Chapter 22
Stephanie stared into the darkness of the room, listening to her husband breathing behind her. He had one arm thrown around her, pulling her to him, and he was snoring lightly. She was regretting the decision she'd made earlier of calling him, because for some reason she felt so out of place being with him and sleeping with him this way. She'd never really felt that way before with him, but now she did, and she knew why...
It was because of Chris.
She couldn't pinpoint exactly when things had changed between her and Chris, but she knew that they had changed somewhere along the way. From the day they had learned of the new storyline between Trish and Hunter to when he had admitted that he was falling for her in the park, things had changed. She didn't know what to think of their relationship now, since it had started because Hunter wouldn't sleep with her. She had no plans to end their relationship, at least not in the near future, but she knew that ultimately it was going to come down to her choosing between her marriage with Hunter and her relationship with Chris...and she wasn't ready to make that decision yet, because...
Well, she didn't know who she'd choose.
It should have been an easy decision for her to make. She and Hunter had been married for over two years while she and Chris had only been fooling around for a couple of weeks. She should've been able to, if faced with that decision, been able to just choose Hunter. He was her husband, after all, and while he hadn't been acting like much of a husband for a while, he was still her husband and there was no way she could just forget that...
She closed her eyes, trying to go back to sleep, but she found it to be impossible. The first thing she saw when she closed her eyes was Chris's face, and she could hear his voice telling her that he'd fallen for her... She opened her eyes and sighed, wondering what she was going to do. She would have to do something, but she didn't know what that "something" was just yet. She didn't even know what Chris's status with Trish was at the moment, because she had signed off right after she'd sent her last message to him. If he'd said something afterwards, she didn't know, because she'd signed off before receiving another message.
All she knew was that she was lying in her husband's arms, thinking about another man.
Thinking about Chris.
"What are you thinking about, Stephanie?" Hunter asked from behind her, his lips brushing against the back of her neck softly.
She shivered, more like shuddered, and moved away just a little. "Nothing you would understand,"
"How do you know I wouldn't understand?" he asked her, suddenly thinking of his situation with Trish. He quickly tried to push the thoughts of Trish out of his mind, though. He had broken it off with her so he could focus on Stephanie and on their crumbling marriage, and yet, he found that Trish still weighed heavily on his mind... But he needed to focus on Stephanie right now, and that was what he decided to do. "How do you know I wouldn't understand?" he repeated, just for good measure, when he noticed that she hadn't answered him yet.
"There are just some things you know in life. This is one of those things," she replied, moving away from him and lying on her back. She turned her head to the side so she could peer over at him in the darkness. "How long have you been awake?"
"Ever since you woke up. I could kind of feel when you woke up because you felt different in my arms," he answered, putting even more space between them. He laid on his back and put his hands behind his head, looking up at the ceiling in the darkness. He had been dreaming about Trish, as usual, and something had woken him up. That something had been Stephanie. It wasn't like she'd really been moving or anything, he could just feel it when she woke up, and that had woken him up, too.
Stephanie didn't have anything else to say because she had so much on her mind, so she just closed her eyes again, hoping that she could maybe drift back off to sleep again. Maybe if she fell asleep again, then she wouldn't have to worry about her situation with Hunter, her marriage, or her relationship with Chris. Maybe all her problems would disappear, and she would just have a good sleep, filled with great dreams... She sighed again, knowing that once she fell asleep, she would be dreaming of Chris.
Hunter turned on his side to try to look at his wife in the dark. He had just remembered something she'd said earlier as they'd been falling asleep, something that had really piqued his interest, but he wasn't sure if it had piqued his interest in a good way or in a bad way. He didn't want to jump to conclusions about anything, though, so he decided that he needed to make sure that she'd said what he thought she'd said.
"Do you remember what you said earlier as you were falling asleep?" he asked her finally, after staring at her dark form for a few moments.
"No, what?" she asked absently, a bit distracted by her steady thoughts of Chris. It was like he was slowly taking over her mind, and she was constantly wondering what he was doing. Like now, for instance. What was he doing? Was he in bed with Trish? Were they asleep, or were they engaged in the most intimate of acts? Was he doing to Trish the things he'd done to her, and was he doing them as passionately as he had with her? Was he thinking about her, or was his mind only on Trish?
She didn't know the answers to all of her questions. Actually, she didn't know the answers to any and it was driving her insane!
"I told you that I loved you," he said, breaking into her thoughts. "I told you that I loved you, and do you know what you said? You said, 'I love you, too, Chris.' Chris. Why did you call me Chris?"
She gasped inaudibly, covering her mouth with her hand. She'd said that? She'd actually said that? She'd called him Chris? Jesus, she had slipped, and she had slipped big time. How was she going to cover this up? How was it even possible to cover this up?
Did she even want to cover it up?
"You haven't answered me yet," he said, interrupting her thoughts yet again. "Is there... Is there something I need to know?"
She gulped and found her voice again, speaking hurriedly. "No, there's nothing you need to know and there's nothing we need to talk about, nothing at all," she said quickly.
A little too quickly.
He reached over next to the side of the bed and turned on the bedside lamp, then turned back to look at his wife. She wasn't looking at him. She was looking up at the ceiling, and she looked...stricken. He knew then that she was keeping something from him, but he was clueless as to what she was hiding. He'd find out, though, and he'd find out soon.
"You're hiding something from me, aren't you?" he asked quietly.
"No." She tried to make her voice sound steady and strong, but it still quivered a little.
"It's something about someone named Chris, isn't it?" he persisted, still in that quiet voice of his.
"No." She was still struggling to sound firm, like she was speaking the truth, but it was getting harder and harder as he got closer and closer to the truth. She didn't know how she was going to be able to deny the truth if he asked her if she was fooling around with Chris...
"It's something about Chris Jericho, isn't it?" he asked. He didn't think it would be anything about Chris Benoit or Chris Masters, and he didn't really know that many other guys in the company named Chris that Stephanie really talked to. And, come to think of it, she and Jericho had been hanging out a lot lately, becoming friends while he and Trish had worked together on their storyline...
"No!" she exclaimed, shaking her head. "There's nothing about Chris Jericho... I'm not hiding anything about him, nothing at all, nothing, not a thing. I mean, really, Chris and I, we're just friends, and-"
"Calm down and take a breath," he interrupted. "You're getting all worked up over this simple question... Kind of makes me think that something's going on with you..."
"I told you it's nothing," she said, mentally cursing herself for getting so worked up when he'd mentioned Chris's name. If she'd just stayed calm and answered his question with a simple "no" then maybe he wouldn't be suspecting anything about her...
He yawned and closed his eyes, suddenly feeling sleepy again. "We'll talk about this in the morning," he said as he yawned.
"Yes, in the morning," she agreed, mentally telling herself that by then, maybe she'd have some kind of lie prepared to tell him when he asked her about Chris. She laid there next to him until she heard him breathing evenly. That was her cue. He was asleep. She got up and grabbed her phone, then walked out of the bedroom into the front part of the suite and sat down on the couch. Pulling her knees up to her chest, she rested her chin on them and opened the web browser.
What was it that Chris had asked her to look up? Ah, yes, "Smoochy Dreamers." She typed the phrase into the search engine in her phone's web browser and waited for the results, wondering what the hell a Smoochy Dreamer was in the first place. Just before the page finished loading, though, she got a text message from Chris. Curiously, she closed her web browser and opened up the message center. She scrolled to the message that he had just sent her.
Trish is calmed down and asleep now... I'm on my way over.
"Uh oh," she whispered nervously. She quickly dialed his number and listened to the phone ring, anxiously waiting for him to answer.
"Hey sweetheart," he said softly, upon answering the phone.
He'd called her sweetheart, and for some reason this made her heart flutter. "Hey," she whispered back, being mindful of the fact that her husband was sleeping. The last thing she wanted was for Hunter to wake up and hear her talking to Chris. "Where are you?" she asked quietly.
"I'm actually right down in the lobby of your hotel right now," he replied. "I just couldn't wait any longer to see you..."
"Don't come up here. Let me meet you down there," she suggested.
"Meet me downstairs? But why would you?" he asked, confused.
"I'll explain when we get there," she said in a firm, yet gentle voice. "I'll be there in about five minutes."
"Ok... I'll be waiting," he replied. He paused for a minute, then went on, deciding to take the plunge and just tell her how he felt about her. "Steph? I love you... Steph?" But the phone was quiet. Evidently, she had already ended the call when he'd said that he would be waiting for her.
Maybe that was for the best. I shouldn't tell her something like that on the phone, he thought, as he went and leaned against the wall next to the elevator to wait on Stephanie. He'd left his things in his rental car because he hadn't wanted to waste any time in getting to Stephanie. He was getting crazy about the woman. He'd found that it was hard to sleep without her now, now that he'd held her in his arms and slept before. He loved her, that much he knew, and he was going to tell her as soon as he had the opportunity to do so.
Just then, the elevator doors opened and he saw Stephanie step out, eyes darting around the lobby, looking for him. He observed her for a minute, taking in her appearance. She had on some sweatpants and a tight spaghetti strap shirt. Her hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail, and she had her phone and her keycard in her hand.
He walked up behind her and spoke softly into her ear. "Hey, sexy lady," he growled huskily. "Looking for a good time?"
She turned around and smiled lightly at him. "Hi," she said quietly.
"Want to go up to your room?" he asked immediately.
"We can't," she answered, distracting herself by playing with the zipper of the jacket he was wearing.
"Why can't we? All we have to do is get in the elevator," he pointed out, looking strangely at her. There was something about the look on her face that worried him. "What's wrong?"
"Can we...go talk somewhere?" she asked. "Somewhere that's not my room?"
"How about the backseat of my rental?" he suggested with a grin.
"Sure."
They walked together out of the hotel and to his rental car. He unlocked the doors and they got in the backseat, then sat in silence for a minute.
He watched her for a while, then gently put his hand beneath her chin to make her look at him. He gazed into her eyes, noting a certain look in them... Fear. His voice was laced with concern when he finally spoke to her. "What's wrong, baby?" he whispered.
"There's a reason why we can't go up to my room," she began, deciding to cut straight to the point. She was kind of afraid that when she told him that Hunter was up in her room, he would make her leave without listening to her explanation. Might as well get this over with, just in case he dumps me... But wait, we're not dating... Her thoughts were a total mess, and she was so confused...
"What's that? We don't have to sleep together if we go up to your room," he said in a soothing voice. "I just... I just want to hold you. I sleep so much better when I'm holding you."
"So do I. I feel safe...safe and warm," she replied, one hand on his arm. "I feel like I'm at home when I'm in your arms."
"Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be," he said, staring into her eyes. "Maybe it's supposed to be me and you... Just us..."
"But how can it be? I'm married," she emphasized, noticing how he winced at the word.
"Then get a divorce," he said quickly, not even having to think about it. "Just divorce him and get on with your life, beautiful."
"At this point, divorce isn't even an option," she said, shaking her head. "I'm... I can't consider that right now."
"You're already halfway there," he insisted. "I mean, you guys aren't even sharing the same hotel room anymore. Right now, he's on the other side of town, and you have no idea what he's doing."
"He's sleeping," she said softly.
"How would you know?" he wondered.
"I know because he's upstairs in my room," she answered, immediately looking away. If she had looked into his crystal clear blue eyes just a little longer, she would've seen the hurt that flashed in them, and he would've seen the shame that flashed in hers, but as it was, she had already turned away.
"He's...in your room?" he repeated in a raspy voice.
"Yeah, asleep," she said simply.
He licked his lips, then spoke, trying to keep his voice steady, but it cracked slightly. "How, Steph? Why?"
"After I talked to you earlier on, on AIM, I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking you were with Trish, that you were..." Her voice trailed off.
"Thinking that I was what?" he prodded.
"That you were making love to her," she whispered, looking back into his eyes. "It was driving me crazy, Chris, just the thought of you doing to her the very same things that you've been doing to me... So I called Hunter.
"Steph... You didn't...did you?" he asked, nervous about what her answer would be. "You didn't sleep with him because you thought I was sleeping with Trish, did you? Because I didn't sleep in the bed with her, I took the couch, and... Did you?"
"No, I didn't sleep with him that way," she said honestly. "I called him over, and I told him that I needed for him to hold me while I slept... But it wasn't him that I wanted to be there holding me. It was you."
"That should tell you something right there," he said, relieved that Hunter hadn't slept with his woman... Wait, his woman? "Is that all that happened?" he asked hopefully.
"No," she said slowly.
"What else happened?" he wondered. "Was it bad?"
"For me, yes," she said vaguely. "For Hunter? Definitely."
"Oh God, maybe you shouldn't tell me," he said, leaning back against the seat. "I don't think I could take it if you tell me that you sought out his lips while you were sleeping, and that you guys ended up having-"
"Stop it. He told me that he loved me," she interrupted, leaning back on the seat next to him, cuddling up close at his side. "He told me that he loved me, and he sounded so sincere that I knew I had to say it back."
"So you love him, huh?" he asked sadly.
"Yes... He's my husband, after all, so of course I love him," she replied. "But... He may not think so, after my reply to him."
"What did you say?" he asked, curious even though he didn't really want to know. He didn't want to hear about her love for Hunter...because it made him hurt.
She looked at him, noting the look on his face. She leaned up a little to whisper into his ear, because maybe if she whispered it, it wouldn't be true and she wouldn't feel this way about him.
"What did you say?" he asked, feeling her warm breath on his ear.
"I said...and he quoted me on this..." She leaned closer, her lips brushing against his ear as she spoke. "I said, 'I love you, too, Chris.'"
"This is just what I feared, that you loved him back," he said. "I mean, I guess I'm not enough. I must not..." At that moment, the words Stephanie had spoken registered in his brain, and he blinked, looking at her. "What did you say?"
"Don't make me say it again, Chris, because it's wrong," she said, kissing the space just below his ear. "We're wrong... All of this is wrong. I'm not supposed to lo...to feel this way for you."
"Wow," he said in disbelief. "This is just...wow. Can you say it again? Can you tell me again, please?"
She sighed, feeling the familiar sting of tears fast approaching. He pulled her into his lap and stroked her back idly, waiting to hear those words, those words she didn't want to say, even if she knew they were true. To say them would be acknowledging the fact that her marriage was irreparable, that it had failed, that she had failed. She didn't want to fail, because failure made her feel vulnerable and worthless.
The tears slipped out as she leaned her head in the crook of his neck and closed her eyes. He waited patiently for her to speak, and he hoped she would say what he wanted to hear...
"Chris," she whispered finally, her lips moving against his skin and muffling her voice. "I... I love you..."
"I love you, too. I was going to tell you as soon as I saw you... I just..." He kissed the top of her head and tightened his hold on her as he closed his eyes. "It's so funny how I was with Trish for, like, two years, and I never once told her I loved her...but then I started being with you, and now I've fallen for you."
"It wasn't supposed to happen," she whispered. "I... You promised me, Chris! You promised not to fall for me!"
"But I couldn't help it... I can't help it," he whispered back. "It's the way you look at me, the way we touch... The way we make love... I can just feel the love when I'm holding you in my arms and you're sleeping..."
"It wasn't supposed to happen," she repeated, shaking her head. "But the way you describe it... It sounds so heavenly, Chris, so perfect..."
"Nothing is one hundred percent perfect, but this...us... We're as close to perfect as perfect can be," he said, making her look at him. He brought his lips down on hers, kissing her slowly, just taking the time to taste, to explore...to feel. He wanted to kiss her this way for an eternity... He wanted to hold her forever.
She pulled back, breathing heavily, one hand up to his face. Her eyes were clouded with lust, with passion, and she knew what she wanted...what she needed from him. "I want you," she told him, something she'd been saying frequently for the past few weeks. "Not only that... I need you."
"I don't have any protection with me," he whispered regretfully. "We can't... But I want to, because I need you, too..."
"I don't care about protection right now," she said huskily. "Just...make love to me..."
"Steph... Last time we did it without protection, you regretted it and you were angry with me," he pointed out. "I don't want that to happen again."
"It won't happen, Chris. I won't be angry with you this time," she assured him, staring into his mesmerizing eyes. "I want you, and I think... I think I know what I'm doing..."
"You're not on birth control, though," he reminded her.
"I know, but I don't want to wait," she whispered, running her fingers through his silky hair. "I promise you that I'm not going to regret this."
"Prove it," he said shortly, his lips inches away from her own.
"I love you," she said simply.
And that was all he needed to hear.
A/N: What is wrong with me? This goes against the storyline...and now I don't know... I had the end all planned out, and now? It's like I'm back at square one again! LOL! I'll figure it out soon, hopefully! Leave me a review and tell me how you liked (or didn't like) this chapter!
