Chapter 18
The Truth
AN: I can't believe its chapter 18 already! This story seems to have taken on a life of its own! But I suppose we're gonna start getting into the nitty-gritty of it! Thanks for all of you who've stuck around to read this stuff. I appreciate it very much!
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The next day Kaoru awoke with a throbbing headache. She noticed it was already going on 9 am and went to her mother's room to check in on her. Her mother had apparently gotten home early that morning after working a grueling double shift and was slumbering peacefully for a change out of sheer exhaustion.
She checked on Yahiko who was not in his room and so she assumed that he was sleeping in late over at his friends house. Just to be sure Kaoru rang up the boys' parents and confirmed that Yahiko was safe and sound.
After dodging a few probing questions about her father's health from Yahiko's friends' nosy mother, Kaoru quietly showered and changed. Her mind was still filled with the previous day's events, and she just couldn't get Kenshin's image out of her head. She went downstairs and quietly fixed herself a quick breakfast and left some extra food over for Yahiko and her mother.
Finishing her weekend chores around the house took no time at all, and she found that she just couldn't stop thinking about the decision at hand.
"I'll see him tomorrow at school even if I avoid calling him today. What do I do?"
Figuring that she needed some advice, Kaoru rang up Misao.
After some talk about the hospital visit and even the fair, Kaoru finally brought up the dilemma. She found it a bit awkward to tell Misao what had happened at the house so she left details out about the incident leading up to the slap. In stead Kaoru told Misao that she and Kenshin had gotten into a bit of a tiff regarding her parents.
"Well it's pretty obvious that he doesn't like not being acknowledged to your folks" Misao started out. One thing that Misao did know far more about than Kaoru was guys. Misao had been with Aoshi seemingly forever and that gave her more experience than Kaoru. "Kaoru what do you want to happen? I mean do you really like him or is this just to pass the time?"
"Misao! You know I wouldn't do any of this if I didn't expect a commitment out of it. I mean I can't be like the rest of them and date casually around. Pretty soon you just start getting passed around like a party favor" Kaoru snapped back.
The two girls laughed at the comment, and Misao continued. "I think that you guys should definitely stick it out. He seems like a good guy Kaoru and everyone has their little squabbles. He really seems to like you and honestly I think you should give it a shot. I mean when are you gonna grow up and find someone?"
"Gees, my life isn't gonna end if I don't find someone. And I mean aren't we too young for all this seriousness in relationships?"
Misao cut her off, "says who? Back in the day people got arranged marriages before they were barely 18! And look at me and Aoshi. I don't mean to compare or anything, but I stand by my relationship with him and we got together when I still a sophomore in high school!"
Kaoru thought about that.
"Besides," Misao continued, "college is right around the corner. You have some growing up to do Miss Kaoru and if this great guy is willing to stand by you then why are you throwing that away?"
"Why would I want to put anyone through the crap I go through at home? Isn't that completely unfair to him? I mean I know he likes me Misao, but how much can one person stand of this? I LIVE here and I can barely stand it. What's to say that a few months down the line we won't just get tired of each other and break up? More heartbreak that I can't stand to go through." Kaoru thought she had a good argument against her best friend, but she should've known better.
"And what if you don't try anything in your life? What if you don't take any chances or risks? You have this challenge of being with Kenshin and telling your parents how you want to live your life and you're being a coward!" Misao fired back. "Ya just can't go through life being scared of the 'what if's'. Before you know it, you'll be like 80 still living in your parents home alone with a million cats!"
Kaoru couldn't help but to laugh at the last comment, which lightened the mood again. "Yea…but I still don't know what to do."
"Has he called you yet?"
Kaoru looked at the clock in her room, 12:18 pm. Letting out a sigh she replied, "No. And I don't think he will unless I call him first. He said something along the lines of 'I support whatever decision you make. If you decide that we shouldn't be together then I'll leave you alone'. Or something like that." She reflected on how sad he'd sounded when he had told her that.
"Awww…" Misao squealed, "that's so sweet! He's really a nice guy Kaoru and the fact that he's cute and apparently well off doesn't hurt!"
"Hey, I'm not into his money you know! I didn't even know it until he brought me to his house!"
"I know I know", Misao teased, "so what are you going to do?"
"I…I still don't know. Argh…I'm so confused!"
"Well my opinion still stands the same. I think you guys should be together and see what happens."
Kaoru laughed, "Okay Dr. Phil I'll be sure to keep that in mind."
After a few more minutes the girls hung up. Kaoru decided she could take her mind off of the red-head by attempting to study for upcoming exams for the remainder of the day. After all, college applications would be going out soon and she needed to keep her grades up. If she didn't know what to do regarding Kenshin, at least she was certain about her aspirations for the future.
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The next morning came all too quickly and Kaoru found herself having the same conversation with Misao as the previous day over while they strolled to school.
After reaching the school, Kaoru scanned the crowds once more to find Kenshin. She saw him standing with Sano and the regular bunch of guys. She and Misao walked over to them and tried to engage in somewhat of a normal conversation.
Kenshin and her made eye contact a few times, and she found herself smiling at him. Although the uncertainty in her mind kept her from saying much.
---------- KENSHIN'S POV ------------------
He'd seen her walk up to where he was standing and give him a weak smile in response to his 'Hey'.
"I wonder what this day will bring" he thought to himself, barely paying attention to the conversation going on within the group. His attention kept going back to the raven-haired girl and how he hadn't spoken to her in almost a day.
He'd spent the entire Sunday lounging around the house, which rarely happened. After not getting any calls from her, he had decided to do his regular work out and hang out with Sano. The two spent hours playing video games at Kenshin's house and ended the day with some take out. He'd contemplated going out at night, but just wasn't up to it.
And now he found himself standing next to Kaoru but feeling like they were miles apart. Her body language, one-word responses, and refusal to make much eye contact, left him utterly confused.
He wanted to just burst out and ask her what their situation was and if she'd made her mind up. At times he wanted nothing more than to scoop her up in his arms and tell her how much she meant to him. Other times he found himself becoming angrier at the fact that a girl he'd recently met could make a puppet out of him. He hated the fact that it was he who had to wait and see what she wanted.
Usually if a girl wasn't too sure about the relationship he wouldn't stick around long enough to find out her decision. He had no problem in picking up with someone else, "So know what's wrong with you tough guy? You spend a couple of days with her and see her cry and you're practically following her around waiting for what?"
After the incident on Saturday, he'd vehemently apologized and even accepted the fact that she slapped him for a second time. "I did deserve that, since I let myself get carried away. I shouldn't have assumed she wanted to move so fast only because every girl did. That's why I was attracted to her in the first place because she's not like everyone else."
Contemplating his next move, Kenshin found himself staring at Kaoru nervously. "There you go again, loosing your cool. Damnit just ask her what's up!"
He turned to her and asked, "So how're you feeling?"
She seemed nervous around him and answered back, "Uh better".
"What'd you do yesterday all day?"
"Nothin' much. Just lounge around the house and stuff" she replied stilly smiling nervously.
"Okay, this is going no where," he thought. "We're just going around in circles and I can't stand it any longer. I know she needed some time to think, but not knowing is driving me crazy! I don't even know if I can do this all day through school and wait till afterwards to find out what she's thinking. And she's not about to tell me with all these people around."
"Hey Kaoru, could we talk?"
"Um, you mean now? Sure…but…"
Just then one of Kenshin's many admirers's interrupted them, "HEY KENSHIN!"
Her name was Natasha and although she was almost a year younger than them, she had no problems with getting friendly with all of the guys. She'd spoken to Kenshin a few times when he first arrived to the school and they seemed to have had a platonic relationship.
She had short dark hair with highlights and dark brown eyes. She was petite in frame and shorter than Kaoru. Everyone knew she was always a bit too friendly with all the guys, and didn't seem to care in the least if they were attached or not. Her skirt was always hiked up a little shorter than everyone else, and her flirtatious attitude didn't win her too many female friends.
Kenshin was surprised to see the girl suddenly burst in on his conversation with Kaoru, but was still respectful and said "Hey" to her. "What the hell does she want?" he thought irritably.
Instead of just walking away, she seemed to have something to say to him and didn't mind in the least bit on interrupted him and Kaoru. Not even acknowledging Kaoru was there, she stood in front of Kenshin. A bit too close considering as far as everyone else knew he and Kaoru were together.
She looked up at him with puppy-dog eyes and a feigned pout, "Kenshin! You're horrible. How come you never hung out with us after that weekend? We had so much fun!"
"Wholly shit! This chick is gonna' get me decked…again!" Kenshin chuckled nervously and glanced over towards Kaoru who looked back and fourth between him and Natasha.
"Eh…well…you know. No time and stuff. Me and K have been hanging out and stuff." He looked towards Kaoru again to acknowledge his point. "God, please just leave!"
In stead of leaving, or getting the hint or perhaps she just didn't care, the annoying girl continued on. "Oh that is so mean Kenshin! You're too busy for me now? Remember how we went to the fair and you won me that cute little elephant? I still have it you know!" She moved even closer to Kenshin and he thought she would practically jump on top of him at any moment. Her face had mischief written all over it and he would've done at that moment to make her disappear.
"Damn it I just can't win," he thought "why is she doing this?" He looked over at Kaoru who was now standing there in silence listening in on the conversation. Her eyes reflected pain and astonishment at what the girl was saying.
Kenshin merely chuckled nervously as he looked down trying to figure out how to get himself out of the predicament.
The girl giggled and continued, "Well I just never got to thank you that day for the wonderful time and tell you how much I enjoyed it. Let's do something again real soon okay?" She grinned seductively towards him and put a hand on her hip as she finished her question.
And without even waiting for a response, she trotted away.
Kenshin looked over towards Kaoru thinking the storm had passed. He was met with angry, tear-filled blue eyes. She said nothing, which made Kenshin more nervous.
"K-Kaoru, I can explain. It was nothing…just a group…" he stammered trying to get through to her.
She promptly grabbed Misao from the rest of the group and walked away in a huff without as much as a word to him.
"Kaoru! Wait!" he tried calling to her, but she was already gone and making her way through the crowd.
"Damn" he muttered.
-------------- KAORU'S POV ------------------
"How could he, how could he, how could he?" she thought over and over walking away from him.
She'd practically yanked Misao from Sano's side and tried her best to get through the crowd without letting the tears spill from her eyes.
Misao had seen the hurt expression on her friend's face and heard Kenshin call her name as Kaoru walked away. "What happened?"
Kaoru said nothing and instead just kept making her way through the crowd. All she could think of was getting to a safe haven where she could let her emotions pour out in solitude. She needed Misao though to help her through it.
"What happened?" Misao asked again as she following her friend.
Finally reaching the girl's bathroom, Kaoru angrily threw her bag on the ground and sank down on the floor crying. Misao bent down next to her with some tissue and waited patiently as her friend tried to compose herself.
"Kenshin how could you? You didn't even tell me any of this? That girl just came up to you and said all of that…and…you…and her?" It was all too much to think about.
"Kaoru, what happened? What did he say?" Misao asked softly.
Sniffling and wiping the tears from her face, Kaoru finally answered. "He…he was…that girl Natasha. They went out or something. She came trotting up to us and practically leapt into his arms. He didn't even tell me…I am so STUPID!"
She started to cry again. Misao tried to comfort her friend and gain more information.
"When did they go out? Yesterday?" she asked innocently. "Oh I am gonna' kick his ASS!" she added clearly getting upset.
"No," came a teary response from Kaoru, "I think it was around the time when he first got here."
Misao reflected on that for a minute as Kaoru continued to vent. "I mean he didn't even tell me that they had had something going on you know? Don't I deserve to know? And she just came up to him while I was standing right there. Like it didn't even mean anything that we're together. Argh…he's such a…I don't know what!"
After a few more minutes of crying and trying to get herself together, Kaoru looked up at Misao.
"What do I do?"
Misao looked back at her sympathetically, "Kaoru what does this have to do with you and him being together now?"
"Huh? Didn't you hear me? He was WITH her!" she replied angrily.
"Yea, BEFORE you guys were together!"
"What? You're saying I should forgive him?"
"Kaoru, you can't blame him for one stupid date with a stupid girl even before you guys were talking!"
Kaoru thought that over, "What? But…the way she was hanging all over him just now and…argh…he makes me so mad!"
"Misao, you don't understand…" she started.
"I know what I think? I think you got jealous just now. This whole thing with you and him being together, not being together…and now this thing with Natasha. I think it made you realize how much it would hurt if you two broke up and went your separate ways."
"Is she right? Was I just so jealous…of that…little whore!" Kaoru racked her brains looking for an answer. "But he didn't even tell me Misao! Don't I deserve at to be told about the fact that he was messing around with her?"
"Do you know for a fact that they were messing around together? I mean all she said was that he went on ONE silly date. Kaoru you hang out with Sano and me all the time. What does that mean?"
"N-nothing! Sano's just a good friend. And that's different from Natasha and Kenshin…"
"Yea, they're not long-time friends. But they were friendly way before you even considered being with him. Kaoru…be reasonable here."
She remained silent.
"You're turning yourself into a wreck for no apparent reason. I mean she could've just done all that to make you jealous. That girl is a total bitch, and an even bigger slut! Why are you letting her get to you like this?"
"Why? I don't even know why? Or do I?"
A short while later, the girls finally made it to class. The entire first period was done before Kaoru could even think about venturing back outside the girl's room. A few people in the hallway told her that Kenshin was asking around for her.
As they stepped into the class that was already in session, Kauro couldn't even bring herself to look at Kenshin. She saw the red hair from the corner of her eye, and even felt him staring at her after she took a seat on the other side of the room from him.
After the class ended, Misao walked over to Kenshin as Kaoru packed her books.
"Misao…" he started, but was quickly interrupted.
"Hey listen; just give her some space right now. Talk to her after school today okay? I'll make sure she waits up for you."
"Is she alright?" he asked looking in Kaoru's direction.
"She's just a bit upset and just needs to get herself together. Don't worry though." And with that Misao left and went back to her friend's side.
For the rest of the day Kaoru avoided making any further eye contact or having a conversation with Kenshin. She would purposely sit apart from him in class and even avoided him during lunch. The two kept everything quiet and between only them so as not to ignite more rumors in school. She even felt guilty for not being completely truthful with Misao, but knew that her friend would probably end up kicking Kenshin's ass if she found out what happened.
She continued to think about Kenshin, the events of Saturday, their conversation in the car after he drove her home, and even about what Misao said in the bathroom. Sudden moments of anger would enflame her only to be extinguished by more rational thoughts.
Finally the day ended and she and Misao walked through the hallway towards the exit. "I wonder if he'll even wait for me." Kaoru thought cynically. "It's so easy for him to be with different people, he probably thinks nothing of this".
Just as they walked through the exit, Kaoru looked up and saw the red head sitting on the hood of his car. Misao looked at her and with an encouraging smile said, "Well, this is where I take my exit. Just remember what I said and go with your heart. Don't think about anything else except what you want for a change. Call me if you need anything!"
Kaoru smiled at her friend, "I will. Thanks Misao".
And with that the girl walked in the opposite direction and disappeared down the street. Kaoru solemnly made her way through the school yard and finally got to where Kenshin was waiting.
He looked up at her and seemed concerned as usual. As she approached him, he quickly got up from his seat.
She didn't know what to say or how to even begin to say something to him. Luckily for her, he was eager to speak and started first.
"Hey Kaoru…I…we really need to talk. Please just hear me out!" he started.
Kaoru could say nothing and only nodded in response. Her emotions were a mix between anger, disappointment and heartbreak. Kenshin sank back down to the hood of his car as he looked at the girl standing in front of him.
"Kaoru…that girl today, Natasha…I just want to let you know that nothing happened between us. It was this group of us that decided to go hang out after my first couple of days here and I just went. I mean I admit that me and her hung around each other, but that's as far as it went. It was just stupid flirting and…for what its worth I wish it never happened."
She didn't know what to say. There was so much on her mind all day and now standing in front of him, she couldn't muster the strength to utter a word. She knew the anger that was swelling inside her would be uncontrollable if she lost her resolve. But at the same time she wanted to let him know exactly how much he'd hurt her on Saturday and because of what happened today.
He continued on after she said nothing.
"I…I guess what I want to say is how sorry I am…about everything. It's just been killing me since Saturday and I just want you to tell me...I don't know what…just please say something." He fell silent and stared at the ground with arms crossed across his chest.
Kaoru could feel the mild afternoon, late-summer breeze sway her ponytail back and fourth. They remained standing in silence, either of them refusing to meet the other's eyes. Finally she mustered enough strength to say something to him.
Swallowing the lump in her throat, and controlling her trembling because of the rage inside, she finally found her voice, "Kenshin…I…I'm just so pissed off at you. I mean Saturday…" she took a deep breath to regain some composure and continued, "Saturday was…you took me to see my dad and I can't ever repay you for being there for me. Then you…you…I mean what the hell do you think I am? You think I'm anything like that girl Natasha?" She grew angry once more as the memories of the morning came flooding back.
Kenshin went on the defensive, "NO! NO! Kaoru…I…I was an idiot Saturday and I wish I could take it back. I just…I guess there is no excuse for what happened and I can't say it enough that I absolutely don't think that of you. And as for the whole Natasha thing please believe me when I say that nothing happened between us."
She didn't respond to him. Kaoru's mind whirled with thoughts of only fury directed at the boy.
"Kaoru, I wish had just told you earlier to save all this trouble, but honestly I thought nothing of it. I just didn't. I think nothing of her!"
"And what about me Kenshin? What do you think about being with me?" she exploded.
"I.." but he was interrupted.
"I'm not like you Kenshin. I can't hold hands, kiss and hug different people practically every month and pretend to be happy. I can't cry into someone's shoulder and turn around a few weeks later and be with someone completely different. And as big of a bitch Natasha is, she probably doesn't deserve to be led on either." Her voice started to tremble and she stopped.
He rose from the car and stood up in front of her. She had turned her face away from his direction and looked out into nowhere. He gently placed both hands, cupping her face and turned it towards his own.
"There's no one else that I want to hold hands with or be with other than you. I can't take away what happened in the past, but just know from the moment that I decided I wanted to be with you, there was no else. There hasn't been and there never will be. I don't know what to do to make you believe in me and believe in how I feel about you Kaoru."
"I just don't know how to believe in you…I mean one minute it's like a dream and the next minute…all of THIS. How do I begin to trust you?" She removed his hands from her face and stepped away from him. "You will not just sweet talk you're way out of this Kenshin Himura!"
He looked around trying to find the right words, "I can't remember the last time someone ever had me to twisted around their finger like this." He laughed nervously at his own comment, but Kaoru was still silent, still not looking at him, and still not satisfied with his answer. Recognizing his hopeless situation, he was serious once more. "Kaoru…forgive me? Please?"
She looked at him and saw the pain and desperation in his eyes. But she needed to know just how truthful he was being. "Kenshin damnit you really fucked up. And it's not like I don't want to forgive you and try again. But…but WHY do you want to be with me? I mean you see all this with my dad, you know that for us to be together means we really need be ready for hell…It won't be easy…"
"Don't you think I already know that? But you need to be able to believe in me, and in us. We can get through anything Kaoru. Do you think you can do that? You think you can find it in your heart to forgive me and to try and trust me?"
"Can you trust him Kaoru?" she thought to herself, "Do you believe that you can have something in life for yourself for a change? He's been nothing but apologies and…this morning…what really got you so upset? The fact that he was with Natasha or just the fact that he was with someone else before you?" She looked at him letting out a heavy sigh and realized she would never admit to him that she was jealous of him being with someone else before her.
The tears that she held back finally began to freefall down her face only this time there was no way to control them. She cried for everything that had happened to her. She cried for her family, her father, her childhood, and now Kenshin. "Can't I just find something to believe in?" Her thoughts raced about the moments of disappointment and loneliness she'd endured, and how perfectly Kenshin had filled that void.
--------------- KENSHIN'S POV ----------------
She was crying again. How pained and sad she looked every time those eyes filled with tears. Her smile would disappear and he would give anything to see it back again. Every time he was with her, all he every wanted was to make her laugh and smile.
"She's crying because of me" Kenshin thought. "Kaoru…how do I prove to you what you mean to me?" She was now looking away from him and still crying.
He gently wiped the tears from her face and fought the sadness that crept into his own heart. Her perfect features and the exuberant smile that usually graced them was gone and replaced by grief that he had caused. The way she looked as tears rolled down and even the sorrow that could be heard when she spoke to him instantly took him back to the cold, sterile hospital room where his mother had spent her last days.
She'd tried so hard to stay strong for herself and her son, but the fact her husband seemingly abandoned her in the hospital was too heartbreaking. Kenshin would often walk in on one of his visits and see his mother crying to herself. She would hate to cry in front of Kenshin, but the grief was evident in her eyes even when she tried to hide it. He had been so angry at his father for making his mother suffer so much. Even to this day he hadn't forgiven the man for his mother's tears. And now the angel in front of him was reduced to the same tears that stung at his heart.
"Did I do this to you Kaoru? How could've I let myself hurt you so much?" It pained him to think that she was crying because of his actions. It was all too much to take.
"No…no Kaoru. I can't see you cry. It kills me inside every time you're so hurt." He gently brushed her tears away and fought to keep his own back. "I did this to you and I'm so sorry. You don't need anymore tears in your life and I promise that I won't make you cry ever again."
His arms instantly held her in an embrace that he'd waited seemingly forever for. He could feel her tears soak through his button down, cotton shirt.
"Please stop crying" he whispered in her ear as his hands gently stroked her hair.
She clutched his shirt in her hands and continued to let him hug her. The two stayed like that for seemed like eternity and Kenshin could've done anything to stop time right then.
"Whatever you've gone through in your life Kaoru, I promise from now on you'll laugh more and be happy. I want nothing more than to always see you smiling and I'll do anything for that to happen." He made a promise in his heart that he knew he would keep until the end of his time. She was so much more than just another girl. Before he'd felt it, but now he was sure of it. She was who he needed more than anything in life and who he would give anything to have as his own.
He tightened his embrace and placed a kiss on her forehead. Resting his chin on her head and letting her sink into his chest, he closed his eyes as a single tear rolled down his face. "I won't let anyone hurt you ever again Kaoru," he whispered.
"I love you."
END CHAPTER 18
Thanks for the reviews and feedback guys. Hope you found this chapter interesting. Please let me know what you think. If there are any questions you have or clarifications needed on anything, let me know!
Till next time…much love!
