, The Selfish Gene chapter 9 Battle of the Sexes.) Since canon spells out the existence of specifically female Cybertronians, there has to be something that makes them qualify as such and it has to be connected to why they would have been driven nearly out of existence in the war. Vector Sigma, the source of original Cybertronian sparks, can be hidden, lost, possibly even destroyed, so there must be a way for Transformers to reproduce themselves; it must be sexual else there would be no need to designate male and female. Since fabricating a new frame is nothing more than engineering, the spark is the answer. Any set of Cybertronians, any number, can donate spark-energy to create a new one and when there is enough, that new one can live independently in a robotic body. How much spark-energy one can donate safely is dictated by one's meiotronic ratio: the higher, the more. There is a known quantity - Astrotrain referred to it as 'the break' - below which one is considered male and above, female. Technically, a female alone can contribute enough to spark a new frame and still be functional herself, but that spark would be identical to her spark: an identical twin soul, not a child. A male can contribute very little and still be functional, really only enough to differentiate the new spark from the mother's spark - but that's all that is needed if two beings have decided they are ready to pursue that creative process together. Willing and prepared, the pain for both is minimal and forgotten in the thrill of such an intimate, beautiful, creative encounter. Even several males cannot safely contribute enough total spark-energy to make even a tiny new Cybertronian viable. (They might be able to do it and survive, given immediate medical care afterward and sufficient time to convalesce and recover their spark-energy. That's not available in wartime.)
When the war escalated, Decepticon femmes strove for efficiency. They sparked as many shells as the technicians could produce, willingly giving of themselves for the cause. They simply wore themselves out, each one's spark-energy finally failing to recover to the original level. Some survived, but as mechs; others faded away completely, dying. (I'm sure they were mourned as heroes of the cause and the survivors given appropriate new roles and the respect their dedication and sacrifice commanded.) Autobot femmes went about their business as warriors and technicians and whatever-they-were, reproducing only at the usual (read: extremely low) wartime rate until the Autobots realized, too late, that the Decepticons were targeting them specifically, even hunting them, to prevent the production of more Autobots. The Decepticons believed female Transformers extinct after Shockwave reported destruction of the last known Autobot base on Cybertron - Iacon - sometime after Megatron left in pursuit of Optimus Prime. The Autobots hoped against logic that somehow some of their brothers- (and sisters-) in-arms escaped that attack.
So, why not simply transfer some mechs' sparks into smaller forms to raise their ratios above the threshold and get the sexes back in some semblance of balance? First, new shells are costly in all sorts of resources (time, materials, expertise that could otherwise be devoted to the war). Second, who's to dictate someone else undergo such a procedure? (Even Megatron would not go there!) Third, in war, bigger is almost always better and short-term survival trumps long-term stability. Meaning that if a new frame is sparked, it is going to be as massive as the spark intended for it can reasonably handle and so, a male. Also, meaning that truly massive individuals are not going to be 'reassigned' smaller frames just to drive their meiotronic ratios up. Even if such a measure were entertained, the only way to bring most males' ratios up high enough is to give them bodies several tens (or hundreds) of times less massive: turn an Omega Supreme into an Ironhide, or a Skyfire into a Cosmos. And that only if their spark-energies were high for mechs their sizes in the first place.
I didn't believe there was a definite purpose to sexes in Cybertronians until Cobweb and Starrunner explained it to me. It took some getting used to.
-:- Lora Starrunner
