This chapter is for Sache, because she asked for it. ;)


CHAPTER SEVEN

Simon had wanted River to stay in the infirmary until at least the next day, but River didn't care for that idea. The infirmary was lit with a blue light on Serenity's night-cycle, and the combination of blue lights and infirmaries made for a very unpleasant trip to memories River preferred not to dwell on. She had shaken her head. "I can't sleep there," she had said with a shiver. "Blue ghosts with sharp needles."

Simon had sighed, understanding her meaning. "All right, we'll put you in your room." He was uncomfortable with the idea of her being so far away from him, and had decided to spend his first night back on Serenity in the quarters across the corridor, where he had stayed before he was with Kaylee, so he could check in on her during the night. It felt strange to have him right across the hall again; River had become so accustomed to having the passenger dorms to herself.

Even in her own room, River couldn't sleep. She had slept a long time at the hospital, and her back ached, despite the pain meds Simon had given her. Everyone on board was asleep—the crew upstairs, and the Elliots in the passenger quarters off of the corridor opposite River's room. One of the Elliot kids was having nightmares, so River's brain was swarmed with strange, frightening images—of a birthday cake whose flames burned higher and higher until they became torches held by shouting men with guns, and then darkness and pain. It was made all the worse because she knew these were not just bad dreams, but that they had a base in recent events. Something about the nightmares bothered River, something she couldn't quite put a finger on.

And on top of that, her mind was full of so many things—everything that had happened to her these past days and what it meant for her life. And Mal. Mal, who had finally opened himself up to her, to possibilities that he had never let himself want. Who loved her. Who Simon was going to have a cow and a half about if River didn't get around to talking to him very soon, because he would certainly notice their behavior toward each other. Zoe had, and that had been before Mal admitted to loving her.

Slowly, she pushed herself to a sitting position, trying to ignore the sharp sting it sent through her back. She was good at putting pain aside; she had been trained to do it, taught that a little pain was nothing in the long run, and she had suffered worse than a bullet wound at the hands of those who had taught her.

She slid carefully out of bed, bare feet touching the rug spread out beside her bed, and moved slowly toward the door. She opened it quietly, but had barely stepped through it when Simon, who had left his door open, sat straight up in his bed. He'd always been a light sleeper. He headed for her in an instant. "River," he whispered, his voice husky with sleep. "Are you all right?"

"I'm not tired," River said. "Too many vibrations. And I'm hungry."

Simon considered her for a moment. "Come sit down, and I'll bring you something to eat." He helped her move to the couch outside the infirmary and settled her in. "I'll be right back."

River watched him disappear up the stairs, and bit her lip as soon as he was gone. Maybe now would be a good time to broach the subject of Mal, when everyone else was asleep and she didn't have to worry about interruptions.

Simon returned in a short time with a protein bar and some crackers with a jelly spread, then slipped into the infirmary and brought her some medicine. River eyed it warily.

"Nothing to make you sleep," Simon assured her, correctly interpreting her expression. "Just to help with the pain." He sat beside her on the couch. River quickly swallowed the medicine, and then chewed on a jelly cracker, knowing Simon wouldn't go back to bed until he had determined she was fed and comfortable. Some things never changed, no matter how old they both got.

River finished her third cracker and half the protein bar, and then set the plate aside, turning carefully. The area on her back where she had been shot was an aching throb. "Simon," she said slowly. "There's something I want to talk to you about."

Simon heard something in her voice, or maybe saw it on her face, and he knew it was important. He narrowed his eyes slightly, taking her hand. "You know you can talk to me about anything."

River nodded and moved her other hand to his. "A lot happened while you were gone," she said hesitantly.

"More than the slave ring," Simon said, and it wasn't so much a question as it was a nudge to continue.

River swallowed. It was stupid to feel this nervous—Simon always helped her, was always there to catch her if she tripped, and he had come through an immense process of acceptance in her choices for her life. He loved her unconditionally—and that was what made this so hard. "Difficult," she said, fitting herself against Simon's side and laying her head on his shoulder, still clutching his hand between both of hers.

Simon wrapped his free arm around her shoulders and ran his hand down her hair. "It's all right. Just take your time."

River closed her eyes, listening to Simon's suddenly worried thoughts and feeling the soothing strokes of his fingers on her hair. Finally deciding the best way to do this was just to come out with it, she blurted, "I love Mal." She opened her eyes and looked at him without taking her head off of his shoulder. "I love him, Simon."

The motion of Simon's hand on her hair stopped as comprehension flashed across his face, and his eyes darted toward the stairs, then back at River. "River," he said cautiously, almost disbelievingly, "he's the captain." As if that somehow made a difference in how she felt.

River gave him a look of affectionate exasperation. "I never would have guessed."

Simon was still studying her. "You're really not joking." A half-dozen thoughts seemed to explode in his mind all at once, and he shook his head. "Meimei, he can't—it isn't—" He was having a hard time, wanting to reason with her without hurting her, but he didn't get it. He was thinking that maybe this was just a crush that she had suddenly developed. He didn't realize how deep it went, or that Mal felt the same way.

"It's more than what you think," River said softly. "I couldn't tell him, not for a long time, but then I kissed him—"

That got a much stronger reaction. River felt the jolt that went through Simon's entire body, and he stared at her in shock. "You what?"

River bit her lip, and she slowly told him how she had realized she loved Mal. She briefly mentioned how she'd come to kiss him, and then told him that Mal had finally admitted his own feelings to her in the med-center. Halfway through her recount of these events, she shifted to lay on her side, her head resting on Simon's legs—her back was really killing her now, despite the pain meds—and watched her brother's face sideways. When she had finished, Simon was deathly silent, but his mind was a swirling vortex of thoughts, so quick and crammed together that River had a hard time sorting them out.

"Say something," she finally whispered.

Simon's whole body was stiff. "Now I'm trying to decide whether to kill Mal for letting you put yourself into the middle of this slave ring or for kissing you," Simon finally said in a deathly calm voice.

"I kissed him first, Simon," River told him pointedly. "And I already told you it was my idea to do all of this with the slave ring."

"And I pointed out that he's the captain," Simon said, his expression one of cold fury—not, River knew, at her, but at the thought of Mal touching her at all in a way that was un-captainy. "You don't—River, you—"

River pressed her fingers against Simon's lips, silencing him. "Simon," she said, her eyes and voice pleading with him for understanding. "I love him. I love him so much it hurts. Like I can't breathe sometimes. Like fire, like an explosion inside of me. I can't help it—I don't want to. I want it. I want him. I want you to know. To see. I want you to trust me, trust that I can tell what's real and what isn't, to know myself."

That got him. Simon's expression melted into one of tenderness. "Oh, meimei. I do trust you. You know that I—" He rubbed his eyes tiredly. "I love you," he finally said. "I just—it terrified the go se out of me when Zoe waved and told me that you had been shot. I want to tell you to get as far away from this slaving ring as possible. I want to murder Mal for even thinking about touching you, but—"

River heard all the 'buts' in his mind. He thought she deserved more, deserved better, but he would think that no matter who she fell in love with. No one would ever be good enough for his baby sister. However, where a few years ago he would have been breaking down Mal's door right about now, he restrained himself, because he knew that they had both chosen this life, in the end. Simon knew that River loved it here, never wanted to leave, and he had entrusted his life and hers—and Kaylee's and Ren's—to Mal's captaining a long time ago. Even if Simon would never, ever admit it, he knew that Mal was a good man with his own code of honor.

Simon's jaw knotted, and he rested a hand on her cheek. "You've grown up. I know you're all right, but that doesn't mean I don't worry. I'll still worry about you when you're old and gray and knitting booties for your grandchildren—oh, zaogao! Forget I said—" He sighed and gave up, gently hugging her as she lay in his lap. "I want you to be happy."

River's eyes blurred with tears, and she sniffled. "Mal makes me happy, Simon."

"I know. I hear it." It sounded as though Simon was pulling teeth to admit this, and it didn't stave off his urge to cause Mal bodily harm, but at least he acknowledged her feelings. "Just—River, xiaoxin. Please, please be careful."

"I'm always careful." River wrapped an arm around Simon's legs, feeling suddenly a lot lighter. She yawned. "I love you, Simon."

Simon sighed again, absently massaging River's neck. "I love you, too, River." He was struggling with his thoughts, trying to put them in order, but River closed her eyes, letting it all filter through her mind as she drifted off to sleep.

:-:-:

The first thing Mal did when he got up early was to head to the kitchen for something to help him wake up. He'd planned on sleeping longer, but with a boatful of kids on board, he wanted to be up and about before one of them took to trying something stupid that might hurt them or his boat.

He made his coffee and turned from the counter, only to find himself face-to-face with Simon. Pushing back a sudden sense of déjà vu, he raised his eyebrows at the doc's angry—yes, definitely angry—face, knowing that River must've had that conversation with him sometime between dinner last night and now. She must've done some awful smart talking, too, because Simon hadn't hit him over the head with anything while his back was turned, though he looked like he'd really like to take a swing at Mal.

Putting a little smile on his face, Mal took a sip of coffee, then thought that maybe it would be better if he put the hot liquid down during the inevitable confrontation, and set it on the counter. "Mornin', Doctor. Somethin' I can do for you?"

"I just want to make one thing very, very clear," Simon said in a low voice. "If you hurt my sister, I will kill you. Slowly."

Mal crossed his arms and leaned in toward Simon, till he wasn't but a foot away. "Let me make one thing very clear. I got no intentions of hurtin' River."

"Yes, well, your intentions don't always go as planned, do they, Captain?" Simon snapped. "And while we're at it, what are your intentions for her? What are you looking to get out of this, Mal? She said you love her, and River always knows the truth, but you'd better tell me right now that this isn't just some sort of yu ben de fling that you're going to throw away when something else comes along. Do you know what that would do to her?"

Mal kept a tight rein on his temper—he would've liked nothing more than to knock Simon flat, and the only reason he hadn't was out of courtesy for River. In fact, that was probably what had kept Simon from striking out at him, which was kind of ironical.

It still didn't mean he had to answer to Simon, or take his fei hua. "You ain't the only one livin' on this boat. I know what River's been through. I know what she still goes through. And I know damn well what it would do to her."

"Then what? Are you looking for a quick roll in the hay?" Simon's hands clenched into fists. "Looking to—"

Here, Mal lost his temper. He grabbed Simon by his shirt and shoved him backwards into the counter, and Simon pushed right back. Mal glared hard at him. "If that's what I was lookin' for, I could've found it plenty elsewhere, if I'd had the mind. And I got no need to answer to you."

"What's goin' on?"

Both men turned to see Kaylee standing in the doorway, Ren in her arms, a look of worried bewilderment on her face.

Mal roughly released Simon's shirt and held his hands tightly at his sides to keep from putting a fist into that arrogant face. He grabbed his coffee cup off the counter and strode toward the door, but Simon's voice followed him. "You do this right, Mal. Because God help me, she loves you, and you'd better not screw it up."

Mal didn't even offer Simon a backwards glance as he walked away. He heard Kaylee questioning Simon, but her voice was lost when he turned the corner to head downstairs. When he got to the bottom, he stopped. He'd half-expected to find River in the infirmary, but she was curled up on the couch, a blanket tucked over her. He noticed another blanket and a pillow in one of the chairs, and realized that Simon must have spent the night there, watching over her. He sighed. Whatever else Simon might be, he was possibly the most devoted man Mal'd ever known, and that said something for him, anyway.

He sat on one of the chairs and had only downed half his coffee when a door in the extra passenger dorms slid open, and the only Elliot boy ran out, squealing, while his mother chased after him, a stony expression on her face. "Remy Elliot, you get back here this instant!" she hissed. "You're gonna wake every soul on—" She caught sight of Mal, watching her with raised eyebrows, and flushed. "Cap'n! I didn't mean to—Remy. I'm gonna tan your hide, you don't get in here!"

The child darted past his mother and back into the room. The door slid shut, and the faint sound of scolding met Mal's ears. Shaking his head, he sank back into his chair and took another drink, only to find River's eyes open and fixed on him, a faint, peaceful smile on her face. "Morning."

"Mornin', darlin'. How you farin'?"

"All right." River's forehead creased in a slight frown. "You talked to Simon."

"I did."

River studied him for a moment, and then seemed to relax slightly. "It's all right." She smiled, then shoved her blanket off and sat up very slowly, with only a small grimace. When she started to push herself to her feet, Mal set his cup down and gave her a hand up. "Where you headed?"

"My room. I need to change."

Mal blinked away the sudden image that brought on, hoping River hadn't picked up on it. From her sideways glance and the funny little expression that passed across her face, he thought she had, but she made no comment as she stepped into her room and slid the door shut behind her.

Mal rubbed his forehead. One thing was sure—River's psychic abilities were going to make this new step in their relationship very interesting.

As he went back to his coffee, he saw Simon standing at the bottom of the stairs, watching him with the threat of death in his eyes. His eyes darted from River's bedroom door to Mal, and they narrowed even further. "Remember," Simon muttered darkly as he headed past Mal toward the infirmary, "I'm a surgeon."

And Simon's ability to be a liumang was going to add plenty of color to it, too.

:-:-:

River slept the afternoon and evening away—Simon said she hadn't had much rest the last night, and since she was having trouble sleeping, he finally gave her some drugs that knocked her silly. Mal checked in on her a few times, but always found her sleeping on the couch downstairs. He knew she had to be really doped if she managed to stay asleep with the Elliot kids making a racket in that area—the only place on board they were allowed to go without supervision.

Simon had apparently been planning on sleeping downstairs again, but Kaylee finally managed to coax him away. Mal was in the cockpit, and heard them coming down the corridor. "…and she's doin' just shiny," Kaylee was saying. "Your wife, on the other hand, could use some attention."

Mal glanced out in the corridor and saw Kaylee holding Simon's hand and tugging him toward their bunk. "C'mon, Simon," Kaylee said gently. "She ain't gonna get better no faster with you hoverin'. 'Sides, she can comm if she needs you."

That was probably the only assurance, in the end, that Simon gave into. The couple disappeared into their bunk, and Mal turned back to his console. He was doing some checking into jobs, since he wasn't quite sure what he was going to do after he dropped the Elliots off the next afternoon. River had earned a load of money working as a geisha—one of the feds had collected it from the hotel for River, who had promptly turned it over to Mal—so it wasn't like they were strapped for cash just now. Still, it would be nice to be a step ahead, and there weren't any new leads on Rina Duncan or the slaving ring just now.

He found one or two possible job leads, though they weren't from his normal clients, so he wasn't sure how reliable they were. Sighing, and still not feeling tired enough to sleep, though everyone else had gone to bed, Mal decided his gun could probably stand a good cleaning. Least it would give him something to occupy his time till he could crash.

He was in the dining room, pieces of his gun strewn about on the table, when he saw River making her way down the hall, one hand on the wall for support. Mal set his gun on the table and met her at the doorway, giving her a hand down into the room. "What're you doin' up here?"

"I'm awake now," River said, a little groggily. "Sort of."

Mal gave her hand a squeeze. "I'll get you somethin' if you're hungry." He made to help her to one of the chairs, but she didn't move.

"I'm all right," she said, taking his other hand and smiling at him. "I just wanted to see you."

Mal gave her a little smile in return. "Ain't much to see." It was, he realized, the first time he'd really been alone with her since the hospital. There was a moment in which they both looked at each other, something akin to 'well, now what?' passing between them.

Then River closed the distance between them and rested against him, allowing their entwined hands to dangle at their sides. She lifted her head, her eyes searching his for something. He wasn't sure exactly what she was looking for, but she felt so good pressed up against him. He tried not to think about that—told himself that this was all new, that she was hurt, that the crew was just down the hall…

"Mal," River murmured, releasing one of his hands and caressing his face. She didn't sound so tired anymore, and the way she was staring at him sent heat through his body. He half-expected to see Simon suddenly appear, but the bunk remained firmly shut. "Mal…"

And then they were kissing, and nothing else mattered. This was real, she was real, and what they had found with each other was real. He kissed her desperately, hungrily, wanting her like he had never wanted any woman. River wrapped her arms around him, weaving her hands into his hair, and he deepened their kiss, breathing in the feel and taste and sight of her.

When they finally broke apart, River ran her fingers over his shoulders and chest, her body trembling against his. "I love you, Malcolm Reynolds," she whispered. "I want you forever."

Which sounded pretty nice to him. Mal took a deep breath and smoothed River's hair from her face. He had the presence of mind to realize that she was leaning pretty hard on him. "Ni mei shi ba?"

"I-I think I need to sit down."

Mal helped her to a chair, where she sat very carefully, wincing as she gently touched her fingers to her back. "You need some pain meds?"

River shook her head. "Wo hao. Just need to catch my breath." A tiny smile passed across her face so quickly Mal wondered if it had really been there.

:-:-:

The next morning, River got on the cortex and began hacking into Rina Duncan's personal and government files. Duncan was still scheduled to show up at a meeting that afternoon, and while River doubted she would actually be there, she knew that Agent Burnham would already have her team in position just in case.

River wished she could do more, but even just spending an hour on the cortex taxed her healing body. She probably would have stayed on longer anyway, except Simon dragged her back downstairs to re-bandage her wound. "You don't need to exert yourself," he told her as she laid facedown in the infirmary, and River wondered if he would have included her kissing Mal in the dining room last night to be exerting herself.

Despite her frustration over the whole Rina Duncan situation, this brought a grin to her face. She liked kissing Mal, exertion be damned. She hid her face in the pillow so Simon wouldn't question the expression that she knew had to be on her face.

"It looks good," Simon said. "No infections." He finished and she moved to the couch, where she began going over some files from Rina Duncan's personal itinerary, files she had transferred from the cortex to her computer pad. Since Duncan's future trips weren't much help right now, River worked her way backwards, looking at previous trips Duncan had taken, hoping to find something, some connection that might help. In most cases, her personal itinerary matched that which the government had listed for her, but there were a few holes, a few times when Duncan had gone places and used an alias like she had on New Canaan.

Where are you? River wondered. What are you doing?

While she worked, the two littlest Elliot children, ages five and three, were bounding around the room. They knew they were close to their destination, and continually asked, "are we there yet?" River finally fished her colored pencils out of her room and brought them out so the two kids could color. Eventually, Sarah's eldest daughter Lissa, who had been quiet and withdrawn, joined in, sitting silently in one of the chairs, face obscured by her blond hair as she drew. Sarah kept watch over her children for a while, and then went to make them lunch.

In the end, she might not have learned anything if it hadn't been for Lissa Elliot. River hadn't heard her speak more than two words, and those had been "yes, ma'am," in response to her mother. Even her mind was quiet, locked into a single event—the death of her father and the disappearance of her sister. Which, in the end, was what gave River what she needed. These memories were very like the nightmares River had been experiencing, and she didn't doubt that it had been Lissa doing the dreaming.

One particular event was tucked away amongst the stronger ones, but it flashed through River's head and she suddenly realized the significance. Her head snapped up, and she stared at the little girl. "It was Savannah's birthday."

Lissa jumped and looked for all the world like a timid little rabbit. She seemed uncertain about what she was supposed to say, so she settled with, "Ma'am?"

"Her birthday," River whispered. She lurched to her feet and made for the stairs, pulling herself up them. She met Sarah in the hallway, returning to collect her children for lunch. "It was Savannah's birthday this month," she said.

Sarah's brow furrowed. "Well—yes."

"Before your husband died." River gripped the wall and stared at Sarah. "Did he send her anything for her birthday?"

Sarah blinked. "Y-yes. It weren't nothin' much, just a little trinket he picked up…" She trailed off and her eyes widened. "You think he sent it to her? Whatever that awful woman at the hotel was lookin' for?"

It was so simple—so unobvious that even when Rina Duncan had asked Sarah if her husband sent her anything before he died, it hadn't come to mind. Why would she suspect her little girl's birthday gift?

"It was just a little bracelet," Sarah said slowly. "She was wearin' it when they took her." She shook her head. "What sorta thing could he have sent in a bracelet?"

River was already running over the possibilities. "A lot of things." She bit her lip. They needed to find Savannah, and hope that the bracelet hadn't been taken from her or thrown away. There were no guarantees it was the evidence they were looking for, but she had promised to try to find Savannah anyway. How ironic that, if Savannah really did have the evidence they were looking for, out of the four Elliot children, the mercenaries had taken her.

The only question was how she was going to find one little girl in a very big universe.