Horatio hated those days where his work kept him at the lab late into the evening. He loved his job – always had. Even when he had to deal with the antics of IAB or a pesky office mole or two, he always loved being at the lab and leading the CSI team. But nowadays, he wanted to spend as much time as possible with his wife, especially now that she was expecting their first child. Even so, the criminals of Miami never slept, so his hours could be unpredictable at the best of times. He looked at his watch: 7:42 PM. He'd been working almost 13 hours now. Horatio knew hours ago that he wouldn't make it home in time for dinner and had already phoned Marisol early in the day to let her know. He'd promised to not be 'too late', and he intended to keep that promise. He signed off on the last two reports sitting on his desk and rising, decided he would make one last round of the lab and head home.
Just before 9:00, Horatio pulled into his driveway. Getting out of the car, he walked over to the patrol car parked out front. Officer Davies greeted Horatio and reported that everything had been quiet on the street; no suspicious activity noted. Horatio thanked the officer and headed up the walkway to the front door. Although it had been months since the incident with the Mala Noche gang and the subsequent shooting that followed, Horatio was taking no chances when it came to his family's safety. In a rare instance of sanity, the IAB agreed, and for that, Horatio was thankful. Although if he'd needed to secure a private security detail, he had been more than willing to do so if it meant his wife's safety.
Entering the foyer, Horatio noted the lights on in the living room and kitchen, but no sign of Marisol. Heading into her sixth month of pregnancy, it was not unusual for her to lie down a bit earlier than normal. Ensuring the locks were secure and the security system armed, Horatio headed up the small stairway which led to their bedroom. He noticed the dim light from the bedroom and correctly assumed that Marisol had retired early. He stopped in the doorway and watched her for a moment. She was lying on her side facing the window, her back to the door. Her head was pillowed on her left arm while her other rested across her swollen belly. Horatio smiled. She was still in her leggings and oversized tee shirt, her outfit of choice these days. Removing his jacket and shoes, Horatio walked over to the bed. Climbing on the bed beside her, he slid behind her and gently hugged her.
She stirred only slightly and mumbled. "Horatio?"
Smiling, he asked, "Mmm. Were you expecting some other knight in shining armor?"
"No, just you."
He kissed the top of her head. "How long have you been asleep?"
"Hmm? Don't know."
"Well, did you at least eat dinner?
"Uhm hmm."
"What did you eat, sweetheart?"
Marisol had never been a big eater, even outside of the chemo sessions that previously wreaked havoc on her system. While her appetite had certainly picked up significantly during her pregnancy, Horatio still watched her nutritional intake like a hawk.
"I ate a little salad. Not hungry."
That's strange, thought Horatio. Marisol's appetite had been nothing but steady after a rough first trimester. It was then that he realized she had not moved or even opened her eyes once. As he tightened his embrace, he realized she was quite warm considering the air conditioning was on.
"Marisol, how are you feeling?"
"Just tired, really tired," she mumbled.
Horatio placed his hand on her forehead. Definitely running a fever, he thought. Rising from the bed, he went to the en suite and got the thermometer from the medicine cabinet. Returning, he went to Marisol's side of the bed.
"Sweetheart, we need to check your temp. Open up."
Marisol opened her mouth as instructed, but again, didn't open her eyes. Horatio noticed her face was flushed and clammy. After a few seconds, the thermometer beeped: 102.8.
Horatio gently removed the thermometer from her mouth and proceeded to take charge. Heading back to the en suite, he returned this time with a cool compress for her head. Reaching for the phone, he immediately called the OB-GYN office and reached the on-call answering service. Relaying his wife's info and current condition, Horatio was given instructions to get Marisol to the hospital as soon as possible for evaluation.
Putting his shoes and jacket back on, Horatio phoned the patrol officer outside to let him know they would be heading to the hospital. Grabbing his keys and wallet, Horatio then returned to the bed and scooped up Marisol.
"Sweetheart, we're gonna take a little ride to the hospital, okay?"
Marisol merely grunted, still not opening her eyes. Horatio fought to remain calm as he got her outside to the car. He knew an ambulance would probably be the easier transport option, but he wanted to waste no time in getting his wife checked out. Having gotten her situated in the front seat with the assistance of the officer, Horatio hurriedly went around to the driver's side. Giving instructions to the officer to continue to monitor the house, Horatio sped off to the hospital.
A couple hours later, Horatio stood outside his wife's hospital room being updated by the doctor. He couldn't help but take note of the similarities between this time and the last time she was here and had to mentally shake himself into the present. The doctor reassured him that Marisol and baby were stable for now. While they were still running tests to determine the exact cause, they had been able to get her temperature down and she was being rehydrated with IV fluids.
Horatio sat in the recliner by the bed, Marisol's small hand held within his own. He looked at the clock on the wall: 5:38 AM. The doctor had warned him that Marisol was likely to sleep most of the night, as any type of infection can knock the sails out of a pregnant woman. He glanced back at her and wondered again for the umpteenth time what had he missed the day before that would have alerted him to the fact that his wife was falling dangerously ill. Just as he had the last time he was here, he felt helpless. He knew she was in the best of hands, but he hated not being able to do something. He hated not being able to fix the situation.
Eric arrived a few minutes later bearing two cups of coffee. Passing one to Horatio, he leaned down and kissed his sleeping sister on the forehead. Horatio motioned for his young protégé and brother-in-law to step out in the hall so that he could update him on what he knew thus far. Eric listened intently as Horatio informed him that yes, Marisol had an infection, but they had yet to determine the source and were still running tests. Looking at Eric's face, Horatio clearly heard the unspoken and almost taboo question that was passed between them: Is the cancer back? Horatio simply stated, "We don't know yet, Eric." Unable to maintain eye contact, Eric dropped his gaze to the floor momentarily before looking back at Horatio. Tightening his lips, he nodded once and knew that just like Horatio, the only thing he could do at this point was wait and pray.
Horatio saw the vulnerability and fear in the young CSI's eyes and knew that although he himself felt much the same, he had to reflect strength not only for Eric and Marisol, but also to keep himself from falling apart.
Both men went back into the room, each taking up their post on opposite sides of the bed. Eric offered to keep watch over Marisol to allow Horatio the opportunity to go home to shower and change, but Horatio politely declined, instead wanting to wait until the doctors came around again for an update.
They both sat there silently for a few moments, each watching Marisol intently, both praying for her safety and recovery. They talked about the lab and changing techniques in the world of crime scene investigation, anything to distract them from the elephant in the room that could upend all of their lives.
A couple of hours later, the door opened and in walked a petite, sandy-haired middle-aged woman that Horatio immediately recognized as Marisol's OB-GYN, Dr. Gonzalez, followed by a taller man slightly graying at the temples, whom he also recognized as Marisol's oncologist, Dr. Marino. On seeing the oncologist, Horatio's stomach dropped, but he maintained his exterior composure. Both doctors greeted and shook hands with Horatio and then Eric. Both completed a quick once over of Marisol, and then asked them to step outside so that they could provide their update.
Horatio's feet felt like lead as he moved towards the door. Moving on auto-pilot, he let the others precede him from the room before leaning down and kissing a sleeping Marisol on the cheek. He whispered, "I'll be right back" and steeled himself mentally for what was to come.
Joining the others in the hallway, he looked expectantly at the doctors.
Dr. Gonzalez quickly reassured Horatio and Eric that mother and baby were doing well from a pregnancy standpoint. They had been able to confirm via tests that Marisol was suffering from a significant kidney infection, and while it was serious, she was now on the proper antibiotic regimen to treat it.
Horatio nodded but still did not feel completely settled. "Thank you, doctor."
Dr. Marino smiled and stated, "I know there has been concern about the leukemia. Right now I can tell you that while Marisol's blood counts are a little low, that's to be expected, and likely part of why this infection is hitting her so hard."
Seeing the continued concern on Horatio's face, he continued. "Marisol was just entering remission before the shooting last year. Her body was still very much in 'reset phase' and getting back to what we consider normal blood count levels. With the injuries she sustained and subsequent blood loss, that was another big shock to an already fragile system. Those of us who are generally healthy would've taken a hit as well, but when you couple that with leukemia remission, it's a lot for the system to handle."
Dr. Marino could see that through his exhaustion Horatio was unable to comprehend what he was trying to say.
"Mr. Caine, to put it simply, we're going to continue to run a few more confirmation tests this morning, but I feel confident in saying that Marisol very likely remains in remission. Her body is just trying to find its way to her new normal. Because she wasn't quite there yet, this infection has thrown her for a pretty nasty loop and it's going to take her a minute to rebound, but right now I don't think this is a return of her disease. The tests we run this afternoon will give us the definitive answers we're looking for."
It took a minute for the doctor's words to register in Horatio's mind. He hadn't realized how tense his muscles were until he sagged against the wall. He dropped his head for a moment and, with great effort, swallowed the huge lump that had formed in his throat. Looking up again at Dr. Marino, he nodded briskly and said in a controlled voice "Thank you, doctor. Thank you both."
After promising Horatio and Eric that they would stop by later in the day to check in again, both doctors walked down the hall to the nurse's station. Horatio could see the unmistakable sheen of tears in Eric's hazel eyes and wasn't confident his own didn't betray how near he was to shedding tears of joy. They clapped a hand on each other's shoulders and smiling a brief smile that communicated all that needed to be said between them, went back inside the hospital room to resume their positions at Marisol's bedside.
A short time later, Eric again encouraged Horatio to take a break, but he remained reluctant to leave. While he was greatly reassured by the doctors' assessment, he needed to see Marisol awake. He needed to be able to look into her eyes and know that she would be leaving this hospital with him – again. It wasn't long afterwards that his prayer was answered.
Marisol's eyes slowly fluttered open, sensitive to the bright lights of the hospital room after sleeping for so long. She heard the beeping of monitors before her eyes fully opened, which only increased the confusion in her mind. With great effort she finally shook the cobwebs loose and opened her eyes. Staring intently into her own were the azure blue eyes that she loved waking up to, only this time they were in the wrong room.
"Horatio?" she croaked.
"Hi, sweetheart" he quietly responded, holding her hand and smiling. "How are you feeling?"
"Tired. Confused. What's going on?"
"You're in the hospital, sweetheart. But you're going to be okay." Horatio smiled to reassure her, but his words had the opposite effect.
"Hospital? The baby? Is the baby…?" She tried to rise from the bed, but she was just too exhausted to do more than lift her head.
"Relax, Marisol, relax. The baby's fine," Horatio soothed, brushing the hair back from her brow.
"But, but….Wh.. what happened?"
"You have an infection in your kidney, but Dr. Gonzalez says they have you on the right medication and you and baby are going to be just fine."
Marisol could still see the hint of worry in Horatio's eyes. "And…?"
"And what, sweetheart?"
Horatio knew she could read him better than anyone and decided to do what needed to be done in the moment – he schooled his face into the CSI mask he wore when dealing with victims. Compassionate but without giving anything away.
Eric noticed the change in Horatio's features and knew what he was trying to accomplish. Marisol didn't need to get any more worked up than she already was. Grabbing his sister's other hand, he smiled and said "Hey, sis. Glad to see you've finally decided to rise from your beauty sleep."
Marisol turned her head and looked at him. She hadn't even realized Eric was in the room.
"Hey, little brother," she said smiling.
"How're you feeling?"
"Just tired. Actually, tired and hungry."
Eric smiled. "Guess my little niece or nephew has decided it's time for some grub."
"Eric, can you check with the nurse and see if she can have anything?" asked Horatio.
"Sure thing," he said, rising. Leaning over, he kissed Marisol's cheek and gently squeezed her hand before releasing it, and then quietly left the room in search of the nurse.
Watching the door close softly behind him, Marisol turned her attention back to Horatio and found him smiling at her.
"What?" she asked, slightly confused.
"Nothing. Just glad to see you awake, that's all. You gave me quite the scare last night when I got home."
"I just remember being really tired. I was trying to wait up for you, but then decided a little nap wouldn't hurt. I remember lying down and then…. Well, now here I am. What happened?"
Horatio smiled again in an effort to keep her calm. Again, much in the same way he would talk to a crime victim or their family.
"Well, I got home and found you in bed. You weren't really rousing, and your skin felt pretty warm. You were running a fever. I called the doctor's office and was instructed to come here, and this is where we've been ever since."
"Wow." Marisol thought for a minute, her mind still a bit fuzzy. "And Dr. Gonzalez says it's a kidney infection?"
"Mhm hmm." Horatio watched her carefully. He knew where her mind was heading before she even spoke her next words.
"And that's all? Nothing else? Everything else is okay?" She looked at him expectantly, trying to ascertain any hint of hesitation.
Horatio knew he couldn't lie to her. He responded carefully, "Well, your blood counts are a little lower than normal. But Marisol - "
He could see the panic starting to set in as he tried unsuccessfully to continue.
"What…." She whispered.
"Marisol – Dr. Marino stopped by this morning and he is very optimistic that this does not mean anything untoward. They've just gotta run a few more tests to confirm."
He could see the apprehension in her face and knew there was nothing he would be able to do to allay her fears. "Marisol, Dr. Marino promised he would stop back by this afternoon once he has all the test results and will give us an update then. I know you're anxious, but you've got to believe that everything is going to be fine. You're okay. Our baby is okay. Everything is going to be fine."
"But Horatio, what if –" He stopped her before she could continue.
"No buts or what ifs. It's going to be fine." He looked deeply into her eyes, trying to convey his strength to her. He willed her to believe his words. Believing the mantra that he had been repeating in his head all morning was the only way he could push forward.
She continued to stare at him and after several long moments, nodded slowly. "We're going to be fine."
He wasn't entirely convinced that she believed the words she had just shakily said, but it was a start. He nodded and smiled at her again.
It was at that moment that Eric returned, a spritely nurse right on his heels. She introduced herself and then proceeded to check Marisol's various lines and tubes, and scanning the monitors quickly, asked Marisol a series of questions to check her alertness as well as if she was having any pain. Satisfied that she checked out fine for the moment, the nurse promised to have a tray sent up.
Horatio was pleased to see Marisol eat a bowl of broth and some toast. Eric left after a while, needing to get back to the lab to work on cases with the team. He agreed to call Horatio if any problems arose, and Horatio in turn promised he would call with any updates on Marisol. Afterwards, Marisol napped off and on, and Horatio, refusing to leave until he received another update from the doctors, made himself comfortable in the recliner by the bed and dozed when she did.
As he had promised, Dr. Marino returned late in the afternoon. He shook Horatio's hand again on entering the room, and seeing Marisol awake, smiled and asked, "How fare's the patient?"
Marisol shifted on the pillows and returned his smile. "Apparently better than I was last night, according to my husband."
"Yes, it appears you gave everyone quite the scare. And yes, you do look better than when you first arrived."
Both Marisol and Horatio smiled nervously and looked at the doctor.
"Yes, well, I'm sure you both are anxious to hear the results of the tests. As I told Mr. Caine this morning, Marisol, your body has taken quite the blow over the last couple of years. Your blood counts are still lower than normal." Dr. Marino carefully watched Marisol's face and could see the trepidation setting in.
Horatio noticed this as well and squeezed her hand that was held within his own.
Dr. Marino quickly continued, "But, this is completely normal considering your history. Having achieved remission, you suffered a gunshot wound with complications that you recovered from, and then your pregnancy has also made demands on your body. Add to that this nasty kidney infection, and you've been through a lot."
Marisol swallowed hard and continued to listen intently to the doctor's words.
"We've run a full battery of tests, and I feel completely confident in saying that you are still in remission."
Horatio turned and looked at his wife. Marisol looked like a deer caught in the headlights. "Marisol…?"
She continued to look at Dr. Marino, her eyes wide. In a small voice, she asked, "Are you…. Are you sure?"
Dr. Marino smiled gently and nodded. "Quite sure. The cancer has not returned."
It was then that she finally expelled the breath that she had been holding for what felt like a lifetime. She felt Horatio squeeze her hand again. She turned and looked at him, smiling, and felt a tear roll down her cheek.
He wiped the tear away and smiled back at her. Realizing the doctor was still in the room, Horatio lowered his head and hastily cleared his throat. Looking back up, he said "Thank you, doctor. That is very good news."
Dr. Marino smiled again and then returned to the business at hand. "Now, while these lower blood counts are normal for your situation, we still need to work on them a bit. We don't want to put you at any further increased risk of any infections during the remainder of your pregnancy. You don't need a blood transfusion at this point, but I do think it would be wise to get you an iron transfusion while you're here. I'll work that out with Dr. Gonzalez. From there, we will get you on some oral supplements. That will help things along and you'll probably feel a little more energetic as well."
"But don't my prenatal vitamins already have iron?" Marisol asked.
Dr. Marino nodded, "Yes, they do, but those are standard doses, and for you, we're gonna need to boost that up a little. The transfusion will give you the needed bump, and the oral supplements will help keep your levels where they need to be. Over time, this will help your numbers level out altogether."
Both Horatio and Marisol nodded on hearing this.
"Ok, folks, I'll work on getting these ordered with Dr. Gonzalez. And I'm glad that I was able to give you some good news today. You two deserve it. Take care and I'll talk to you soon."
"Thank you again, doctor." Horatio smiled in thanks.
"Yes, Dr. Marino, thank you." Marisol added.
"Sure thing, bye." Dr. Marino said as he exited the room.
Marisol sighed deeply and smiled at Horatio again.
"Well, wife, I think I may have told you that everything would be ok." Horatio smiled back at her, dipping his head and looking up at her through his lashes.
"Yes, husband, I believe you did," came her snarky reply but with love in her eyes.
Growing serious, Horatio looked into her eyes. "I love you, Mari." Placing his hand low on her belly, "I love both of you."
"I love you, too."
Horatio leaned in and kissed her deeply. When they parted, they just looked at each other for a long moment.
Marisol reached up and scratched at his jawline, breaking the spell. "Horatio, have you been here since you brought me last night?"
He looked at her, confused. "Mhm hmm."
"I can tell. You're in need of a shave."
He cocked an eyebrow at her. "I thought you had a thing for my unshaven face."
She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and looked at him demurely. "I do. That's why I noticed it." Smiling, she continued quietly. "Really, you must be exhausted."
"I'm fine," came his brisk reply.
"Your eyes look quite tired, and that chair can't be comfortable."
"This chair? I will have you know, ma'am, that this chair feels like a Sleep Number bed." He looked at her deadpan.
"Really? What number?" She looked at him dubiously.
He laughed at her quip and then turned serious. "I don't want to leave you alone."
"I know. But I will be fine alone for a little while. Go home, get a shower, and some sleep. You deserve some rest." She looked at him, concerned for him just as much as he was for her.
He knew with her level of stubbornness that she would not let this go. And who was he kidding? He was in dire need of a shower, shave, and a change of clothes. Sleep wasn't in the cards, but he could at least grab a bite to eat while he was out.
"Okay. You win. This time."
Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out her cell phone and handed it to her. "Here's your phone. I want you to call me if you need anything before I get back."
Nodding, she took the phone. "I promise."
"Do you want to me bring you anything from the house?"
"Just my toiletries, please. And a nightgown and robe. I'm not sure I'll be able to wear them with these IV lines and stuff, but hopefully they'll be able to disconnect some of this stuff soon. Oh, and my book. I think I left it by the bed."
"Okay. I'll be back in a little while, sweetheart." Rising, he kissed her on the lips, and then on the forehead.
Leaving the room, he dialed Eric's number. First, he gave him the update from Dr. Marino, and then informing him of his plans to go home for a bit, asked him to check in on Marisol, knowing he would likely be leaving the crime lab soon. Having gotten Eric's agreement, he hung up the phone. He then stopped at the nurse's station to let them know he would be leaving for a short time and ensured they had his number to call for any emergencies.
As he rode the elevator, he dropped his head and silently thanked God for the grace he had once again been shown. Until Marisol had come into his life, he hadn't known such fear – not since his mother's death all those years ago. But the fear this time was different. It was a fear born of losing the one part of his life that had made him whole. He could survey the most gruesome of crime scenes and bring down the most heinous criminals on a daily basis, but it was the thought of living a life without Marisol in it that scared him more than anything imaginable. No, he didn't' deserve the blessing he had been given in Marisol. But now that he had it, he was going to do everything in his power to keep it from slipping through his hands.
The ding of the elevator doors opening brought him out of his musings. He stepped out into the hospital lobby and headed for the exit, feeling lighter than he did on his arrival, but knowing he wouldn't feel completely back to normal until he had his Marisol home. Yet for now, he would continue to be thankful for the grace that had been extended his way once again. He decided he would go light a candle at the church on his way home.
Five days later….
Walking in from the garage, he placed the duffel bag on the floor next to the door and walked into the living room where he found her looking out the glass doors onto the lanai. It had been a long few days in the hospital. She'd ended up getting two iron transfusions along with the IV antibiotics, but she'd definitely improved. She had been up walking in the halls at the hospital, and by the time they'd discharged her this morning, she was truly about to go stir crazy.
Horatio walked up to her and embraced her from behind. Resting his head on her shoulder, he whispered in her ear, "I love you, you know that?"
Marisol smiled as she placed her hands over his on her belly.
Kissing her ear, he continued. "But I would appreciate it if you would not try to scare me to death every few months…."
Marisol, still smiling, turned her head towards him and placed her hand on his cheek. "I love you, Horatio."
He kissed her palm and gave her a lopsided smile in return, "So you keep telling me."
Her face began to crumple as she dropped her head. Horatio noticed and immediately became alarmed and turned her slightly in his arms. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Holding her just a little tighter, but not so much as to be uncomfortable, "Sweetheart? Talk to me."
Marisol swallowed hard and tried to compose herself. She really hated the emotional fluctuations the pregnancy hormones caused at what seemed to be the most inopportune times, but she knew she really couldn't use that excuse this go round. After a couple of deep breaths, she glanced up at him and gave a small, uncertain, and tremulous smile.
Then, in a small voice, she let it all spill out.
"I was so scared, Horatio. I… I…. I was so worried that the cancer was back, and in that moment, I… I was scared. For our baby. For me."
She couldn't hold the tears at bay and swallowed deeply before continuing. "I realized that, at first, I just wanted to have a baby. I wasn't really thinking about the future. And now…. now… I realize I want it all. I don't just want the experience of having a baby. I want to watch our baby grow up. I want to be there for every first. I… I… "
She paused to swallow back her tears again. "I want my future with you and our baby. And I… I feel selfish because I know how blessed I am just to be here right now. But that doesn't stop me from wanting it all… with you." She dropped her head, spent from the rush of words.
Horatio could see how troubled she was. Hell, if he was honest, he'd had the same fear when he found her lying so limp and lethargic on their bed. He tilted her chin up so that she would look at him. "Sweetheart, you are not selfish. You're the most unselfish person I know. And you will have those things. We will have all those things... Okay?"
She looked deeply into his eyes and saw the conviction of his words. Every time she had a moment of weakness, he was her strength. He had proven that to her over and over again. She nodded and whispered, "Ok."
Horatio tilted her chin up and leaning in, kissed her deeply. As they parted, he held her eyes with his own to satisfy himself that she really was fine. He kept her in his embrace as he once again rested his head on her shoulder and felt her relax into his arms. Horatio could feel the tension slowly leaving her body and resolved within himself to do as much as was within his power to limit his time away from her. He did not take the blessing God had given him in Marisol for granted. He had to fulfill his duties at the lab, and he would wholeheartedly. His team relied on him for leadership just as much as he relied on them for their dedication to the integrity of the work. Still, Marisol and his family were his first priority. Seeing her so ill in their bed had rattled his sense of calm, maybe even more so than it did Marisol, because it brought back his fear of losing her all over again. The first time from the cancer itself and later from the gunshot wound and all its complications. Her recovery had taken time and while she was touch-and-go for a moment, she'd pulled through. Seeing how strong she had been had given him somewhat of a false sense of security over the last few months. So, when he found her feverish and incoherent, he too was frightened that he would lose everything he had gained in her.
Marisol sighing roused Horatio from his thoughts. "Are you tired? Need to lie down?"
"No, I'm tired of lying down. Did enough of that in the hospital!"
He jokingly responded, "Well, I'd ask if you want to take a walk on the beach, but with your track record, you might decide to go into early labor or something."
She gently elbowed him in the stomach and smiled. "Very funny. But a walk on the beach would be nice after being cooped up for so long."
"Ok, a short walk, and then to the couch you go. I won't hover, but I also won't let you overexert yourself, either. Agreed?"
"Yes, Mr. Caine."
"Mmm… 'Mr. Caine'…. Keep that up and you might get a special reward tonight," came his husky reply.
Well, the pregnancy hormones weren't only good for causing emotional fluctuations, Marisol thought as her breath hitched.
Hearing Marisol's sharp intake of breath and seeing the telltale flush of her face, he smiled to himself. "Come, let's go for that walk. Shall we?"
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