Disclaimer: I do not nor have I ever owned YuYu Hakusho or Inuyasha. That's why I'm depressed and have to make them into little dollies in my own distorted universe.

Out of Despair

Chapter 2

Yusuke had slunk behind a bush as he watched Kagome being drug around by her friends from one store to another, her expression of despair never swaying. Kurama came up behind him defiantly remaining erect as he watched his friend. Yusuke was visibly irritated by his friend's willfulness not to hide.

"Aren't you supposed to be staying away from her?" Kurama was passive as he eyed the object of Yusuke's obsession. He had found this afternoon to be increasingly boring, and sought to find out where this journey was heading.

Yusuke shot him an incredulous glare. "And since when have you known me to listen to anything that toddler says?"

Kurama rolled his eyes. "All of what Koenma said aside, don't you think Keiko would be hurt to know that you are hiding in a bush to watch another girl?"

"Kurama, you know this isn't like that. There's something about her that I just can't place. I need to figure out what it is. "

"Hmmm… Is that so?"

"Yes, that's so."

Kurama eyed the detective skeptically for a moment before starting to walk toward the girls.

"Kurama, what are you doing?" He glared at his friend and let out a growl. He couldn't believe that he was about to ruin two days of surveillance. All of his work of getting to understand the girl further seemed to be going down the drain as Kurama neared the girl.

Yusuke was getting desperate. He had to stop him fast. Jumping up and running full force he almost tackled the kitsune before coming to a full stop.

"Yusuke, what's gotten into you? You haven't even spoken one word to the girl, have you?"

Kurama was right. He was afraid, and it made him more afraid that he couldn't figure out why. She was just a girl, right? He already had a fiancée so she couldn't shoot him down. He wasn't even interested in her like that. Or so he kept saying to himself. He couldn't help to deny there was something terribly wrong here. She was wrong. Everything about her seemed wrong. But what? First of all, no one should be that sad all the time, but it wasn't that. WHAT WAS IT? Shaking his head, trying to rid himself of the conflicting thoughts, he thought it was best to just agree. He could work it out later. "All right, All right! I'll go home."

The kitsune was almost positive if he came back in ten minutes he would find him slinking behind the same bush, but he would let it pass for now. He turned his attention back to the small shrine girl. He wondered what it was about this one girl that was turning his friend's whole life upside down. She was okay to look at, but way too sullen looking to be thought of as attractive. This was only the second time that he had seen her, but both times had left him with the impression that she would probably be dead from suicide within a year. There was not one ounce of happiness within her. She had failed miserably to even see Yusuke stalking her everywhere she went.

Kagome sat thumbing through another school book. She couldn't believe because of this mysterious illness she had to endure another year of school. Her friends, if you could call them that, had already graduated and were attending a nearby university. She couldn't believe that she had been left behind. She had always been such a… well, not a good student, but not a problem one either. Each afternoon all her friends would all make such an effort to cheer her up. She wished that they would stop. With each effort, she felt that they were making all their attempts in vain. They were completely exhausting her now. She tried to act cheery at first, but it just seemed that no matter what she tried she just couldn't connect with them. There was something that surpassed them, so far in the distance that it could no longer find its way back. The thought of this only seemed to drive her further into despair.

Putting down her school book, she moved to the window sill, caressing it as she drove to pull back the memories of a longtime friend forgotten. It had been here that her heart could almost feel warm again. Something was contained in the memories of even the wood in the sill. Fleeting away from her, as shadows, she tried to draw them back, but it was useless. They were apparitions, haunting her entire being, promising her of a happier existence that she could no longer reach. Should she even linger about? This was ridiculous, trying to romanticize the wood that remained. Perhaps this had only been a dream that the fever had brought about. If her mother came in, what would she say? She had dreams of someone that came to this window that gave her promises of the world that she had never experienced, someone that she couldn't even recall from her dreams. She would think her certifiable.

Out there, beyond the window, beyond the trees, seemed to be calling for her return, but how could that be? She never even had gone camping, but still it looked so much more inviting than another shopping trip, another trip to the movies, or another day in school. She sighed heavily. She was afraid to hear its summons. What was out there? High grass concealing beastly animals that would surely be the death of her. Was she afraid? She was only a city girl, never knowing the areas outside of Tokyo. Anything less than the confines of a mall would be too intimidating for her. Still the forests beckoned to secure a world of her fantasies. Who was she kidding? She had another year of school. She would never be happy without an air conditioner and running water to bathe in. But was she happy now? No, happiness had eluded her for far too long. A month had passed and still her heart cried out each and every day as if mourning. She loved her friends, but she couldn't connect any longer. Much like the confines of her room, they were stifling to her. Was this what she was mourning? The loss of her friends from school? It didn't seem likely. And what good would thinking like this bring? She had talked to her mother many times. Each of those times, her mother had reassured her that she was just the same as any other teenage girl, but as she looked uponYuka, Eri, and Ayumi, they were very well adjsted to one another. As long as it involved looking at other teenage boys, trendy fashion, and gossip, they were in the "know." She, on the other hand, couldn't care less. How did she ever disconnect from the ones that had stood by her ever since grade school? Where was she left now?

'USELESS!' These thoughts were absolutely useless! Her friends were taking their time to even associate with soemone that had visibly put a drain on each and every one of them. She should be grateful. She should try harder to be what they wanted… But she couldn't. Her spirit was drained. All she could feel was emptiness; emptiness for everyone that had wasted their energy to try with her.

She sat back on the bed, giving one last contemptuous glare to the trees. Study! That would be her focus. She needed to complete this year and move on with her life. Her life was here. It couldn't have ever been anywhere else. Haphazardly trying to find her place in her book, it fell to the floor as if in protest of her grabbing it harshly. The Gilded Cage appeared on the fallen pages. A picture of a woman trying to conform in a world that was illfitting to herself beckoned to her as sure as the forest had been calling to her earlier. It called of a world just outside her window, her existance, not worrying of what was expected of her but of temptations that could be satisfied.

She looked at the pink walls that lay her own gilded cage. Pictures of herself, Yuka, Eri, and Ayumi littered her dresser that she remembered as if in another life. Not one of these pictures hastened to call her back as her dreams had done. The color of the room made her nauseas. She HATED the color pink. She remembered how happy it made her feel when she was six, but she had long since outgrowned it. How could she have lived so long with this? It was enough to bring about an illness. She absolutely hated it. She hated everything about it. She hated everything about them. Every time she ventured out there there was always someone ready to take her one place or another; girls rambling about makeup, clothing, and boys; Hojo eager to give her gifts and take her to whatever movie was showing; and her family generating happy facades.

A beat formed in her chest, pulsing its need to become.

Her room had become the gilded cage, protecting her from most of what she did not want, but inhibiting her from becoming more. How could she not have seen it before! Another pulse, trying to awaken her. Her thoughts turned toward that day, it had been very cold out last month. The first day that she could remember somewhat clearly, she had been violently shaking as the chill seemed to saturate her body. It had still been dark, just before the new day broke. She was lying face down on the ground. As hard as she tried, she couldn't will her arms to move or much less be strong enough to lift her body. She looked to the house a few times wondering what had ever possessed her to venture out to the well house. Her head had weighed heavy as she lifted it and her entire body cried out in pain. The cold had yet to numb her and she had seen blood pooling around her legs. The scars would forever be visible on her upper thigh. Her mother had told her she had wandered out with a fever taking a glass out with her. She couldn't remember the glass. And then darkness overtook her into its grip calling, comforting her. She could feel the pain of her distraught body, but it was her heart that seemed to be the most damaged of all. It clenched as it called out for something just beyond its reach.

She found herself in her own bed, the lights flickering in from outside. Three days had passed. Large bandages plagued most of her body. She needed to move and be free of that bed. She hadn't taken a shower in days, and it was apparent. Sitting up and placing her feet on the floor, she groaned as her body debated the comforts of the bed and reminded her how sore she was. Slowly the awareness filled her that there was something she should be doing, something she did everyday. This was not the first time that she had been bandaged or this sore even. Why would she be used to being this sore? But the thought was fleeting and left her confused. She searched to find the thought, sitting still. Scanning every inch of her room, it was familiar. It was her room, but it no longer felt comforting. She had come to resent it since that day. She was building much resentment against her contrived existence; her mother, her family, her friends, and this room. They were all keeping her from where she should be; purposely hiding something from her. There were other people that she loved and cared for somewhere. She missed them desperately, even though she had no idea of their names or their faces.

Every time she questioned her mother she would smile, and reassure her that it must have been in a dream. Those smiles were another problem. They were hollow, and they left her wanting to know the reasons behind it. They mocked her, hiding things. Her mother's words didn't soothe the craving that she seemed to be experiencing. There was something out there which she had tasted. She knew it. Something that she wanted returned to her. The feelings would call to her, overwhelming her with desires she had never experienced but needed, just as she needed the air around her. The menial tasks that everyone was forcing on her only seemed to fan the flames of wanting something more. They were in no way smothering her wishes. She was lost in the thought of 'what is the point.' She didn't feel like she knew her own life anymore.

But underneath her anger her heart wanted to explode, it whispered such horrific images. Things that no god would ever let happen. She felt as though she would go crazy. As swiftly as they would come, mostly in her dreams, they would flee. A single tear made its way down her cheek. Wiping it away, she pushed back the grief. She would not succumb to it again. She was tired, too tired. Her whole body slowed to its call. And she would not be slowed nor controlled any longer. If anger was the only other emotion she could wield, she would embrace it eagerly.

Catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror, she saw herself as she had become, unkempt and drawn. She hated IT. It was not her. This illusion in the mirror taunted her, reminding her of all the fallacies in her current reality. "NO… MORE…DAMN… IT…' As a more severe pulse drove deep within her, she couldn't contain herself to keep from driving her fist in to the mirror. They would never mock her again. Over and over her unshielded hands met with the fragments of broken glass. Blood poured from the wounds, but pain was not something she would allow herself to feel. She had had a month of feeling and that time had past. No matter what she would endure she would not allow herself to feel ever again.

Pictures of smiling faces seemed to laugh at her. Each one met their doom one by one against a nearby wall. She did not want friendship as theirs ever again. They were shallow and contemptible. They had never endured true hardship, but for that matter neither had she as far as she knew. But it did not keep her from resenting them for it.

She heard her family's footsteps running up the steps, but she was not ready to be pacified just yet. Not another explanation. Not another! She wanted to be free to feel what she felt. She had to be. Pulling her chest of drawers in front of the door, she hindered their attempts from being able to come in. Opening the closet she looked for her yellow backpack. She wasn't sure why, but it seemed like what she needed. There was no sign of the device anywhere. An empty book bag would have to do. A few changes of clothes would be all she needed. She could get by somehow on her own.

"Kagome!" her mother screamed.

Her mother desperately pleaded to call her back, but it was of no mind. Her mother was no longer entitled to help her since she was more than willing to hold back knowledge that she knew she had. Perhaps one day she could come back and look upon her with understanding, but today was far from that day.

Hours in the forest that lay behind her home didn't seem to help, nor did it calm the raging emotions within her, but she was tired. So much anger burning deep within her for so long had only seemed to tire her. 'A little rest here, and I will be able to continue further,' she assured herself. She awoke to the sound of chuckles. Her eyesight had been clearly skewed because one of them looked almost catlike, with whiskers. He was tall, well over six feet. Another was just as strange looking only much smaller, perhaps only three feet. But the third was the one she feared the most. A glance from him and she knew that things would never be the same. She cursed herself for venturing this far. He was muscular and very menacing looking with darkened features hollowing his face. His aura permeated her entire being. She was terrified to look directly into his eyes, but yet he spoke to her.

"Miko, do you wish to purify us?" It was nothing more than a husky whisper, but she felt the full weight of what he wanted.

His tone taunted to her, using words she didn't understand. "Miko?" She desperately searched for the meaning of this word to understand his sentence. It seemed to be there, but not. Her soul kept telling her these words could save her, but she knew not what they meant under any circumstances. She felt with all certainty that there was one that could save her, but she didn't know where. As she looked into their eyes she cried out for help not knowing who or where there was any being that could help her now. These males were far from humans. She closed her eyes tightly trying to will them away, as if they were something that could only come from her nightmares, only to open them again and find that they still remained.

"Her power radiates from her, making her blood even sweeter!" Chuckling louder he bound her hands far behind her as he grabbed her in a quick sweep. The other two demons merely watched giggling slightly as they realized that she was another that didn't realize her dormant powers. The Ningenkai only had a hand full of priestesses that remained, but their blood was the sweetest and their purity provided the group with euphoric highs. They were very happy to have felt the pulse of a miko, if only slight, in the air. She would be a delicacy to them for the night's fare.